


Archetypal

by TheSiegePerilous



Category: The Loud House (Cartoon)
Genre: And Then Some, F/F, F/M, Harems, Loudcest (The Loud House), Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:48:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 88,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26676193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSiegePerilous/pseuds/TheSiegePerilous
Summary: On his first day at Archetype Academy, a school that trains its student to harness their potential, Lincoln Loud worries that his lack of powers will ruin his attempts to follow in his exceptional sisters' footsteps. But when he's finally sorted, he's revealed to possess a completely new Archetype: Harem King. -A collaboration with LoudAutomata16
Relationships: Lincoln Loud/Harem
Comments: 51
Kudos: 70





	1. Chapter 1

It started with an explosion.

The scene of the incident was a sunlit coffee shop, nestled comfortably between a small bakery and a larger ice cream parlor along a brick road. Inside the shop, the air was filled with the smells of coffee and the sounds of chatter. Here, upper class twits conversed with middle class marks while the lowest class served them their lattes, their mochas, their espressos, their _chai_. One man in particular, sitting by the large window, was stirring sugar into his coffee and, once he set his drink to the side to cool, grabbed his blueberry muffin and brought it to his mouth. Just as he prepared to take his first bite, he caught something outside, right out of the corner of his eye. He closed his mouth as he focused his attention on a thin pillar of dark smoke rising to the sky a couple buildings over. The expression of confusion hadn't had the time to manifest on his face when it happened;

_BOOM!_

The ground shook as the explosion unleashed a noisy blast. Everyone rushed for the exit, spilling onto the street. Their heads were turned to the right, staring at a giant cloud of dust and smoke and debris. And as the dust stared to settle, they saw people walking towards them…

...only their walking wasn't normal. It looked more like lurching—painfully unnatural. But it was only when they heard the low groans that they realized who these people were.

"Zombies!" a man cried.

"No, not zombies…they're Husks!"

The crowd turned and ran as the zombie-like Husks began stampeding towards them.

The muffin man from before was the first to trip on his own feet. He fell to the ground, his palms slamming painfully into the stone-laid ground. He turned his head around, giving him a horrific view of a Husk standing over him. As it started to reach down, he closed his eyes, praying that it would be quick…

But "it" never came.

He opened his eyes, and his jaw dropped. Where the Husk had stood, now there was a young blonde woman, clad in a form-fitting, cleavage bearing leotard and red cape, hovering just slightly above the ground. Her fist was extended from her body, and the man followed it to see the Husk slammed into a wall. This woman had punched it, she had saved him.

Something clicked in his brain, and the name "Lori Loud," slipped from his mouth in awe-filled breath.

The superheroine turned to him and smiled. "Are you okay?" she asked as she helped him off the ground.

"Y-yes, yes I am. Thanks to you. Oh God...Mrs. Lori Loud, my children are such huge fans..."

"Yeah...listen, I'd literally love to see an autograph, but right now, I'm kinda busy." She gestured with her head towards the other Husks, who were already beginning to recover from their paralyzing shock.

"Oh, uh, right. Of course. Well, uh, thank you again for saving me."

Lori watched him dash off with a smile, deliberately ignoring how the man had taken one last glance at her bodacious chest before he turned. Her smile dropped instantly as another Husk ran towards her with a gurgling scream. She punched the ghoulish creature in its face, and watched it fly away from the force of her blow.

She heard an impressed whistle. "That's gotta be at least fifty feet. Guess all that golfing really pays off."

"But Lori doesn't punch golf balls. Unless she does...ooh, is that a new way to play?"

Lori turned to find her sisters Leni and Lynn standing behind her. The former was clad in a frilly seafoam dress, with heart-shaped glasses sitting atop her blonde head and a star-studded wand in her hands; the latter was dressed in a body-hugging Chinese qipao dress, with her black belt wrapped tightly around her waist and her auburn hair worn in twin buns. Both had excited grins on their faces.

"Took you two long enough," Lori said.

Lynn held up a crumpled wrapper of a protein bar. "Sorry. I just saw these scattered about and figured I might as well fuel up before-"

"Where did you get that?"

"Umm...the free protein bar dispensary? Right up the street?"

Lori rolled her eyes, knowing full well that Lynn swiped that from the coffee shop in the confusion. She'd scold her later, but she was right: they were about to face off against a giant crowd of Husks, and Lynn needed the energy and strength.

"Okay, here's the plan," Lori stated, putting on her leadership voice, "Leni, help evacuate all the Bystanders. Cover for them, distract the Husks from them, whatever you can."

"Got it," said Leni. She tapped her boots with her wand, and they sprouted feathery swan wings. She took to the sky, and flew towards the frightened, stampeding crowd.

"Lynn, I need you to fight the Husks."

"All of them?" Lynn asked, surprised.

"All of them."

In spite of her surprise, Lynn punched her fist into her palm and put on a grin. "Awesome! I mean, I'm surprised you don't want to fight any for yourself, but-"

"I'm not going to fight the Husks because I'm going for the Tainted," Lori said. "I need you to beat up the small fry for me."

"What? I mean, sure, but...there's no Tainted."

"There is. I can...feel it."

Lynn opened her mouth to protest, but quickly shut it. She knew Lori's super-senses could help her pick up on things that others couldn't. If she said there was a Tainted around, there was one around, and that was that. Drawing a deep breath, Lynn quickly dashed over to the nearest Husk, so quickly she left an afterimage. The poor creature didn't even have time to notice before her hand sliced through the air in a cleaving arc and hit the Husk right in its neck. Lynn didn't even wait for it to hit the ground before she jumped to the next one and delivered a roundhouse kick straight to the chest.

Lori was dazed for a moment, watching her sisters carry out their tasks. A warm feeling of pride filled her chest. She had to slap her cheeks to get herself to focus again, at which point she flew up into the air and began scanning the ground below for any sign of the Tainted.

_Nothing...I should try X-ray vision._

Still nothing.

_Hmm...maybe infrared?_

She sighed as she still picked up nothing.

_This is bad._

It was, because Tainted were far, far more dangerous than Husks. Husks were little more than walking corpses; they had little strength and almost no intelligence to use it. Tainted, on the other hand, were almost always bad news, even for someone like her. They came in a variety of shapes and sizes, and with a vast array of powers. Some were deeply intelligent, some were unbelievably strong, and some had superpowers of their own—like invisibility, which Lori suspected she was dealing with now.

Somewhere below, something stepped on a fallen metal beam. Lori's left ear twitched, and she glanced in that direction. She saw nothing.

_Bingo!_

She swooped down, fists in front of her, and felt them colliding into something. A howl of pain rose through the air as the Tainted's invisibility was literally beaten out of it. It stumbled to the ground, and Lori got a look at what she was dealing with. It was a thin, gangly creature, and every inch of its body was blacker than the night...all except for its white teeth, which it bared as it charged at her.

Lori dodged, but the Tainted's claw scratched her cheek. She hissed as she touched it, and when she saw the blood, she grit her teeth with anger. Her eyes began to glow red.

"Okay, you literally asked for this," she said in deathly rage.

With a mighty shout, two beams of fiery red energy shot from her eyes. The Tainted lifted its arms in a feeble attempt to shield itself, but nothing could withstand Lori's heat vision. The demonic creature cried out as its body was incinerated, leaving nothing but flecks of ash to fly away in the wind.

Lori collapsed to the ground, tired and sweating. She panted for a few moments and let some droplets of sweat drip onto the ground beneath her forehead before she stood up and did a little stretch. By the time she was done, Lynn and Leni were rushing towards her.

"O M Gosh, you did it, Lori!" Leni squealed as she threw herself at her older sister. Smiling weakly, Lori caught her in a hug, but was careful not to squeeze too tightly. Last thing she needed was for a super-strong hug to result in a super-fast trek to the hospital. Again. Poor Carol…

"Thanks, Leni. Did you guys take care of all the Husks and Bystanders?"

Lynn nodded. "We took care of everything. Good thing too, because it looks like you needed all your strength for that Tainted."

"No, it was one of the weak ones. I literally got lucky. I just...need to be more careful with my heat vision, that usually takes a lot out of me."

"Whatever you say...High Card."

Lori groaned. "Please don't remind me of that. It was stupid, I was in a comics phase, I thought I needed a secret identity..."

"Yeah, it was really secret. Who would've ever guessed that High Card, the young blonde buxom superheroine with flight and laser beam eyes would've been the same person as Lori Loud, the young buxom blonde who graduated from Archetype Academy with a display of flight and laser beam eyes?"

"Shut up, Lynn," Lori said, grabbing her younger sister and playfully (yet still painfully) giving her a noggie.

"Archetype Academy...hmm, why do I feel like that's important today?" Leni thought aloud.

"Huh, now that you mention it, that does sound familiar," Lori said.

"Yeah, it does," added Lynn as she wiggled out of Lori's arms. She put her hand to her chin, her brow furrowing as she thought about it.

Then they all remembered, and, in unison:

"Oh no...Lincoln's first day starts in ten minutes!"

* * *

Miles away, at the corner of a great crowd of people, a white-haired boy by the name of Lincoln Loud ignored his burning ears as he kept his eyes and attention glued on the phone in his hands. There was a livestream on the news, featuring his own sisters as they handled the delicate situation happening just up town. He watched with awe as Lynn kicked and chopped at the Husks, as Leni shielded the Bystanders with her magic, and as Lori showed off her strength, speed, flight and plasmic heat vision. His eyes were wide, and his smile was precociously boyish as he marveled at his sisters performing such amazing deeds.

_Well, this is it,_ he thought as he put the phone back in his pocket. _This is the first day of my journey to becoming just like them._

The importance of his setting was not lost on him—he was standing on the campus grounds of the legendary Archetype Academy, where all the greatest heroes were trained, including all five of his older sisters. In fact, they were all regarded as the best of the best, so expectations were high for him. He didn't know what Archetype he was going to end up embodying, but one thing was for sure: he would be happy with anything other than Bystander.

He shivered. If he was classed as a Bystander, then Lynn would never let him live it down.

Then again, it wasn't like she was even around. She was with their eldest sisters, miles away. Lincoln doubted that they'd be able to make it in time…

"Hey twerp, did we make it in time?"

"Gaaah!" Lincoln shouted as he spun around and found Lori, Leni, and Lynn. They were all dressed in their casual clothes, but the bigger issue was that they were...well, _here!_

"How did you...I was just watching you...the coffee shops..."

Lori smirked. "You're forgetting that I'm a Superhero, Lincoln. Fast enough to make it here in a second, and strong enough to carry these two with me."

"Hey, are you calling us fat?" Lynn demanded.

"You were the one who dropped everything to eat protein bars," Lori reminded her.

"It was fuel! For my kung fu! It's kung fuel!" Lynn sighed after her outburst, slumping her shoulders as she decided to give it up. She perked herself back up as she lunged for her little brother and wrapped her arm around his shoulder and messed with his light hair. "So how are you feeling, bro? You got those butterflies in your stomach yet? Man, I remember my first day. My stomach was so rumbly I had to drop brown babies at the swimming pool at least three times in one morning."

"Lynn, how could you?!" Leni screamed. "Babies can't swim! Hold on, babies, Leni's coming to save you!"

"It was a metaphor, Leni," Lori said, grabbing her sister's arm before she rushed off and did something stupid. "A very crass, gross metaphor from a crass, gross person."

"And that's why you love me," Lynn smugly said.

"I-I am a little nervous, yeah," Lincoln admitted in a low voice.

His three sisters eyed him with sympathy. "Don't worry about it, man, you'll be fine," said Lynn reassuringly. She patted his chest comfortingly. "You're a Loud, man. Louds always get the best Archetypes, and we do the best with them."

"It's true," Leni said. "You won't, like, be a Magical Girl like me, but you could always be a Superhero like Lori."

"If the Index lets me, that is," Lincoln said with a sigh.

"The Index don't let anyone do anything. It just reveals what's on the inside," said Lori. "And you know what's inside you, Lincoln?"

"Not my liver, thanks to Lisa," he grumbled.

"A good heart," Lori said with a warm smile, "and a strong soul."

"Y-you really think so?"

"I know so. So, for my sake, Linc...stand up straight and stop whimpered."

Lincoln chuckled, his skin flushing. He straightened his back and stood up straight, tall, and proud. "Thanks Lori," he said.

His eldest sister's cheeks blushed a light shade of red. She seemed dazed for a moment. Then she realized that she was blushing, and turned away. "So, um, where's, uh, the rest of the family?"

Lincoln peered through the crowd, scanning in his right-hand direction until he caught sight of Lola's hot pink dress. She was standing with everyone else, and they were all crowded around his mother and father as they engaged pleasantries with Howard McBride (Harold was probably somewhere with Clyde, trying to calm down the anxious boy for the big ceremony). He pointed to them. "They're over there."

"We'll go with them. Good luck with everything, Lincoln."

"Yeah, good luck, Linky!"

"Remember: the swimming pool is your friend."

_Did...did she actually do her business in a swimming pool?_ Lincoln thought as they walked away. _I really hope not._

Swimming pools aside, Lincoln was glad he had that little talk with his sisters. He didn't want to say it out loud, but his sisters were inspirational figures to him. For the last five or so years, he had been enamored with stories of their heroism and courage and strength and...well, just all the cool magic stuff that they could do! He wanted so badly to follow in their footsteps, but unfortunately, he...well, he never displayed anything that might be called "super". Lori had been able to fly ever since she was a baby, Leni always had magic going on around her, and even Lucy, his younger sister, was already displaying signs of the Vampire Archetype...if her fangs and ability to sneak up on people could be classed as signs, at least. But him...nothing. No flying, no magic, no fangs. Not even a frilly dress. Maybe he was just a late bloomer...or maybe he was just a Bystander.

He sighed. _There's that doubt again._

He didn't have to much time to dwell on it, because right as he was about to go join his family, he felt a painful punch on his arm. "OW!" he howled as he rubbed his arm.

"You were looking dazed, Lame-O. Not a good look for a guy about to start school."

He turned to the source of the punch, and grimly said, "Thanks, Ronnie Anne. I'll keep that in mind."

Ronnie Anne Santiago was the toughest, roughest girl Lincoln had ever known (outside his family, of course). She was a childhood friend, though from the way she treated him sometimes, you'd swear she forgot the "friend" part of that. So much punching, so many sandwiches down his pants...if this was how she treated her friends, Lincoln was glad he wasn't her enemy.

"But seriously, how you holding up?" she asked.

"I'm fine," he said, so robotic it felt rehearsed. "What about you?"

"I don't know. Guess I'm just still worried about my Archetype. I mean, I still don't even know how this whole thing works."

"Well, basically, there are these characters and symbols that are a part of our soul, and each of them corresponds to an Archetype like Superhero or Ninja or-"

"I know how that works!" Ronnie Anne snapped. "I just don't know how this ceremony is supposed to work. We get into the school, and then they make us touch these crystal balls and...why? I just don't get it."

"I'm sure the principal will explain it for us. Plus, didn't you get to see Bobby do this? Shouldn't you have an idea from that?"

The girl shook her head. "Mom didn't have enough money to send Bobby to school," she said. "It took both my mom and Bobby pooling their money together to get me here."

"Oh...I'm sorry to hear that."

Ronnie Anne waved her hand dismissively. "Don't be. Bobby probably would've been a Bystander anyway."

Lincoln hated to admit it, but she was probably right. Every human on Earth had an Archetype, but unfortunately, about 91% were of the Bystander Archetype: they had no powers, no skills, and even though Lincoln respected them (really, he did!) he wanted more than anything to have any other Archetype. But the crystal balls would show the truth today, at the big ceremony. If he was a Bystander, he'd be stuck learning nothing but math and science and grow up to work at a Pizza Hut...but if he was something else, if he was a Superhero or an Exorcist or a Hunter…

_Please, please, please, let me just be a late bloomer._

"There's, uh, something else I wanted to tell you as well, before the ceremony starts," he heard Ronnie Anne say. He turned to look at her, and she looked a little...different, than before. Her cheeks were blushing now, glowing with a soft pink color. She had a little less bravado now, and her eyes were looking everyone but at him. She crossed her hands together, and her face scrunched up. Cute, but it wasn't anything like the Ronnie Anne he knew.

"R-Ronnie Anne?"

"I...I wanted to t-tell you...well, there's something I a-always wanted to say to you and...well, I just...this is hard, but..."

Lincoln watched curiously as she took a deep breath.

"Lincoln, I li-"

She was cut off by the bell's loud, sharp ringing. The crowd began to move, with the staff and new students going to the stage while their invited families and friends took their seats in the rows in front of a small stage. Lincoln and Ronnie Anne watched as a pair of pristine, milky crystal balls were wheeled out and placed on a table at the forefront of the stage. Lincoln's heart jumped at the sight of them. His future, he knew, lay in them.

"The ceremony's starting," he breathlessly said. Then he turned back to Ronnie Anne. "Right, you were saying something. Sorry, I didn't hear over the bell. What was it?"

Ronnie Anne stared at him with wide bug eyes. Her jaw seemingly dropped. "I...I..."

Then her face hardened, and she slugged Lincoln in his arm. "Nothing, I said nothing," she spat. "Let's just go to the stupid stage, get this damn thing over with."

She stomped away angrily, the ground seemingly shaking with every furious step. Lincoln watched her go with his head cocked at an angle. He was visibly confused.

"What was she so mad about?"

* * *

Lincoln made sure to sit far away from Ronnie Anne when he took his seat in the front row. He had Zach Gurdle sitting in the seat on his right, and Polly Pain sitting to his left. He looked down the right to see Ronnie Anne sitting at the end, with her friend Sid next to her. Ronnie Anne caught his eye, and gave him the dirtiest, angriest look she could muster. Lincoln weakly smiled and waved in turn.

Then he turned around and scanned the audience for his family. He saw them not too far off. His dad was holding an old-fashioned video camera, and when he saw his son looking in his direction, he pointed at the camera and beamed pridefully.

_He won't be smiling like that when they announce that you're a Bystander._

"Shut up, brain," Lincoln whispered.

"Excuse me?" asked Polly.

"What? Oh, sorry, I said brain, not Pain. I would never tell you to...I'm an ally, by the way, just thought I'd note that."

Polly Pain scowled and looked away from him.

_Two girls pissed at me because of things I said in one day...maybe that's my Archetype. Guy-Who-Pisses-Girls-Off-With-Dumb-Words._

Lincoln tried to comfort himself with the knowledge that such an Archetype didn't exist. On the other hand...well, you never know what Archetypes did or didn't exist.

A crackling at the mic interrupted his thoughts. His focus turned to the stage, where a bald, middle-aged man was standing in front of the mic podium. He looked incredibly unhappy to be there, and between his glowering demeanor and his stuffy blue suit, Lincoln could tell already that he was going to have to deal with a strict principal throughout his time at the school. He stifled a groan as the man muttered into the microphone. "Alright, alright, shut the hell up." When everyone quieted down, the man raised his arms into the air and began his speech.

"From the dawn of human civilization, the soul has been important to us. But different people deal with their souls differently. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the difference between the Soulless and the Archetypes. The Soulless don't care for their souls, and they either allow them to become spoiled and corrupted, becoming the evil Tainted, or they lose them and become the Husks. Frankly, I don't know which is worse. But none of us are either of those...we are all Archetypes, people with souls that guide us and our paths, from the Bystanders to the Heroes to the Demigods. We all have our part to play in keeping human civilization—the very _soul_ of humanity—functional, and to fight back against the threats posed by those who've gone astray, whether they be the zombie-like Husks, the demonic Tainted, or those Archetypes who would use their power for evil. Here, we train students from all around the world to fight those dark forces. We also train doctors, engineers, programmers, lawyers, athletes, and artists in every field...ladies and gentlemen, in-coming students, my name is Wilbur Huggins, and I welcome you to Archetype Academy."

The crowd burst into applause and cheers. Some enthusiastic members of the crowd shouted the names of the students. Principal Huggins waited patiently for it all to die down, and once the audience was settled, he pointed to the crystal balls. "Standing by me are the tools we use to divine your children's Archetypes. The Index, two crystal balls, _Haqq_ and _Kudra_ , which will tell us the Archetype of whoever touches them. These are ancient treasures, hailing back to the oldest mystical kingdoms of the Arabian Desert...and I would like to take a moment to thank my fellow instructors, Mrs. Johnson and Ms. DiMartino, for taking such good care of them."

Another round of applause. A middle-aged woman clad in a green sweater and a younger woman with a pink shirt and dress besides her stood up and took their bows.

"With all that out of the way, let the ceremony begin. Students, you will be called up in alphabetical order, starting with...Renee Alistair!"

Lincoln watched as a freckled, brunette girl got up on the stage and nervously approached the twin balls. She put one hand on each, and closed her eyes. The balls started to glow, one emerald green and the other sapphire blue. Steam poured out from her palms, but she kept her hands steadying until a booming voice declared "SUPERHERO!"

The crowd applauded, and Renee, with a smile of both joy and relief on her face, practically skipped down the stage to return to her seat. Lincoln was happy for her, but at the same time, there was a twisting feeling in his gut. What if everyone who went before him got a great Archetype, and there was nothing left for him but Bystander? Sure, he knew that wasn't how it worked, your Archetype was a part of you whether you knew it or not, but fear rarely responds to reason.

So throughout the whole ceremony, as students went up and got their Archetypes, Lincoln sat nervously, slightly rocking himself, his fingers crossed tightly as he hoped and wished and prayed for anything other than Bystander. He was so wrapped up in his own terrified thoughts that he didn't even notice Principal Huggins calling his name until Polly Pain nudged him with her elbow.

"Oh...haha, sorry," he sheepishly said.

He got up, and stared walking towards the stage. The weight of the world seemed to crash down on his shoulders. He walked in a slow shuffle, his heart beating and his stomach churning. His mouth suddenly felt dry, and his hands sweaty and clammy.

"Hurry the fuck up, kid!"

"Hey, that's my brother! Who said that, I'll rip your tongue out!"

Lincoln squeaked like a chew toy, and ran up the stage to the twin balls. He stood in front of them and swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. Before he put his hands on the balls, he glanced into the audience, and thankfully the eyes he met were Lori's. She was smiling, her eyes filled with pride, and when she noticed him looking at her, she blushed but then mouthed three encouraging words at him.

_You got this._

He smiled back, weak but thankful, and finally put his hands on the crystal balls.

As his eyes were squeezed, only one thought raced through his mind: _don't be Bystander, don't be Bystander, don't be Bystander, don't be Bystander, don't be Bystand-_

"HAREM KING!"

An applause started but died within seconds as the name of the Archetype registered in people's minds.

Lincoln's eyes opened wide, just as shocked as anyone else. He could feel the atmosphere of the room had changed. Smiles turned into confused and worried frowns. Behind him, he could hear Mrs. Johnson turn to Ms. DiMartino and whisper " _Harem King? That's...that's unprecedented! We've never had anyone with that Archetype before! What does that even mean?"_ Principal Huggins' eyes were wide, as were most of his fellow students'. Ronnie Anne's expression was mixed: half-dumbfounded and half-disgusted. Even Lori, and the rest of his sisters, looked uneasy with what the crystal balls had revealed about their only brother.

All eye were on Lincoln—hundreds upon hundreds stared into his soul, and he was petrified. He felt that he needed to say something, so all he could do was blurt the first thing that came to his mind.

"W-well...at least it's not Bystander."


	2. Chapter 2

Lincoln didn't get to see the rest of the ceremony. He was pulled by his sleeve to the back of the stage, behind the velvet curtains and metal beams, so they could shield him from the glares of the crowd. And yet, he could still feel that the air had changed, that there was a tension hanging over the audience like a gray storm cloud. Or maybe he was just imagining it, and it was just him.

Harem King…

Those two words kept thundering in his ears. What did they even mean? That he was supposed to have a large harem of girls? That didn't make any sense; both of the girls he'd crushed on in the past had turned him down. Paige politely rejected his confession letter, and Cristina shrieked when Clyde accidentally told her how Lincoln felt about her. If he was really a "Harem King" wouldn't both of those girls have accepted his feelings?

"And that's assuming I even want to be a H-Harem King," Lincoln said to himself. "Ugh, why did I get this weird, creepy Archetype? I didn't want this, I wanted to be a...a Superhero. Or a Knight. Or an Exorcist. Even a Cowboy or a Pirate. I could chew tobacco, I could get scurvy, so ughhhh why this?"

He slammed his hands in his face and slid down a wall until his butt hit the ground. There he hunched over, feeling his hot face burn his palms. "And the worst part," he mumbled, "is that everyone knows what I am."

The shocked and scornful faces of the crowd would forever be seared into his mind, but the worst of it came from his sisters. They had looked so proud before, and all their swelling smiles had fallen within milliseconds of the big announcement. Lincoln wondered what they were thinking now. Then he shook his head; he knew exactly what they were thinking. That their brother was a pervert, a deviant, a creep...and maybe they were already making plans to stay as far away from their disgusting brother as possible.

He didn't want to cry, but tears started to well up in his eyes. He could see Lori—proud, beautiful Lori, the person he wanted to live up to the most—looking down at him with disgust, like he was the most repulsive thing in the world. The thought made him wrap his arms around his knees and curl up. He was staining his jeans with tears, but he didn't even care.

_I want to go home_ , he thought with a choking sniffle.

His ears perked as he heard a loud, thunderous applause from the other side of the stage, followed by the sound of a thousand footsteps, walking farther and farther away. _I guess the ceremony's over_ , Lincoln thought. _So...what now?_

His question was answered instantly as Principal Huggins lifted the curtain over his head and stepped up to Lincoln. He smoothed out the wispy gray hairs of his mustache before he beckoned to the young man. "Let's go," he said.

"W-where are we going?"

"We're holding an impromptu board session for your, ah, big revelation today."

"The school board?"

The principal nodded.

Lincoln squeezed his knees tighter. "Am I...am I going to be kicked out?"

Principal Huggins didn't answer for a moment. His tongue darted out to quickly wet his lips. He looked down at the frightened boy, and Lincoln could've sworn that, for just a second, something like sympathy flashed in his grim eyes.

"We'll see what happens," he finally answered.

* * *

Lincoln was led into a small room and seated in a small chair in the middle of a long semicircular desk that stretched all around him. On his right side sat Ms. DiMartino, her pretty features expressing uncertainty. In front of him was Principal Huggins and Mrs. Johnson, both sifting through some paperwork. And on his left side was…

"Lisa?"

Lincoln's four-year old sister gave a curt wave. "Hello, brother," she said.

"What...are you on the school board, Lisa?"

"That's correct. As the second-greatest mind involved in the study of Archetypes in the Americas, I have the distinct privilege of being able to guide minor decision-making at this institution, for the benefit of my own field of study as well as the students'."

"Second-greatest?"

Her face darkened and she shook her little fist. "Damn you, Ernesto. One day I'll go down to Havana and settle this once and for-"

There was a loud clearing of a throat. Lisa quieted down as Principal Huggins stood up. He kept his palms glued to the table, leaning on it slightly. "Thank you all for coming here," he said curtly. "This is a delicate matter at hand, and I thought it would be best to discuss it."

"Discuss what, exactly?" Lisa immediately asked.

"Lincoln's Archetype is...well, Ms. Loud, as an accomplished Archopsychologist yourself, surely you're aware of the elephant of the room here."

"I am," Lisa said with a nod. "This 'Harem King' archetype...I've never heard of it before."

"Neither has anyone else," said Mrs. Johnson as she organized her messy papers. "We've read the records of every student we've had, and we've never had anything like this."

"Perhaps another educational institution would have-"

"We could spend weeks checking every student from every school in every country," Principal Huggins interrupted, "or we can just face the facts, Ms. Loud."

"And the facts are?" Lisa responded coolly.

The man sighed, and swiped at his mustache with his thumb and forefinger. "We're dealing with a completely new Archetype, never seen before," he said with gravitas.

The room fell silent. Everyone looked down at their hands or the desk underneath them, including Lincoln. He could feel his pupils widening at the revelation. _A...a completely new Archetype? Me?_ he thought. _But...but I never showed any powers. Not like my sisters. I can't even believe I have an Archetype, let alone a new one._

"Umm, excuse me," he heard himself blurting. "What...what does this mean?"

"It means," Principal Huggins started, "that we need to figure out what you're going to be like and whether you'll be allowed to attend Archetype Academy."

Fear gripped Lincoln's racing heart like a rough, calloused hand. "Are you expelling me?" he squeaked.

"We might."

"Objection!" shouted Lisa. "I can understand your apprehension regarding a new Archetype, especially one with such a tasteless name, but I cannot approve any course of action that would impact my brother's future."

"Lisa, be reasonable," Ms. DiMartino uneasily said. "Right after the ceremony finished, I had a mother come to me and ask if we were going to allow a 'Harem King' in the same class as her daughter. Parents are concerned, and rightfully so."

"They're jumping to assumptions," Lisa said dismissively.

"Reasonable assumptions," said Mrs. Johnson. "I can't blame them for being worried and...I wonder if they have a point."

"Agnes..."

"Agnes isn't the only one who thinks so too," said Ms. DiMartino. "We don't know what this Archetype is, but just from the name alone, we can make some guesses. And those guesses don't look good for a classroom environment."

The youngest member of the board fell quiet. Her face scrunched up with frustration, and Lincoln had no doubt that inside her head, her genius brain was whirling at a thousand miles a minute to come up with a counterpoint or a solution. And though he appreciated it, he was also starting to feel despair, a sinking sense that this whole thing was futile, that he never had a future at Archetype Academy like his sisters. He would never be brave like them, he would never follow them on their heroic path. Playtime was over, and he needed to face reality: all he was, and all he ever would be was just a pasty, scrawny, nerdy boy with old man hair and chippings all over his large teeth. Oh, and that he was a pervert too, going by his Archetype's name. A pervert that snuggled with a stuffed rabbit every night—he wasn't a hero, he was a trip to a mental home waiting to happen.

No.

His hands balled up into fists. No, he thought again. The word struck a spark in his chest, one of confidence and triumph. _No...I'm not that. I'm not a pervert or a loser or a Lame-O or anything else...I'm a Loud! And Louds don't go down without a fight. Lori wouldn't let herself go down like this, so why should I? Maybe I'll never be like her against a horde of Husks...but I can still be brave like her now._

"Excuse me," he said, raising his hand. He was proud of how unshaky his voice was. "Can I say something?"

Lisa was still stuck in her own head, but the other three board members gave him their attention.

"I know you just want the best for the school," he started, "and I understand why you might reject me from...from the school. B-but I just want you to know that, if you do accept me, I'll do whatever it takes to be the best I can be, even with my, um, unusual Archetype. So, uh, please, if it's not too much...you know..."

His cheeks turned red as he tampered off towards the end. Still, as he lowered his gaze back to his shaking hands, he liked to think they understood what he was trying to say. He could feel them staring at his head, as if they were trying to get a peek inside (and hell, for all he knew, one of them could see into his mind). The moments after his attempt at a plea slowed and stretched, and time only seemed to resume normal speed when he heard Principal Huggins cough and say, "Well, thank you, Lincoln, but I think we've all made up our minds. With all that out of the way, all in favor of-"

"WAIT!" cried Lisa suddenly, jerking back to life like a reactivated robot and startling her male colleague. "I have a proposition for you, if you'd care to take it into consideration."

"Go on," said Ms. DiMartino.

"In light of this discovery of a new Archetype by the Index, I feel like this would be a great chance for our schooling institute to be the first in the world to study this so-called 'Harem King' Archetype. We're lagging behind right now in this field, and this might be a once-in-a-lifetime chance to pull ourselves ahead. A top researcher like myself studying a completely incomparable specimen in the form of my older male sibling unit AKA someone I live with and have access to at all times...if I believed in Fate, then this would be it."

Principal Huggins nodded lightly. Out of all of them, he seemed to be taking her words the most into consideration.

"So allow Lincoln to continue pursuing his education here, and I promise that I'll dedicate my vast resources to studying his unique Archetype and share all of my results with Archetype Academy. That is my deal, take it or leave it."

"And what if we leave it?" asked Mrs. Johnson.

The little genius shrugged. "Then I guess I'll take up the Japanese on their wonderful offers for me to conduct studies in the Land of the Rising Sun."

"Okay, okay, let's not get too testy now," Principal Huggins relented. "I'm convinced. Mrs. Johnson?"

Mrs. Johnson pursed her lips. "I'm sorry, but I still have to say no."

"And that leaves one." All eyes shifted to Ms. DiMartino. "The call is yours. Will you drag this whole thing out with a tie, or will you join the winning side?"

The tension rose as Ms. DiMartino thought about her options. Her eyes flitted back and forth, as if there were two voices arguing in her head with presentations of evidence. But finally, she let out a sigh and said, "Sorry Agnes, I'm siding with Lisa and Wilbur."

"Then our decision is final: Lincoln Loud, you are now and for the next few years of your life, a proud student of the Archetype Academy."

"WHOO! Thank God, thank Yeezus!" cried Lisa as she threw her hands victoriously in the air.

"Alright, fine," said Mrs. Johnson, rolling her eyes. "But I'm not going to be the one answering to any parental complaints."

"Mrs. Johnson, with all due respect, if any parent complains about a Harem King, then you could simply remind them that two students today were classed as Assassins and one as a Dark Lord. A so-called Harem King is the least of their concerns."

The board members went back and forth for a little while longer, but Lincoln didn't hear any of it. He was too busy riding a crashing wave of relief with a great big smile on his face. If he were alone, he would've broken into a crazed dance of joy, but for now, he expressed his happiness with a simple fist pump.

Ten minutes later, after a quick discussion about broken sinks on the second floor of the building, the meeting concluded, and everyone went their separate ways. The rest of the Loud family had gone home in Vanzilla by this point, so Lisa and Lincoln opted to walk home. The sun was setting by now, and Royal Woods was bathed in the soft orange-pink glow of the sky. It was a beautiful, serene time, but the calm effect of the day wrapping up was spoiled when Lincoln fell upon his younger sister, and hugged and thanked her in a way that, looking back, could've been less pitiful.

"THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!"

"You're more than welcome, Lincoln, now please get off me!" Lisa shouted over her brother's loud gratitude. Once he finally stood up and wiped his face clean of tears and snot, she said, "I only did what I had to do to ensure that all of my familial members are properly educated."

"But if it wasn't for you being on that board, well...actually, come to think of it, why are you on a school board? And why was everyone else a principal and a teacher, I thought school boards were made of outsiders?"

Lisa cocked an eyebrow. "Do you really want to hear about the Shakespearean behind-the-scenes corporate politics and betrayals that created this specific school board?"

"Ummm..."

"The answer is no, of course. You don't, because the story is boring at best and depressing at worst. Besides, I just got lucky with being born with the Genius Archetype that allowed me to propel myself to such a place at such an early age."

"How do you know you're a Genius? You haven't been through the ceremony yet."

"I don't need two antique crystal balls to tell me who I am," Lisa said, "and neither should you, dear brother."

Lincoln smiled fondly at his little sister, and he reached down to ruffle her messy brown hair. "Thanks Lise," he said warmly.

The little girl blushed, and let him touch her hair longer than she normally would've.

"Well," Lincoln said when he was finally done, "it's been a long day, but I'm glad this whole mess is finally ov-"

Suddenly, he stopped dead in his tracks. It took Lisa a second to notice. She glanced up confusedly at her brother's face and noticed that he was looking at something. She followed his sight and gasped when she what—or, more specifically, who—he was looking at.

Leaning on a wall, one foot propped up on it while the other was firmly planted in the ground, was Ronnie Anne Santiago.

She looked up from the ground and straight at Lincoln. A deep scowl grew on her face, and she gave him a look so sharp and angry that Lincoln had to take a fearful step back. She began to walk over, and Lincoln limply lifted his arms, as if to defend himself, before setting them back down again. Both of their faces were red, but, as Lisa suspected, for different reasons.

Ronnie Anne was the first to speak: " _Harem_?" She hissed, her voice dripping with accusation.

"Ronnie Anne, I-"

"SHUT UP!" the girl shouted. Half of her face was obscured by shadow, but the other half was burning with fiery colors. She pointed and jabbed herself repeatedly, painfully, in the chest as she growled, "I'm the one who's talking, not you, asshole."

Asshole. Strong upgrade from the usual "Lame-O" and loser.

She poked him in his chest with her slender pointed finger. "I used to think you were a good guy, Lincoln. A nerd and a wuss, yeah, but still a good guy. But now I know better, you...you...you BIG PERVERT!"

Lincoln winced at the term. "Look, I didn't ask for this, okay? I can't control my Archetype!"

"No, but I can," Ronnie Anne said. With a final quick punch to the arm, she dashed a meter off before turning back and saying, "If you think you're going to get a harem on my watch, then you have another thing coming!"

"What?! No, Ronnie Anne, I don't want a-"

"Stop lying, you perv!" Ronnie Anne screamed. She stood there shaking, her fists quivering, as if she wanted to punch him again. When she spoke again, her voice was unusually shaky...almost hurt. "I can't believe I thought...I can't believe I was going to...t-to tell you how I f-"

She cut herself and shook her head, her long ponytail flying back and forth. "I'm going to stop you from getting a harem, Lincoln," she promised, "if it's the last thing I ever do!"

She bolted off after that, leaving the two Loud siblings alone.

"Um...brother?" Lisa tenderly spoke.

It was such a ridiculous scene...his childhood friend, one of his closest friends ever, had just declared that she was going to stop him from "getting a harem". In any other context, Lincoln might've laughed at how stupid it all sounded…

...but right now, he wasn't in the mood to laugh.

* * *

They got home, and Lincoln ignored everyone and dashed upstairs to his room. He didn't come down for dinner or for the "congrats on getting your Archetype" party. He didn't even leave to go to the bathroom to brush his teeth when it was time to go to bed. His sisters were worried, but what could they really do or say? After Lisa told them everything, Mom and Dad had told them to just let him be for now. And everyone reluctantly listened.

Well, almost everyone.

Lori Loud wasn't usually a rebellious teenager, but standing in front of Lincoln's door as the rooms behind her were shutting off their lights, she decided to indulge that side of herself.

"Lincoln?" she whispered, rapping her knuckles gently on the door. There was no answer, so Lori wrapped her hand around the golden doorknob and, with a twist, opened it. She stepped into his dark room, where all the light either streamed in from the silvery moon outside the window or the squat, fat lamp sitting by Lincoln's bedside.

The boy himself was doing what he usually did when he was upset: read comics. Lori tried to ignore her brother's nudity as she sat on the edge of his bed. "Hey Lincoln," she said. Her tone was soft and sisterly.

Lincoln looked up from his comic at the woman who intruded on his privacy. With a groan, he sat up in bed, crossing his feet Indian-style. "Hey Lori," he said. "What are you doing here? If it's about dinner, I'm not really hungry."

"Dinner? Lincoln, dinner was literally hours ago."

"Wait, it was?" Lincoln glanced at the digital clock by his bed, and seemed surprised. "Huh," he said, rubbing his head, "I could've sworn I was only in here for about an hour."

His sister chuckled lightly. "Time flies when you're reading," she said. Then she took on a more solemn look. "But I just wanted to check in on you. Make sure you were...alright."

"Yeah, yeah, of course I'm alright, why wouldn't I be?" said Lincoln, who definitely sounded like he wasn't alright.

"Well, a lot of big stuff happened today. Weird Archetype, kinda-pervy name, and...well, Lisa told us about Ronnie Anne."

At the sound of her name, Lincoln heaved a sigh.

"Look, Lincoln, Ronnie Anne is just confused, okay? I'm sure she didn't mean any of it-"

"But she did mean it. And..." Lincoln trailed off, only to sigh again. "...and she's right."

"What?"

"She's right. I said she's right. What kind of a person has an Archetype like Harem King? A pervert, that's who," he spat. "I mean, look at me now. My sister is here and I'm almost naked..."

"You're not a pervert, Lincoln. I don't care what Ronnie Anne or the Index say, you're not some kind of weirdo. You're my brother, and I know you're a good, kind, thoughtful person."

"Yeah. Just like a Nice Guy."

"Is that...is that an Internet thing?"

"You're on your phone all the time, how do you not know about that?"

"I've had less time to be on my phone since I started doing the whole, you know, dress up and save people thing," she noted. She smiled, hoping to get at least a chuckle, but for some reason, he seemed to be even sadder now. He mumbled something in a low whisper, and Lori leaned in. "What was that?" she asked.

"Don't patronize me, I know you have super-hearing. You know what I said."

"I do, but I want to hear you say it louder."

Lincoln groaned, annoyed. His cheeks flushed red. "I wanted to do that too. I wanted to be just like you and save people as a Superhero. But then I got...this."

"Awww," Lori said, clasping her hands to her breast. Lincoln's blush darkened to deep crimson when she reached and hugged him tightly, especially since his shoulder was touching her...you know, her right boob. Lori seemed to realize that and let him go, and now she was blushing.

"Look, it's literally sweet that you want to be like me, but you wanna know the truth, Lincoln?"

He nodded.

"If you tried to be like me, you would only ever be a worse version of me."

"Ouch. And there goes the last of my self-confidence."

"Hold on, let me explain." She coughed into her hand to clear her throat, like a professor about to deliver a lengthy lecture. "Let's say you had to display two dresses for a gallery, and you had one good dress. What would you make for a second dress: a copy of the first one or a new one?"

Lincoln didn't know anything about dresses, so it took him a while to answer, "I'd display that dress and a new one."

"Why?"

"Because...I don't know, the diversity would be nice. Plus, a copy can't be as good as the originalohIsee you're talking about me copying you."

Lori smiled and nodded, and shifted her weight on the soft mattress. "Leni used to be just like you. She was really upset when the Index told her she was going to be a Magical Girl instead of Superhero, because she wanted to be just like me. And I told her exactly that."

"And she realized she didn't have to be a copy of you?"

"No, I realized that metaphors don't work with Leni. But you realized it, and that's good."

"But Leni got to be a Magical Girl. Everyone knows what a Magical Girl is, and everyone likes them. Not...not my Archetype..."

With a sigh of sympathy, Lori put her hand on her brother's bare shoulder. "It's true, we don't know anything about your Archetype besides the name. And true, people aren't going to like a name like that. But who knows? It might literally be an amazing, helpful, great Archetype. Maybe you'll be able to do a lot of good with it. You won't know if you just give up so easily."

"So, you're saying I should...give my Archetype a chance?"

"I'm saying you should give _yourself_ a chance," Lori said with a sweet smile. "And no matter what happens, no matter what your powers turn out to be...we're all here for you, and we love you. Mom, Dad, our sisters...and me."

She concluded by placing a tender kiss on her brother's warm forehead. Before she had time to pull back, she felt him hug her tightly, and with a gentle smile, returned the hug.

"Thanks Lori," she heard him say.

"You're welcome," she murmured, running her fingers delicately through his white hair.

When they finally broke the hug, Lori got up and went over to the door. "Try to get some sleep now," she said. "And tomorrow...well, since you seem to want to superhero around with me...I can take you on patrol with me if you want."

"Really?!" Lincoln excitedly asked. Then his face fell. "Oh, but I have school tomorrow."

"No you don't. Tomorrow is the weekend."

"Wait, really? They had the first day of school the day before the weekend?"

Lori shrugged. "Look, do you want to join me tomorrow or not?"

"Oh, y-yes, of course I do!"

She smiled. "Then get some sleep. If you're not awake by seven, I'm leaving you behind. And I'm eating your breakfast. Alright? Good night, twerp."

"Good night, Lori," she heard him say as she closed the door behind her.

She didn't go back to her room immediately. Instead, she stood in front of the door and turned on her X-ray vision, and watched her brother pull out his little stuffed rabbit, wrap himself in his blanket, and turn on his side to sleep. She smiled, then turned and headed back into her room. She kicked off her slippers as she got into bed and pulled her azure blankets over herself. And as she lay her head in her cold, rock-hard pillow (it was literally a rock, her super-senses hated things that were too soft), she sighed quietly. "Looks like I'm going to have a full day ahead of me tomorrow," she said to herself.

She didn't seem to notice the way her cheeks flushed as she said that.


	3. Chapter 3

_W-where am I?_

Lincoln spun on one foot, surveying his surroundings through blurred, blinking eyes. There was nothing around him but an empty white void, so bright that it hurt him to stare at it. Perhaps that's why his eyes were dripping with water.

Tentatively, he took a step forward. A mist poured in around him, obscuring his vision more. He coughed and waved his hand as he began walking through the thick fog. Whenever he could, he'd take a quick look around, in case there was something out there for him.

Eventually, it paid off. There was a small, thin silhouette in the distance. Lincoln didn't even care who it was, he just broke into a run towards the figure. "Hey! Hey!" he shouted, manically waving his hands above his head like a lunatic. As the figure neared, Lincoln saw that it had its back to him. He also saw oddly familiar features: the figure was wearing an orange shirt and blue jeans and large shoes. Their hair was as white as his pallid skin. And they were...exactly as tall as he was.

_Wait...that IS me!_

The figure turned, and Lincoln saw that it was an exact doppelganger of him, but with two key differences: there were black markings underneath his eyes, and his shirt was open from the front, revealing a killer set of abs.

"What the...who are you?" Lincoln demanded to know.

"Don't you know?" the other Lincoln said with a smooth smirk.

"No, I don't. That's why I asked."

The smirk dropped, and the other Lincoln rolled his eyes, annoyance written clearly on his stained face. "I...am DEMON LORD DAIMAO LINCOLN! And you ripped me off!"

"No, I didn't! I just, uh...look, when it comes to forming a fanfiction of any sort, but especially of the AU variety, writers look to multiple sources and draw on them, using their elements to create something new. In fact, one of the authors (the only one that's actually written anything so far cough cough) even made the parallels explicitly clear for those who understood the refer-"

"SILENCE!" roared Daimao Lincoln. The void shook from the magnitude of his booming voice. Even his abs shook, and it was very hot, I think. He pointed a clawed finger at Lincoln. "You ripped me off, so now I'm going to rip off YOUR HEAD!"

"No! Not my head!"

"Yes, your head. And there's nothing you can do to stop me. Not a single thing. Nat a single thing. Nat nat nat nat nat nat..."

It was at that point that Lincoln realized he was listening to his alarm clock, and his eyes shot open as he jumped in his own bed.

"Man, that was weird," he said. He put his hand to his chest, and felt the pounding beating within. He took a deep breath, and waited patiently for his heart rate to slow. When it finally did, he tossed his blanket off himself. But before he got up, his face crinkled with confusion. Something felt...weird.

Then he put his hand between his legs, and he groaned.

"Dang it. I hate wet dreams."

BREAK

Once he changed out of his soiled clothes and put on his clean uniform, Lincoln rushed downstairs. He was especially enthusiastic for today. Even his weird dream hadn't been able to distract him from his purpose.

_I'm going on patrol with Lori today!_

The thought filled him with excitement and energy. He jumped down the last five steps of the stairs and tossed a great fist pump in the air. He would've shouted victoriously, but he saw some of his sisters' rooms still had the doors closed and the lights off. Which wasn't surprising; it was the weekend, no one woke up early if they could help it.

_But I don't care about sleep,_ Lincoln thought, a warm feeling swelling inside him. _I get to go out with Lori today. Finally, an actual chance to see what her job is like. I bet it'll be incredible! Maybe she'll punch a meteor back into space, or destroy an entire army of Husks with her laser vision. Oh man, it's like hanging out with a real life Ace Savvy!_

His cheeks blushed as he realized how childish it was to be fawning over one's older sister...but he couldn't help it! Nobody had an older sister like Lori Loud: smart, strong, beautiful, and oh yeah, _a frikkin' superhero!_

Speaking of the lady of the hour, she was in the kitchen, leaning on the counter and sipping coffee with her parents. The only other two around were Leni and Lily, who were sitting next to each other at the table, with Leni spoon-feeding the baby Cheerios out of a little bowl in front of her. Lily ate them dutifully, but when she caught sight of her older brother, she squealed, " _'Inky!_ " and began excitedly slapping her fists into the bowl, scattering cereal pieces all over the floor.

"Lily, please don't do that," said Lori. She turned back to her little brother and smiled, her eyes half-lidded. "Good morning. Glad to see you up so early."

"Well I couldn't miss the chance to spend time with my big sister! I mean, uh, a superhero," Lincoln corrected, blushing harder now.

Lori ruffled her brother's hair and tossed him a waffle, which he ate. Their mother, Rita Loud, a level-headed woman who was always concerned with her children's' well-beings, said, "Are you sure it's safe, sweetie?" to her eldest daughter.

"Don't worry, Mom, it'll literally be fine."

"I don't know. I always see you on the news fighting some monsters or super-criminals, and I don't want Lincoln to get caught up in that."

"Mooooooooom," Lincoln complained.

"Mom, the reason it's on the news is because it doesn't happen that often," Lori explained. "It's not like Katherine Mulligan points a camera at me every time I save a kid's balloon from flying off. And that's mostly what I do. Lincoln will be safe. Unless he's allergic to balloons."

Lynn Sr. chuckled, but Rita frowned. Ultimately, though, she relented with a sigh. "Okay, but make sure if things get too dangerous, you'll get Lincoln out of there."

"Mom, come on, I don't-"

"I promise," said Lori.

And that was the end of that.

Lincoln seethed for a few minutes, before ultimately shrugging it off. He was still going to hang out with Lori, and that was what was really important.

Lori took a great swig of her coffee, and set the empty mug on the counter. Wiping her mouth, she said, "Okay, I'm going to get changed. Be back in a second."

That wasn't a hyperbole, either. One second Lori was standing there with messy hair and still in her sleeping attire, the next she was fully dressed for the day. Lincoln's eyes widened with awe: her golden hair had been efficiently combed and was as glossy as it was neat; she had her eyeliner and light lip gloss painted on her face; and she was in her superhero costume. A crimson cape flowed from her shoulders, and her body was enveloped in a tight leotard with a cutout opening at her chest. Her long legs were fully exposed, and they shimmered under the ceiling lights. In short, she was absolutely stunning.

Rita frowned. "I still don't think I approve of this costume."

Lori pretended not to hear her. "Alright, Lincoln, let's head out."

"Wait!" cried Leni, who until this point had been on the ground trying to clean up all of Lily's spilled cereal. She bumped her head a few times against the table as she tried to get up, but once she successfully maneuvered past it, she rushed into the other room and came back a few moments later with a red cape not too dissimilar to Lori's. She gave it to Lincoln and said, "It's for you."

"A cape? For me?"

Leni nodded. "Lori said she was going to go out with you today, so I decided to make you a cape. Well, I didn't really make a cape, I just had that and was going to use it for something else, but I decided to give it to you instead."

"Really? Wow, Leni, that's...thank you," the young man said earnestly. With a smile, he swung the cape over his shoulders and allowed Leni to pin them in place. She clapped her hands when she was done. "Oh yay. Now you like just like a little sidekick."

"You kinda do," Lori said, rubbing her chin. "I could use a new sidekick. My last one, Jason, doesn't really do the whole thing anymore."

"Oh yeah, Jason," said Lincoln, remembering the surly kid that sometimes appeared with Lori on the news. "What ever happened to him?"

"Oh, an old enemy of mine, Jackie, tied him up and asked a bunch of Bystanders to phone in to determine whether he lived or died. And a lot of them voted for him to die."

"Goodness!" cried Rita.

"He died?!" exclaimed Lincoln, shocked.

"No, he survived. Jackie was so shocked that people called in to murder a little boy that she just felt bad for him and let him go. Unsurprisingly, he wasn't exactly eager to get back out there and save these people anymore. Not that he was that motivated in the first place...little shit."

" _Shit!"_ cried Lily.

"Lori!" exclaimed a cross Lynn Sr.

"Okay, Lincoln, it's time for us to go," Lori quickly said. Before he could open his mouth to say anything, Lori grabbed his hand and rushed outside, closing the door behind her. She stopped to check her reflection in the house window, then turned back to Lincoln, putting her hands on her half-exposed hips. "Alright, little bro, the rules are simple: just do what I say, got it?"

Lincoln nodded enthusiastically.

Lori smiled. "Good. Now, with all that out of the way...let me hold you."

"Wh-what?"

"I'm sorry, are you able to fly? Is that part of being a Harem King?"

"I...don't know."

"Then come on, jump in my hands already. This is the only way we're going to get anywhere."

Lincoln's face turned redder than beetroot-tomato hybrid. He glanced in both directions, hoping no one would see him. Then he took one slow step towards Lori, who had her arms extended for him. Eventually she wrapped them around him, holding him like a groom holds his bride. Lincoln's embarrassment wasn't helped when he noticed that he was being nestled to Lori's bosom. Her soft breasts pressed against his warm face, and Lincoln was surprised his burning cheek didn't burn through her suit.

"Hold on tight," Lori said.

"To what?"

She didn't answer. Instead, she jumped into the air, and Lincoln screamed as the sky got closer and the ground got farther. Lori stopped and levitated in place, watching with curiosity as her brother struggled in her arms. "You okay?" she asked.

"I see the angels!" he shouted. "I see gates in the clouds and men in robes standing in front of them."

"So...what you're saying is I should go down, right?"

"YES!"

Lori lowered herself until she was hovering over someone's pointed roof. She waited for Lincoln to calm down, and when he _finally_ did, she couldn't help but scoff. "Wimp," she muttered.

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry, sorry...it's my fault, I'll admit it," Lori said. "Sorry, Linc, I'm just not used to other people coming with me and...well, I guess I forgot that my zone of tolerance is different than everybody else's."

"I...yeah, it is. Umm...it's alright, Lori, it was just a mistake."

"I'll fly lower now. And at less speed," she promised with a smile.

And she did. Her altitude was somewhere just above the roofs of the houses, and her speed equaled that of someone in a very quick sprint. Not quite the supersonic speeds she was used to, but she was willing to take it slow for her little brother. He seemed to be enjoyed himself, his boyish eyes wide as he looked down at Royal Woods with his bird's eye view...it warmed Lori's heart to see, and she couldn't stop a goofy smile from spreading across her face.

_He's just so cute,_ she thought fondly.

_And he's also a Harem King._

Her smile faltered slightly. It was true, her brother's Archetype was something called a Harem King, and while she and the rest of the world had no idea what that meant, the name was enough to have a few of her alarm bells going off. Not that she was suspicious of Lincoln, not at all, she loved him and knew he was a good kid, but...actually, yeah, if she had to be honest with herself, she was at least a little suspicious. As she looked at Lincoln's smiling face, at the cute little dimples that formed in his cheeks, she couldn't help but worry that maybe there was something seedier going on with him…

But she would never express that. No, her poor brother was already suffering enough, and the last thing he needed was for his family to turn on him. Lori was so proud of their sisters, who didn't give Lincoln any trouble about it the night before. Sure, Lincoln was in his room the whole night, but Lori suspected that even if he had walked among them, no one was going to fling anything in his direction.

_He doesn't deserve it. He didn't deserve any of this._

She was shaken from her thoughts when she heard that classic call for a hero: "Help! Help" a little boy was shouting nearby. She turned northeast and swooped down on the street, putting Lincoln on his feet when she landed. There, she quickly surveyed the situation: little boy under a tree, a concerned-looking crowd around him, a little orange fuzzy tail drooping from one of the branches…

"Cat's stuck in the tree. Got it," she said to herself. She turned to her brother and said, "I'm going to go save that cat. It, uh, might take a while, so you just stand here."

"Why would it take a while?" Lincoln asked curiously.

"Er...you'll see."

Lori lifted herself into the air and gracefully floated closer to the tree, her arms extended and a nervous smile on her face. "Alright...here, kitty kitty kitty," she said. She approached the striped cat slowly, hoping not to startle it, hoping not to get a repeat of last time…

As soon as she was close enough to scratch, the cat hissed and did exactly that.

"Ah!" Lori shot back, not from surprise and certainly not from pain, but from deciding she needed a new approach. She cast a somewhat apologetic look in Lincoln's direction, and sighed. She really hoped she didn't look stupid in his eyes.

_Why do I even care what he thinks? That's not what's important right now._

Back on the ground, Lincoln watched as his super sister struggle with the cat rescue. It was...actually pretty strange to see. Lori, who had seen bring down entire buildings with one punch, was now desperately flying back and forth as she tried to bring this irritable cat back to its owner. He couldn't help but chuckle, which drew the attention of a nearby Bystander.

"Nice cape, kid," he complimented.

"Thanks," said Lincoln.

The man turned away, but then his face twisted, like he was confused. He looked back to Lincoln, scanned the young boy's features, and gasped as recognition dawned on him.

"Hey, wait...you're that harem kid from the school!"

Lincoln's smile evaporated like steaming water.

"Yeah, yeah, I recognize him now," said another Bystander. "He's that freak Harem King kid. He's in the same year as my niece."

"Ew gross, keep your niece away from him," said one woman, who was most likely named Karen.

The crowd began to turn away from the heroic deeds of their friendly neighborhood Lori and turned towards Lincoln, surrounding him and towering over him like imposing trees of flesh and angry eyes. Lincoln suddenly felt small and weak; he felt more self-conscious now. His eyes darted towards Lori, hoping for a save, but unfortunately, she was so wrapped up in her task that she didn't notice. He realized he was on his own with this judgmental crowd, and he squeaked fearfully with the realization.

"I...I..."

"You what?" demanded someone Lincoln couldn't see.

The same Bystander from before looked down at Lincoln, a fiery dislike in his eyes. "Now I want you to stay away from my niece," he said, jabbing an angry finger in front of Lincoln's face. "I don't like the look of you, and I don't want you playing your dirty games with her. Got it?"

"Y-yes..."

"You're a fucking freak!" someone in the crowd shouted, which opened the floodgates for the others to chime in.

"You're a gross and sexist pervert!"

"Incel! That's what you are, an incel!"

"Why does it always have to be Lincoln? Why can't my self-insert OC have a harem instead?"

"Hey kid, if you want a harem, why don't you go back to fucking Utah?!"

"Hey, hey, no need to drag Mormons down to his level! Bullying this kid should be an experience open to all people."

It was at this point Lincoln was glad he had a cape, because now he could hide himself behind it. _Lori, please hurry up,_ he thought. He wanted to go home now.

Back at the tree, Lori panted as she glared at the cat, who glared back at her. She frowned; every attempt of hers to grab the cat resulted in it freaking out. Lori could've just ignored that and tossed it back in its owner's hands, but she tried to be more delicate with animals. She stroked her chin, weighing her options. She could rip the tree out of the ground and lower the cat from there...yeah, if she were an impatient idiot, she'd consider it. Hmm...maybe carry the kid up to the cat and have it come to him? She wasn't too sure. Maybe she could use telekinesis…

"Oh my God, telekinesis. I completely forgot I had that!" Lori said.

She put her hands around her forehead, and began mentally willing the cat down. At first, nothing happened, but Lori just figured she was rusty. She hadn't used this power in a long while. Slowly, though, she began to see results. Strands of the cat's fur were standing up, followed by the whiskers and the tail and eventually the whole body. The cat seemed more surprised about his sudden flotation than scared, which was a good sign. Gently, she lowered the feline onto the sidewalk, where it ran and leaped into the little boy's arms. "Thank you, Lori. Thank you, thank you," he thanked her excitedly as he stroked his cat.

"No need for thanks, I'm just doing my job," she said, patting him on his head. She was surprised, though; usually at this point, the crowd would've been applauding her heroics. It actually bothered her that they weren't, she liked the fawning praise! She looked around and saw them all crowded around a certain point, and she floated over there to see what the fuss was about.

When she saw her little brother in the middle, looking frightened, she nearly smacked herself in the face.

"Lincoln!" she shouted as she swooped down and quickly snatched him away. She set him wrapped one arm around him protectively, and turned to the crowd. "What's the meaning of this?!" she yelled angrily.

"Oh look, the kid's brainwashed Lori to help her!" One Bystander shouted. "He's made her into one of his harem girls."

"H-harem girls?" Lori repeated. Bright redness shot through her cheeks, like her face was a stoplight. She shook it off and said, "For your information, that's my little brother! What's wrong with you people? Why are you bullying a pre-teen?"

"Because of his weird Archetype, that's why," the same Bystander indignantly responded. He was supported by the self-righteous nods of his peers.

With a scowl, Lori turned away from them and looked down to Lincoln. "Lincoln, are you alright? Did they hurt you?"

"N-no," he answered. "They just...you know..."

He fell silent, and suddenly Lori felt guilty for leaving him to the mob. With a sigh, she picked him up again and shot a disgusted glare at the Bystanders. "I'd say that you should all be ashamed of yourselves, but knowing people like you, I literally doubt you've ever felt shame," she coldly said. Then, without another word, she flew off into the sky.

BREAK

Lincoln wanted to go home, but Lori insisted that she at least treat him to lunch as a quasi-apology, which he reluctantly accepted. Their next course was to the Royal Woods Mall's food court, where they stopped by the Burpin' Burger. "The president of BB promised me free meals for life," Lori explained, "after I saved him from dying in a rafting accident and then saved his company with my Super Advertising powers. Sometimes I go order a lot and then distribute it to the homeless, but today, we can just indulge ourselves."

"Okay. Yeah," said Lincoln. Lori frowned, both at the lack of enthusiasm in his voice and his failure to react to the mention of her long list of overly specific, and some might say mostly "useless" superpowers. Her siblings usually had a field day with that kind of thing. Didn't matter that she could tear steel apart with her bare hands like it was made of tissue paper or fly around the world in literally seconds. People find out you have the power to make perfect chocolate milk without even measuring the mix, and they never let you live it down.

They made their orders and waited a few minutes before a pimply waiter put their orders in front of them. "Enjoy your meal, Lori. And, uh, if you don't mind..." He held out a pen and notepad, and Lori gave him an autograph. He shouted triumphantly as he rushed back into the kitchen, and Lori smiled, deliberately ignoring how he had been looking down the window on her chest the entire time.

The food looked great. Two plates of fries, both steaming and doused with red spices and black pepper. Their burgers were large, thick, and meaty, with fresh lettuce and tomatoes sitting atop the beef patty like crowns. Their sodas were large and cool, with a moderate number of ice cubes swimming in the sugary goodness. Basically, it was the complete opposite of a Burger King meal!

"Well, dig in, bro," said Lori. She took a fry and ate it, savoring the spicy taste. Unfortunately, when she looked across the table, it was clear to her that Lincoln wasn't in the eating mood.

"Hey, Lincoln...don't let those people bother you too much, okay?"

"Yeah, fine. Alright."

"Lincoln, seriously, they don't know you like I do. They just know your Archetype. But I know you for more than that, and I'm saying you shouldn't let people hating you bother you."

"Easy for you to say," he muttered. "Everyone loves you. You don't know what it's like."

Lori looked offended for a moment, but she quickly dialed it down as she realized that, well, he wasn't wrong. She dismissed all the hurtful things she had been preparing to shoot back with, and instead sighed. "You're right, Lincoln. I don't know what it's like for a lot of people to not like me." Her face then took on a sterner look. " _But_ I won't let you say that 'everyone' loves me. Because that's not true at all."

"Well who doesn't like you? Supervillains? Soulless? They're not supposed to like you."

"How about the entire country of Denmark?"

Lincoln's eyes bulged. "What? Denmark hates you? Why?"

"Well, hated me. Past tense. To make a long story short, a wormhole opened in Copenhagen about two years ago, and what came out was someone who looked like me but was nothing like me. A...bizarro version of me, if you will. Her name was Irol, and she caused chaos all over. When I went over to see what was going on, the public thought I was the crazed monster that was going around and smashing things. I was blamed. I was hated."

"Whoa..."

"Literally 'whoa', yeah," Lori agreed with a nod. "And you want to know what I did about them?"

"What?"

"I proved them wrong!" Lori said triumphantly. "I did heroic deeds to show them I was a better person than they thought, and by the time I captured Irol and sent her back to her world, the Danes thought as highly of me as they do here in Michigan. I proved them wrong and showed them what I was capable of...and you should too, Lincoln."

He was clearly already digesting what she was saying, so she sealed the deal by closing her hand around his. Soft flesh gingerly stroke her brother's tense hand. "I know you can do it," she said, her smile warm and loving.

Lincoln smiled back. "Thanks Lori."

A golden beam of sunlight fell on their hands, warming them like their faces were warming. The two siblings looked into each other's eyes, mesmerized by each other. It would've taken nothing short of an explosion to separate the two from each other…

...which is exactly what happened.

The sound of a loud explosion crashed through the mall, followed by the sound of hundreds of people screaming and running away. Lori and Lincoln immediately stood up and looked out into the distance. A large orange fireball was subsiding from one corner of the mall, and big billowing clouds of smoke poured out. _This is bad,_ Lori thought. She turned to her brother and said, "I need to get over there. Now."

"Sure. But maybe, um, you could let go of my hand first?"

Lori blinked, confused, until she realized she was holding onto Lincoln's hand. She quickly released the boy from her grip and prepared to dash off before she heard Lincoln say, "Hold on, I'm coming with you."

"What? Lincoln, no, it's dangerous."

"So what?"

"So what? I literally promised Mom I wouldn't put you in danger's way, that's what's so what."

"But Lori..."

"No, Lincoln. Don't act like a little brat. I need to go alone now. I can feel someone there, and that someone is dangerous."

"But I have to help. You just told me to prove myself by being a hero! I want to help you!"

There wasn't time for this, Lori knew, but she also knew that when her brother wanted something, he could be as stubborn as an ox. However, as she was mediating about it, she picked up on another sound, one that made her face pale…

" _Help! Help!_ "

"There's a little girl. Second floor. She's trapped under a beam," Lori said. She grabbed her brother by the shoulders, urgency written all over her face. "Okay, Lincoln, you want to help? Go down there and rescue that girl. Take her outside and then stay there. Don't come on after you save her. Got it?"

"G-got it."

"Good." She would've exchanged a goodbye if she had the time, but she had delayed for too long. She zipped over to the site of the explosion, and found herself surrounded with shredded clothes, scorched purses, and smashed mannequins. It was like a graveyard of retail. She quickly scanned for any living (or, _shiver_ , dead) victims, but thankfully she didn't find any.

"Well, well, well," said a voice from above, a voice that made Lori tense. "If it isn't my archenemy, little Lori Loud."

A young woman landed in front of Lori, and Lori took a combat position. The young woman was the same age as her, and had the same blonde hair, even if it was styled differently. Her outfit consisted of a purple skintight suit, with fishnet covering her long legs. There was an amethyst-studded choker around her neck, and her face was hidden behind a violet, operatic mask. Not that she needed it, because Lori already knew her identity. Oh, she knew her too well.

"Good to see you're out of house arrest again...Whitney," Lori said.

Whitney smiled. Her eyes turned dark purple as she lifted her arms. Stray pieces of the store rose into the air, and Whitney psychically tossed them all at Lori. Lori lifted her arms and let the barrage of material pound against them, but by the time she lowered them, Whitney had flown over and struck her in the face, sending her flying into the wall behind her.

As Lori slumped to the ground and wiped her mouth of blood, she knew she was in for a long fight.

_I really hope Lincoln stays outside,_ she thought as she began charging up her laser vision.


	4. Chapter 4

The only noise that penetrated Lincoln's ears, other than the distant sounds of battle that raged on above his head, were the sounds of his own steps as his feet trampled the marble floor. He was running faster than he ever had before, keeping his ears peeled for the cries of help of the little girl Lori had told him to find, and he grit his teeth in frustration as his search started to feel futile. The second floor of the mall was a vast labyrinth of stores and outlets and arcades, and the thin layer of choking smog and smoke wasn't making his rescue attempt any easier. He had trouble seeing through it, and every now and then he had to duck to the ground to suck up some fresh air.

 _Dang it, Lori,_ he thought on one such occasion. _Couldn't you have given me more specific instructions?_

The mall rumbled, and the ceiling above him cracked. Lincoln rolled out of the way just in time to watch as the spot he had occupied just a second ago was annihilated by a plasmic red beam of heat. He glanced up and watched as Whitney went flying over, followed by another shaking thud as she collided with a wall, and suddenly, a realization dawned on him:

_This is real._

It was. It wasn't the game he had expected. It wasn't anything like what he had seen Lori and the rest of his sisters do on the news; there was a very real chance that he could get seriously, irreversibly hurt here. Maybe even... _die_. The d-word made his stomach turn, but in spite of that, he picked himself up and kept on going.

_If I'm this scared, imagine how that little girl must feel._

So he kept running, knowingly breathing in more unclean air, because if Lori believed he could do it in spite of the danger, why shouldn't he believe he could?

At long last, a reprieve reached his ear: " _Help me!"_

He stopped in place, spinning on one foot, and turned in the vague direction of the feeble voice. "Hey!" he shouted, cupping his hands around his mouth. "Is anyone there? I'm here to help!"

"I'm here, I'm here!"

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of a waving hand. He rushed over and found a little girl, young enough to be Lisa's age, sitting in a pile of concrete and steel webbing. Studying her over, Lincoln saw no signs of harm on her aside from a slight cut down the side of her face that thankfully didn't look too deep. Lincoln bent down on one knee, getting on her eye level, and tried to put on a brave and kindly smile.

"Hey," he said breathlessly, "what are you still doing here?"

The little girl looked down to the ground, as if ashamed. "Got scared," she admitted.

"Scared, huh?"

She nodded. "I lost my mommy, so I got scared."

 _It's a miracle you didn't get crushed,_ Lincoln thought, but didn't dare speak aloud. "It's okay, I'm here to get you out of here. I'll help you find your mother, okay? Come on now, let's go."

Her eyes caught sight of his cape. "Are you a Superhero?" she asked.

"Um...yeah, sure."

Her eyes widened with awe, and Lincoln, admittedly, took pleasure in someone looking at him with admiration rather than disgust. Even if that admiration did come from a lie. He reached out to her again, and she grabbed his hand, holding weakly onto it. They began walking together, and at first Lincoln took small strides for her sake, but when the mall shook again and the girl screamed with fright, Lincoln bent down again and said, "Hey, I have some younger sisters just your age, and they like it when I carry them, so...do you want me to do that? We can find your mom faster."

The girl nodded, and Lincoln picked her up and put her on his back, locking arms and legs. Once he was sure she was fastly secured, he broke into a quick sprint, dashing across the atrium with such speed that one really could have mistaken him for a superhero.

Once they were out the door, Lincoln took a great deep breath of the fresh air. The sunlight hit his skin and his body felt charged and renewed. He stopped in place to pant and rest and wipe the sweat from his brow.

"Darcy!" he heard a woman yell. He looked up and saw a middle-aged woman rushing towards him, and he set the girl on his back on the ground. "Mommy!" she squealed as she ran into her mother's arms. The woman scooped her little daughter of the ground and peppered her face with kisses, muttering prayers of thanks under her breath. Lincoln watched, smiling, and when the woman set her daughter down, she immediately rushed to seize Lincoln's hand.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for saving my little Darcy," the woman rapidly thanked him. She shook his arm ferociously, and by the time she let go, Lincoln worried that it had dislocated from its socket. Still, he kept up a good face and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"It's no problem, ma'am," he said. "I just did what anyone else would do."

"Nonsense! You're a hero!" she insisted. "A brave, wonderful, handsome young hero. If there's anything I can do for you, please let me know."

"Y-you really don't have to trouble yourself..."

Their argument was interrupted by the ground shaking yet again. Everyone screamed and ducked as Lori erupted out of the roof of the mall, seemingly thrown. She quickly regained her composure, spun herself around, and flew back into the mall, whereupon another great explosion of rubble and glass burst from the building like dully-colored confetti out of a giant party cracker.

"Lori," Lincoln said under his breath.

Seconds stretched into ticking eternities as Lincoln felt like his shoes had fused with the concrete. Two rival forces were pressing on his body—the first a responsible pushing force that told him to listen to Lori and run, and the second a reckless pulling force that told him to disobey his sister and get back in there. He felt his chest squeeze as the two forces met in the middle to crush him for his inaction either way (or maybe that was just the debris in his lungs?) He watched the mall with tweaking eyes, hoping for a sign that Lori was wrapping this up.

What he got instead was Lori again being thrown out of the mall, this time into the parking lot. Her impact was so forceful that she left a wide crater.

"Lori!" he shouted. He almost ran over to her before he saw her climb out of her concrete hole. She wasn't looking too good. Her hair was all over the place, her lip was bleeding, her costume was torn and scratched in many places, and as she walked she had her hand on her ribs. Despite that, she turned to Lincoln and waved to him to leave. Before he could respond, she leaped back into the building, and the fight continued.

Lincoln felt helpless. He felt worthless.

_I should be helping her...and maybe I could if I didn't have such a stupid Archetype. If Lynn was here, she could help Lori. So would Luan and Luna...maybe even Lucy! Just not me…_

His hands balled into shaking fists from the anger, but the anger turned to surprise when he felt someone touching his quaking fist. He looked down and saw Darcy, looking up at him.

"You should help her," she said. "That's what Superheroes do, right?"

"I...I..."

Her eyes were wide with esteem, and it was in them that he found his answer.

"Yes." He looked to the mall, his eyes squinting with determination. "It is what heroes do."

* * *

"Why are you doing this?!" Lori roared as another salvo of laser beams burst from her retinas. One hit Whitney square in the chest, and the Supervillain was knocked back a few meters. She quickly recovered, using her powers to envelop herself in a purple aura that she used to make herself float. She soared above Lori's head and opened her palms. An array of psionic blasts issued forth and battered her arch-nemesis.

"You want to know why?" Whitney pointed down the walkway, towards the ruined, smoky remains of the clothing outlet their battle had started in. "There was a sale today. Just for today, everything was half-off. HALF! I had my eyes on a purse that was too expensive—even for someone as wealthy as me—and I had waited weeks for this sale. And by the time I arrived, ready to spend...IT WAS GONE! IT WAS _MY_ PURSE, AND IT WAS GONE!"

"And that's why you went on a rampage?!" Lori shouted at her. "That's why you put hundreds of lives in danger?! You could've killed someone!"

Whitney regarded her opponent coldly.

" _Who cares?_ " she said.

Lori wasn't in good shape. Her vision was blurry from her overuse of her laser vision, her skin was spotted with dark bruises, and her muscles were screaming for rest. But those two words—those two words spoken with complete callousness—sparked a fire in Lori's heart that quickly became a blazing inferno of fury. With a primal battle-cry, she charged towards Whitney, but Whitney was expecting that, so she quickly outmaneuvered Lori by twisting past her, and had just enough time to jab her at the base of her spine. Lori fell to the ground, and all around her, the sound of Whitney's obnoxious, aristocratic laugh bounced off the empty walls.

It was then that a horrifying thought dawned on the caped heroine: maybe she couldn't beat Whitney this time.

Most people have an assumption about the quasi-symbiotic relationship between Superhero and Supervillain Archetypes: the villain attacks, the hero defends, and the hero comes out victorious. That's how it always plays out...except when it does. Archetypes don't invalidate free will and consequence, so if a Supervillain was clever or strong or lucky enough, they could defeat their Superhero. And as Whitney descended to the ground and began closing in on Lori, her boots created suspenseful footsteps that boomed in Lori's ears, the young Loud woman began to fear that this was one of those times.

Lori turned and sucked in air, preparing her last resort of freezing cold breath, but Whitney was prepared. With a twist of her hand, a hefty brick fell on Lori's stomach and knocked the breath out of her. Lori rolled over in pain, and Whitney swooped down to grab Lori by the collar and hold her in the air. She smiled wide; it looked shark-like to Lori.

"You know, you really got me to work up a sweat," Whitney said. "That would be a compliment if I liked sweating. Now my perfect and beautiful costume is all grimy and gross, and I have to get it cleaned by that smelly wog at the dry-cleaners. And I didn't even get my purse. Oh poo, I'd say it almost wasn't worth it to get out of bed...if it wasn't for the fact that I'm finally going to be rid of Lori Loud once and for all."

"Your...your hand is touching my boobs..."

"That's your fault for having them exposing like that. But surely you have some better last words than that?"

"You're inhuman," Lori snarled.

Whitney could only grin. "You're right. I'm not human. I'm rich, which is just so much better..."

Lori closed her eyes, awaiting the worse. Her life quickly flashed before her eyes, ended on a still image of Lincoln smiling as she flew him over the city…

 _I'm sorry, little bro,_ she thought. _At least I kept you saf-_

"Lori!"

Lori's eyes shot up; the cry she heard was too loud and vivid to be a hallucination. Both her and Whitney's heads turned to the left as they saw Lori's younger brother rushing towards them. "Lincoln, no!" she cried, but it was too late; Whitney's sights were securely fixed on him. Sadism flashed in her cerulean pupils as she tossed Lori at the ground in front of him like she were a limp rag doll.

"You're just in time...Lincoln, was it?" she said, her voice as smooth as spider's silk. "Just in time to see your big, strong sister reduced to a scantily-clad puddle of mush."

Lincoln glowered at the Supervillain, but he was forced to look away when Lori grabbed his collar and roughly tugged on it, forcing him to look down at her. "Lincoln, I told you to run," she said. "Why did you come back, you little idiot?"

"I-I couldn't just leave you..."

"Idiot. Fucking idiot," she grumbled.

"Now, now, Lori, mind your language," Whitney said. "I think it's sweet that your brother wanted to make sure you're okay. Why don't you two share some words of goodbye while I charge up my final attack, hmm?"

If Lori had one regret, it would be that Whitney could hum smugly like that because of her own weakness. But she had bigger concerns, as she grabbed onto Lincoln's face. "Lincoln, listen to me." Her voice was cracking with desperation. "Just go. Save yourself."

"But Lori, she's going to kill you!"

"She's just saying that, she doesn't actually mean it." That was a half-lie on Lori's part. While she doubted Whitney would actually kill her, she was also well-aware that a lifetime of economic privilege and nigh-unrivaled superhuman abilities had skewed Whitney's perception of the value of human life. But Lori was willing to take that chance with herself; she was not willing to do so with anyone else, especially not one of her siblings. She put every ounce of love she had for Lincoln into her final plea to him: "Just go."

For a moment, he seemed to consider it.

But then the stubborn little idiot grabbed her hand.

"I'm not leaving you."

Lori's cheeks burst into redness like the red petals of a rose bursting from the bud. She felt herself almost act on something emotional, something instinctual, when just at that moment, something incredible happened.

Their eyes locked, and Lori felt all her strength instantly return to her.

This wasn't a burst of motivation or confidence—she could feel her strength and stamina restored to her. Her muscles flexed powerfully, and her eyes began to glow as they radiated heat once again. A moment ago, she felt like a weakly woman, but now she was a nebula personified, the energy and force of millions of stars forming and exploding within her cells.

_What the...what's happening to me?_

She didn't question it. She rose from the ground and flew straight to the ceiling, so quickly she didn't even leave an afterimage. Lincoln looked up at his flying sister with a great smile, while Whitney's smug grin crashed. "What?!" she screeched in the voice of banshee. "How are you doing that?"

Lori didn't know. She opened and closed her hand with surprise, like it was the first time she had ever used her fingers in her life. But then she grinned, and closed her hand into a sturdy fist. "Guess I'm just feeling... _super,_ " she said to her adversary, who groaned and growled.

Whitney's eyes fell on Lincoln. "You!" she shouted, pointed a sharp finger at him. "You did this, didn't you? You're a Healer, aren't you?"

"No. I don't know if I-"

Whitney screamed with rage before he could finish. All the power she had been charging for a final blow on Lori she instead used to propel herself towards Lincoln, ready to tear him to shreds. Lincoln saw her coming and lifted his arms in meek defense of himself...only for Lori to fly in between the two of them.

Within the slow nanoseconds, Whitney watched Lori slowly pull her fist back. Her lips moved, forming only one syllable:

" _No._ "

Lori's fist flew into Whitney's face, and when it made contact, Whitney's nervous system completely shut down as her brain registered the pain of a thousand trucks slamming into her face. Then there was a burst of pressurized air, and Whitney went flying through the mall. She broke through ten walls before she finally stopped. She lay on the ground, too deeply in pain to even dare move. She floated in and out of consciousness, lights and colors dancing perversely before her eyes...until they closed, and she was officially out.

Lori's fist was steaming as she stood there, panting, still posing in defense of her brother. It wasn't until he timidly said, "L-Lori?" that she allowed herself to move. She looked back at him, and he looked at her with worry. "Is she...did you kill her?"

"Lincoln...if that was anyone else, I wouldn't have punched that hard," she answered. "But Whitney is strong. Strong enough to handle that. She'll be in a lot of pain for a few days, but she'll survive. Probably without any permanent damage."

"Probably?"

Lori didn't answer him. She stared at her fist, still steaming, and wondered…

* * *

By the time the police arrived, Whitney had regained consciousness, though she was in a strange place where she was wavering between not feeling and feeling too sensitivity all the stimuli she took in. She went quietly, not willing to risk another beatdown. Lori couldn't help but feel slightly guilty, but it was better than the alternative. Besides, her parents were probably going to get her out of too much serious legal trouble, and she would be back to her normal, villainous self in no time.

"Alright, Lincoln, ready to go home?" she asked.

"Sure," he said, nodding. "Do you want me to get us a taxi?"

Lori shook her head. Surprisingly, she didn't feel fatigued at all. Usually a big fight against someone as strong as Whitney would've had her begging for someone to carry her, but that great rush of energy from earlier still hadn't subsided. "I'm good," she answered. "I can fly us home. Come on, grab my hand."

Lincoln looked baffled. "Grab your hand? I thought you had to carry me while you fly."

The blonde heroine smiled and shook her head. "After what you did today, it wouldn't be right for me to carry you around like a bride," she said dismissively, though she did noticed how her heart jumped at the word 'bride'. "And I want to try something, so come on."

Hesitantly, Lincoln grabbed her hand. Their fingers interlocked, and their palms rubbed together.

"Hold on tight," Lori said.

Before he could ask what she meant by that, Lincoln felt himself flying off the ground as Lori raised her arm and soared into the sky. As she reached the clouds, she straightened herself (and Lincoln by proxy). The boy was curled up in a frightened little ball, so he hung onto Lori's limp arm for dear life. Lori laughed and said, "Lincoln, spread yourself out. Spread your arms and legs out."

He whimpered, but ultimately obliged her. He let his legs pop out, followed by his arms. Lori lifted him to her level, and when Lincoln finally had the courage to open his eyes, he realized that _holy God in heaven, I feel like I'm flying!_

He looked to Lori with surprise, and the young woman laughed. "Feels good, right?" she asked.

"Yeah! It feels amazing!"

"I knew you'd love it," she sighed, her eyes half-lidded and her smile full of life.

They didn't fly home right away. Instead, they opted for the scenic route. Together, they were mesmerized by the wide blue lakes, the lush green forests, the flat plains populated by cattle and barns. All while holding onto each other, a true bond of love and loyalty.

They had so much fun that by the time they returned home in the evening, they had flown over five different states.

* * *

Lisa flipped through the inky papers on her clipboard with diligent eyes. "Interesting results," she murmured to herself. She turned back to her older sibling units and said, "Okay, you two may unplug yourselves now."

Lincoln and Lori sighed with relief as they started plucking the wires and suction cups from their faces and bodies. When the two of them returned home, they were crowded by their family with questions about whether they were okay and what took them so long to get home and a specific _Lori, what happened to your clothes?_ from their mother. Once the crowd of parents and sisters had dispersed, Lisa had approached them and politely requested that she perform a few tests. Lori and Lincoln agreed, and here they were now, unplugging themselves from one of Lisa's strange machines.

"Lisa, what is this even about?" Lori asked.

"It's about Lincoln's Archetype, of course. I'm studying both of your auras to get an idea..."

"Idea of what?"

"Nothing, so far," Lisa said exasperatedly. "Lincoln, you may leave. Lori, I'd like to keep you for a little longer."

The two looked at each other unsurely. After a little cough, Lincoln stood up and started for the door. He turned around and looked at his eldest sister. "I had a lot of fun today," he said, "despite the, you know, part where a Supervillain tried to kill us. But seriously...thanks Lori."

Lori beamed warmly as his brother walked out of the room and turned towards his. Her face felt almost as warm as her heart. When she realized Lisa was staring at her, she tried to shake it off and hope the young genius hadn't noticed. "So, uh, Lis, what did you need me here for?" she asked.

"I lied," Lisa said.

"About what?"

"About not having an idea about Lincoln's ridiculously-named Harem King Archetype. Thanks to these results, I've now formed a few hypotheses. I'll need more results to be certain, but for now, this is a good foundation."

"Hypotheses like...?"

"Like who constitutes as a member of Lincoln's so-called harem. You, Lori, are the first person I can confirm as such," Lisa said bluntly.

Lori shrieked; her entire body turned red. "What?! No, that's ridiculous! And gross! I'm not-"

"Calm down, calm down!" Lisa shouted over her hysterical sister. Their combined yelling served only to frighten Lily, who quickly began to cry. There was a knock at the door, and Lynn poked her head inside.

"Everything cool in here?"

Lori stopped shouting, and Lisa took a breath to simmer herself down. "Everything should be cooler now that Lori has stopped her screeching," she said, earning a dirty look from her blonde older sister. "If you don't mind, Lynn, can you please take Lily off our hands? We're a bit busy here."

"Aww, poor Lily. Why are you crying?" Lynn cooed as she lifted the screaming baby from her crib. "Come on, let your favorite big sis feed you some of that mushy apricot stuff that you supposedly like. And then we can get back to working on your badminton skills!"

After she closed the door behind her, Lori asked, "How does a baby even play badminton?"

"Surprisingly well," Lisa said admiringly. "But anyway, to return to our original topic..."

"Oh right...how could you call me one of Lincoln's harem girls?!" Lori shouted, in a quieter voice this time. "It's disgusting, it's wrong, it's not who I am. I am _not_ in love with my brother. R-really. I'm not."

"I never insinuated that you were," said Lisa.

"But you said-"

"I said that you were very likely a member of Lincoln's harem, but that may not mean what you think it means."

"I...don't follow."

Lisa sighed, and took off her glasses to rub their lenses clean. "I'll try to give you the short version," she said as she put her glasses back on. "One major aspect of my research is not only delving into the science of Lincoln's Archetype, but also the linguistics of it. Harem King. That's two words, both with different origins. I believe that by understanding the exacts of what is meant by this name, I can gain key insights into Lincoln's Archetype. Are you following so far?"

"Yes, yes...I think so."

"Then I'll continue. The word _harem_ originates in the Middle East, as does the meaning of it. While the concept meant different things for the different peoples, we'll go straight to Arabia. To them, a harem signified female family members. Wives, daughters sisters, the like. It was a platonic, familial term, rather than romantic or sexual."

"Okay. So it's not a weird thing?"

"Well...the term made its way to the Ottoman Empire, and from there it made its way into the rest of Europe. Thanks to the Orientalist art and literature that was popular from the 1600s up to the 1800s, the term took on a different connotation. The term took on a more sexual and exotic meaning, where it was used to refer to romantic partners exclusively. This definition was then codified as it became a major part of Japanese popular culture, and from there it took root in the minds of many nerds and otaku and perverts all around the globe."

"Interesting story, but what does that have to do with me?"

"It means that I'm working to discover which of the two definitions apply here: the platonic term, or the romantic term. But thanks to you, I've been able to crack the case!" Lisa happily exclaimed. "Clearly we're working with the original definition, which is purely familial. How else could you of all people be in Lincoln's harem otherwise? The only other way would be if you were in love with him...which you aren't, right?" She cast a suspicious sideways glance at Lori.

"O-of course not!"

"Just making sure. I'll need to double check, in any case, but for now, this is my working conclusion."

"How did you even come to this conclusion anyway?"

"Oh, right, that brings me to my second big point as it relates to you." Lisa tore out a sheet of paper from her clipboard and put it in Lori's hands. She looked at the page; it was a graph made of a red line, with spikes periodically bumping from it.

"This shows me the use of your power," said Lisa. She put her finger on the line and traced it all the way until she reached the biggest spike of them all, one that completely dwarfed the others. "This is when you made the most use of your power, and sister, this is more power than I've seen from you...well, ever. Which leads me to conclude that Lincoln's Archetype may be one of a supporting nature."

"Supporting nature?"

"Not every Archetype is active like yours. Some take a supporting role. For example, the rare Wingman role exists solely to be used by others in their romantic endeavors. The Wingmen themselves don't benefit from their own abilities outside of the fleeting joy that comes from 'being a bro and helping a dude out.'"

Lisa could see that Lori's attention was slipping, so she decided to speed things up. "In conclusion, being around Lincoln makes you strong, because you are a member of his harem, but that's fine because it doesn't mean anything gross unless you're lying to me about any secret feelings. Understood? Excellent. Good night."

She pushed Lori out the door and closed it behind her.

"Um, yeah, good night," Lori said absentmindedly. She stood there for a moment, swaying, before shrugging and going to the bathroom. As she brushed her teeth, she revised over everything Lisa had said to her. Supposedly, she was now one of Lincoln's harem girls, and that was going to make her stronger as long as Lincoln was around. But Lori knew it was more than that. It wasn't just Lincoln being around, it was him touching her that made her stronger. The way he touched her, the way he made her feel…

She shivered, and in her distraction accidentally snapped the handle of her toothbrush.

When she went back into her room, she found Leni humming gently to herself as she leafed through a magazine's large and glossy pages, depicting fashionable tan teens in outfits that were far too overdone for Lori's tastes.

"Hey Leni...do you mind if you read that downstairs? I literally just want to crash in bed."

Her younger sister nodded, and got up and left the room. Lori took off her clothes until she was left in nothing but a lacy, white pair of panties. A draft of cold air swirled around the pink nipples on her round boobs, hardening them. Lori closed the lights and jumped into bed, sighing as she stretched herself on the mattress. She thought she would go to sleep instantly, but too much was swirling in her mind to allow that. Her brain consumed and interpreted all the raw data her senses had gathered for it during the day, and she came up with one final conclusion.

_Lisa's wrong. Harem King doesn't refer to the old definition, it refers to the new one. And I know this because...because…_

"...because I'm in love with my brother Lincoln," Lori murmured.

With her admission of her taboo love now passed from her lips, Lori turned on her side, closed her eyes, and fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Lori _blasted_ forward towards her foe, impossibly fast even by her own ludicrous standards. Whitney, her beautiful face twisted into a hateful scowl, had left herself open. The villainess was too preoccupied with her own, petty revenge, so much that she failed register Lori's presence until it was far too late. A fatal mistake.

_POW_!

A single blow was all it took, the force of her strike igniting the air as Lori sent her opponent flying. A lesser foe would have been obliterated by such an attack, but Whitney was made of sterner stuff. She'd be well enough. Eventually. Probably.

"Lori! You did it! You saved everyone!"

The heroine smiled as she turned towards the sound of the all too familiar voice. Her little brother Lincoln, gazing upon her magnificence with undisguised hero worship, as was proper.

Lori decreased her altitude, landing lightly on her feet as she permitted herself to touch the ground. She held her arms out wide, and gestured towards Lincoln, beckoning the young boy to come to her, and was delighted when the pale haired boy took her up on her offer, leaping into Lori's arms with much enthusiasm. Lori held the boy close to her ample chest and allowed herself a brief moment in which to enjoy the sensation. Her Lincoln. So sweet. So soft. So wonderfully... _weak_.

"L-Lori?" Lincoln squeaked as she tightened her grip on him, arms like steel encircling his young frame, trapping him in an unbreakable prison of flesh.

"I saved _you_ , Linky." Lori cooed, capturing the younger boy's lips with her own as she drifted back into the air, her speed gradually building until they were high above the clouds, the boy's inescapable prison suddenly becoming that much more inescapable. She broke the kiss, and gave her little brother a dazzling smile. "And now I'm going to take my reward."

"I-I don't think we should, Lori." Lincoln stuttered, looking uncomfortable. "This doesn't seem right."

"I don't see why you'd think you have a say in this, Linky." Lori scoffed, chuckling condescendingly as she reached for her little brother's pants. "After all, it's not like you can _stop me..."_

* * *

"GAH!" Lori screamed as she jerked back into consciousness, her body drenched with sweat. She quickly glanced around, taking comfort at the familiar sights around her. She was home. She was in bed. And she wasn't sharing it with her adorable little brother. A dream then, she concluded. " _Or something."_ Her brain snidely supplied.

"Lori?" Grumbled a very sleepy Leni from the other side of the room. "Can you keep it down? I'm trying to get my Leni sleep."

"Sorry." Lori whispered, flinching as dream Lincoln's terrified face flashed through her mind. That had been...unsettling to say the least.

She turned her attention to their bedroom window and groaned, quietly so as to not disturb Leni any further. It was _way_ too early for this, with only the barest hint of sunlight beginning to illuminate the sky outside.

Strictly speaking, Lori didn't actually get "tired" _per se_. Not physically at least, according to Lisa it had something to do with the way her body processed energy far more efficiently than the average human, the same reason she was able to stay in such fantastic shape even though it was nearly impossible for her to get a proper workout. However, she was still _very_ susceptible to mental fatigue, which is why it was so important for her to get a proper night's rest. People were so fragile compared to her, and keeping them safe frequently called for fast and accurate judgement calls. She couldn't afford to screw up. _Ever._ Especially if Lisa was right about her getting stronger...

Lori gave her head a violent shake. This was dumb. Worrying about not getting enough sleep wasn't going to solve anything, clearly, she needed to actually _try_ getting some sleep. She could worry about all that...other...stuff, some other time. Much, much...other.

Thus decided, Lori laid back down and closed her eyes. She tossed and turned a bit, but finally she found herself drifting off to sleep once more. " _Tomorrow would be better."_ Lori thought to herself as her consciousness began to fade, visions of her and a pale hair boy soaring through the sky together bringing a smile to her face as sleep finally took its hold.

* * *

Lori _quietly_ stalked into the hallway, one eye twitching furiouslyin silentirritation. She turned around and gentlypulled the door to her bedroom shut behind her, so as to not wake Leni. Then, finally alone and in no danger of disturbing anyone else, she let out a long, frustrated sigh.

Lori did _not_ have another nightmare that night. Quite the opposite, she'd slept like a baby! Best night's sleep of her life! The problem was that she could still very vividly remember the imagery that lead to such peaceful slumber. Lincoln and her standing in line for the movies together, arms locked, and cheeks flushed. Lincoln and her sharing an ice cream cone, their faces covered in sugary cream and joyful smiles. Her and Lincoln laying on the beach together. She, straddling her little brother, gazing hungrily into his love filled eyes as he reached for her bikini strap and—

_CRUNCH_

Lori's hand twitched erratically, crushing the doorknob still held in her grip into a tiny, misshapen ball of metal. She took another deep, shuddering breath, and tried to regain control of herself. Then she turned once more and began to shuffle towards the bathroom.

Lori Loud could not be in love with her brother. Screw what Lisa had said, it was _literally_ impossible. An Archetype didn't change who you were, it was something you were born with, and having it officially identified by the Index was more for ceremonial purposes than anything else, _everyone_ knew that.

She flinched, suddenly remembering the way those people had been yelling at her little brother. Well, everyone _should_ know that, anyway. Regardless, Lincoln didn't suddenly become a supernaturally skilled ladies' man following his Indexing, he was the same doofy little dork he'd always been. Likewise, her feelings for her little brother hadn't changed in the slightest, she felt exactly the same way towards him that she always had.

Yes, she wanted to spend time with him, as any sister would. Yes, when he smiled that cute, bucktoothed little smile of his, it made her want to snatch him up and pepper him with kisses, but that was perfectly natural when you had a little brother as cute as him. And _yes_ , maybe sometimes she'd think back to the way Lincoln used to sneak into her bed when he was little and had a bad dream, and occasionally find herself wishing that, just once, he'd find his way back to her bed again. And then, while they were under the covers together, he'd climb on top of her, cup her face with one hand, then trace the other one down the contours of her body until he found her—

_POW_

Acting on impulse, Lori had wound up and punched herself in the face as hard as she could. It was...a strange experience to say the least, the unstoppable force that was her fist meeting the immovable object that was her nigh-invulnerable body. A shame Lisa hadn't had the opportunity to see it, there were probably all kinds of sciency things she could infer from the way that event had shook out. Regardless, she was in control once more. And...slightly sore on one side of her face, but it was totally worth it.

Okay, so...maybe things weren't as hunky dory as she'd thought. But that was fine, _it was fine!_ All she had to do was find some time to herself, so she could sit down and work out these weird...feelings...of hers. Totally fine. But it would probably be for the best if she avoided running into Lincoln for a little while. For his sake—

"Yaaaaaawn."

Lori's ears twitched as her enhanced hearing homed in on an all too familiar sound coming from the far end of the hallway. She knew that yawn. Well, she knew _everyone's_ yawn, actually, but that one was particularly distressing in these specific circumstances...

Sure enough, the door on the other side of the hallway opened up, and out stepped Lincoln. Adorably sleepy looking, and...only clothed in his underwear.

Lori's face turned bright red, her jaw rapidly opening and closing as she looked upon her little brother's nearly naked form. _Why_ was Lincoln dressed like that? Granted, it was a great look for him, he totally pulled it off with his slender, but surprisingly toned frame, but it was just _so_ out of character...for...

Lori's movements slowed as she noticed smokey ripples on the edge of her vision. The telltale indicator that she'd activated her x-ray vision. She took a deep breath and focused, willing her vision to return to normal, and sure enough...it did. The house snapped back into focus, and Lincoln, though still sleepy, was fully clothed once more. F-funny how that...she gulped, how that had happened. Totally by accident...

Lincoln shuffled forward, eyes half shut, clearly not having the ability to register her presence yet. This was her chance! Lori could still get away before they had to have any sort of awkward, _totally platonic and/or familial_ interaction! She'd just dash on over to the stairs and hole up in the kitchen for a—no, that was no good. She'd spent so much time reciting the plan to herself that she'd missed out on the opportunity to actually _do_ _it!_ Thanks brain!

_"You're welcome, Lori."_ Said her brain. Lori thought she detected a hint of sarcasm. Which...under these circumstances, could mean she was being astute or insane in equal measure. Regardless, Lincoln had made it past the stairs and was coming right for her.

Lori glanced around, looking for another route. Her other sibling's doors were all closed. The bathroom was likely Lincoln's destination, so that was out. And she couldn't just retreat back into her room, because then she'd wake up Leni! She looked upward, towards the suddenly very welcoming ceiling, and seriously considered just flying straight through the roof. Her parents would be furious, either next time it rained or when they saw the shapely, Lori-sized hole in the house, whichever came first, but it was looking more and more promising than the alternative...confronting her cute, and disappointingly clothed little brother.

"Linky!"

Lori's vision swam as a bright green blur blitzed passed her vision. She closed her eyes and she let out a small sigh of relief. Good, Leni was up. The situation had resolved itself. Deeply relieved, Lori opened her eyes once more...and let out a loud shriek of surprise.

Lincoln's face was buried in Leni's generous cleavage, his pajama'd, orange sleeved limbs sticking out to the side being the only indicators that he was even there. Leni in turn was nuzzling her face into the small amount of snow tuffed hair that managed to rise above her feminine valley. It looked so lewd. It looked so comf—wrong! It was wrong!"

"Leni!" Lori shouted exploding forward with a burst of speed. Quicker than the human eye could register, she yanked Lincoln out of their sister's grasp, paused to gently stroke the very dazed boy's cheek, put him down on the ground, and then retreated several feet back, making sure to position Leni between Lincoln and herself.

"Leni!" She repeated, irritably snapping her fingers at her sister. "You can't do that to Lincoln!"

"But why, Lori?" The younger blonde asked, puzzled. "That's how I say 'hi' to Linky every morning."

"S-she does, Lori." Lincoln agreed, a slight hitch in his voice. He suddenly looked _very_ awake. "That's just how Leni says hi."

Lori had wanted to lecture her siblings on the impropriety of essentially forcing one's sibling to get to third base with them, but the words wouldn't come. Leni and Lincoln were confounded by her behavior, and they were right to do so. This _wasn't_ new, Leni manhandling Lincoln like that was just part of their daily routine, a perfectly normal part of their lives that had been going on for years. A fact which Lori was perfectly aware of, and which wouldn't have bothered her in the least. Until today...apparently...

"Uh..." Lori droned, desperately trying to think of _something_ that could make her look at least a little less crazy. Suddenly, she cocked her head to the side. "Oh no." She said, robotically. "Someone's in trouble. I'd better go."

"I don't hear any—" Leni began, but before any actual questioning of her strange actions could begin, Lori dashed around her siblings, down the stairs, out the front door, and into the sky as fast as superhumanly possible. Several very long nanoseconds later, and looped around, slipped back into her bedroom via the window she always left open for this very kind of emergency, and quickly changed into her costume before soaring into the sky once more. That...could have gone better, but it was fine. She'd just get a head start on her day. Everything would be... _fine..._

* * *

"Here you go, little girl." Lori said, leaning down and handing off the furry little animal she was holding.

"Thank you miss Lori!" The impossibly cute child shouted, giving Lori a big, gap-toothed smile as she took back her cat, and ran off with it. Hopefully she'd take better care of it from now on.

Lori allowed herself to stretch a little, carefully glancing around first to make sure there weren't any onlookers to see her. The last thing she needed was a rash of "Sexy Lori Stretching Pics" to make their way onto the internet. Again.

Things were...fine...totally fine. She'd thrown herself into her work, and she was feeling pretty good now. It had been a slow day to be sure, cats in trees, minor traffic accidents to avert, that guy in the rabbit suit who'd needed directions to Albuquerque, but doing good _felt_ good. And now she definitely felt good. So good, in fact, that she hadn't thought about Lincoln _once_ since she'd left the house.

Buuut now that the subject had come up, maybe it was time to check in on her little brother. As any normal sister with superhuman senses would, naturally. Lincoln was her brother above all else, and his safety was paramount to her, so there'd be no harm in checking up on him, right?

" _Absolutely."_

"Shut up, brain!" Lori grumbled as she drifted back into the air. Classes wouldn't start for a few days, so there was a pretty good chance that Lincoln would still be at home. Especially after...after yesterday. With all that excitement, her little bro probably wasn't in the mood to do anything too adventurous.

Lori activated her telescopic vision (her "Supervision", as Luan tended to call it, after their parents had realized early on that Lori's power set made her an excellent babysitter) and turned her superhuman gaze towards her family home. As expected, she found Lincoln, and Lori immediately had to fight down the grin that was threatening to spring onto her face. _"Focus, Lori_ " she admonished herself. Yes, Lincoln was home and perfectly safe. In fact, he was with Lynn, one of the few people Lori would implicitly trust their their little brother's safety. There they were, playing together in the back yard. Rolling around on the ground. Lynn clambering atop her little brother, pinning him down. Lowering her face towards his, the distance between them rapidly disappearing as she...

"Gaaaaa!" Lori heard someone's panicked screaming. An instant later she realized it was herself. And that she was rocketing towards home, heedless as to the effect her speed had on the world around her.

_BOOM_

Lori flinched as she inadvertently broke the sound barrier. Maybe she'd get lucky, and nobody would pin that on her...this time...

"Get off of him, Lynn!" Lori shouted as she landed in the Loud family back yard. Not one of her better landings, but hopefully Lisa could do something about the small crater that now adorned their property. Not waiting for a reply, Lori dashed over and yanked Lynn into the air by the back of her trademarked _qipao._

"L-lori?" Lynn shrieked in surprise and embarrassment. "P-put me down!"

"No!" Lori gave her younger sister a good, firm shake. "What do you think you're doing to Lincoln?"

"Sparring." Lori felt a soft touch against her waist, and instantly she felt the tension begin to drain from her body. Turning away from the indignant spitfire thrashing around in her grasp, she saw that Lincoln had joined them.

"Hey Linky." She said, blandly, unable to refrain from beaming at her little brother. If only she'd been a little taller, or he'd been a little shorter, then he'd have had no choice but to put his hand on her—

"Uh, Lori?" Lincoln's voice brought her back to reality. "Could you put Lynn down? Like I said, we were just sparring."

"Yeah!" Lynn shouted, flailing her arms around. "And I was just about to win!"

"I'll bet you were." Lori growled at the martial artist. Nevertheless, she put her on the ground, though perhaps a bit more roughly than was strictly necessary. She allowed herself a moment of vindication, before realizing that both siblings were looking at her very strangely.

"How did you even know Lincoln might need you?" Lynn asked, her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"It was...uh" Lori fumbled. "My Super Sister Sense, obviously. It alerts me when my siblings are in danger." Lori looked at Lynn with what she'd _hoped_ was a nice, calming smile.

"Is that a _real_ thing?" Lynn pressed. Well, so much for that idea.

"I think so." Lincoln interjected. "Remember how Lori showed up just in time to save Lilly's birthday party when that clown we'd booked cancelled all of a sudden?"

"She didn't 'show up', Stinkoln." Lynn rolled her eyes in irritation. "She was there with the rest of us, and she saved the party with her Super Balloon Animal Making."

"Oh, right." Lincoln tapped his chin thoughtfully. "What about the time she saved the academy bake sale?"

"Super Cake Baking."

"How about when she ate all those burgers so Lana could meet her favorite race car driver?"

"Super Speed Eating!" Lynn growled. "Which apparently has nothing to do with regular Super Speed!" Lynn rounded on Lori and glared at the older girl. "Why the heck do you have so many stupid powers? Emphasis on _stupid_!"

"Wait, wait." Lincoln cautioned, trying to calm Lynn down. "We can figure this out. Let's grab Lisa. Remember? She was making that detailed document of all Lori's observable powers as a gift for the family."

"I do." Lynn gave Lori a sideways glance. "It crashed her private server the day she tried to put it online. Last I checked, she was still working on it."

"Oh look!" Lori shouted, pointing into the distance. "Crime! GottagoguysLynnbemorecarefulwithLincoln!" And with that, Lori Loud rocketed into the sky once more.

* * *

_TSSSEW_!

Lori grunted in satisfaction as one final blast of her heat vision took down the last of the Husks. Another pod down. Pulling out her phone, Lori logged the sighting of the Husks, the location in which she'd found them, and the fact that she'd cleared out the group by herself. A few quick taps later, and the data was sent off to the authorities, where it'd be picked apart by analysts and strip mined for whatever information might prove to be important.

Despite being an omnipresent part of their lives, there was much about the true nature of the Soulless that still eluded even the most learned minds. However, what was fairly well known was that Husks, the weakest and most common members of the species, had a tendency to crop up in small, isolated areas. Once enough of them had gathered into a large enough group, or "pod", they'd swarm, looking for live humans to feast on and convert into more Soulless. Fortunately, it took a good amount of time for a Husk Pod to grow sufficiently large as to trigger that impulse, so it fell to Combat Archetypes like Lori to patrol the city for signs of new pods and either report them, or destroy them outright if at all possible. Today she found the job to be strangely therapeutic, and she'd hoped she would be able to find at least a few more pods before calling it a day. She still had...frustrations she needed to work out.

As Lori gazed upon Royal Woods from up high, straining her senses for any hint of a new pod to chase, she glimpsed a familiar sight. A shapely blonde girl roughly her own age, clad in what _appeared_ to be a form-fitting, one-piece swimsuit, but was actually her ancestral battle armor...which, just so happened to _look_ like a form-fitting, one piece swimsuit. The girl hovered high up in the air, both hands gripping an ornate looking longbow, the string held taut by her strong, but still very feminine looking arms. Smiling, Lori drifted towards her.

"Carol!" She greeted, making sure to announce herself without startling the other girl."

"Lori." Replied her fellow blonde, not looking up from her work. Lori noticed that she'd knocked three arrows simultaneously, just before Carol let the missiles fly.

_FWIP_

_FWIP_

_FWIP_

" _Showoff."_ Lori thought to herself, not bothering to follow the arrows' flight. Of course, they all hit their intended targets. Carol was just that good.

"Glad to see you're out of the hospital." She said instead, shooting her friend a dazzling smile.

"No thanks to you." Carol replied, taking aim once more and letting fly another volley of arrows.

_FWIP_

_FWIP_

_FWIP_

Lori winced at the reminder. "In my defense, you said, and I quote, 'hug me girl'."

"And _that's_ why you're no longer welcomed at our Annual Amazon Blowout." Carol turned to Lori as she shouldered her bow, a wry smile on her face taking some of the sting out of her words. "Guess it _was_ pretty dumb of me to demand a hug from one of the few people in the city who could seriously hurt me."

"Guess we were both a little drunk on the atmosphere." Lori said, tittering nervously, and scratching the back of her head. "A-and also the wine. A bit."

Lori could feel the tension draining away, for which she was glad. As if by some unspoken agreement, the pair of girls began flying alongside one another, eyes peeled for signs of additional Husks.

"Shame you didn't bring Lincoln along." Carol remarked, breaking the silence. "Bet he would have loved it."

"Let my brother hang out with a bunch of drunk, half-naked girls with poor impulse control?" Lori replied sarcastically. "Yeah, that sounds like a great idea."

"Nothing would have happened to him. Becky was there too, as Dana's plus one. You know she thinks the world of Lincoln, she'd have spent the whole night watching over him like a mother hen."

"I'm well aware of what Becky thinks about my little brother, Carol." Lori growled, remembering the glances the statuesque redhead would shoot Lincoln's way whenever she'd come over. "Not gonna happen." She frowned. "Besides, Lincoln's got enough to worry about as it is."

Carol shot Lori a worried glance. "Oh yeah, I heard about his Indexing. Poor little guy, I know he had his heart set on being a hero." She hesitated. "I also heard there was some...backlash."

Lori winced. "Yeah. There've been some...misunderstandings, but Lincoln's a trooper. He'll get through it."

"He absolutely will." Carol said, a dazzling smile appearing on her beautiful face. "Say, he must be kinda down about things, right? Why don't you give him to me for a day?"

"Give you my brother?" Lori repeated incredulously.

"That came out wrong." Carol giggled. "I just mean that you and your oldest sisters are pretty high profile Archetypes, and you're probably too busy with your duties to give Linc much attention. Let me have him for a day. I'll bring him along and let him help me with my hero stuff, bet he'd get a kick out of it."

"No need to _trouble_ yourself, Carol." Lori replied, tersely.

"It's no trouble at all. Lincoln and I get along great. Honestly, I'd _love_ to have him tag along and—"

"It's _fine, Carol_!" Lori growled, unprepared for the sheer amount of venom in her tone. Both girls stopped abruptly.

"You...uh, you alright yourself, Lori?" Carol asked, eyeing Lori uneasily.

"I'm fine." Lori protested. "Really. I just..." Lori trailed off as the an odd moaning began to tickle her ears. A voice far...far too familiar to her to be making those noises. Spinning around, she engaged her super sense and peered across the city towards her family home. There was...Lincoln...sitting in his room with...Lucy. The boy's arms were wrapped tightly around the younger girl, who was busily engaged in _passionately sucking on his neck._

"GottagoCarolbye!" Lori shrieked as she rocketed homeward, heedless of the numerous windows she shattered in her wake.

"Uh...o-okay. Later Lori..." Came Carol's distant reply, though Lori was already miles away.

* * *

"Get off your brother, Lucy!" Lori roared as she crashed through Lincoln's wall, not even bothering to use the window. She managed to rein herself in just before touching down, thankfully preventing herself from landing too hard and crashing through the floor. Again.

"Lori?" Lincoln cried out in surprise. Lucy was apparently too occupied to respond. Lori stalked forward and reached for the small girl, fully intending to tear her off if need be.

"Wait, Lori!" Lincoln waved his arms around, desperately trying to get her attention. "It's alright! Really!"

"How can _that_ be alright?" Lori asked incredulously, gesturing towards the writhing mass of girl still attached to Lincoln.

"She's feeding." He said, blushing slightly. "It's okay, she asked permission first." Finally, Lucy disengaged from the white hair boy.

"Indeed I did." Lucy added, turning towards Lori and gesturing to the small, red tinged fangs poking down from the upper part of her mouth. "Lincoln told me it was okay. I didn't even have to use Compulsion this time."

Now that raven haired girl had removed herself from Lincoln's person (though _not_ from his grasp, she mentally noted), Lori could see the small holes in Lincoln's neck, already rapidly closing themselves up.

"Right." Lori sighed, slapping her palm onto her face. "Lucy, do you really have to feed on Lincoln so much?"

"I don't _need_ to." Lucy admitted, shrugging. "But big brother just tastes so...delectable." She favored Lincoln with a small smile and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Lucille Loud!" All three Loud siblings winced as the bedroom door slammed open and their mom stormed into the room.

"What did I tell you about feeding on your brother this late in the day?" She admonished the younger girl. "You'll spoil your appetite! Now come downstairs and help me with dinner!"

"Yes, mother." Lucy grumbled, sliding off Lincoln's lap and despondently taking her leave.

"And _you,_ young lady!" Rita growled, turning her ire on Lori. Again, came the finger, this time jabbing in the direction of the teen-shaped hole in the wall. "I have told you _multiple_ times to use the front door, or an open window. No impromptu entrances or exits! I don't care how 'dynamic' they are, I've taught you better than that!"

"Sorry mom." Lori whimpered, unused to feeling so cowed, and utterly powerless. But such was the might of an angry mother. "I-I'll fix it! Right now!"

Not waiting for a reply, Lori dashed off to the garage, returning with a bucket of plaster and a patching trowel with in a matter of heartbeats. Moments later, the wall was fully repaired.

Lori noticed both her mom and her brother staring at her in amazement and sighed softly. "Super Wall Repair." She said, lamely, shrugging in embarrassment.

* * *

Leni Loud had just finished the last of her sleep preparations, ensuring that she'd wake up from her Leni sleep as beautiful as ever.

"Grrrr."

Because causality has a sense of humor, that was when Lori chose to barge into the room.

"Leni." Lori grunted in greeting as she stomped towards her side of the room. There was a blur of motion as Lori discarded her costume and slipped into her sleepwear at superhuman speed, then she threw herself onto the bed and curled up in a Lori-shaped ball.

Leni frowned to herself. Lori'd been acting weird all day. But that was probably because she'd taken it upon herself to be worried about Lincoln. Between the reaction to his Indexing and that super villain attack on their day out together, it was _possible_ that the eldest Loud might be pushing herself too hard. That was when an idea occurred to her. A _Leni Idea!_

"Lori?" She asked. Waiting for some sign that her older sister was paying attention. A short grunt from the other girl seemed like a safe enough sign.

"I was thinking it might be fun if I took Linky along with me tomorrow." She said. "Show him what I do. Maybe it'll help him take his mind off things."

"Sure. Leni." Lori grumbled, not moving an inch. "Knock yourself out."

"Yay!" Leni squealed, clapping her hands happily. "Thank you, Lori,!" There was no further acknowledgement from the older girl, only a loud, rough sound, not unlike the the sound of a log being sawed in half. Looks like she had fallen asleep.

Undeterred, Leni shut off the lights, and climbed into bed herself. Smiling so hard it hurt, as she thought of all the fun she and Lincoln would have together. It was totes going to be the best day ever!


	6. Chapter 6

Lincoln awoke with a start, and immediately regretted doing so. A glance at his alarm clock quickly confirmed his suspicions; morning had come. Lincoln let out a small, despondent sigh, and began the process of extracting himself from his bed.

Sleep had been delightful these past couple of nights, perhaps too delightful, but one could hardly blame the boy. After years of uncertainty as to what his future would entail, Lincoln finally...still had no real idea, to be perfectly honest. But thanks to Lori, he'd finally gotten a taste of what it _could_ be. After years of being forced to sit on the sidelines, watching his far more capable and talented older sisters do their part to defend humanity, Lincoln had finally had the chance to be...percipient to one such heroic endeavor. His presence, apparently absolutely necessary for the hard fought victory wrought that day. And while he'd have preferred to have been a little more directly involved, it was a broad stride forward for a boy who'd begun to fear he'd never amount to anything. And it was all thanks to his big sister, Lori. Was it any wonder that in the days that followed, he dreamed only of that celebratory flight they'd taken together? The cityscape sprawling beneath him, the exhilaration feel of the wind rushing around him, not to mention the gorgeous blonde at his siiii—

Lincoln blinked in surprise as his brain finally caught up with his fantasizing, and shook his head roughly. Where the heck had that come from? Lori was undeniably beautiful as an objective matter of fact, but it was a strange thing to dwell on...night...after night. It was _possible_ that he might be growing a bit too attached to his eldest sister...

_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_

Fun was fun, Lincoln reasoned as he climbed out of bed and made his way to the door, but Lori was a real hero, someone with real responsibilities. It wouldn't be right of him to jeopardize those with..whatever weirdness was going on in his head.

As he grasped the doorknob and engaged the turning function that would unlock the wooden portal to the greater world, Lincoln resolved to give Lori some space. After all the excitement from their time at the mall, she'd probably appreciate it.

"Hey, twerp."

Lincoln started in surprise as a distressing familiar voice drifted into his room, ceasing his door opening only partway through the procedure. This still provided an ample view of his oldest sister, who was looking rather amp— _lovely_ herself. Despite still being clad in her tank-top and sleeping shorts, Lori managed to look radiant as always. Another one of her overly specific super powers, he'd always suspected, Super Wake Up Looking Absolutely Perfect In Every Conceivable Way.

"M-morning, Lori." Lincoln replied, unconsciously fidgeting with his collar. Was it hot in here? Why was it so hot in here?

Some, deep-seated instinct within Lincoln told him it would be unwise to say anything in his current state, so he opted not to. Instead, he stood there, looking at Lori through the partially opened doorway, waiting as the seconds stretched on into an eternity. He was surprised, Lori was normally a lot more chatty and assertive, and yet there she stood, staring back at him back at him, gently swaying back and forth, as if to some tune only she could hea, lips turned upward into a small, reserved sort of smile. It occurred to him, after some indeterminable amount of time, that _someone_ needed to say something, lest they remain here, staring at one another for eternity. But Lincoln wasn't quite ready for...whatever this was to end just yet, and speaking could only hasten this moment's demise. So he didn't, quietly resolving that he would continue not saying anything for as long as it continued to bear fruit.

"Ahem!" And just as Lincoln had feared, the moment had finally passed. He felt a twinge of disappointment, deep in his chest, as his higher brain functions came back online, making him keenly aware that he'd been standing for some time now in his PJs, staring gormlessly at his big sister, and managed to find enough shame within himself to flush red in embarrassment. Thankfully, he wouldn't have time to dwell on that feeling for long, as an unseen force shoved against the still partially closed door. Reflexes kicked in and Lincoln managed to step backwards just in time to avoid being smacked in the face. To his surprise, the door swung open to reveal Leni, also still in her nightwear, and looking oddly...desperate.

"Linky!" She cried out as she began to step forward, arms outstretched. Long honed instincts caused Lincoln to begin scrunching down, preparing for the imminent crushing and squishing that was to become his imminent future, but the fashionable blond screeched to a stop as a slender arm reached out to block her path.

"Leni."Came Lori's calm, collected voice. "Remember what we talked about."

"Oh...right." Leni pouted at the older girl before turning her trembling lips towards Lincoln. "Linky. Hugs!" Leni uttered, stretching out her arms once more and making grabby motions with her hands.

"Use your words, Leni." Said Lori, sighing softly, still holding her arm out to block the other girl's movement. It was at this point Lincoln realized that Lori was preventing Leni from bum rushing him.

"L-leni can has hugs, Linky? Please?" She squeaked, her lovely facial features scrunching up in concentration. As grateful as Lincoln was for Lori's intervention, Leni was starting to tremble in a manner very reminiscent of Lisa's more volatile experiments, just as they were about to _explode_...

"Sure thing Le—" He began, but was quickly interrupted as Leni lurched forward, swatting Lori aside as effortless as...well, Lori herself might swat aside literally anything else, and snatched him up into her traditional, bone shattering hug.

"Oooooh." Leni cooed, and she held him tightly against her, surprising Lincoln by keeping him above breast level for once. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou Linky!" She murmured, nuzzling her cheek against his, and Lincoln allowed himself a small sigh of contentment. As much as he appreciated the gesture, he had to admit that his morning didn't quite feel right without one of Leni's patented Leni hugs.

Finally easing up on her assault of his person, Leni pulled back, gave Lincoln one last smile, and turned to address their sister. "Did I do good, Lori?" She asked.

"Y-yeah, Leni." The superheroine replied, haltingly from where she lay splayed on the ground, looking oddly dazed. "We've still got some work to do, but...that was a good start."

"Yay!"

* * *

Following that malarky, Lori and Leni pushed their way into Lincoln's room and quickly made themselves at home. Leni claimed the bed for herself and Lincoln, flopping down onto the mattress and pulling the boy along with her, clinging to Lincoln with a tenacity not unlike that of a python, leaving Lori to somewhat reluctantly take his desk chair.

"So, not that I don't appreciate the visit..." Lincoln began, once his sisters appeared to be settled, "But what's this all about?"

Lincoln felt Leni shifting behind him. He tried, as discretely as possible, to catch a glimpse of the older girl, made significantly more difficult by the way she was cuddling him like a stuff animal, his face pillowed by her large, soft breasts. He soon realized he needed to give himself over to the softness quietly suffusing him, gently reclining into Leni enough that the casual craning of his neck upwards allowed him to catch her in his field of view, albeit upside down. Fortunately, she wasn't looking to him, but rather at Lori, silently imploring the eldest Loud sibling for..something. A quick glance at Lori revealed that she too was looking back at their sister, rather irritably at that, and it wasn't long before Lincoln realized that there was an entire silent conversation going on between the two girls. Finally, Lori rolled her eyes and muttered something under her breath.

"We, Lincoln." She began, a rather brittle smile on her gorgeous face. "That is to say Leni and I, were wondering how you'd feel about spending the day with...her?"

"Oh." Lincoln blinked in surprise, genuinely not expecting this turn of events. A glance upward revealed that Leni was now focused on him, looking down at him expectantly.

"I just that I thought you and I..." Lincoln winced, immediately regretting those words as Leni's face fell, the hopefulness previously displayed now succinctly dashed by his careless words.

"I'm not saying no, Leni." He protested, reaching up and attempting to put one arm on her shoulder in a reassuring matter, but he missed, and laid it atop her cheek instead. To his surprise, Leni immediately covered his hand with her own, holding it in place.

"I just thought we'd have fun together, Linky." She murmured, nuzzling her face into his hand. "Like you and Lori did."

"M-maybe not...exactly like us." Lori interjected. "Not getting attacked would probably be a huge improvement."

Realization dawned upon Lincoln. "Ah." He said, wincing. "I get it."

"No you don't." Lori said sternly, motioning for him to look her in the eye. "You did a great job Lincoln, especially considering that you aren't a combat archetype. But I don't want _any_ of my siblings getting attacked by anything, ever, Leni included. You're all too important to me."

"Aww." Leni cooed. Lincoln remained silent, but he certainly shared the sentiment. Lori could be tough on them, but nobody could say she didn't love her family.

"Besides." Lori continued. "I have..other commitments today, so I couldn't take you with me anyway."

That was interesting. "Such as?" Lincoln prompted, trying to sit up, and failing, Leni's grip on him holding fast.

"Because she's hanging with me today." Announced a sultry voice. One which belonged to neither Lori, nor Leni. Lincoln glanced in the direction of the voice, and let out a soft squeak of surprise. There, floating just outside his window, was a beautiful blonde woman in form fitting armor which, despite her PR firm's continued insistence to the contrary, really did look a heck of a lot like a one-piece swimsuit.

"Heya Linc." Carol Pingrey greeted him with a wink and a smile. "Mind if I come in?"

* * *

"I told you I'd meet you _later_ , Carol." Said Lori, her calm face clearly at odds with the tension in her voice. As there was no place left to sit, Carol had found herself some empty space and opted to simply hover in place, sitting crisscross style, one luxurious leg draped daintily over the other. It was...distracting to say the least.

"And I decided to meet you here anyway." Carol replied. "Besides, you know I love hanging with your family." She shot Lincoln another wink, and the pale haired boy felt his cheeks begin to warm."

Lincoln was trying very hard not to be starstruck, but was finding it very difficult to do so. Yes, he regularly found himself in the company of high profile archetypes. All of his older sisters had earned themselves some degree of fame for one reason or another, with Lori in particular counting among the _crème de la crème_ of Royal Woods. It was difficult, verging on impossible to find a hero more beloved or respected than Lori Loud around here. But it was also hard to ignore that Carol was one of those rare few who could give Lori a run for her money. Which of the two would win in a fight ever remained a popular discussion topic on the playground and the internet alike.

It wasn't even like they were strangers. Carol and Lori had been fast friends for longer than he'd been alive, and she'd spent tons of time with the Loud family growing up. He himself had many happy memories playing with the Pingrey girl, both with and without Lori around. But _that_ Carol, the one that with which he could actually hold a conversation without going tongue tied and cross-eyed, was a lanky, acne ridden girl with a mouth full of braces. At some point she'd bloomed into the creature that was currently lounging in his room, and it had immediately become that much more difficult to talk to her. It was bad enough that she had also become a prominent hero, forcing Lincoln to desperately fight the urge to geek out around her whenever she stopped by. But now she was also tall, and pretty, and smelled like strawberries, and she kept _smiling_ at him. It was very stressful!

"Feel free to close your mouth, little bro." Lori grumbled, glaring at her fellow blonde. Responding would require he actually _say_ something, so Lincoln chose the path of least resistance, and simply complied.

"So, yeah..." Lori continued, rolling her eyes. "As I was _saying_ , I've been asked to pair up with Carol today."

"Not that we wouldn't be happy to have you join us, Linc." Carol smoothly interjected. "But it's a PR thing. The city gets us to tackle a few high profile jobs that have been pending for a while, and media outlets get lots of pictures and footage of a couple of pretty gals paling around. You know how it goes."

Lincoln's brain attempted to imagine what some of those photos might look like. "I...completely...understand." He uttered, nodding woodenly.

"Hence, _Leni_." Lori gestured to the third blonde, still holding him captive. "Speaking of, time to let go, Leni. Lincoln needs to be able to participate on this conversation."

"Aw." Leni pouted, clearly unhappy with the decision. Still she acquiesced, loosening her grip on Lincoln and allowing the two of them to finally sit upright. She did remain extremely close to him, however.

"I didn't mean to sound so negative before, Leni." Lincoln apologized, patting his older sister on the arm. "I was just kind of confused by the situation." He paused, thoughtfully. "At least partially because...I don't think I know what you actually do."

"Which is _why_ , it'd be a good idea for you to broaden your horizons a bit, little bro." Lori gestured demonstratively, holding her hands out wide. "Though to be fair, Leni is a bit of an odd niche. No offense, Leni."

"I don't have niches, silly." The younger blonde chirped. "I'm very hygienic." Then she bent down and gave Lincoln a quick peck on the cheek. "And I forgive you, Linky." Lincoln glanced at the still open window, wondering if it was possible to open it a little wider. It was still _really_ warm in here...

"Magical girls are classified as both Combat _and_ Support Archetypes." Carol offered. "Most of them have some form of offensive ability, and can be called upon to assist in that capacity during emergencies, but it's usually more practical to have them operating in a supportive capacity."

"And that would be?" Lincoln pressed, discovering that it much easier to talk to Carol when he wasn't looking at her. The trick was to look into her general direction, but not _at_ her.

"Making people happy!" Leni announced, flinging her arms in the air, only narrowly avoiding sending Lincoln tumbling to the ground. "The happier people are, the less often Soulless appear. So Support Archetypes keep people from feeling sad!"

"Oh." Said Lincoln. "Like what Luna does."

* * *

" _Why_ is my blood fountain _pink_!" Roared a very irate brunette, glaring angrily at the individual unfortunate enough to be in charge of this operation.

"C-corporate vetoed the fake blood, Ms. Luna." Stammered the poor suit. "Said it didn't gel with your Idol image."

"Bollocks!" Luna grabbed the fellow by his collar and yanked him down to eye level. "Get me a _proper_ blood fountain, or I'll be taking a donation from you, personally!" Then she shoved him to the side, seeming to immediately forget his presence. "And speaking of blood, where's the bleedin' pyrotechnics bloke?!" With that, she stomped off, seeking her latest victim.

* * *

"It's a _little_ like what Luna does." Lori replied, shrugging.

"But with significantly fewer terrified grandmas." Carol cackled, slapping her knee in amusement.

"I thought _Bloodberry Jams_ was really catchy." Opined Leni.


	7. Chapter 7

"Alright." Lincoln said with a little shrug. "You've convinced me, I'll hang out with Leni today." He favored his older sister with a bucktoothed grin. "Maybe it'll be fun."

"Yay!" Leni swept up Lincoln into another hug, albeit a short lived one. "Don't worry Linky! I promise, we're gonna have so much fun today!"

"Speaking of which..." Lori gestured towards Lincoln's clock. "It's getting late. We should all probably get going." She was right, apparently time did fly when you were having fun.

"Okay, I'm gonna get changed." Said Leni, leaping to her feet. As she did so, Lincoln turned to Carol, swallowing nervously. He was the host of this little gathering...technically, and it seemed like he should say something...appropriate before they dispersed. "It was lovely to see you." Or, "Have a nice day." _Some_ kind of minor pleasantry, at the very least, and yet...nothing came to mind. Carol turned to Lincoln, a small expectant smile on her face, and still no words came forth. _That_ was distressing.

" _Lovelllyyyyy Leniiiiii..."_ Oh good, a distraction. Lincoln turned to he disturbance and saw Leni speaking very slowly for some reason. She stood in a wide legged stance, her left arm curled up against her body, hand clenched into a fist, and her right arm held across her body. On a clock face, she would be pointing to eleven' o'clock. As she spoke, she slowly rotated her right arm in a lazy arc, finally stopping at the one o'clock position. This was...really weird, even by Leni's very eccentric standards. For the life of him, Lincoln couldn't figure out what exactly it was his big sister was—

"Leni no!" Lori cried out in a panic, bouncing out of her chair. "You can't do that in Lincoln's ro—"

" _Change!"_ Leni shouted, not heeding the elder girl's warning. She punctuated her exclamation by punching upward with her left arm while simultaneously pulling back her right arm, essentially swapping the position of both limbs. For a few heartbeats she simply stood there, holding the strange pose.

"Lincoln!" Lori cried desperately, pivoting in his direction. "You need to shut your—"

_WHUMP_

Lincoln's world exploded into a kaleidoscope of dazzling lights and colors, equal parts befuddling and terrifying in the suddenness of the transition. He tried to open his mouth to scream, but found he was unable to. Several, panicked moments later, he realized that this was because he was already screaming, he simply couldn't hear it over the bombastic orchestral music that was blaring from... _somewhere_ , presumably.

Eventually Lincoln's vision adjusted to the point where he was able to make out shapes amid the dazzling display. Lori and Carol could be seen more or less where they'd originally been standing, though the former was part-way into the motion of running over to him, frozen in place. A quick attempt to move his own body revealed that he was similarly frozen. And there in the middle of the room was Leni. Floating several feet off the ground and...spinning. She just...spun there, as the lights shimmered around her and the triumphant music played on.

Things remained this way for what felt like at least several minutes, Lincoln and the two older blondes frozen in place, while Leni spun in a circle. It was certainly impressive that she was able to keep it up for so long, a lesser person would have almost certainly gotten sick from constantly spinning at those velocities, but Leni was apparently made of sterner stuff. An odd thing to be impressed by, admittedly, but Lincoln's joints were starting to cramp up rather painfully, and he was desperate for _any_ kind of distraction.

" _Okay."_ Lincoln thought to himself. _"I can definitely see why Lori didn't want Leni to transform in my room, this is extremely annoying. But I still don't understand why she tried to tell me to close my...what, my eyes? Why would I need to close my eyes? Yeah, the light show was unexpected, but it didn't take that long for my vision to adjust. Seems a little alarmist to—"_

That was the point where Leni's clothing _exploded_ off of her. Underwear and overwear alike had been banished to the ether, obliterated down to the smallest atom, leaving the blonde bombshell still spinning in the middle of his room, but now with the totality of her loveliness on full display.

"..." Thought Lincoln, as he tried to process this new development. Being smothered against Leni's luscious curves on a daily basis for most of his life had given Lincoln a pretty good idea as to just how...uh, healthy, she was, but apparently nothing could quite prepare one for the sight of actually seeing it on display. The more analytical part of his mind, somehow still functioning despite an otherwise complete and total shut down of all cognitive functions, noticed that certain parts of her body remained _quite_ bouncy, implying that she was still affected by physics even in spite of the supernatural chicanery at work. He wondered if Lisa knew about this, seemed like the sort of thing she'd be interested in.

Mercifully (perhaps...), at this point tendrils of light began to reach out from the shimmering display around them, and began to wrap themselves around Leni's body. Her arms, her legs, her...waist, and finally her...c-chest. The tempo of the music began to quicken, coinciding with an increase in the velocity of Leni's spin. All at once, the song came to a crescendo, the twirling blonde came to a stop, and the surrounding lights blossomed into a blinding white radiance. When the light faded, Leni was once more standing on the ground, fully clothed in her trademarked form-fitting, sea-foam green dress and holding her sparking wand in one hand.

"Lovely Leni!" She shouted, striking a pose where she twirled her wand with one hand, and held out her other hand, her index and middle fingers forming a V. "Yay!"

Lori and Carol's body's sagged wearily, with Lincoln's following suit moments later as whatever invisible force that had been binding them finally released the trio from its hold.

"And _that_..." Carol wheezed. "Is why magical girls have designated changing areas."

* * *

"Is that Leni!?"

Lincoln winced as a shrill, high pitched voice cut through the air. His senses, already fatigued by Leni's little display were especially vulnerable to the verbal assault, and from the way Lori and Carol reacted in kind, they probably weren't doing much better. If anything, they were probably feeling it worse, super senses were absolutely a liability in this case.

Lola Loud dashed into his room, and looked around eagerly. The younger girl was still dressed immaculately as always, her long pink princess gown still pristine and her sparkling tiara not the slightest bit askew, in clear defiance of how hurried her entrance had been.

"I heard theme music! Did I make it in time?"

Lincoln was about to respond in the negative when he noticed a large, expensive looking digital camera clutched in the girl's tiny fists, each one trembling with barely contained excitement.

"Firstly, No, you did not." Said Lincoln, holding up one finger. "Second, what's the deal with that?" He gestured toward the device in question."

"Darn it." Lola pouted, and stamped her foot in outrage. "Next time I'm going to just stomp on that stupid turtle." Lincoln felt one of his eyebrows raise quizzically, but he was uncertain if he wanted to follow this particular rabbit hole.

"Lana's pet turtle." Lola clarified, having apparently noticed his expression. "He was blocking the doorway to our room, and I _refused_ to touch his dirty, icky shell. But he wouldn't move, so finally I ended up having to kick him out of the way."

"You _kicked_ a helpless turtle?" Lori asked incredulously.

"He's fine." Lola waved dismissively. "He pulled back into his shell just in time. Last I saw it was bouncing around the hallway. It'll stop eventually."

"Right..." Lincoln drawled, gesturing at the camera once more. "So..."

"Oh, right." Lola brandished the device. "I always try to record Leni's transformations. As an aspiring magical girl myself, it's of the utmost importance that I learn to transform myself." She frowned. "It's so annoying that I haven't been able to figure it out yet. I've tried hiring musicians and special effects artists to help me out, but it never seems to work properly."

Lincoln shot Lori a covert glance, and she immediately replied with an emphatic shake of her head. As with his own case, nobody could truly know what their Archetype was until the day of their indexing. But sometimes there was enough evidence to make an educated guess, and nobody other than Lola thought for a second that the girl with a penchant for dressing like a princess, and an odd knack for commanding other people to do her bidding was going to turn out to be a magical girl in the end.

"I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually, Lola." Leni said, giving the younger girl a sympathetic pat on the head. Alright, Lincoln mentally corrected himself, nobody other than Leni. But she was optimistic to a fault.

"Maybe I should start by getting naked." Lola muttered to herself, stroking her chin thoughtfully. "That part seems important."

"And that's where you make your exit." Lori muttered, gently prodding pink-clad girl towards the door. Fortunately, she seemed too lost in her own thoughts to put up any resistance, and it wasn't long before she had left peaceably, and more or less of her own volition.

"Speaking of changing, Lori..." Carol prompted, tapping her wrist for emphasis. She wasn't actually wearing a watch, doing so would be impractical with the rather large, metallic bracelets that were clamped around her wrists, standard amazonian battle gear _and_ one of the few accoutrements they wore that actually looked like it could survive a fight, but her meaning was clear.

"Right." Lori nodded. "Give me a sec."

_WHOOSH_

Lincoln was fairly certain it hadn't even taken that long. Somewhere within the span of a single heartbeat, Lori Loud, his bedraggled yet strangely alluring older sister was nigh instantaneously replaced by Lori Loud, superhero extraordinaire. Lincoln started in surprise as he felt a light jab to his ribs.

"Keep looking at your sister like that, and I'm gonna get jealous, Linky." Carol murmured, suddenly very much in his personal space, her perfectly formed face only inches away from his own. Lincoln opened his mouth, attempting to evoke _some_ sort of response, but none was forthcoming. Then, much to his surprise, the older girl leaned forward gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Geh?" Lincoln inquired. Words suddenly seemed like such a distant concept now, far beyond the grasp of his primitive mental faculties. Carol simply gave him a wink, and proceeded past him. Lincoln found it very hard to refrain from following her with his gaze, even from behind there was something alluring about her. It might have been the long, toned legs attached to her slender, willowy waist and her perfectly round and toned rear. It almost certainly had something to do with the fact that she wore even less clothing than...uh...that other lovely blonde girl. Shoot, her name was on the tip of his tongue—

"Come on, Lori." Carol called back. "We've gotta go." And with that, she leapt out the window, quickly soaring into the sky.

Lincoln gulped loudly as Lori was suddenly in his face, her eyes narrowed in annoyance. Much to his relief, the older girl took a deep breath, doing all kinds of interesting things to the vast expanse of cleavage she had on display, and when she was done, she seemed calm again.

"Be good, Lincoln." She said, sternly, and before she'd even finished speaking the words, Lincoln was already nodding emphatically, years of Lori's sisterly guidance kicking in to ensure compliance. "And also..." She leaned down and pulled him into a quick hug. "Be safe, little bro, alright?"

Lincoln was touched, by this display, both literally and figuratively, and tried to return the embrace as best he could, what with his arms pinned to his sides as they were. "I will, Lori." He responded. "I promise."

"Good." Lori released him. "Also, one more thing..." She leaned down once more and moved in close. Lincoln reflexively squeezed his eyes shut, expecting...something. What he got was the sensation of his sisters soft lips gently pressing against his cheek. Lincoln opened his eyes, but Lori was already gone, the breeze left by her departure the only indication she'd been there to begin with. Instinctively, he began to reach for the spot on his cheek, still warm and wet, but he stopped himself. Something inside him telling him to just enjoy the sensation for as long as he could.

"Come on, Linky." Leni grabbed him by the arm and began to gently pull him towards the door. "We'd better get going too! We've got a big day ahead of us!"

It was funny, Lincoln thought, mulling over the last few minutes in his mind. He couldn't say for certain, but it certainly felt like Lori had kissed him in the exact same spot Carol did. Also...

"Uh, Leni?" Lincoln asked, digging his heels into the ground.

"What's wrong, Linky?" The older girl asked, looking perplexed.

"I still need to get changed."


	8. Chapter 8

Dressed in a fresh set of his traditional orange polo and jeans, Lincoln quickly descended the stairs of the Loud house. At the bottom he was met by a smiling Leni, a travel mug clutched in each of her hands. Leni handed one to Lincoln and began walking towards the front door, motioning for him to follow her. The mug was cool to the touch. Lincoln popped the top and took a sniff of the contents: a distinct hint of banana and strawberries. Some kind of breakfast smoothie then. As he followed his big sister, he took a quick sip of the drink, confirming his suspicions.

It was delicious.

"You're not wearing the cape I made you." Leni observed, closing the door behind them. She then began to make her way towards the curb, Lincoln quickly falling into step alongside her.

"No." Lincoln affirmed, somewhat unnecessarily. "But that's more of a Lori thing, isn't it? Didn't seem right to wear it on our day together.

"That's true." Leni replied, not breaking her stride. She began to chew her lip thoughtfully. "Maybe I should make you a Leni thing. Something that would coordinate with my outfit." Lincoln blanched, only narrowly avoiding choking on his smoothie. _That_ was something he could do without.

"So..." He drawled as they stopped at the curb, hoping to change the subject. "How are we going to—"

"Hold onto me." Leni instructed. It was an odd request, Lincoln was fairly certain that Leni couldn't fly or anything, but he acquiesced, encircling his big sister's slender waist with his arms and holding her tightly.

"Is..." Lincoln prompted, several minutes later. "Is something supposed to happen?"

"No." Leni leaned down and pulled Lincoln into a one-armed embrace. "I just wanted another hug."

"Leni!" Lincoln protested, red faced even as he returned the hug. He didn't actually mind, Leni was great at hugs, but that didn't make it any less embarrassing.

"It's fine, Linky." The older girl reassured him as she straightened back up. "Watch." Leni stuck two fingers into her mouth and let out a loud, shrill whistle. Once the ringing in his ears subsided, Lincoln opened his mouth, intending to ask the blonde what the purpose of that was.

"Wow!" He exclaimed instead, as a limousine sped down the street and pulled up alongside them. Normally he would have chalked up its appearance to sheer happenstance, but the sea foam-green paint job seemed like a pretty clear indicator of whom the vehicle was meant for.

"Good morning, Miss Leni!" Lincoln's attention was drawn to the portly, black-clad chauffeur who exited the vehicle and quickly made his way street side so he could open the passenger side door for them.

"Morning, Chaz." Leni responded cheerfully as he went about his duties. She gestured towards the pale haired boy. "This is my little brother, Lincoln."

"I suspected as much." Chaz replied with a small chuckle, extending a friendly arm to the younger boy. "Your sister talks about you all the time. Good to finally meet you, Lincoln."

"Likewise." Lincoln replied, only slightly unnerved at the thought of being so easily recognized by someone he'd never met before. Still, he returned the gesture, giving the driver a nice, firm handshake, just like Lori had taught him. Leni jerked her head towards the car, indicating he should get in first. Lincoln did so, somewhat hesitantly at first, but the second his skin touched the plush interior seating, his concerns quickly melted away. Getting to fly with Lori had been an amazing experience, but more mundane forms of travel certainly had their perks.

"To the mall, then?" Chaz asked as Leni climbed in after Lincoln. Despite the wealth of seating room available to the pair, she sat down right next to Lincoln, close enough that the pleasure addled boy was able to pick up the distinct scent of her perfume. The still functioning part of his brain wondered if that came with the costume change, or if that was just Leni's natural scent.

"Ya huh." The blonde nodded. "And step on it please, Linky and I have a big day ahead of us."

Chaz tipped his cap to Leni in respectful acknowledgement, then shut the door. A few moments later, the limo sped off, squealing tires and the honking of angry drivers announcing its departure. Had Lincoln been in a more alert state, he might have been terrified, but he was just _so_ comfy. He didn't even have it in him to react when something even softer than the seats began to press against him.

"I still kind of wish you'd worn the cape." Leni opined as she pulled Lincoln close, nuzzling against him. "You just look so cute in it."

"Sorry." Lincoln uttered, trying to push through the fog of comfort that was clouding his mind. "Just didn't seem right. Capes are for hero stuff. Right?"

"True." Leni nodded. "That's why Lori gets to wear one."

* * *

Lori's eyes instinctively began to glow as the shambling, human-shaped monstrosity lurched closer. However, just as she was about to blast the thing to oblivion, she remembered herself. Taking a calming breath, she relaxed her eyes, allowing the pent up energy to harmlessly dissipate within her. Then she stepped forward and rammed her fist through the creatures chest, effortlessly puncturing its withered hide. The Husk flailed helplessly, let out one final groan, and began to dissolve. Moments later, all that remained of the creature was a small pile of ash...and a spiffy looking top hat. Lori grimaced as she tried to shake off the ash still clinging to her glove and quickly looked around at the horde of creatures still advancing on her. One down, _entirely_ too many remaining.

"Remind me again, _why_ are we literally doing this in the slowest, and most tedious way possible?" She called to her partner, glancing over her shoulder.

A short distance away Carol squared off against three Husks, a rather large and ornate looking broadsword held in both hands. The Amazon's body tensed for the briefest of moments and she charged the group. Carol circled the group, inhumanly fast and graceful, her blade lashing out in rhythms best measured between heartbeats. Now on the other side of the group, Carol gave her sword a little flourish, and struck a pose, laying the blade to rest against her back as the monstrous trio each spasmed once, then dissolved to ash. A beret, a trilby, and a chapeau, gracefully drifted down and came to rest, one on each pile.

"It's the terms of the job, Lori." Said Carol, grabbing a nearby Husk by the arm with her free hand and effortlessly hoisting it up into the air. "Get rid of the Soulless, save the hats." She gave the suspended creature a little twirl to build up momentum, then flung it into a nearby group of Husks, the impact causing the entire group to terminate simultaneously, leaving only ash and a small hail of hats in their wake.

Lori groaned as she delivered a punishing backfist to another Husk that had been creeping up on her, pulverizing it in an instant. It wasn't even noon yet, and still she desperately wished she could crawl back into bed and write this day off as a mulligan. Her day of super heroics had started with a photo op, which quickly transitioned into a _second_ photo op, this time with the mayor (who would undoubtedly receive a nice PR bump once the taxpayer-funded photo of him posing with the two bombshells made the rounds). She'd gotten a bit of her enthusiasm back when a distress call had come in, _specifically_ calling for the skills of two high profile heroines like Lori and her fellow blonde, but that had quickly waned once it had become apparent that the task was not to defeat the Soulless as it was to protect the warehouse they'd infested, and the precious cargo contained within. Which was apparently...hats. Nothing but fancy, undoubtedly over priced...hats. The fact that the interlopers had somehow managed to adorn themselves with the goods in question, despite lacking any sort of measurable sapience, seemed like little more than spite on the universe's behalf, as now the duo was forced to cull the herd in a manner that was _agonizingly_ slow.

Lori let out a low groan of frustration as she took in the seemingly endless horde of hatted Soulless that still filled the warehouse. "I _meant_..."  
She growled, as she delivered a wide-arching roundhouse kick to the next group of Husks that shambled into range. She frowned in annoyance as the kick only managed to decapitate two of the creatures, a third having inadvertently swayed out of the way, spoiling her aim. Noting that her companion's attention was elsewhere, she surreptitiously leaned forward and flicked the remaining Husk's head with her index finger, sending it flying across the room and crashing into the wall. _That_ made three.

"I meant, why are we saving these stupid hats? Instead of, like, actual people? The kind who might _need_ saving."

Carol shrugged, somehow working the motion into another swing of her sword. Five more bodies hit the ground and subsequently turned to ash. "It's just how these things tend to go." With a flick of her wrist, Carol sent her sword flying, cleanly decapitating each and every Husk that was unfortunate to be standing between it, and the wall in which it eventually landed point first.

"These hats are undoubtedly owned by someone who has an in with the city." Carol continued, picking up a Husk in each hand. She gave the pair of monstrosities a quick jerk upwards, sending their hats flying safely up into the air, then slammed the creatures together, stepping back just in time to avoid being caught in the resulting cloud of ash. "They get their product protected on the city's dime, the mayor gets to brag to the electorate about the lengths he'll go through to ensure their safety, and once these babies hit the shelves, consumers get the opportunity to hand over fists full of cash for overpriced, tacky hats."

"That's stupid!" Lori growled, punctuating her statement by uppercutting another Husk into the air. "I became a hero so I could help people!"

"That's life." Carol retorted, seemingly unbothered by the outburst. "Sophisticated information networks don't run themselves. Are you confident that you'd be able to find each and every person in need without that kind of support?"

"W-well..." Lori faltered, very nearly falling into the grasping arms of another Husk. She rallied, taking a short hop backwards. Spying some debris on the floor, Lori snatched it up and began flicking it at the encroaching horde of Soulless, the force from her super-powered fingers sending the innocuous projectiles hurtling forward at speeds normally reserved for bullets. Another flurry of hats rained from the sky as their previous occupants exploded into ash.

"Do you pay for the collateral damage your fights cause?" Carol looked towards her sword, still stuck into the far end of the warehouse, a veritable sea of Husks standing between her and her ancestral weapon. "How about the medical care needed by those people you rescue? The legal fees needed to put away those super villains you bust?"

"The city pays for all of that." She continued, knowing a response wasn't forthcoming. "And getting the city's support means that sometimes you need to play the stupid game."

Taking a running start, Carol launched herself into the air, aiming for a wall just off to the side, taking the opportunity to deliver a passing kick to any Husk unlucky enough to be within her trajectory. Upon reaching her destination she reoriented herself and pushed off that wall without losing any of her altitude. It wasn't long before she'd managed to traverse the length of the building and reach her sword, leaving a long, jagged trail of ash and hats in her wake.

"You used to _beg_ me to let you come along on these kinds of jobs." Retrieving her blade, Carol began to make her way back towards Lori, swinging her sword with lazy, but efficient strikes to ward off any Husks that got too close. "You couldn't fly, or shoot lasers, or..." Carol paused briefly, chewing her lip thoughtfully. "Bake cakes? You've got a lot of powers now. Some of them weirder than others."

"So I've been told." Lori muttered, wincing at the reminder. She didn't like thinking about Young Lori. There were a lot of bad memories associated with that period of her life.

"The _point_ is, back then all you had was a dream, a killer costume, and a decent right hook. And you were desperate to get yourself out there. To make yourself known." Carol gestured around the ash and hat littered warehouse. " _This_ is where that recognition comes from. Sometimes we need to get our hands a little dirty so we can have the opportunities to do the work that actually matters."

"Cheer up, Lori." The Amazon closed the remaining distance between her and her friend, and gave he fellow blonde a companionable pat on the back. "We're almost done. Won't be too long till we're out of here, and then we can get some _real_ hero work done."

"I-I guess." Lori replied softly, still frowning, shades of memories coming forth unbidden. Screams, people trapped by fire and debris, Husks as far as the eye could see, shambling towards their helpless victims to be in slow, halting, but disturbingly persistent strides. And through it all, a wide-eyed little boy looking up at her, hair the color of freshly fallen snow.

_"Please, Lori!_ " He begged, clinging to her leg with strength borne from terror. _"You can save them, right? You're a hero, aren't you?"_

"Lori!" The eldest Loud sibling jerked suddenly, blinking in surprise as the spell was broken. No fire, no screaming. Just a warehouse full of Husks...and stupid hats."

"You okay, girl?" Carol asked, concern evident on her face. "You were kind of spacing out there."

"Sorry." She replied, repositioning herself so that she and Carol were back to back, squaring off against the remains of the Soulless horde. "You're right. Let's wrap this up."

Both girls settled into combat stances, blade and fists brought to bear, waiting for the shambling monstrosities to come within range of their impending, hat-friendly dooms. Apparently, they'd miscalculated the timing of their dramatic moment, the Husks were moving considerably slower than anticipated.

"So..." Carol ventured as they watched the horde shuffle forward, their movements _agonizingly_ slow. "I know Lincoln likes to keep up to date on hero news. Does he ever...talk about... _me_?"

* * *

" _Ah-CHOO!"_

"Bless you, Linky."


	9. Chapter 9

In a city that was so frequently terrorized by the nefarious and monstrous alike the Royal Woods Mall stood as a bastion of relative peace and tranquility. Amid the sights and sounds of the mall, bystanders would often find themselves standing shoulder to shoulder with Archetypes of all walks of like. Heroic, villainous, and even those who found themselves walking a path that lay somewhere in between, all were free to go about their business, confident in the peace that was secured by one simple, unspoken, iron-clad rule. "Don't fight at the mall. That's where I _buy_ stuff." Violators were typically dealt with swiftly and unmercifully, and one reason that a certain irate, blonde villainess, hospital bound and barely conscious as she was, would still find herself jumping at shadows for the foreseeable future.

However, this was only a surface level peace, in a sense that would prove to be very literal. Deep beneath the levels of active commerce, past the point where basements became sub levels, two individuals went about their business.

"Are you _done_ yet?" Hissed the taller of the pair. A girl, older than her companion by several years. Long brunette hair tied in ponytail draped down her back and over the form fitting, frilly black dress she wore. In spite of the elegance of its design, it clung to a girl with a ferocity that was anything but, playing particular emphasis on her shapely hips, which swayed side to side in a most lascivious manner as she paced the perimeter of the room. "We need that door sealed nice and tight."

"But not too tight." She corrected herself a moment later.

"I'm working as fast as I can." Muttered a younger boy, nervously brushing a few locks of his messy red hair out of his face before he returned to his work. Unlike the girl he was dressed considerably more plainly; a long sleeved green shirt accompanied by simply black pants, the only adornments of note being a the string of thick, bulging pouches that wrapped around his midsection. "Most people would get a specialist for a job like this."

"Most people have _resources_." The girl retorted as she completed her circuit, coming to a stop behind the boy. "You're the best I could get. And frankly, that isn't saying much." The boy winced, mostly out of reflex. This was a sentiment shared so frequently that it had long lost his sting. And while he'd love nothing more than to pay the girl back in a very physical manner, _that_ was a fight he just couldn't win. Not as he was. Not at _this_ time, at least.

"Can you at least keep it down?" He glanced around nervously. "I think they can hear us."

"Don't be—" Her reply was cut short as a chorus of moans resounded in a manner most unsettling. Moments later, the door began to creak, the sound slowly ramping in volume as an increasing amount began to press against it from the opposing side.

"...Ridiculous." She finished, surreptitiously taking a big step backwards. Then several more. "Hurry!" She implored, her tone having lost a considerable amount of its edge.

"Just need to finish setting the charges." Sweat soaked fingers working frantically as the moans increased in intensity, the room's dim lighting beginning to flicker erratically.

"Finished!" He said at last, relief evident by loudness of the exclamation.

_THUMP THUMP THUMP_

The boy squeaked in surprise, scrambling backwards as the door began to strain against its hinges, the hasty reinforcements he'd added being the only things that held the large slab of metal in place. He winced in pain as he slammed into a pair of shapely, yet rigid legs, abruptly halting his momentum. A quick glance upward revealed that they belonged to his companion. That revelation wasn't necessarily a comforting one.

"Great." She reached down, grabbed the boy by his shirt collar, and yanked him to his feet. "Now we're leaving."

_THUMP THUMP THUMP_

What little professional pride that dwelled within the boy compelled him to quickly take stock of himself. He had his tools, he had his supplies, and most importantly, he had the detonator. _Now_ they could leave. He turned to relay this fact, but found himself addressing...nobody. The room was empty, save for himself and the increasingly oppressive presence on the other side of that door.

"Every time." He grumbled. "Every, single, time." His frustration did nothing to slow his own egress as he quickly fled the scene.

* * *

"Screw you!"

"Piss off!"

"Stop trying to police my feelings!"

_SLAP!_

Lincoln flinched as a painful, stinging sensation blossomed across his cheek. He hadn't been certain what to expect from his day out with Leni, but the sheer amount of verbal abuse he'd received was definitely a surprise. Physical abuse, however, was a new and unwelcome turn of events.

"And take your stupid garbage with you!"

Lincoln sighed as a wadded up ball of paper bounced off his face. Insult had now been added to injury. Reluctantly, he knelt down and snatched up the paper ball, unfolding it and trying his best to smooth it back out. A cartoonish representation of Leni's face smiled back at him, set against a background of sparkles, cupcakes, smiling sunflowers, and other such saccharine things. The phrase, "Please Be Happy!" emblazoned at the top seemed to sum up the point of the piece rather succinctly. The job had seemed fairly easy, Leni had given him a stack of the things and had asked him to pass them out to passers by. One would have thought the act of trying to convey such an inoffensive message would have been better received by John Q. Public, but...

Lincoln yelped as a sharp pain ignited in his shin, causing him to topple over and spill his remaining supply of fliers. He winced as he hit the ground shoulder first, a brief sensation of numbness from the impact quickly being replaced by a dull throbbing pain that began to spread throughout his body. Glancing up, he peered through the still slowly cascade of papers that were gently drifting to the ground around him, and was able to make out the frowning face of a girl about half his age. Dark skin, long brunette hair, and a face that gave the impression of someone who was constantly finding things to sneer at. He vaguely recalled that he'd encountered this girl about an hour ago, and things hadn't gone well.

"I thought about that flier again!" She shouted, giving him one more kick in the ribs for good measure. Task having apparently been completed, she flounced off, her step oddly light. As he lay there, wheezing, trying to regain his breath, Lincoln decided to count that one as a victory. Because at this point, he sorely needed one.

Lincoln slowly climbed to his feet, trying to accommodate his aching joints while retrieving as many fliers as he could. He spied a bench not too far away, one which was blissfully devoid of people who might shout things at him, and began to shuffle towards it, deciding it was time for a break. Or three.

Lincoln groaned, a mixture of pain and bliss as he sat his aching body upon the hard plastic seating. It wasn't much, but right now he'd take any relief he could get. Still, he found himself worrying about Leni. After all, if _he_ was having this much trouble spreading such a simple message, surely the blonde much have it much worse.

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?"

Lincoln's eyes snapped wide open as a very familiar voice wafted in his direction. He sat up and spun around, trying to find the source. There, as he'd suspected, was Leni, only a short distance away, talking to a guy who seemed to be roughly her own age.

"Pretty please?" She continued, clasping her hands together. Lincoln spied a flier in the guy's hand and groaned to himself, suspecting the worst. He'd better get over there and—

"Y-yeah, okay." The teen replied, nodding emphatically. "Can't argue with that logic. I will be happy."

"Yay!" Leni shouted, throwing up her hands in delight. The motion caused her ample chest to undulate noticeably.

"Yes." Leni's newest convert said in a suddenly monotone voice, eyes locked onto Leni's still bouncing breasts. "I'm suddenly very happy." Lincoln couldn't help but feel a bit miffed. And yet...he couldn't exactly blame him. Leni could be extremely convincing.

"Good." Leni nodded, giving him a friendly pat on the back before turning to leave.

"H-hey, wait a sec!" The guy reached for Leni's arm. "You know, I bet I could get a lot happier if you and I could go grab a—"

"Nope." Leni cut him short, sliding out of reach without even bothering to turn around, continuing on her merry way without missing a step. Lincoln let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, then sunk back into his seat. Moments later, Leni daintily sat down beside him.

"You knew I was here?" He asked, looking up at the older girl.

"I always know where my Linky is." She responded, wrapping one arm around his shoulder and pulling him close. Normally Lincoln might have felt embarrassed at such a show of affection in public, but right now he was desperately in need of positive human contact. So he eagerly returned the gesture, wrapping both arms around Leni's midsection and emphatically hugging her back. He felt he might have been a bit too enthusiastic, but Leni didn't seem to mind. Leni never minded one bit.

The pair sat there for a while, enjoying each other's company. Lincoln feared that Leni would say something about the sizeable stack of fliers sitting next to him, or perhaps about the ones he couldn't salvage, those that had been shredded or crumpled beyond saving, many still drifting around in plain sight. However, nothing was forthcoming. He couldn't help but notice that she herself wasn't carrying _any_ , implying that she'd unloaded her last one in that encounter he'd just witnessd. He knew better than to compare himself to his sisters, particularly at something that was their actual job. Leni herself would be the first to tell him that there was nothing wrong with doing as poorly as he had, without a hint of irony or malice in the older girl's voice. And yet, he still felt like he'd failed her somehow.

"Hey, Linky." Leni pulled Lincoln from his thoughts with a gentle nudge to his side, thankfully _not_ the one he'd been kicked in. "Is that one new?" She asked, pointing with her free hand. Lincoln resisted the urge to stop and admire how soft and supple the limb attached to that hand was, instead choosing to follow it to its destination. "Ah." He said aloud as he finally noticed what Leni had been indicating. Just across the way was a music store, and right in front of it was a large, cardboard standee, advertising the work of a very familiar artist.

" _Jingle Jams and Sleigh Ride Dreams._ " Proclaimed the bold lettering on the base. "Be The First Person You Know to Pick Up the Hot New Musical Stylings of The Sirens, Today!" The standee itself depicted life sized images of the titular duo, better known to him and his family as Luna Loud, and her girlfriend/partner/bandmate, Sam Sharp. The pair were clad in matching Santa outfits, cut short to leave their legs bare and fitted to accentuate their feminine curves. Cardboard Luna was beheading what appeared to be a trio of elves with a large, rusty battle axe, a grin of manic glee spread across her face, while Cardboard Sam was trying to catch the now airborne heads in a big, festive looking cloth sack. He had no clue how she managed to get that design through her marketing department, but he couldn't deny that it looked pretty fantastic. Maybe fire the guy who wrote that tagline though, that was _awful_.

"No." Lincoln replied. "I mean, yeah, the album is new, but the songs are pulled from her old stuff. Luna said her new album is taking longer than expected, so I guess corporate threw this one together to prime the pump a little." He shook his head in disgust. "What are they thinking? It's _August_!"

"Hmm." Leni hemmed to herself. "Luna told you that?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "Couple of days ago."

"But she's still on tour?" Leni pressed.

"Well...yeah." Lincoln nodded again, somewhat slower this time. "But we stay in touch. Calls, texts, Sam gets in on them too, it's fun."

"Hmm." Leni repeated, chewing her lip thoughtfully.

A seldom used light bulb in Lincoln's head began to flicker ever so slightly. Was Leni...bothered by something? "Doesn't she call you guys?"

"Uh uh." Leni shook her head. "I'm pretty sure she only calls _you_ , Linky." Leni's pleasant, bubbly tone never wavered. But there was something about the way she said those words that gave him pause. He was tempted to say there was a certain...archness, to the words. But this was Leni. Surely it had to be in his head.

"Want me to put you on the phone next time she calls?" To his surprise, Leni pushed him to arms length, and simply stared at him, looking him up and down. Finally, she let out a small sigh, and hugged him tightly once more, planting his face firmly between her breasts.

"Never change, Linky." She murmured, planting a gentle kiss on the top of his head.

* * *

"Let's change the subject." Leni said abruptly, briefly releasing Lincoln so they could return to their original seating arrangement. Lincoln's lungs were delighted.

"Okay." He gasped, trying to be as discrete as possible about refilling his lungs. "What do you want to talk about?"

"How about the fact that you aren't having fun?" Leni's tone remained pleasant as always, but Lincoln wasn't able to stop himself from stiffening at the veiled accusation.

"I _am_ having fun." He protested, looking up at the older girl.

"Nuh uh." She shook her head. "You're having fun with _me_." She gave him an extra little squeeze for emphasis. "And I totes love that. But you aren't having fun doing what I do." That...was actually a pretty astute observation, and one he didn't immediately have a response for. Thankfully, Leni didn't push for one, seeming content to let him mull it over.

"I guess..." Lincoln ventured at last. "I'm having trouble understanding why you do this."

"To make people happy, Linky." Came the immediate and expected response.

"Right, and you've already explained why that's important. I get that." He paused, considering his words. "I guess I'm just having trouble understanding why _you_ do this."

Leni leaned over, resting her head atop his own. "And what do you mean by that, Linky?"

"Because _you're_ strong, Leni. I've seen you blow away tons of Soulless all at once with a wave of your wand." Lincoln waved his own arm demonstratively. "You could easily handle the kind of stuff Lori does."

* * *

_CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP_

"Carol." Lori seethed, one eye twitching. "Why is this group wearing _clogs!?"_

* * *

"I've seen you fight alongside the others, and you're always amazing." Lincoln continued, hoping he wasn't sounding like too much of a fanboy. "I guess I'm just not understanding why you choose to do...this—" He picked up a flier. "—kind of stuff instead."

The warmth that Lincoln had grown so accustomed to vanished as Leni withdrew her arm. Lincoln experienced a brief moment of panic, thinking he might have angered the girl, but a quick glance revealed that she merely appeared to be deep in thought.

"I see." She said at last, stroking her chin thoughtfully. "You think I'm strong because I can fight good, right Linky?"

"Well...yeah." Lincoln responded, cautiously. It _seemed_ like the obvious answer. "I watch you on TV all the time. Last week you took a punch from that really big Husk, and it barely slowed you down. You held it off until that bus full of kids managed to get away, and then _kaboom_!" He clapped his hands together. "You exploded him, and every other Soulless for like, a block. It was awesome!"

"And...you want to be like that?" Leni prompted.

"S-sort of." Lincoln flushed as memories of his flight with Lori resurfaced, entirely unbidden. "Maybe not _exactly_ like that. I don't think I'd look good in frills." He added, forcing a laugh.

"You could totes pull off that look." Leni replied distractedly, still deep in thought. Finally, she folder her hands neatly in her lap, and let out a small sigh.

"I don't want that for you, Linky." She said, softly. The ambient noises of the mall seemed to fade away, Lincolns world suddenly shrinking to include himself, the beautiful, sad looking blonde girl sitting next to him, and nobody else.

"You don't want me to be a hero?" He asked at last, trying not to sound hurt.

"It's not like that, Linky." Leni gave him a pained look and reached out, giving him a reassuring pat on his shoulder. "I don't want you to have to go through stuff like that."

"Why not?"

"Because it's _scary!_ " There was an edge to Leni's voice that he'd never heard before. It was...unnerving to hear the bubbly blonde speak like that.

"You think your problem is that you're weak, Linky." Leni continued. "You want to save people, and you think that if you have powers like me, or Lori, then you can do that. You think becoming stronger will solve all your problems, but it won't. It just makes things complicated. It makes things..." Leni shuddered. "It makes things scary."

Lincoln tried to wrap his head around her words. "I don't get it." He admitted. "If I was in danger, you'd save me by blowing whatever was attacking me to kingdom come."

"In a heartbeat." Leni replied, without the slightest bit of hesitation.

"But if you were the one in danger, there wouldn't be a thing I could do about it. But if I was like you, or Lynn, or Lori, maybe...maybe I could—" Suddenly Leni grabbed Lincoln by the shoulders and shoved her face directly into his own, so close that they were nearly touching.

"You could run, Linky." She said, softly, tremors wracking her voice. "And whatever happened to me, you'd still be okay." Leni released Lincoln and slumped down in her seat.

"I have to fight _because_ I'm strong, Linky. Not because I want to." She took a deep breath. "I hate fighting. Husks, robots, supervillains, it doesn't matter what. Fighting is scary. But I have to do it, because if I don't fight, people will get hurt. I have responsibilities, and when I mess up, that..." She swallowed loudly. "That sticks with me. But if I don't fight, then people are guaranteed to get hurt. So I do it, I have to, but..."

Leni let out the breath she'd been holding and looked Lincoln sadly. "I don't want you to have to go through that, Linky. I don't _want_ you to be strong I want you to be safe, and happy. And if you were like me then...I don't think you would be."

That was...a lot to digest. Lincoln wasn't entirely certain that he was equipped to properly process this revelation. But what he _did_ know, was that his big sister was looking very distraught, and desperately in need of a hug. And that was definitely something he could do. Lincoln reached out for the older girl, heartened somewhat by the way her eyes lit up when she saw him drawing near, and then—

_Clap. Clap. Clap._

Lincoln froze, mid-motion as slow, sardonic, clapping rang out. He turned in the direction of the sound and saw a shapely girl in black striding towards them. The girl locked gazes with him, and she smiled. Lincoln gulped nervously in spite of himself. It wasn't a nice smile."

"Hope I'm not interrupting anything, Lovely Leni." The girl said, coming to a stop several feet away. She planted her hands on her curvaceous hips. "Unfortunately, you and I have a score to settle." Lincoln had been about to protest, Leni clearly wasn't in any shape to deal with...whatever this was. Much to his surprise, however, Leni responded immediately. She leapt to her feet, gesturing with one hand as she did so. There was a brief, brilliant flash of green light, and suddenly her wand was in her hand.

"Get away from here, Linky." Leni said, not taking her eyes off the other girl.

"What's going on, Leni?" He asked, worried. "Who is she?"

"My rival." Leni replied. "Dark Magical Girl, Irritable Fiona."

Lincoln opened his mouth to respond, when a loud _CRACKLE_ resounded, followed by the sharp scent of burning ozone. An instant later, Lincoln watched, wide-eyed as an obsidian blast of something that looked an awful lot like _fire_ rocketed towards the bench he was still sitting on. Thankfully, in the time it took for him to process his impending doom, Leni stepped in front of him and batted the blast away with her wand, sending it rocketing off into the distance. Harmlessly, he hoped.

"I'm not irritable!" Shouted Fiona, stamping one foot on the ground as she readied a second blast.


	10. Chapter 10

Two teenage girls stood across from one another, antithetical to the core. Light and Dark. Fair, and less Fair. Lovely and irrit—

Fiona let out a low growl, one eyes twitching angrily.

—ahem. Lovely and prone to becoming intensely perturbed.

"I'm not irritable." Fiona grumbled as a sphere of crackling black flame began to form between her hands, preparing for a second blast. Fortunately the familiar sights and sounds of the Royal Woods Mall had long faded away, most Bystanders having learned at an early age that energy blasts typically signaled it was time to flee. Leni faced her opponent, wand readied in her hands and resolution set in her features. Though the stand-off was a relatively silent one, it was clearly building to an explosive and bombastic conclusion.

"Can you _not_?" A snide voice called out, cutting through the tension like a knife. As one, both girls jerked in surprise, and for the moment the spell was broken. Leni lowered her wand and Fiona allowed her attack to harmlessly dissipate. Lincoln let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, sagging in mild relief.

Out from a nearby service entrance swaggered a red-headed boy roughly Lincoln's own age. His cocky strut and the grating smugness in his voice caused Lincoln's fists to clench involuntarily. He knew this kid.

"You didn't need to drag me down here if you were just going to get in a stupid punch up!" The boy complained to Fiona. If looks could kill, the glance Fiona sent his way would have reduced the boy to atomic particles. Apparently, he noticed, as he suddenly seemed to lose a bit of his confidence.

"Chandler?" Lincoln asked, incredulously. "Chandler McCann?" Immediately the other boy perked up, being recognized seemingly doing wonders for his self esteem.

"The one and only." He proclaimed, strolling over to Lincoln with that infuriating swagger. "And you would be..." He drawled, giving Lincoln an unnecessarily rough pat on the back. "...I want to say, 'Larry?'"

"It's Lincoln." Replied 'Larry'. "It's always been, Lincoln."

"Can't be." Chandler waved dismissively. "I'd remember a name that stupid."

Lincoln sighed as quietly as possible. _This_ was something he'd hoped to escape by transitioning to Archetype Academy. Chandler was popular and rich, largely as a consequence of being rich and then popular, in that specific order. He wasn't a "bully", per se, but he _was_ self-absorbed to a fault, and with his social clout that made him insufferable to be around. Scientifically speaking, the kid was a wad, presumably of something nasty and prone to hurting one's feelings.

"Are you actually sidekicking for Lovely Leni." Chandler continued, letting out a low whistle of appreciation. "How the heck did you swing that, Lamar? That chick is top tier in numerous categories." The way his eyebrows bounced up and down gave little doubt as to what categories he might be referring to.

"I'm not her sidekick." Lincoln replied, flatly. "She's my sister."

"Can't be." Chandler once again waved him off. "I did my research for this job. Her brother is some dope named Lincoln." Lincoln just stared at the boy incredulously, honestly uncertain if he was being made fun of or not.

"And you're here because...?" He prompted at last, trying not to seethe too visibly. This was elementary school all over again.

Chandler preened in delight. "Well, if you must know—", His tone left little room for argument that Lincoln must, "—I was _personally_ scouted to partner up with this one, who had a need for my specific set of skills." Chandler smirked haughtily. "Granted, Fiona doesn't rate quite as highly as _Lovely_ Leni—" Lincoln was growing increasingly annoyed with the emphasis the red-head kept putting on his sister's name. And the looks he kept shooting her. "—But everyone needs to start somewhere. And with my natural talent, it should only be a matter of time before I—"

"Slap yourself in the face." Fiona growled, shooting the younger boy a dirty look. Much to Lincoln's surprise, he did exactly that.

_SLAP_

It happened so quickly. One moment the boy was all piss and vineger, and the next he was staring dumbly at his own hand, a bright red mark of his own doing stamped across his cheek. It took every bit of self control Lincoln possessed in order to avoid laughing out loud.

"I—" Chandler began.

"Slap yourself again." Fiona instructed, smirking nastily at the red-head. "Harder."

_SLAP_

_"_ Kid's a Minion." Fiona explained as Chandler reeled, dazed from his own blow. "It's why I _allowed_ him to assist me in a very limited capacity. When someone with a strong enough personality gives him an order, he has to follow it."

"Slap yourself again." She called offhandedly, grinning broadly as the barely aware teenager was once again forced to comply.

_SLAP_

"Wanna try?" Fiona asked, gesturing to the Louds.

"Well, uh—" Lincoln began.

"Slap yourself in the face, Charles!" Leni chirped, cutting him off.

"It's _Chand_ —" The red-head began replying, his words somewhat slurred by by the swelling in his cheek.

_SLAP_

But he was once again interrupted by his own traitorous hand.

"Again!" Leni called out, eyes wide with delight.

_SLAP_

"Oooh! This is totes fun!" Leni giggled, clapping her hands together. "Linky, you try!"

"M-maybe later." Lincoln mumbled, wincing at the murderous look the other boy sent his way. Honestly, at this point he kind of felt bad for the kid. Throughout elementary school Chandler had always been the center of attention, surrounded by sycophants who would never dare to offer an opinion, or an errant thought that differed from his own. It had to have come as a shock when he...

Lincoln blinked in surprise as his own train of thought began to trail off, little, seemingly innocuous details about the privileged boy's overbearing personality suddenly making a _lot_ of sense in hindsight. No wonder Chandler had a history of never letting other people get a word in edgewise.

Suddenly, an idea manifested. "Remember my name!" Lincoln shouted, grabbing the other boy by the shoulders, and shaking him emphatically.

"I never forget a name, Leslie." Chandler slurred, swaying on his feet. Lincoln looked to Fiona, distraught.

She shrugged. "It's not mind control. You can't make Minions deviate from their nature too far."

She rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "It's really easy to get Chandler to slap himself though—"

_SLAP_

"Kid must have some issues to work through." She concluded. Lincoln let out a long, disappointed sigh, and loosed his hold on the red head.

"I'm just gonna sit down for a bit." Chandler mumbled. Still swaying somewhat unsteadily, he slid to the ground, crossed his legs in front of him, and slumped forward. Hesitating only _slightly_ , Lincoln stepped forward, worried that the other boy might have passed out, but the red head jerked one hand into the air and waved him off. Not entirely sure what to do with himself now, Lincoln turned his attention back to the magical girls.

"So..." He began, almost immediately trailing off, as Fiona turned her attention to him.

" _What_?" She growled, causing Lincoln to flinch. He couldn't help it, Fiona exuded intimidation from every orifice of her shapely body. She could probably give Lori some pointers.

"Fiona, be nice to Linky." Leni chastised the black clad girl. "He's new to this." Instantly the other girl rounded on the elder Loud, face twisted into a snarl. However, before she could rebut the blonde, she paused, taking a breath. Slowly, the brunette's body began to untense, inch by inch until she had eventually attained something vaguely resembling a relaxed posture.

"Sorry." She muttered, making eye contact with Lincoln for only the briefest of moments before turning her attention back to Leni."

"I'm...confused." Said Lincoln, blinking slowly.

"See?" Leni waggled her finger at the black-clad girl. "It's his first day. Go easy on him."

"Well warn me next time!" Fiona growled back. "How was I supposed to know you were going to have a ride along!?"

"I sent you a text!" Leni protested, pouting.

"I didn't get any—" Fiona's retort was abruptly cut off as a chorus of _beeps_ and _boops_ resounded from somewhere on her person. She sighed in annoyance. Lincoln reddened slightly as Fiona tugged at her neckline with one hand, and fished around with the other, producing a phone several moments later. She looked at the screen and sighed again.

"...Reception, apparently." She muttered, angrily shoving the phone back down the frotn of her dress.

"Told ya."

"Shut up, Leni."

* * *

"So...not that I'm complaining, but...are you guys done fighting?" Two sets of eyes turned to Lincoln, blinking in surprise.

"Who's fighting?" Fiona asked, confused. She turned back to Leni. "Are we fighting?"

"Nope." Replied the blonde, who had produced her own phone from...somewhere. "I have you next Sunday."

"Sounds about right. You're bringing those finger sandwiches, right? From that new place downtown?"

"Totes. And some of that chai tea you like."

"You two were fighting!" Lincoln blurted out, trying to establish some semblance of sanity. Much to his frustration, the girls merely exchanged worried glances.

"Is your brother alright, Leni?" Fiona asked, giving Lincoln a sidelong glance. "He seems kinda high strung."

"You attacked us!" Lincoln was surprised to find that he was shouting now. "With fire!"

"I did no such thing!" The older girl replied, crossing her arms indignantly. In place of a retort, Lincoln merely gestured to the second-floor walkway, still burning, albeit faintly, with smoldering, obsidian embers.

"Ooooh! That's so cool, Fiona!" Leni exclaimed, delighted. "They didn't do that before!"

"Yep." The black-clad girl preened proudly. "I figured out how to make my darkfire burn like actual fire."

"So awesome! I bet it really hurts!"

"Well, you'll find out for yourself next Sunday."

"Shot at us!" Lincoln shouted, gesturing emphatically at the flames. "With _fire_!"

There was a brief pause.

"Oooooooh." Both girls intoned in unison.

"I think I see the problem here." Said Fiona.

"Ya huh." Leni nodded in agreement before turning back to Lincoln. "That wasn't an attack, Linky, that's just how magical girls say 'Hi.'"

Another pause. At some point, Lincoln realized that _he_ was supposed to talk now."

"B-but." He stammered, gesturing weakly to the now almost extinguished flames. "Fire."

"Its a really cutthroat field." Fiona interjected, shrugging slightly. "Very toxic social environs."

"Great parties though." Leni added.

* * *

"Okay, okay!" Lincoln shouted, holding up his hands to forestall any further inanity. "You!" He pointed at Fiona, then at Leni. "You two aren't fighting?"

"Nope."

"Uh uh."

"But you're _going_ to fight?" He pressed. Again uncertain glances were exchanged.

"I mean..." Fiona drawled. "I personally wouldn't label it as such."

"Will you be throwing energy blasts at each other?" Lincoln deadpanned.

"Absolutely." Fiona replied.

"Pew pew." Leni added, pointing her wand at Fiona and pantomiming a firing motion. "Sometimes I hit her with my wand too." The blonde gave a demonstrative practice swing with the instrument in question.

Wordlessly, Lincoln flung his hands up in the air. The frustration on his face spoke volumes.

"Linky..." Leni put one reassuring hand on Lincoln's shoulder, and instantly the pale-haired boy's body sagged, all the tension in his body suddenly gone. "We're not _really_ going to fight. Fiona and I are friends."

"More like peers." Fiona interjected.

"Best friends!" Leni continued as if the brunette hadn't said anything. "We're doing that thing...um..." She floundered a bit, searching for the right words. "It's like that thing birdies do."

"Pecking order." Fiona supplied, clearly familiar with the girl's Leni-isms.

"That thing." Leni nodded enthusiastically. "Magical girls are totes competitive, and everyone was always hurting everyone else's feelings. But everyone gets along much better now that we...um..." She held up one hand and surreptitiously pulled off the glove, squinting at her palm. "Adhere to a rigid social hierarchy reinforced by strict meritocracy, and the occasional bout of savage violence."

Lincoln was at a loss for words. "Leni, did you write that on your—"

"Nope!" The blonde abruptly shoved both hands behind her back.

"Right." Lincoln trailed off, trying to reorient his thoughts. "So you're all able to get along because...all of you know who can beat up who?

"There are...other considerations." Fiona replied, her eyes darting back and forth in a manner that seemed uncharacteristically nervous from what little he knew of the girl. "But mostly, yeah."

"That seems kind of extreme." Lincoln opined.

"It's a oppressive system that could only be concocted by one both crazy enough and brutal enough to consistently stand at the top of the pack of sociopaths who need such a system to function" Fiona replied, shrugging. "But you can't argue with the results."

"Huh. I thought I was the one who came up with it." Leni mused stroking her chin thoughtfully.

Lincoln glanced at the brunette, waiting for confirmation of was clearly intended to be a hilarious joke. She met his eyes, but there was no humor in that gaze.

" _Imperius Regina_." Fiona said, softly, nodding at the blonde, still lost in her thoughts.

* * *

Lincoln sighed, reluctantly accepting that there were apparently occasions, however infrequent, when this world full of heroes and villains the the occasional attack by monstrosities beyond the ken of mortals, simply didn't make any sense.

"Fine." He gestured towards the girls. "But you two...aren't fighting."

"No fighting." The girls said in unison.

"Alright then." Logic be damned, if this is what it took to get Leni and him back home without having to go through another terrifying, super powered fight at the mall, he'd take it.

"But I _am_ here to defeat Leni." Fiona added. "And prove myself to be the strongest magical girl once and for all."

Lincoln realized his mouth was open. He tried to muster the willpower to shut it, but he couldn't _quite_ manage. Instead, he turned to Leni, still gaping like a dying fish. To his surprise, the blonde looked more annoyed than anything else.

"But Fiona!" Protested Leni. "I always beat you!" She then looked around, seemingly very disappointed.

The brunette's eye twitched angrily. "I wouldn't say _always_ —"

"Sometimes with my wand." Leni interjected, again giving a demonstrative swing with the weapon in question.

This time, Fiona's entire body twitched. "Leni—"

"I even beat you that time you challenged me on opposite day." Leni barreled onward, heedless of the other girl's mood. "Which was really confusing!"

"Shut up, Leni!" Fiona roared, very much living up to her name. "You _may_ have gotten the upper hand a few times—"

"All of the times." Leni loudly whispered to Lincoln, her voice echoing in the stillness of the long-vacated segment of the mall they were occupying.

"But that was then!" Fiona began to cackle, rubbing her hands together in a very sinister fashion. "And now I have... _this_!"

"Chandler!" Fiona shouted, rounding on the younger boy. "Detonator! Now!"

The red-head's body jerked to life, fishing around in his pockets before finally producing a small device, which he then tossed to Fiona.

"She's right." Said Leni, nodding slowly. "She didn't have that before."

* * *

"Fiona, wait!" Lincoln shouted, waving his arms around, emphatically trying to get the older girl's attention.

" _What_?" She growled, glaring at him. "I'm kind of in the middle of my moment of triumph."

Lincoln flinched, both at the vitriol exuding from the girl, and from the terrifying implications of the thing she was holding. "Look, I get where you're coming from. It sounds like you have every reason to be mad—"

"Irritable." Leni interjected.

" _Regardless_!" Lincoln pressed on, before Leni could make things worse. "You're not going to solve your problems by blowing up the mall!" Much to his surprise, the black-clad girl's face crinkled up in confusion.

"Wait... _what_?" Leni shrieked, looking mournfully at her frenemy. "Fiona, how could you!?"

"Who said anything about blowing up the mall?" Fiona asked, clearly perturbed at the thought. "What, just because I dress like this—" She paused to indicate her form fitting, hip-hugging outfit. "—You think I'm some kind of lunatic?"

Lincoln gestured to the device still clutched in Fiona's hand. Fiona glanced down, irritably, then back to him. Then back down to her hand.

"Oh." She intoned, understanding seemingly dawning upon her. "I was like, 'Chandler! Detonator!' And you thought..." She shook her head, bemused. "I'm not gonna blow up the mall. That would be crazy."

"Oh thank goodness." Lincoln breathed, sagging with relief.

"This is connected to a bunch of breaching charges." Fiona explained. "I'm gonna blow _those_ up."

And there went that all too fleeting sense of relief.

" _Why_?" Lincoln asked, every ounce of his willpower being expended towards keeping his voice at a reasonable level.

"Aw, shoot." Fiona grumbled, drumming her fingers on the detonator, coming distressingly close to activating it. "I didn't think I was gonna get a chance to explain my brilliant plan. I wish I'd prepared something."

"Open with a joke." Leni suggested, flinching at the bewildered looks she received from Lincoln and Fiona. "What? That's what Luan always says."

"...Gonna just ignore that." Fiona remarked, after several moments had passed, turning specifically to address Lincoln, who had pulled Leni into a comforting hug.

"You know about Soulless pods?" She asked the younger boy. Lincoln nodded in affirmation.

"Husks pop up in unexpected places and continue to grow in numbers, that's called a 'pod'." Lincoln recited. "Once the pod gets big enough, they go on a rampage. That's why combat archetypes are all tasked with finding and destroying as many pods as possible before they can get to that point.

"At least you know that much." Fiona replied. "But with a sister like Lori Loud, I guess you'd have to. So we have a system with only two outcomes. One, the pod is destroyed quickly enough and things continue on their merry way. Or two, the pod bursts and we have an outbreak of Husks, which is a really messy and normally requires a coordinated defense effort to fight off. But..." She trailed off, flashing Lincoln a smirk. "What if there was a third outcome?"

"Which would be?" The younger boy prompted.

"A Husk pod forms in a place where nobody can find it. _But_ , also in a place where the Husks are unable to escape from." Came the brunette's response. "The Husks are allowed to build up, undisturbed, but they can never get to that second stage. So, they just keep multiplying. Over and over, in perpetuity." Fiona thrust her hands to the sides, as if to say 'ta dah!'. "Neat, huh?"

The siblings exchanged worried glances. "How could that even happen?" Lincoln asked. "Lori can see through walls and hear for miles. And its not even just her, this city is full of psychics, oracles—"

"Not to mention dedicated patrols using specialized equipment specifically designed for finding Soulless." A familiar voice cut in. It took Lincoln a moment to realize the speaker had been Leni. Looking up at his older sister, he was surprised to find no trace of the blonde's usual ditziness or good humor. Leni was frowning in concern, completely and utterly serious. That was...unnerving.

"Here's the real kicker." Fiona added. "It's here." She stamped one foot on the ground. "Inside the mall" She paused. "Well, more specifically, it's _underneath_ the mall."

"That's impossible!" Leni retorted; the immediacy of her response undercut by the traces of fear those words carried. "This is one of the city's biggest population centers! Even if it were somewhere in the basement, how could something like that go undetected for so long!"

"Because nobody bothers to patrol here for exactly that reason." Explained Fiona. "Why bother? You have tons of eyes and ears all over the place, surely somebody would see _something_." She adopted a knowing smirk. "Here's the problem. When I say 'underground', I don't mean a basement, or even a sub-basement. We're talking way, _way_ down."

"This place isn't exactly a relic, Leni." Fiona gestured to the mall around them. "Pretty much everything in this section of the city was built within living memory, building built on the foundations of older buildings. Before this was a mall, it could have been anything. A vampire's castle, a pharaoh's tomb, a wizard's tower, anything. There's some _really_ crazy stuff down there if you go deep enough."

"Then how did _you_ find it?" The blonde pressed. "What were you doing that deep underneath the mall?"

"I...uh..." Suddenly the brunette seemed to lose a bit of her swagger, her eyes darting back and forth, nervously. "That's not important."

"Does this have something to do with Jackie issuing that challenge to you a while back? And then you disappeared for a week?"

"I said I don't want to talk about it Leni!" Fiona growled, tightening her grip on the detonator.

"Funny, because that's what you said when I asked you back—"

"The _point_ is, I found them!" Fiona roared, waving the detonator at the siblings. "I had the boy blunder over there—" She paused to indicate Chandler. "Rig the room they're trapped in to break open when I trigger this thing. The Husks will swarm out and towards the nearest living things—" Again, she paused to gesture around them. "And I will destroy them all, single-handedly. Thus proving once and for all that I'm the strongest, and therefore _best_ magical girl in the city!" The black glad girl crossed her arms arrogantly and favored Leni with a smug smile. "So what do you have to say to _that_?"

"That's the stupidest plan I've ever heard." Came Leni's immediate reply. There was a beat of silence as two pairs of eyes immediately snapped to the blonde.

"Did..." Fiona began, haltingly, confusion clearly apparent upon her face. "Did Leni Loud just call my plan stupid."

" _Of course not_." Was what Lincoln _wanted_ to say. Leni Loud was the sweetest, kindest person on the planet. She'd _never_ entertain the thought of tearing someone down even to that minor degree. And yet, looking at Leni now, Lincoln couldn't just produce the words. The elder Loud had always worn her heart on her sleeve, and this occasion was no exception, but what he saw written plainly on her face unnerved him to his very core. Fury, far beyond anything he'd ever seen on his sister's normally serene face. And underneath that, terror. Pure, unmitigated terror.

* * *

"Yes, Fiona!" Leni exclaimed, stamping her foot in anger. "This is a very stupid plan! The _stupidest_ plan! You're being stupid, Fiona!"

"I literally don't know how to respond to this." Fiona intoned, turning her cross-eyed gaze to Lincoln. "Help me make words, little boy."

"L-leni…" Lincoln began, tugging worriedly at his sister's dress.

"Not _now_ Lincoln!" Leni snapped, before rounding on the brunette. "There are _people_ here, Fiona!" Leni shouted, swinging her arms around. "It's, like, an all you can eat buffet for Soulless in here!"

"I made them go bye bye first." Fiona insisted.

"They just went to another part of the mall!" Leni shrieked. "They probably think we're having one of those big, stupid superhero fights over here! All the Husks have to do is _go to them_! And if the sub levels are as big as you say they are, they probably don't even have to get past you to do it! Speaking of which..." She jabbed her wand angrily at the brunette. "Have you ever _seen_ how big a fully formed Husk pod is?"

"I feel like you want me to say 'yes'..." Fiona began.

"They're huge!" Leni spread her arms wide, as if to say 'The rampaging horde of monsters was _thiiiiiis big_.' "And you said this one's even bigger! How are you going to stop them all by yourself."

"I-I make fire." Fiona protested, conjuring up a ball of black flame in her hand. She looked down at her hand, inspecting the floating ball of flame. "I make bigger fire." She corrected herself.

"You make big _stupid_!" Leni screamed "The kind of fire you'd need to fight off a horde like that would _burn down the mall_!"

Fiona's body began to tremble visibly. "Did..." She began, haltingly. "Did I really misjudge the situation that badly?"

" _Yes_!" Roared three voices. Lincoln blinked in surprise. Wait, three?

"For the record..." Chandler slurred, rising to his feet, still swaying. "I told her it was a dumb plan from the beginning."

"You did not!" Fiona retorted, rounding on the punch-drunk red-head. "You just started screaming incoherently—"

_SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE_

All four teens winced in unison as a loud, piercing shriek cut through the air, the distinct sound of squealing of rusted metal being torn asunder.

"Y-yeah." Fiona stammered, a moment later. "Kind of like that."

Lincoln opened his mouth, intending to ask the question that was obviously on everyone's mind, when he heard a second sound. It started off faint, but quickly began to grow in volume and intensity. An incessant thumping, the telltale sound of one object being struck against another, but on a grand scale. A veritable symphony of pitter and patter, in inexorable stereo.

"What _is_ that?" Lincoln asked, unable to keep the quavering from his voice.

"H-hypothetically—" Chandler began, and winced, immediately cut off as a low, discordant chorus of moans began to resound from the ground beneath them. "I'd say that sounds an awful lot like a poorly, and inexpertly reinforced door _shattering_ as an impossible number of Soulless finally proved too much for it to take.

The red head took a quick glance at the terrified faces around him. "But that's just a theory" He continued, gulping audibly. "Obviously."


	11. Chapter 11

Lincoln Loud had lived a life that, until recently, had been blissfully free of conflict. There had been the minor things that every child deals with at one point or another; bullies, power tripping teachers, the neighborhood dog that was always giving him the evil eye. But in a world where Soulless were an ever present problem with no end in sight, Lincoln had been one of the rare few who had grown up never needing to experience the terror of being in the middle of a battle between beings far more powerful and dangerous than you could ever hope to be. Looking back, it made his enthusiasm to become a hero feel somewhat misguided. He, a kid who knew nothing of battle, of tribulations, of the cost of heroism, nevertheless still craved them. Demanded them, in stark defiance of his own ignorance. His outing with Lori had been something of an eye opener, a much needed wakeup call as to just how unprepared he was when it came to actual life and death situations, when one was faced with a being who could end your life in an instant, and had no qualms about doing so. Though harrowing, Lincoln had come out of that experience feeling wiser, and more importantly, more aware of his limitations. He'd felt that he was now in a place where knowing his shortcomings meant that he would work through them, overcome them.

In the span of moments that followed Chandler's proclamation, Lincoln Loud quickly went from feeling annoyed, but ultimately amused by the strange and wonderful world he inhabited, to being utterly terrified by it, as a veritable sea of Husks began pouring into the mall from all directions.

Even as the attack began, and mall space previously left empty by Fiona's antics quickly began to fill with moaning, shambling, humanoid monstrosities, and terror began to wrap it's ice cold hands around Lincoln's heart, there was a portion of Lincoln's fear stricken mind that still tried to respond to the battle that was becoming increasingly immanent. He took stock of what combat capabilities were available to their little group (Leni and Fiona's respective arsenals, naturally), and began searching for places in the immediate vicinity where they might best be able to leverage the raw power of the magical girls against their numerically superior, but otherwise relatively frail foes.

And yet, it was all for naught.

As Lincoln began opening his mouth to shout instructions to his companions, the situation abruptly changed once more. One moment he was shuffling backwards, trying to reposition himself closer to Leni, and in the next the horde ramped up from from being oppressive, to overwhelming. The mass of Soulless building around them surged forward, causing the half-formed instructions on the tip of Lincoln's tongue to change into a yelp of terror. Lincoln gaped at the wall of horrors quickly closing the distance, and in that moment, the young boy succumbed to his most craven instincts. Lincoln Loud looked death in the face and blinked, squeezing his eyes shut and turning away.

Lincoln cried out in pain as something swatted him aside, opening his eyes just in time to see the ground rushing up at him. He landed, _hard_ , his small body bouncing several times before finally coming to a stop. Lincoln struggled to his feet, fighting the nausea and dizziness that permeated his brain, parting gifts from his short lived flight. And that was the point where realization set in.

Husks on all sides, as far as the eye could see. And Lincoln in the center, very much alone.

* * *

_Uwooooo_

A chorus of moans shook Lincoln from his terror stricken stupor. _Don't freeze up!_ he admonished himself. _Not again!_ He'd choked during the fight with Whitney, and only come out unscathed because Lori had been there to save him. But she wasn't here this time. This time it was just him, and...

_Leni_

Lincoln glanced around, every ounce of his willpower focused on stifling the urge to scream. Husks, Husks, and more Husks. Far too many, it would seem, for what had suddenly become such a confined area, if the way most of them were mindlessly milling around was any indication. And then, he saw it. An opening.

Steeling his nerves and taking a deep breath, Lincoln began to move, quickly but cautiously, trying not to draw attention to himself. For whatever reason, the Husks in this immediate area seemed disinterested in him. It may have been that having so many in the same area did something to whatever semblance of intelligence they possessed. Conceivably, it also could have been that he was just too puny to bother with. Regardless, there was no guarantee that they would remain passive forever. He needed to find Leni, and then together, maybe they could find a way out of this mess.

From where he'd landed, Lincoln had been able to spy a small gap in the crowd of Soulless. It was far smaller and more intimate than he'd prefer, but he could spy solid, unoccupied ground on the other side, and that was far preferable to his current situation. As he closed in on his destination, Lincoln began to low crawl. It slowed his progress somewhat, but kept him well below the eye line of the average Husk, and while he wasn't actually certain if they _used_ their eyes to see, it still made him feel better about his chances. Out of the corner of his eye he glimpsed a husk stumbling forward, possibly having tripped on something. Reacting as quickly as he could, Lincoln scuttled sideways like a hermit crab, only narrowly avoiding the creature's flailing hands. He paused momentarily, eyeing the collapsed Soulless in case it decided to get back up. Instead, the thing merely stayed prone on the ground, thrashing around, but otherwise making no effort to upright itself. Somehow, that made it all the more disturbing.

Lincoln shook off his revulsion, and continued on, half expecting a gnarled hand to reach out and grab him from behind. Thankfully that never came to pass, but the thought was never very far from his mind. Finally, Lincoln arrived at the particular group of Husks he'd been looking for...only to find that the gap he'd spied earlier was smaller than previously. The reasoning why seemed as obvious as it was unnerving. Husks were still milling into the mall from the sub levels, and _that_ meant that standing room was going to be an increasingly rare commodity.

_Uwooooo_

As if acknowledging his reasoning, the Husks on both sides of the opening began to shuffle towards each other, as if pushed by something. Seeing that his window of escape was quite literally closing, Lincoln threw caution to the wind and ran towards the gap. He slid through the legs of one Husk, before tucking and rolling to avoid the grasping hands of another, breaking out of the roll to leap forward and springboard off another Husk that had fallen to the wayside. In truth, it wasn't all _that_ different from running one of Lynn's obstacle courses, and for the briefest of moments, he was _almost_ enjoying himself.

That abruptly to an end as a pair of disheveled, grasping hands emerged from the throng and reached for him. Reacting on instinct, Lincoln bounded forward, skidding to a stop just before colliding with another Husk. Then, with no other avenues left to him, he threw himself into a cartwheel, propelling himself towards the rapidly closing hole in the crowd. It was extremely sloppy, Lynn would have had his head if she'd seen it, but it served its purpose. Lincoln was able to hold the cartwheel long enough to complete a single rotation, which was all he'd needed. The instant his feet found purchase on the ground once more, Lincoln pushed off and ran as fast as he could, the momentum from the impromptu gymnastics routine giving him just enough speed to slip through the mass of Soulless. The two groups of Soulless collided, slowly and inexorably as the individual Husks that comprised them, but by then Lincoln had made it through. For a moment, Lincoln allowed himself to breathe a sigh of relief, the first proper bit of breathing he'd been able to do in what felt like _forever_.

_Uwooooo_

That relief was distressingly short lived. While Lincoln had managed to finagle his way into an area that was fairly open and free of Soulless for the moment, there were two big problems that could be readily ascertained. The first was that there wasn't anywhere to go from here. Lincoln now found himself in a closed off corner of the mall, adjacent to a store that sold artisanal cinnamon buns, and another that sold frozen yogurt, neither of which were enclosed, and consequently impossible to secure from attack. The other was that at the far end of the corner stood another group of Husks, albeit considerably smaller than the mass he's just left behind. Unfortunately, this group was looking directly at him. And any hope he'd been nursing that they might ignore him was quickly dashed, and the turned to him in unison, and began to shamble forward.

* * *

Instinctively, Lincoln began to skitter backwards—

_Uwooooo_

Only to realize just in the nick of time, that doing so would send him right into the waiting arms of the horde he'd just left. Stopping so abruptly nearly caused him to topple over, which would have almost certainly doomed the young Loud at this point, but Lincoln managed to recover. Still, that didn't leave him many options, and now that at least _some_ of the Husks appeared to be aware of him, his options for escape were rapidly disappearing.

Lincoln started in surprise as a hand wrapped itself around his shoulder. Reflexes kicking in, the boy threw himself forward, hoping to break free, but the grip simply tightened, strong like a vice. That was when his brain clued him in on a very important detail he'd missed in his panicked state. The hand clamped onto his person wasn't coarse and rough, like those of a Husk, but rather warm, and soft. And gloved. Lincoln yelped as he was suddenly yanked backwards, his assailant expertly releasing their hold on him mid-flight so they could instead wrap their arm around him and pull him close, enveloping him in a familiar, and reassuring softness. From his vantage, Lincoln could make out an elegant, viridian rod being thrust past him and towards the nearest group of Soulless.

" _Leni Flash!_ "

A basketball-sized, crackling orb of emerald energy burst forth from the tip of the rod and rocketed towards the Husks. It crashed into the lead Husk with enough force to cause the creature to double over, and for a moment it simply hung there, lodged within the creature's chest. However, Lincoln knew what was coming, and squeezed his eyes shut as tightly as he could.

_BTOOOM!_

And not a second too early. The pale haired boy flinched at the sheer volume of the explosion, so violent was it that even within his self-imposed darkness, Lincoln could still see a brief flash of light. A brief blast of wind buffeting his face clued the boy in that it was safe to open his eyes. Though he'd expected as much, Lincoln still let out a low whistle of awe and surprise as he opened his eyes and saw that the entire group of Husks, easily twenty-or thirty strong only moments ago, had all been incinerated. Nothing left but small piles of ash here and there.

"Magical girls really _are_ hardcore." He muttered to himself as a second arm wrapped around him and gave the boy a bone crushing hug. Glancing upward, he was now staring in to the lovely face of his big sister.

"Don't worry, Linky." Leni announced with a smile. "I'm here to save you." Lincoln certainly _wanted_ to take the proclamation at face value, but it was hard to ignore the fact that her smile, one that, in normal circumstances came so readily to the older girl's face, didn't quite reach her eyes. They couldn't, so full of emotion were those normally lustrous orbs. The last emotion he wanted to see there.

Fear.

* * *

"Hold tight, Linky." Leni murmured. He couldn't actually move his arms, but so tight was the older girl's grip on him, that Lincoln felt reasonably secured regardless. After a quick intake of breath, Leni crouched down ever so slightly and then sprung forward, her soft, slender legs effortless propelling the pair forward until they found themselves in the same dead end that Lincoln had chanced upon earlier. Despite wearing heels, the blonde girl managed to land lightly on her feet, not wavering in the slightest, then in a single motion she set Lincoln upon the ground and pivoted one-hundred and eighty degrees, swinging her rod up in the process and holding it before her.

" _Leni Wall_!" She shouted, causing a translucent dome to spring up around the pair, perhaps ten-feet in diameter. Lincoln's heart caught in his throat as he realized why. By placing them in this corner, Leni had allowed them to secure their rear, eliminating the chance of being attacked from behind. Unfortunately, while absolutely necessary, her little stunt had drawn untoward attention to the siblings and beyond the edges of Leni's barrier, Lincoln could see the horde of Soulless shambling directly towards the pair. It wouldn't be long before the monsters were upon.

"L-leni?" Lincoln asked, desperately trying to keep his voice under control. "How many more times can you do that attack?"

"Enough." She replied, not looking back at him. Nevertheless, Lincoln could see that her arms were trembling. "I...I think." She added, her shoulders slumping ever so slightly.

"B-but don't worry, Linky." She continued. "I promise, I'm going to get you out of here!"

"You mean _we're_ going to get out of here, right?" He asked, reaching up and placing one hand on his big sister's shoulder. He could feel her trembling in his grasp.

"I'll be fine." Came her reply, not actually answering the question. The first of the Husks had reached the edge of the barrier and were pawing at it, sending tiny ripples through its surface. Lincoln couldn't help but notice the way Leni flinched, each time they did so.

"I can take care of myself. It's..." Leni swallowed. "It's harder if I have to protect you to. So I'll make sure you can get away. Then you can get Lori, and she can come and sa— _help_ me." Leni took her rod in both hands and thrust it forward. Immediately, the front of the barrier moved forward a foot or so, knocking the Husks away, before receding back to it's original dimensions.

"Okay." Leni nodded resolutely. "That seems to work." She glanced around looking for something. "There." She pointed, seemingly at random, as far as Lincoln could tell. "If you go that way, it's a straight shot to Reininger's. You can cut through the store and leave the mall directly through there." In spite of everything, Lincoln couldn't help but smile, and shake his head in amusement. Trust Leni to know the mall like the back of her hand.

"I'm going to do that pushing thingy one more time." She continued. "Then I'm going to drop the barrier and fire another blast. As soon as I do, start running. Hopefully it'll clear enough of a path that you can get through. Okay?"

"But Leni—" Lincoln began to protest.

"No buts, Linky!" She snapped back at him. "You're going. End of story! We go on three, okay?"

"But—"

"One!" She shouted, overriding any further protests. "Two—"

**_GWAAAAAAAOR_ **

Leni didn't get to three. A piercing roar cut through the mall, dwarfing the sound of Leni's earlier explosion. Even after it had ended, Lincoln's ears were still ringing. But Leni...Leni had lost all pretense of bravery. The older girl's mouth was agape, her whole body visibly trembling.

"No..." She breathed, the words barely audible, her eyes wide with terror. In the distance, amid the sea of Soulless, a great shadow rose up, the surrounding husks parting in its wake. To say it looked like a Husk would be a great exaggeration, it only resembled the creatures to the extent that a jungle cat might resemble the home-grown variety. There were enough similarities to identify them as being of the same species, but one was clearly the lesser of the two. This being stood twice, if not thrice the height of its fellows, head and shoulders clearly visible above the throng. While it bore the same vaguely human, gnarled look of the lesser creatures, this one was considerably heartier, it's chest broad, its limbs thick and strong with ropy, sinewy muscle. Upon its body, seemingly formed at random, were hard, chitinous plates, clearly the vestiges of some sort of natural-born armor. And finally, in place of a hand, each of its arms ended in a long, scythe-like blade.

Lincoln's mouth went dry as the creature began moving towards them. Powerful, confident strides, carried it across the mall, completely removed from the halting, shambling steps if its lesser brethren. Any Husks that didn't clear its path fast enough were flung aside like so much debris, and clearly with as little consequence, as the creature's gaze never wavered from its destination. Lincoln and his sister. Lincoln shuddered as some half-remembered information began to surface within his brain, school lessons he couldn't be bothered to learn because they seemed so trivial at the time. Something about how, should a Husk survive long enough, there was an infinitesimal chance they they could undergo some kind of mutation, becoming something greater in the process.

"Linky..." Leni whimpered, so consumed with fear that she could barely utter the words. "It's a Corrupted."

And then her barrier winked out of existence.

* * *

Leni Loud had lived a difficult life, though it had started innocuously enough. From a young age, she and Lori had always idolized heroes, the pair of them would sit there in the family living room, eyes glued to the television, staring unblinking as their colorful, smartly dressed idols fought bad people and saved good people. It seemed easy, it seemed fun, and it wasn't long before both girls had promised each other that they too would become heroes. That they would save _everyone_.

Things had started off well enough. Being the older of the pair, Lori's powers had manifested first with the onset of her teenage years. She and Leni had been innocently playing with their little brother, and Lincoln had decided he wanted "upsies." The elder girl acquiesced, taking the boy in both hands, and lifting him up into the air. And then Lincoln had just...kept going, flying out of Lori's grasp and straight up into the air. It was several, panicked moments later that Lori, seemingly acting on instinct, leapt up after the boy, and to the surprise of everyone involved, it worked. The landing was not graceful, Lori couldn't actually fly at the time, but when the dust cleared, there stood Lori, in the middle of the Loud family's brand new crater, holding their little brother tightly in her arms. Safe.

Leni had been inordinately jealous. Lori didn't have any of her really flashy powers, those would come later, at the time she was merely strong and durable, but it meant something. Lori'd had her powers for literally seconds, and the first thing she did was save a life. She'd become a hero without even knowing it, without even making the conscious decision. So ingrained in her personality were the traits that would eventually lead to her becoming one of Royal Wood's most prominent heroes, that she'd chosen her path without even realizing that the question had been asked.

Leni had tried to endure, tried to be happy for her big sister, but it was hard. She's see Lori and her cool new friends going off and doing hero things, and she'd wanted that for herself. She'd tried to be happy for the older girl, even making Lori her first costume.

"Make one for yourself!" Her big sister had insisted. "You're going to get your powers any day now, and then we'll be heroes together! Just like we promised!"

That day would never come, because Leni's archetype was not that of the hero, but that of the magical girl. They were similar enough, on paper at least. Leni got to wear a pretty dress (albeit, one that forced her to accessorize around it, since no matter what she tried she couldn't alter the look of the dress, magical as it was) and fight bad guys, though her methods were considerably more explosive, and prone to causing collateral damage than Lori's. There was a brief period of time when it seemed everything had finally fallen into place. Then she'd met her peers.

Leni didn't know what it was, but something about being a magical girl resulted in most people becoming sociopaths. Maybe it had something to do with how destructive their powers tended to be, though Leni was reasonably certain that _she_ had remained normal in spite of that. Well, normal...ish, at the very least. At any rate, her group had none of the close-knit camaraderie that Lori had with her friends. There was a lot more trash talking, and backstabbing, sometimes of a very literal variety. Things tended to go too far, much more frequently than they had any right to be, and it usually wasn't long before you had magical girls brawling in the streets, usually over some perceived slight. Initially Leni had tried to stay out of it, tried to remain in everyone's good graces, as difficult as it was. But then...people started getting hurt. Normal people, people who easily could have been her parents or her younger siblings, getting caught in the crossfire of a stupid conflict that had nothing to do with them. And that was the point where Leni realized she could no longer stay on the sidelines. Something had to change.

Though she wasn't a violent person by nature, Leni had put that aside, and she'd fought. The battles were hard, taxing, both mentally and physically, but one by one she'd put each and every magical girl in the city in their place. And once she stood at the top, she'd put The Rules in place. Simple things, really, but they'd kept order. They kept people safe. And to accomplish that, all Leni had to do was become the very thing she'd hated. A monster.

The Husks came after. Leni had done _too_ good of a job with her crew, people _knew_ her now. They didn't know the particulars; they'd never seen her smash a girl senseless with her Lovely Rod. They'd never seen that girl wake up hours later, bloodied and battered, and hanging off the edge of a very tall building. They'd never seen Leni give that girl a stern talking to, inform the girl that things were changing, and _she_ needed to start playing by Leni's rules, or...be released from her duties. They'd never seen _any_ of the times that had happened. But they knew the that the other girls all respected Leni. They knew she was _strong_ , and so they came to her for help.

Leni had quickly gained a reputation to rival Lori's without even trying, and that imparted responsibilities upon her. She was now at the forefront of every conflict, her name on the short list of archetypes who were called whenever things got _really_ bad. And things got _really_ bad, _really_ often. Within a few short years, Leni had seen far, far too much. Monsters of all shapes and sizes, some Soulless, others not having that excuse. She'd also seen their victims, heard their dying screams, their curses. Oftentimes it was inevitably, there was nothing that could have been done, or so she'd been told. But there _were_ times, however rare, when she knew in her heart that it was her fault. And she carried that with her.

The one shining point in all that misery had been her little brother. Her Linky. Ever the optimist, ever the brave one. Ever the one person in the whole wide world who could take that misery from her, and put an honest, genuine smile on her face. Lincoln was always the one to comfort her when she was at her lowest, though he'd most likely never known that was the case. Sweet as he was, the boy could be distressingly dim at times. Nevertheless, it was in those moments, when she clung to him for dear life, that she would always renew her vow. She would always protect her Linky, no matter the cost.

...This time, however, the cost seemed rather high. Things had already been looking hopeless, though she'd tried her best to put on a brave face for her brother's sake. Her plan was slapdash, desperate, but it was the best she could come up with. Fiona was gone, having been swept away by the same tide of Soulless that had taken Lincoln from her, leaving everything to Leni. _"As usual._ " Her brain supplied. Regardless, she was fairly confident her plan would have worked. Would have saved Lincoln, if nothing else.

And then the Corrupted had arrived, a monster she'd only fought once before, and fervently prayed on a nightly basis ever since that she would never have the misfortune to encounter another. And then, exhausted, spent from her earlier efforts, her strength had finally failed her. And then, at last, she had failed Lincoln. A perfectly terrible end to a perfectly terrible career.

Leni sagged to the ground, no longer capable of standing. Inside she _raged_ , demanding that her body pick itself up once more and _fight_! If not for her, then for her little brother. But the flesh was far weaker than the spirit, and her calls came unheeded. She didn't even have the strength to cry.

Leni felt movement behind her, limbs instinctively tensing before immediately flagging once more. But she knew in her heart it wasn't Soulless. She knew the touch that gently laid itself upon upon her person.

"Stay...back...Linky." She rasped.

* * *

Lincoln laid his hand upon his sister's shoulder in a manner he desperately _hoped_ was comforting. Leni looked diminished, sickly, in no condition to fight the seemingly endless horde that stretched out before them. Not that he was much better, he couldn't stop shaking. He was weak, so much so that on most days, he would say with absolute certainty that even at their worst, there was no scenario where he could seem strong in comparison to any of his sisters. But apparently that was a bit of an exaggeration. Right now, for the first time in his life, Leni needed him. He stopped, starting in surprise as a dainty hand snaked out and clasped his own in the midst of his passing.

"Stay...back...Linky." Leni rasped. She was trembling, not from fear, but from exertion. She was trying as hard as she could to stand back up, and there was a part of him that wanted to let her. To resume hiding behind his big sister while she took care of everything. But he knew in his heart that it wasn't going to happen this time. For once in his life, Leni needed _him_ to be strong for _her_.

"It's okay, Leni." He heard himself saying.

"No!" She insisted, her voice still horse. "I can do this!" Lincoln tried to pull his hand away, but he couldn't. Diminished though she may have been, Leni's grip was like steel.

"Not this time, Leni." He declared, his voice _sounding_ far braver than he actually felt. 'This time, I'm saving you!" That was when he felt it, a... connection, a lifeline between himself and his sister. He could _feel_ Leni, not just the physical sensation of her hand against his, but Leni herself. Her...essence, her warmth. He vaguely recognized this as the same phenomenon that had taken place when he was with Lori, but somehow...different. Back then it had all been mechanical, he'd instinctively given... _something_ to Lori, and that had given her the strength she needed to save the day. This time he was actually experiencing the connection in full, he could _feel_ everything that Leni was, including...her power. He extended these strange new senses of his, exploring the sensation. He didn't remember what Lori had felt like, but Leni was _strong_. At this moment, it was her body that was weak. If not for the limitations of her shapely, fleshy existence, Lincoln suspected his sister would have no trouble blowing away every last Husk here. Up to and including the big, scary looking one, which was only getting bigger and scarier ad it marched towards them.

Leni didn't need more power, she needed breathing room, she needed a chance to pull herself together so she could get back in the fight. And that was when it hit him. Maybe...just maybe, if he could use this connection to _give_ someone power, that same connection could also be used to _take_ power. Just a bit, just enough to hold the line.

"L-linky?" Leni asked, her voice wavering, uncertain as Lincoln's new senses reached out, unbidden, and began to... _tug_ , on their connection. "Linky? This feels weird! What's going on?"

Lincoln couldn't answer that question, his body was working on autopilot, acquiring the tiny sliver of Leni's essence, a small, glowing ball of light, and pulling it back into himself. As it reached its destination, a phrase manifested within his mind, demanding to be spoken.

"Genre Shift." Said Lincoln, and then his world went white.

* * *

Leni squeaked in surprise as her little brother exploded, a supernova of pure white light erupting from his small frame, very nearly blinding her with its intensity.

"Lincoln!" She shrieked, blinking rapidly, trying to restore her sight. Then, from the light, emerged a figure. One she was intimately familiar with. A younger, more naive Leni, yet to have been broken of her innocence, had often imagined this person. She'd doodled pictures of him in the margins of her clothing designs, fantasized about the adventures she might have with him. She'd dreamt of him visiting her, steeling away into her room in the dead of night. Visits which grew increasingly frequent and...decidedly more involved, as she grew older.

He was immaculately dressed in a form fitting, black tuxedo, a long, red lined cape adorning his shoulders. Unnecessary, some might say, but she would vehemently disagree, as the sound of the flowing mantle flapping in the wind was what announced his presence. It was a calling card, of sorts, one which reassured the girl that he was near, and he would keep her safe. His steely, smoldering, penetrating gaze, was only barely contained by a white domino mask, again entirely necessary for... _reasons_ , and atop his pure, white, hair rested...top hat. Because it totes pulled the look together, of course. Yes, she knew this person very well, for he was quite literally the man of her dreams.

"Tuxedo Linky!" She breathed, barely able to enunciate the words, so heavy and excited was the beating of her heart.

At the sound of her voice, her hero spun around. He was…shorter, than she'd always envisioned, but his cape flapped so gallantly as he did so. He came to an abrupt stop, looking every bit the dashing rescuer, she'd always imagined, height notwithstanding.

"Who?" Came the confused voice of her little brother.


	12. Chapter 12

"Leni?" Lincoln queried as he looked himself over. "What the heck am I wearing?" Before she could reply, the blonde's expression of delight abruptly changed to one of distress.

"Look out behind you, Tuxedo Linky!" She shouted, jerking one arm towards him. She needn't have bothered; Lincoln was already aware of the oncoming danger.

He still wasn't sure what it was, exactly, that had happened to him, but one thing that had immediately become apparent was that his senses seemed to have been greatly enhanced. Sight, smell, hearing; Lincoln's brain was processing an innumerable number of environmental data points he'd been incapable of perceiving previously, leaving him acutely aware of his surroundings. Such as, for example, the staggered, heavy foot-falls approaching from behind. In a single motion, Lincoln stepped forward, lifted his sister into a bridal carry, and sprung forward. The leap wasn't as impressive as anything he'd seen Lori perform, or even the similar feat he'd seen Leni perform only a few minutes earlier, but sailing into the air as easily as he had seemed remarkable for a boy who had been mired in mundanity all his life. He felt lighter, more agile, and as he touched down only a few feet away, gently placing Leni down upon the ground once more as he spun around to face his foes, it occurred to him that carrying the older girl as he did hadn't slowed him down in the least.

As thrilling as that bit of demonstration of physical prowess was, however, he now found himself facing three Husks. He'd managed to put some distance between them, but the monsters pressed forward, completely unphased by his stunt.

"Now what?" Lincoln rhetorically muttered to himself, not entirely sure how he was actually supposed to _deal_ with the threat. Fortunately, his body seemed to know what it was doing. Following his instincts Lincoln gestured with his left hand, in a manner not too dissimilar from that of a stage magician, causing a small, black cylinder to fall out of his sleeve and into hand. Giving the item a little flourish caused it to expand, greatly increasing in size, and before his eyes the tiny accoutrement quickly transformed into...a cane?

"The heck?" Lincoln uttered, dumbfounded, as he looked over the new accessory. No mere walking stick, but rather a dress cane, the type one carried with the intention of making an impression. About three feet in length, made of solid, black, lacquered wood, and topped with a stylized, curved, silver grip for a head, it certainly looked impressive. However, what it did _not_ look like, was a weapon.

"Linky!" Leni's cry of alarm pulled drew Lincoln's attention to the fact that a battle was incipient, but to his surprise he found that he was already mid-response. Lincoln went low, ducking under the outstretched arms of the nearest Husk, one part of his brain nothing that the creature seemed to be moving far slower than he was used to. In the midst of his evasion, Lincoln gave the cane an artful twirl and thrust forward with it. To his surprise, the tip of punched straight through the body of his foe, as easily as if he'd been wielding a sword, rather than a simple length of wood. Sensing that a second Husk was upon him, Lincoln whirled around and swung the cane horizontally, carving a deep gash in the creature's chest cavity. Finally, he lashed out with one leg, sweeping it along the ground, and grunting in satisfaction as he felt it connect with and up-end the third husk. As the monster toppled over, Lincoln quickly closed the distance, gripped the cane by its head with both hands, and stabbed downward, shiskabobing the creature before hit the ground. One heartbeat later, all three Husks dissolved to ash in unison.

"Wow." He quietly exclaimed as he inspected the cane once more. "Apparently I was wrong. You _are_ a weapon. Kind of."

"And it totes matches your outfit!" Leni called out from where he'd left her.

_Uwooooo_

A chorus of moans served as a reminder that the battle wasn't over. Looking up from his examination, Lincoln could see that a fresh group of Husks were shambling forward, eager to take the place of their fallen brethren.

"Alright..." He muttered to himself as he gently pulled his cape forward and reached inside it. "What else do you have for me?" Finding something solid, Lincoln pulled it forth with a small flourish, producing a single red rose.

"Oh Linky! You shouldn't have!"

"You have _got_ to be kidding me!" Lincoln growled, ignoring his swooning sister as glared down at the clearly insolent suit. He could grudgingly get behind the cane. After all, once you got past its posh appearance, it _was_ a nice, hard length of solid wood, perfect for the application of blunt force trauma. But there was no possible way that a _flower_ of all things—

_Uwooooo_

Without thinking, Lincoln gave the rose a little twirl and flung it at the nearest Husk, stem first. To his surprise, it punched straight through the creature, and three more standing beside it, each dissolving to ash as the deceptive little projectile passed through their bodies.

"I stand corrected." He grumbled, reaching back into his pocket and this time producing a fist full of roses.

"Throw them over here, Linky!" Leni called to him, waiving her arms around and trying to get his attention.

"They're _weapons_ , Leni!" He called back. "Apparently!"

"I don't care! It's not fair that they get flowers and I don't! Gimme!"

Lincoln shook his head in bemusement, carefully took aim, and let fly with the improvised projectiles. Some of them struck true, shredding the unlucky recipients of his gift as the previous one had, but several of them veered wildly off course. To his surprise, rather than missing the mark entirely those errant roses instead ended up ricocheting off whatever surfaces they landed on, sending them flying right back at the horde from entirely new angles. Moments later, a score of husks fell to pieces, dissolving into ash before they could hit the ground. But however impressive that little display had been, it only subtracted a relatively minor amount from the greater mob that continued to stagger towards him, rapidly consuming the remaining distance between them.

"Flowers should _not_ be this deadly." Lincoln grumbled to himself, withdrawing another rose from his cape. Rather than fling this one, however, he flipped it around and grasped it in one hand, petals up, his cane in the other. Thus armed, he charged into the Husks.

Lincoln descended upon the Soulless like a sharply dressed whirlwind, cane and rose lashing out independently of one another in a display of ambidexterity he'd never known himself capable of. Any Husks who ventured too close to the tuxedoed dervish quickly found themselves cut down in short succession. Moments later, Lincoln found himself clear of foes in his immediate vicinity, and after a brief bit of contemplation, he bounded towards the next group, pressing the attack. Lincoln raise his cane high, intending to sweep his newest foe off its feet, but a brief flash of insight implored the boy to stay his hand. Instead, he spun around, keeping his center of gravity low, tucking his cane against his body while punching his other hand upward—

_CLANG_

Causing a wholly inappropriate, metallic clash to ring out as supernatural rose met the withered, claw-like fingers of the Husk that had been creeping up behind him. With a grunt of exertion, Lincoln shoved the creature with his rose hand, causing it to reel backwards, suddenly unbalanced. Then, without hesitation he delivered the _coup de grace_ , thrusting his cane into the monster's core. As soon as the Husk began to stiffen, signaling that its semblance of life had come to an end, Lincoln drove his rose backwards, plunging it stem-deep into the Husk he had originally planned to engage, following up the attack with another thrust of his cane for good measure. Withdrawing his weapons from where they were lodged within the creature, giving each a satisfied twirl, Lincoln marveled at his ashen coated surroundings, marveling at the havoc he had wrought. Time flowed in pitched combat, but it couldn't have been all that long ago that he had been a scared, helpless civilian, bystander in all but name, creeping amidst the monsters whose remains were now strewn about his feet. Now he wasn't just holding his own.

He was _winning_.

"I wonder if this is how Lori feels?" Lincoln mused to himself, readying himself the next wave. His blood surged, adrenaline pumping through every fiber of his beeing. He felt _invincible_. He felt _unstoppable_. He felt—

" _DODGE!_ " Screamed every one of his enhanced senses. Lincoln dove sideways, so strong was the feeling of impending danger that he didn't particularly care where he landed.

_KA-THOOM_

Lincoln managed to turn his dive into an impromptu shoulder roll, coming up weapons ready...only to see the space he'd been previously occupying only moments earlier now occupied by an enormous blade, the very ground he'd been standing upon split in twain.

**_GWAAAAAAAOR_ **

Oh...right. Lincoln gulped, feeling considerably less enthusiastic about his prospects now. He'd forgotten about the big one.

* * *

"Okay..." Lincoln muttered to himself as the Corrupted pulled back its bladed arm. As if by some unspoken signal, a new group of Husks shambled forward and formed ranks around the creature. That small bit of observable cohesion was strangely unnerving.

"It's fine." He continued, trying to reassure himself. "You just have to take down the thing that gave _Leni_ , of all people, the shakes. And that'll be a piece of cake, seeing as you're armed with..." He held up his rose, frowning dubiously at it. Yes, these strange plants the came with his outfit were surprisingly deadly, but Husks were barely held together by whatever strange force had animated them. The Corrupted was distressingly hearty by comparison, and he had a sinking suspicion that throwing roses at the terrifyingly large, armored creature, would play out—

With a flick of his wrist, Lincoln sent the rose flying towards the Corrupted, where it proceeded to land squarely on an unarmored patch of the creature's chest, sinking deeply into it's rotting flesh, and...proceeded to do nothing more. The monster didn't even seem to react to the attack. So yeah, apparently it would play out _exactly_ like throwing roses at a terrifyingly large, armored creature. Clearly, a different approach was needed. Especially because the newly reformed mob was making their way towards him, considerably faster than the previous one had been, the Corrupted trailing only slightly behind, its slower strides made up for by how much ground it's inhumanly long legs could cover.

"Yeah, that went about as well as I thought it would." Lincoln grumble, as he began fumbling with his cape. "Come on, there has to be something in here with a little more...punch?" After a moment of fishing around in his cape, Lincoln had found something that felt considerably bulkier than what the garment had been producing this far. Buoyed by the fact that, whatever it was, it _definitely_ felt a lot heftier than another rose, Lincoln gave the mysterious object a good yank, pulling forth with a dramatic flourish.

"...You have _got_ to be kidding me." Lincoln uttered, dumbfounded as he beheld his newest armament. He's been correct, it _was_ heftier than a rose. What Lincoln now held in his hands was a _dozen_ roses, all bundled together in an artful bouquet. The pale haired boy took a deep breath, intending to vent his frustrations as vocally as possible...when his ears clued him in on one very important detail he'd managed to overlook. The bouquet was _ticking_.

"S-hoot." Lincoln stammered, instinctively raising his arm to fling the bundle as far away as possible, only managing to stop himself at he very last second. It occurred to him, that there was a more elegant solution to this conundrum.

" _Tuxedo Bomber!_ " Lincoln shouted, tossing the bouquet to the Husk at the front of the pack. There was a brief, borderline comedic moment in which the shambling horror caught the item in its hands and paused, staring down at it, confused, in a manner which seemed _almost_ human-like. Lincoln didn't have time to appreciate the strange occurance, however, as the tuxedo-clad boy was already diving to safety.

**_KABOOM!_ **

True to Lincoln's hastily thought up attack name, the bouquet exploded, the Husk and everything in its immediate vicinity being consumed by fire, smoke, and oddly enough, the pleasant smell of freshly cut flowers.

Lincoln stood on the balls of his feet, warily watching the thick, black cloud of smoke that had enveloped the group of monsters for any signs of life. Hoping that the rather sizeable explosion had been sufficient to revolve the fight.

**_GWAAAAAAAOR_ **

A hope which was immediately dashed as a familiar looking blade emerged from the smoke, cutting a wide, horizontal swathe with Lincoln directly in its path. He charged forward, sliding under the blade and while bringing his own weapon to bear. Between its own, natural dissipation, and the gust of wind that was created by the creature's attack, Lincoln could clearly make out the shape of the Corrupted, still recovering from the toll of its swing. It was distressing that the monster seemed no worse for wear despite having been right in the thick of the explosion, but Lincoln tried to focus on the positive's. The Corrupted's retinue was nowhere to be seen, which meant that his odds were now...well, not evened, so much as significantly less lopsided. But still.

Gauging the distance between him and his foe, Lincoln sprung to his feet and launched himself forward, picking the nearest expanse of uncovered flesh as his target, and, taking his cane in both hands, drove it as hard as he could into the creature. There was resistance this time, but between his momentum and a strength born of desperation, Lincoln managed to bury his weapon all the way to the gripping point.

Silence, one moment stretching into two, then another, seconds rolling by, quickly outpaced by the hammering of Lincoln's heart as the sole male Loud silently prayed that the monster would fall just like the others had. That it's rotted flesh would dissolve to ash, bringing the fight to a close. However, no such thing happened. Lincoln raised his trembling head skyward and saw the Corrupted staring down at him. The Corrupted, like its Husk brethren, didn't have a face capable of producing expression, so worn and rotted was its flesh. Nevertheless, Lincoln _felt_ like the creature was leering at him. Enjoying the way Lincoln's shoulders sagged, all hope rapidly as his combat high crashed, and the fatigue from his previous engagements finally caught up with him. Lincoln tugged at his cane but it was held fast, trapped within his foe. Another setback to throw onto the pile.

The Corrupted raised one bladed arm, slowly, as if savoring the moment, and try as he might, Lincoln couldn't will his legs to carry him to safety.

* * *

Lincoln watched helplessly as the Corrupted prepared to strike, desperately willing his deadened legs to move. He wasn't even certain what he'd do if he could get away. His roses had proven ineffective, and his last, desperate attack had robbed him of the one weapon that seemed to have _any_ effect on the creature, however minute it was. All he knew was that he couldn't give up. Not here, not now.

It became _significantly_ harder to hold to those convictions as the Corrupted took a lumbering step backwards while simultaneously letting fly with it's blade, the creature's natural weapon plunging downward at the would-be hero, impossibly fast and entirely too heavy and sharp for Lincoln's tastes.

And then...the creature stumbled, it's blade wavering, flailing widely off course at the Corrupted fought to right itself.

"Linky! Get out of there!"

Strength returned to Lincoln's limbs, and he didn't hesitate to heed the voice's advice, springing backwards and out of the reach of the monster's attacks. As he did so, he caught sight of a familiar, viridian-clad girl clinging to the creature's back.

"Leave my brother alone!" He heard his big sister snarl as Leni drove her rod against the creature's neck. " _Leni Flash!_ "

The world momentarily blinked out of existence, everything going green as Leni's attack detonated against the Corrupted at point blank range, a sphere of emerald energy erupting from the point of detonation. Lincoln furiously rubbed his eyes, willing his vision to to return. Eventually it did, resulting in mixed feelings. One the one hand, the Corrupted was still standing...metaphorically speaking. The creature had fallen to its knees, looking frustratingly whole. At the same time, however, it was clearly having trouble moving. It looked _hurt_. More worrying was that Leni was nowhere to be se—

"Linkycatchme!"

Lincoln's body moved without conscious thought, backing up a few steps and holding out his arms. An instant later a shapely blonde female form plummeted out of the sky, directly into his gasp.

"Hey there, Leni." He said, smiling at the beautiful blonde bundle in his arms.

"Hello, Linky." She replied, her voice weak with exhaustion. "Can we go home now?"

* * *

"'Fraid not, Leni." Lincoln replied, unable to keep the annoyance from his voice as he gently put the older girl on the ground and helped her to her feet.

"Uuuugh!" Leni groaned, as she glimpsed the downed corrupted, still trying to stand up. "I put everything I had into that attack! How is it still not dead?"

She looked down at him, and Lincoln could see a bit of that fear begin to creep back onto her face, the bravado she'd displayed only moments earlier quickly draining away. "I'm not..sure what else we can do, Linky." She murmured, flinching as a low growl began to emit from the still struggling creature.

"I...think I have an idea." Lincoln offered, hesitantly. "But you're going to have to trust me."

"Of course." Leni _immediately_ replied, without an ounce of hesitation. "What do you need me to do?"

"Hold out your wand, aim it right at the Corrupted." Lincoln instructed. Leni complied, wincing as she took her wand in both hands, and raised her trembling arms towards the creature.

"Now what?" She asked, clearly trusting, but still uncertain.

"You're going to hit it with everything you have." Said Lincoln. "Again."

"But Linky!" Leni protested, craning her head around to look at him. "I already told you! I've got nothing left!"

"Not yet." Lincoln stepped behind the older girl and wrapped his arms around her slender midsection, holding her tightly. "Give me a minute."

"Linky!" Leni protested weakly, blushing bright red. "This really isn't the time for... _oh!_ "

Once more, Lincoln reached out with that strange new sense of his and found his connection with Leni. As he had with Lori previously, the pale haired boy began pumping energy into his big sister, giving her every ounce of energy he still possessed. And much to his amazement, more besides. Considerably more than he'd borrowed from her earlier.

"L-Linky!" Leni squeaked as power began to flow through their connection. "What's happening? It feels weird!"

"Do you want me to stop?"

"I-I didn't say that!" Leni quickly replied. "It just... _oooh_ ".

Lincoln couldn't get a good look at the blonde's face from his current vantage, seeing as she'd turned her attention back to the corrupted, but her entire body began to tremble. What he could see was the crackling sphere of energy that began to form at the tip of her rod. It started off slow, but slowly began to grow in size.

"You've got this, Leni." He said, giving the girl what he thought was a reassuring squeeze. Unfortunately, it just seemed to make things worse, as her trembling became more violent and erratic.

"Linky...I can't!" Leni groaned, her whole-body shuddering. "It's too big!"

"You can do it, Leni!" Said, Lincoln, trying to soothe her. "Just take it slow."

"But there's so much!" Leni let out a squeak, and the sphere of energy abruptly quadrupled in size, far bigger than what he'd seen her put out previously.

"You're almost there, Leni!" Lincoln called to her. "Just a little bit more!"

"It's gonna split me in half!" She wailed, nevertheless planting her feet, gripping her wand even more tightly than before as the orb continued to expand.

"Almost..." Lincoln grunted, feeling like he was reaching the end of his reserves. "And... _now_!" He shouted holding Leni as tightly as he could. "Let it fly, Leni!"

The older girl exhaled deeply. " _Leni..._ " She took a long, shuddering breath. " _BEAM!"_

* * *

An educated guess had allowed Lincoln to predict the _enormous_ beam of energy that erupted from the magical girl's wand. He still marveled at just how tremendous, and majestic the resulting blast was, unable to believe how explosive the end result had actually been.

" _EEEEEEEEEEEEEP!_

Nor had he predicted how much recoil the blast would have. The blast sent both Louds flying backwards, Lincoln clinging to Leni for dear life, who in turn did her best to hold onto the very wand responsible for their current flight, both siblings voices melding into a singular scream of terror. Lincoln felt, just as much as he heard the eventual _CRUNCHING_ noise as their flight was abruptly stopped by him colliding into a surface that was able to inhibit their propulsion. Which carried the unfortunate necessity of such a surface being thick, and very painful to collide with. An instant later Leni collided into him from the front. And as he lay there, trapped between whatever immovable object had stopped him, and his sister's shapely backside being driven into his extremely distressed front side at an extremely high velocity, he was at least able to take comfort in the fact that he had managed to spare Leni the pain of his own collision. Lincoln lay there for an indeterminate amount of time, his tortured body doing its best to hold into his still spasming sister. After what seemed like an eternity, Leni's body finally went limp, slumping into his embrace, and shortly after, the pair began to slide to the ground, no longer being held up by the force of Leni's magical blast. Hesitantly, Lincoln leaned peered around his still trembling sister.

The Corrupted was gone, nothing he could see even hinting at the creature's existence, which had been extremely provable only a few minutes earlier. The Husks were also gone, at least all the ones he'd been able to glimpse prior to enacting his plan. Also...the mall was gone. Or at least, the segment that had been unfortunate to be standing on the other side of the Corrupted. A large, section of the Mall simply ceased to exist now, giving a clear view of the bright, blue sky outside, looking strangely out of place amidst the crumbling remains of Mall that remained to either side of the new, gaping hole in the structure.

"Holy shamoley, Leni!" Lincoln exclaimed, staring in awe at his sister, now slumped over, breathing heavily from exhaustion. "That was _amazing_!"

Leni managed, with some effort, to lift up her head. She squirmed, with some difficulty, and managed reorient herself so that she was facing him.

"No, Linky." She rasped, wrapping her arms around the boy and pulling him close. "You're amazing." Suddenly, she pushed him away and gave him a stern look. "But you need to warn a girl before you want to do something weird with her."

"I'm sorry." Lincoln quickly replied. He wasn't sure what he was apologizing for, but something told him is was very important that he did so. Apparently, he made the right call, as Leni instantly adopted her usual, radiant smile, and pulled him close again, her hug now vaguely resembling the bone-crushing variety that she normally doled out. There was something comforting about that.

"Should we go look for Fiona and Chandler?" He asked, his voice muffled by his face being firmly lodged in Leni's cleavage.

"Nope." Came her immediate reply, not loosening her hold on him. "Fiona's too stupid to die. She'll be fine."

"And besides." She added, momentarily freeing him so she could plant a quick kiss on his cheek. "I wanna relax a little, just the two of us."

"Fine by me—" Lincoln began replying.

**_CRASH!_ **

The _instant_ the words were out of his mouth, sound of concrete being pulverized rang out throughout the ruined section of the mall. Lincoln squirmed in Leni's grasp, trying to peer over his sister's shoulder, worried about what he might find.

"Lincoln!" Lori shrieked, hovering above the ash-riddled mall debris, frantically looking to and fro. "Leni!? Answer me!"

"Dang it." Leni grumbled, giving Lincoln one-last squeeze.

* * *

"How did she even find us?" Leni muttered, shooting a look at the caped super-heroine. "And why _now_?"

"Super Sister Sense." Lincoln replied. "I think."

Leni looked at him doubtfully. "Is that really a thing?" Lincoln could only shrug in response.

"It's honestly kind of hard to—" Again, Lincoln was cut off as a white and blonde blur scooped him out of Leni's grasp and into the air.

"Hey!" The magical girl shouted. Unfortunately for her, those calls went unheeded.

"Lincoln!" The boy in question winced was his face was peppered by super strong kisses. "Lori!" He croaked in protest. Flinching in pain. It was a testament to how distressed Lori had been that she'd lost even that much control, normally the eldest Loud sibling was extremely composed, even under the direst of situations.

"Sorry little brother." Lori chuckled in embarrassment, loosening her grip on Lincoln and holding him at arm's length. "I'm just so relieved that you're..." She trailed off, staring ad him blankly, her eyes going unfocused.

"Uh, Lori?" Lincoln asked, waving his hand in front of the older girl's face. No response. Weird. What could she be—OH! That was when it hit him, he was still wearing that stupid costume. "Listen, I can explain—"

"Buh." The heroine suddenly uttered, loudly and dumbly. "Buh. Buh." Lincoln frowned, concerned, this was getting weird.

"Lori!" A gust of wind announced the presence of another superheroine as Carol Pingrey descended from on high. "I heard you screaming. I take it you found..." History repeated itself as the new arrival took one look at him and immediately adopted the same expression as Lori.

"Carol?" Lincoln asked, now very worried.

"Buh. Buh. Buh." Both blondes uttered in unison.

Lincoln tried to free himself from Lori's grasp, but that proved futile. Even slackjawed as she was, the girl had a grip like a steel trap.

"Leni!" Lincoln called out, looking down at his other sister, still slumped on the ground. "Something's wrong with Lori!" He paused. "And Carol, I think. What do we do?"

"We need to change you back!" Leni called back, visibly sighing in annoyance. "And fast."


	13. Chapter 13

A muted sense of excitement and trepidation filled Ronnie Anne's chest as the shrill siren of her alarm clock pulled her from her sleep.

Only after she yawned and stretched her arms, listening to her shoulders pop, did she open her eyes. It was still dark. Grumbling, she got out of bed and pulled up the blinds, flooding her room with the pleasant sunrise. In spite of herself, she cracked a small smile; it looked like it was shaping up to be a beautiful day.

"Almost a shame I'm going to be spending most of it inside a school."

Eh. She'd live.

She went to the bathroom and took a quick shower, brushed her teeth, combed her raven hair, and then tied it in her signature long ponytail. She rushed back to her room to get into her hoodie and the rest of her get-up, and just as she began pulling her stockings over her feet, her mother burst into her room.

" _¡Mija!_ "

Ronnie Anne shrieked, surprised, and fell over on the ground.

"What is it? What's wrong?!"

"Nothing, nothing. Just smile for the camera."

"The wha-"

There was an explosion of light, and Ronnie Anne went temporarily blind.

She muttered words under her breath that would've gotten her _la chancla_ if her mother had heard. When she was done rubbing her teary eyes, she saw the camera in her mother's hands.

"Is that _Tia_ Frida's camera?"

"She couldn't be here to take pictures of you," Maria explained, "so she sent over her camera and insisted I do it."

"Why couldn't you just take pictures on your phone and send them to her?"

"I said that, and she gasped. _'My precious niece is going to a good school and you want to remember that with a blurry phone picture?!'_ Then she became overwhelmed with emotion and started crying."

Both mother and daughter laughed.

"But now that the pictures are out of the way," said Maria, "I also wanted to check up on you. How are you feeling? Excited? Nervous?"

A blush crept on Ronnie Anne's freckled cheeks. Her smile flickered gently, and she looked down to the ground.

"A...a little bit of both," she admitted.

Her mother nodded. "I'd imagine that's a normal response."

Her words made Ronnie Anne flinch.

 _I'd imagine._ Not _I'd know_ or _That's how I felt._ It was a striking reminder that what she was doing, going to Archetype Academy, was something new to this family. Neither her mother nor her brother were as fortunate as her, to have people put everything on the line to give her a leg up in this world, to help her unlock her true potential.

The weight of the responsibility she had towards both of them felt crushing on her slim shoulders.

_But it's more proof that I should just suck it up and stop being such a nervous little baby._

Her eyes hardened; her expression firmed. She lifted herself up and straightened herself, then went to her mother.

"But I can deal with it," she said, giving Maria a small smile. "And...thank you. For everything."

Maria returned the smile and bent down to hug her daughter.

"Bobby should be waiting for you outside," she whispered in Ronnie Anne's ear. "Don't keep him waiting too long, he has a morning shift to get to."

"I won't. I promise."

After breaking the hug and patting her on the head, her mother left her to finish getting dressed. Ronnie Anne quickly threw her socks and shoes on, slipped on her backpack, and reached for her phone…

It turned on, and her wallpaper photo of her, Sid, and Lincoln flashed before her eyes.

When her eyes met Lincoln's photographed pupils, every organ in her body decided to jump and down.

It wasn't out of disgust...nor pleasure...but some confusing mix of both. It felt strange looking at him; he seemed so innocent and dorky, with a dumb little smile, soft cheeks, and a cowlick sticking out of his hair. He looked like a Lame-O, her Lame-O…

But the Index doesn't lie. It had told her what he really was, deep down.

"A wolf in sheep's clothing," she murmured.

Suddenly, his smile didn't seem so innocent.

Ronnie Anne viciously shook her head, her ponytail flailing from side to side. She turned off her phone and angrily stuffed it into her pocket.

"Gotta change that wallpaper," she growled. "Put that pervy loser out of mind, Ronnie Anne. It's your big day. Just pretend he doesn't exist."

With that said and done, she went outside and got in the car, where Bobby was waiting.

"Ready for your first day of school, Ni Ni?" he asked.

Ronnie Anne buckled in her seat-belt and flashed her brother a smile.

"Yeah. Let's do this thing."

* * *

About forty minutes later, Ronnie Anne waved her brother off as he drove to the first of his many jobs. Ronnie Anne was never sure how many he had, which told her it was too many. She had long suspected that Bobby had latent Archetype abilities that allowed him to work so many shifts without breaking too much of a sweat, but which Archetype that could be, she couldn't guess.

_If only he could have had a chance to get sorted by the Index._

Her thoughts were interrupted by a high-pitched squeal of "Ronnie Anne!" Before she could turn, she felt someone collide into her, knock her to the ground, and wrap their arms around her. Anyone else would've screamed or fought back, but Ronnie Anne was used to this treatment.

"Good morning, Sid," she said, her voice muffled by the grass her face was pressed against.

"Good morning!" cheerfully exclaimed Sid. Once she had her fill of nuzzles, she got up and helped her best friend off the ground. Ronnie Anne wiped some of the dirt and grass of her face, and watched Sid bouncing in place.

"Are you alright?"

"Sorry, it's just...it's our first day at Archetype Academy! And I also had a lot of sugar last night, and I don't think my high has worn off yet."

"Are you sure it was sugar?" muttered Ronnie Anne sardonically.

"Oh, I'm sure." Sid nodded. "Cakes and cookies and ice cream and all."

"Why were you eating all that?"

"Some kid had a birthday party at the zoo but their parents over-ordered, so me and Adelaide had to eat whatever they didn't."

Ronnie Anne looked mortified. "Your parents made you eat it all?"

"No, they _let_ us. And by let us, I mean they put it somewhere where it was easy for us to reach."

"Please don't let me it was-"

"The dumpster. Yes, it was the dumpster," said Sid with a nod, obviously very proud of herself.

Ronnie Anne wanted to chastise her, but she knew her words would fall upon deaf ears. So instead, she forced a smile. "At least you're putting those Ninja skills to use," she said through grit teeth.

"Not Ninja skills. _Assassin_ skills. Remember, I'm an Assassin."

It was true; during the Ceremony, Sid had shocked the crowd when the Index announced that she was an Assassin. It wasn't the biggest shock of the event (considering a certain someone with a special Archetype that went up before her) but the fact that such a universally beloved sweetheart like Sid could represent such a dark Archetype was discomforting to most people in attendance.

Thankfully, Ronnie Anne wasn't most people.

"Right, sorry. So, um, how do you feel about your Archetype?"

To Ronnie Anne's surprise, Sid's bright smile faltered.

"I mean, it sounds cool, but...I don't want to kill people. Or hurt them," muttered Sid. "And a lot of people are looking at me...differently now."

Her eyes flickered to the side, and Ronnie Anne followed them. Suddenly, she was aware of other people looking in their direction—looking at Sid. Their pupils were dark, filled with distrust and suspicion at best and deep dislike at worst.

To the worst pairs of eyes, Ronnie Anne bared her teeth, and they looked away.

"Don't worry, Sid." Ronnie Anne clapped her friend on the shoulder. "If anyone tries to give you trouble, just come to me."

"You mean it? I-I don't want to cause you any trouble."

The tomboy waved her hand dismissively. "I've been looking for a reason to remind people why I'm the toughest girl in Royal Woods anyway."

Sid giggled. "Thanks Ronnie Anne," she said. Then: "You know, maybe you don't have to be so… physical anymore? Now that you have m—"

She suddenly cut herself off. Her eyes widened at something behind her friend's head. Ronnie Anne turned to see what she was looking at...and her expression immediately soured.

There was a certain someone walking in their direction.

A certain someone Ronnie Anne was not happy to see.

* * *

Everything that had happened at the mall was still racing through Lincoln's mind.

After Leni had brought him back home, the two of them were swarmed by their legion of sisters. A suffocating mass of girls crowded around them, asking rapid-fire questions. Evidently, the details of Fiona's artificial Husk attack had circulated around the news fairly quickly, and while Lincoln was not named (most likely not even recognized), Leni was noted by one anchorwoman as having a "handsome boytoy" with her while she fought the monstrous horde, and it wasn't hard for the Louds to reach their conclusion from there.

Lincoln had graciously answered their questions as best he could, but somewhere in the back of his mind, his own questions were nibbling at him. It was only when he went with Lisa that he got some answers.

What had happened to him, exactly? How did he end up in that tuxedo? And what the hell was "Genre Shift" supposed to mean?

Lisa had a theory.

After a light hum and a thoughtful scratching of her chin, she had sighed and said, "Lincoln, have you ever read _Sailor Moon_?"

"What? Pfft, no, of course not. Th-that's for girls."

"Really? So you've never watched an episode of the show?"

"No."

"Never read a chapter of the manga?"

"No."

The scientist then grinned knowingly, evilly.

"Never drooled over a Google search of Sailor Jupiter?"

Lincoln blushed in response.

"No!" he said, a little too late.

Lisa took a moment to snicker before she continued. "Based on everything you told me, I have formulated a hypothesis: your Archetype, the ridiculously-named Harem King, is almost certainly defined by your relationships with other people—most likely other women. It is not something that you could channel in solitude. A Witch can perform feats of magic no matter what, but what is a Harem King without a harem?"

"I...guess. That makes sense. But what does that have to do with—"

"What if," said Lisa thoughtfully, "your Archetype allowed you to form a bond with the so-called 'members of your harem' and allowed you to replicate their abilities?"

Lincoln felt like his jaw had dropped.

"Replicate their abilities?" repeated Lincoln.

Lisa nodded, then rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "The exact words you told me you used tipped me off to this possibility. Genre Shift. You said this when you and Leni were in dire straits, and suddenly you adopted the outfit and abilities of a character archetype from the magical girl genre; in this case, a specific character from Sailor Moon."

"This sounds really weird, Lisa."

"Admittedly it does, but your Archetype is unstudied ground, so as far as we should be concerned, anything is possible. Think, Lincoln. Is there anything else that struck you as odd? How was Leni's reaction to your transformation?"

"She...she actually took it well. She started calling me Tuxedo Linky for some reason. But the way she said it...it was like she was talking about someone else."

"Hmm...when it comes to Leni, who can ever be sure what she's really thinking? But that does sound like something worthy of investigating. I'll be sure to ask her about 'Tuxedo Linky' and I'll share my findings with you at a later date."

"Oh, great."

"Great indeed. Now leave me, I have a colleague in Frankfurt that should be calling me in five minutes."

Lincoln had left her then, and went straight to bed, exhausted after his ordeal. It had been a fun day, though, he had reflected upon while sitting in Vanzilla earlier, and it was a good chance to spend some time with his older sister. Forget Archetypes; wasn't being the people you love really what it was all about?

But now he was here, alone, in front of Archetype Academy. Luan and Lynn, his schoolyard peers now, had gone on ahead into the school. He had to admit that he was frightened, thinking about how everyone was going to react to him. He had forgotten the negative reception his Archetype had gotten at the Ceremony. Would everyone hate him? Laugh at him? Would all the girls be disgusted by him?

It was that mix of fright and thinking about what Lisa had said to him that distracted Lincoln from the foot that stretched out to trip him.

"Woah!" he cried as he fell to the ground. He spun around to look at the culprit, only to see the stern face of Ronnie Anne Santiago staring down at him.

"Hey Lame-O," she said, her voice as chilly as blizzard.

"Hey Lincoln!" came the more cheerful voice of Sid. She was standing behind her friend, waving and beaming politely at him.

"Ronnie Anne, what the hell?" exclaimed Lincoln as he picked himself up.

"Sorry, I just didn't see you there," said Ronnie Anne with a shrug.

"Yes, you did," said Sid. "I saw him, then you saw him, and then you got a scary look on your face and then you decided to trip him."

Lincoln looked to Ronnie Anne for confirmation, and the young woman looked away from him haughtily.

He did note the light pink blush blooming on her cheeks.

"Are you seriously still mad about the other day? It's not my fault I got this Archetype, Ronnie Anne."

"Doesn't stop it from being anymore disgusting," she snapped back.

"That's not fair! You wouldn't like it if I judged you for your Archetype. Umm...what was your Archetype, again?"

"I don't need to tell you anything."

"Ooh, I can tell him," said Sid excitedly. Before Ronnie Anne could stop her, she turned to Lincoln and said, "She's a Witch!"

"A Witch?!"

"A _Bruja!_ " Ronnie Anne turned back around, her eyes are fiery as her face. "I'm a _Bruja_. Just like my grandma."

"Oh, wow. That's, uh, actually pretty cool."

For just a moment, Ronnie Anne's expression softened. She seemed to like the sudden compliment. But then her anger returned, twice as strong. Ronnie Anne's fingers formed a fist that glowed with a dancing crimson aura.

"So now that you know what I am, you know what I can do to you. So, if you ever try to get your creep on with me or Sid, I'll introduce you firsthand to the sheer power of magic."

Lincoln flinched, taken aback. Under normal circumstances, he would've just left it there, and walked away, but these weren't normal circumstances. He was angry, hurt, confused, and more than a little scared. His flight-or-flight response activated in his brain, and for some stupid reason, he chose to fight.

"Oh no, I'm so scared," he said sarcastically, a cruel grin spreading across his face. "What are you going to do, turn me into a frog?"

"And dump you in a boiling cauldron," responded Ronnie Anne, co-opting his insult.

"What do you need a cauldron for, making a love potion? Cause you sure as hell need it."

As soon as he said that, he regretted it.

Sid audibly gasped, covering her mouth with her hands. Her widening eyes shifted to Ronnie Anne. All the fire had been taken out of the feisty tomboy, and for a moment, she looked wounded. Deeply, deeply wounded.

Then her teeth clenched. Her eyes burned. Her whole body began a glow forebodingly. She pulled her fist back, ready to punch Lincoln, and the young man lifted his arms in a meek attempt to defend himself…

He was saved by the ringing of the bell.

Sid grabbed her friend's arm. "We have to get to class now," she told her.

Ronnie Anne blinked, then lowered her arm to her side. "Y-yeah, yeah. Class. Let's get to class."

She shot one last dirty look at Lincoln. "We're in the same class," she told him, "so you better make sure you sit as far away from me and Sid as possible. Got it?"

Lincoln didn't refuse.

The two girls walked away from Lincoln. Sid cast him a kind yet pitiful look and mouthed _Sorry_ as she passed him. He watched them pass through the front door. Ronnie Anne didn't go in immediately; she paused, and Lincoln could've sworn she looked back at him with sorrow in her eyes.

Then the door closed, and Lincoln didn't know what to feel.

* * *

Lincoln made sure to wait a few moments before going into the school as well. As students rushed to and from, bouncing between lockers and bathrooms and classrooms, the dejected Lincoln just limply marched forward like the saddest soldier crawling back home from war.

If he had any high hopes for his first day, his encounter with Ronnie Anne and Sid had dashed them.

Lori and Leni had made him feel special; they had made him feel like he was something more than a weakling with a gross Archetype to his name. He was a boy who could soar over the clouds before, but Ronnie Anne had brought him back down to Earth. He was still Lincoln Loud, Harem King; a figure that attracted—maybe even deserved—scorn and loathing and disgust.

"Sigh," he said, not unlike his sister Lucy at her most miserable. "Maybe she did me a favor. Not everyone is like my sisters."

When he finally reached his class, he almost didn't go in. He knew that behind that chestnut door and tinted window was a class of students just waiting to unleash their protests at sharing the same space and breathing the same air as him. Or maybe they wouldn't; maybe they would just ignore him, pretend he didn't exist, not even waste their precious breath on him. He couldn't decide which was worse.

His hand was shaking as it reached for the doorknob. The metal vibrated from the intensity of its trembling. Lincoln closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Let's get this over with," he whispered to himself.

He twisted the doorknob, and the door opened in front of him.

"There he is!" someone shouted. "There's Lincoln!"

The towheaded boy flinched, preparing himself for the barrage of insults.

"He was with Lovely Leni when the Husks attacked! He helped her fight them off!"

Wait...what?

The young man opened his eyes to find himself swarming with classmates, all staring at him with not distaste in their eyes, but adoration. They all seemed impressed for some reason. It made Lincoln feel nervous. Was he being set up?

"What's g-going on?" he asked.

"Chandler told us everything," said an orange-haired girl Lincoln recognized from the arcade (Pidge, Paige, something like that). "He told us about how some idiot cheapskate with poor management skills let a bunch of Husks loose, and how you and Lovely Leni took them down!"

Lincoln, surprised, looked to the desk where Chandler McCann was reclining at, and he shot him a shrug. "Though I'd get some cred by saying I knew you," he explained.

"He told us your name was Larry, but I corrected him," said Lincoln's old friend, colloquially known as Girl Jordan. She seemed rather happy with herself.

"So, tell us, Lincoln, how do you do it?" came a voice from the back of the crowd.

"Were you really that handsome guy wearing the tuxedo?"

"How many of them were there? I bet there was, like, a hundred, right?"

"Can you give me Lovely Leni's phone number?"

"Does my phone get heavier if I download more apps on it?"

"Why doesn't the Earth fall down?"

As more and more questions poured out of the mouths of the student horde, a sense of relief crashed over Lincoln. His worries evaporated like water atop a stove.

_Th-they like me. Or, at least, they don't hate me. This is great!_

"Ladies, gentlemen," he said, taking on a tone of swagger, "I'll be more than happy to answer your questions once I sit down."

To his delight, everyone in the class wanted him to sit next to them.

On the other side of the room, Ronnie Anne watched the crowd from her desk like a lioness perched on a rock watches antelope grazing grass. She wasn't happy to see so many girl—uh, _people,_ swarming Lincoln as they were, but she kept her lips tightly sealed. She'd let him have his happy moment of glory now.

And it's not like she felt guilty about earlier. No, she didn't feel bad at all. No sir, not at all. Really. Not. At. All.


	14. Chapter 14

Everyone settled down and got in their places when a middle-aged woman in a bright green sweater stepped into the classroom. "Sorry I'm late, class," she said without looking at her students. She went to her desk and put all her things down before turning to her new class. She scanned the face of every student, securing it into memory. Her face remained impasse the entire time...until she reached Lincoln.

The lips thinned as she caught sight of the nervous young man, as did her eyes. She knew who he was, that was for sure, but thankfully she didn't make a comment as she moved onto the girl sitting behind him.

"Okay, class," she said when she was done, clapping her hands together. She turned to the board and wrote her name on it. AGNES JOHNSON. She turned back and said, "My name is Agnes Johnson, but you can all call me Ms. Johnson. I'll be your homeroom teacher for the rest of the year. Every day, you'll come here first thing so I can take attendance, make announcements, and then you can spend the rest of the time reading or doing homework or doing anything, really, as long as you're not loud about it. You can ask me questions about anything during this time, but I'd prefer you just leave me alone."

 _At least she's honest,_ thought Lincoln.

"Since it's our first day," she continued, "let's all start with introductions. It'll be a chance for us all to get to know each other, as well as serve as my attendance. We'll go from the first person in the row to last, starting with...you."

She pointed at a fair-skinned girl with sandy brown hair tied in a French braid. The girl stood up and said, "Um, hello everyone. My name is Jordan—"

"Hey, that's my name too," chirped some blonde boy from the back of the class.

"Two Jordans? Oh dear," said Ms. Johnson. "Well, to make things easier for myself, we will all now refer to him as Boy Jordan and you as Girl Jordan."

Girl Jordan sighed. "Not again. I moved cities to get away from that name," she muttered as she slumped back into her seat.

"Class, take notes of Girl Jordan's introduction," said Ms. Johnson, ignoring how the poor girl wailed at her new given nickname. "It was short. No one cares about your hobbies or what your dream job is going to be. My dream job was to be a zookeeper, and look where I ended up. Just...just say your name. And maybe your Archetype if you feel like wasting more of the precious short time God gave me on this Earth. Okay, who's next?"

The girl behind Girl Jordan stood up confidently, and the first thing that struck her classmates was how oddly she was dressed. Her outfit consisted of dark tattered robes, a black cape made from the fur of an animal no one could identify, and metal gloves that brought to mind Sauron's. She had a devil tail and small horns poking out of her raven hair, but those seemed natural compared to her strange get-up.

Undaunted by the strange looks she was getting—or perhaps not even noticing them—the girl coughed into her fist and puffed out her chest with bravado.

"My name is Stella!" she declared. "And my Archetype is a great one. It is one that the heavens tremble at. It is the one that moves volcanoes and earthquakes. It is one that subjugates nations, crushes opposition, and rules with a burning glove of adamantite!"

She jumped on her desk and raised her gloved fist high. Her smirk was blinding.

"I, Stella, am a Dark Lord! And none shall oppose my glorious conquest except for the Chosen Hero, who has yet dared to show himself—"

"Herself."

Stella blinked, visibly thrown off. She looked around the class for the source of the interruption, until she noticed Girl Jordan looking curiously at her.

"What was that?"

"Herself. The Chosen Hero is a girl."

"And how do you know that? You know her?"

To Stella's surprise, the plain, innocent-looking Girl Jordan pointed at herself.

"Well, of course I know her. She's me."

"Y-You're the Chosen One?"

Girl Jordan nodded. "Hero Archetype and everything."

Stella was shocked. Flustered, too, as she quickly turned away from the girl in front of her and put her hands on her now-blushing cheeks. Her face was stricken with an expression of terror and confusion, and if Lincoln had to guess, she was probably thrown off by how casually Girl Jordan revealed herself. No doubt the poor girl was expecting a rival to match her enthusiasm.

He couldn't help but smile, though he made sure to hide it under his hand.

The great and terrible Dark Lord Stella regained her dramatic composure. She pointed at the girl sitting in front of her, who regarded with little more than faint interest. "Fool! You had the element of surprise, but now it is squandered. Now I shall unleash my greatest attack, destroying you and securing the throne of the world to myself!"

Stella raised her hands in the air, and her classmates watched in horror as her palms filled with crackling crimson energy. A fireball burst into her hands, growing in size and heat by the second. Some people screamed, some people tried to run, and Lincoln pressed himself against the wall…

"Yeah, no, can't have my class blow up on the first day," Ms. Johnson murmured thoughtfully to herself. "That would look bad on my record. Plus the phone calls I'd get from parents...alright, fun time's over, girls!"

The teacher snapped her fingers, and in an instant the fireball was extinguished, leaving Stella standing there, looking more forlorn and lost than before.

"Wait...what?"

"Classrooms are under the full control of the teachers," explained Girl Jordan, barely hiding the smile on her face. "You can't use your Archetype without their permission."

"Indeed. Now sit down, Stella, before I write your name on the board."

"Write her _name_ on the board?" scoffed Chandler, who had definitely not wet himself in fear, it's just spilled water guys. "What is this, preschool?"

Ms. Johnson looked unamused.

"What's your name?" she asked him.

"Chandler McCann." he answered, pounding his chest. "I'm a Archetypal Provider of Specialized Services and—

"You're a Minion, got it." The teacher interjected, cutting him off. She wrote his name on the board. CHANDLER. Agnes then turned around with a sinister smirk on her face. The name on the board suddenly began to glow with white light, and Chandler shrieked.

"Ow! What the hell, did a bee just sting me—OW!"

"These boards were made with only the highest quality of Voodoo manufacturing," explained Ms. Johnson as Chandler suddenly began jumping up and down and scratching himself. "I write your name on the board and...well, that happens to you."

Chandler cried out in pain as he rolled on the floor, trying to extinguish the stinging.

"Now, let's all continue with our introductions. Nice and short, or you get the board. Got it?"

Her students nodded at the barely veiled threat.

"Cristina, Necromancer."

"Paige, Hacker."

"Papa Wheelie, Racer."

"Boy Jordan, also Hacker."

"Sid, Assassin."

"Ronnie Anne, Witch. Though I'd prefer to be called Bru—"

"Lance, Exorcist."

With every name and Archetype that was said, Lincoln felt increasingly nervous. He knew everyone already knew his Archetype, but he also knew that the teacher was going to demand he say it out loud. And that worried him, because not only was it an affirmation of what he was, but...well, it had a really stupid name! Harem King? What kind of a person would call themselves a Harem King in front of their class and not immediately want to stay home for the rest of the year?

"Tabby, Battle-type Magical Idol," said the girl in front of him. Lincoln snapped back to reality; his heart sped as he realized his moment was here. Swallowing a deep breath, he stood up and announced himself to the world:

"Lincoln, H-Harem King."

There was silence. An intensely awkward silence. Lincoln turned around to see why the person behind him wasn't announcing themselves...only to see no one there.

He was the last one in his row. His words were the chosen ones to linger in the air.

Ms. Johnson snorted. "Oh right, you're the kid with the pervy Archetype. I remember that."

From the back of the class, Ronnie Anne snickered. Lincoln just tried to keep his face from turning too red.

* * *

After homeroom, everyone in the class went down to the basement, where a shiny gym was waiting for them. Physical Education was going to be their first class of the day, and as Lincoln changed in the locker room, he wondered how different it would be from the PE he had in regular school.

_Just hope they're not expecting to us to play dodge ball with fireballs or something like that._

He shivered at the thought of playing dodge ball at all. With the way Ronnie Anne was being now, there was no doubt that she would enjoy the opportunity to pummel him. Hell, she'd probably use some of her newfound magic to give the balls seek-and-destroy properties.

He sighed. "Calm down," he told himself. "It's the first day, we're probably not going to play dodge ball."

Five minutes later, he was standing in a line in the gym, and the coach blew his whistle and announced, in a booming voice, "Today's your first day, so we're playing dodge ball!"

Some students cheered. Lincoln just felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. Nervously, he looked to his right and saw Ronnie Anne glaring at him, her teeth bared aggressively.

His face paled when she made the cutting gesture across her neck.

_Okay, I need to Genre Shift. NOW!_

The Genre Shift was his only chance to avoid the death by rubber-foam ball that Ronnie Anne was clearly envisioning for him. He wasn't entirely sure how it worked—hell, he wasn't even sure if he could use it now at all—but this was a matter of survival.

Anything goes.

By the time the teams were done organizing, Lincoln found both Ronnie Anne and Sid on the other side. Sid waved at him and playfully imitated throwing a ball at him. Right next to her, Ronnie Anne also imitated throwing a ball. Her imitation was much less playful.

Lincoln gulped, his Adam's apple bobbing. It was now or never.

But who to Genre Shift with? He looked to his teammates. Most of them looked as nervous as he was; knees shaking, eyes twitching, hiding behind each other...with one notable exception…

"How swiftly the day of reckoning has come, Girl Jordan!" shouted Stella. She stood in front of all her teammates, the vanguard of her side of the gym. "Come, Hero, let our conflict here be mighty! My balls shall destroy you!"

"Oh no, not your balls," responded Girl Jordan from the other side, her tone only _mildly_ condescending. "I don't think I can handle your balls."

"Too bad! My balls are great and they seek to make collisions with your flesh."

"Are they...big balls?"

Stella looked at the balls on the line in front of her.

"They are massive."

Girl Jordan bit down on her lip to keep from laughing.

 _Okay, so she's not the smartest,_ Lincoln thought, _but she's the best chance I got. She's a Dark Lord, she has to be packing tons of power. If I could just get a little bit of that…_

He balled his fists as he summoned all of his courage. He stepped away from the wall and walked up to Stella, then cleared his voice. "Hey, you're Stella, right?"

The Dark Lord stopped shouting and turned around to face the boy that had approached her. She opened her mouth to say something, but stopped as her eyes shone with recognition. A great smile spread across her face.

"And you're Lincoln Loud. The only person with a darker Archetype than mine!"

"I-I...my Archetype isn't dark!" protested Lincoln.

Stella rubbed her chin. "But you are the Harem King pervert, right? The boy destined to conquer legions of women and overthrow the chains of righteousness that bind this world and keep it stagnant?"

"What? No! And I'm not a pervert!"

"Relax, Lincoln, you're with a fellow devotee of evil and vice." Stella put a friendly hand on his shoulder. "Perhaps we can collaborate. My newfound rival is a female, so perhaps you can use your pervert power to lure her into your bed, whereupon I will leap from the shadows and sever her head from her wretched shoulders!"

"Absolutely not! Just...please, can you do me a nonviolent favor right now?"

Stella cocked her head; the word "nonviolent" seemed to trip her up. "Suuuuuuuure," she said hesitantly. "What is it?"

Like the swift mongoose diving towards the snake, Lincoln's hand shot out and wrapped around hers. Her face immediately went red, and reddened further when she heard him say, "Come to the closet with me?"

"The c-c-closet?!"

So paralyzed with shock she was that she didn't even fight it when Lincoln dragged her towards the nearby closet. He pushed her in, and took one last glance to make sure Coach Pacowski wasn't looking.

He instead saw Ronnie Anne glaring at him taking Stella into the closet.

Her expression was a mix of confusion and absolute hatred.

"Eep," squeaked Lincoln as he went into the closet and closed the door behind him.

There was no light in the closet, but that wasn't a problem, as Stella's face was glowing hard enough to rival a lightbulb. A very red lightbulb. The Dark Lord-to be had no idea what was going on, and so she had no idea how to position herself. Her arms were raised and curled strangely, as if to defend herself while also offering herself.

"Your depravity knows no bounds," said Stella. Maybe Lincoln was imagining it, but he could hear a hint of admiration in her tone. "You've brought me here to force me to become a concubine in your harem. Oh, how I thought Girl Jordan was my greatest enemy, but you, Lincoln Loud, have truly—"

"It's. Not. LIKE THAT!" shouted Lincoln. He hated to raise his voice, but people getting the wrong impression of him was starting to get on his nerves. He exhaled, his breath coming out in a sharp hiss, and looked up at Stella again. "I just need your help. You'd say we're friends, right?"

The horned girl turned away, bashfully.

"We've been talking for _literally_ minutes. You're the best friend I've ever had."

Lincoln felt a brief twinge of sympathy for the demon girl, but pushed forward, seeing as time was of the essence.

"So, would you say we're...close?"

Now it was Stella's turn to let out a little "eep" sound.

" _Close_ close?" she asked in a squeak.

Lincoln shrugged. "If I say yes, will you just let me do what I need to do?"

" _Do what you need to do?!_ "

Stella's heart began to pound against her chest so powerfully that the entire closet seemed to quiver with every heartbeat. Lots of conflicting emotions passed through her eyes. For a moment, she was stiff, but the next she had Lincoln's hands in her own. A deranged form of bravery was evident in her features.

"Let's do it," she said. "Do what you have to do, my close close friend Lincoln Loud."

In spite of how clearly nutty this whole situation was, Lincoln smiled softly. Hearing someone, anyone, call him a close friend was something he wasn't expecting when he walked into the building earlier. He had expected to be ostracized and disliked by all. But now...he felt more optimistic. Stella was a little...eccentric, but she was clearly a kind and caring person, despite her dark Archetype.

_You know...I think I would like to be close friends with her._

"Alright," he said. "Let's do this."

He closed his eyes and wrapped his fingers around Stella's hands. The girl looked curiously upon him, intrigued by whatever he was about to do. Lincoln took a deep breath, in the nostrils and out the mouth, then shouted, "Genre Shift!"

His eyes tore open. He watched as magical energy crackled around them. He watched as the world melted away, leaving them suspended in a swirling limbo of color and energy. He felt the sheer power of Stella's Archetype give way to his, and offer up its power to him like a serf to their feudal lord. He could feel the great power flow through his veins, like liquid fire, spreading throughout his body and…

and…

...actually, none of that was happening.

Lincoln waited for it to happen, but no, nothing happen. He didn't feel any power coming his way, he didn't sprout a new costume like he had with Leni. He was just...holding Stella's hand in a dim closet, waiting for something to happen.

"Sooooooooooooooo..." said Stella.

"Huh...I-I guess I can't do that with you," he said. "But why not? It should work. Unless...maybe there's a time-frame for how long I had to know you?"

He would've speculated further, but the closet door burst open, and light flooded the small room. It hurt Lincoln's eyes at first, but when the blurriness cleared, he could see Coach Pacowski's unpleasant face twisted in anger.

"Both of you, get out of there." He grabbed the two by their arms and dragged them out. "You wanna do kissy-kissy with each other, do it on your own time. This is PE class, which is my time, and during my time you play dodge ball!"

The other kids were laughing at them, and if Stella's face was red before, it was practically ruby-like now.

The coach tossed them back with their team and blew the whistle. "Play ball!" he shouted. Before Lincoln could even react, he watched as Ronnie Anne ran swiftly to the center of the court, swiped a ball off the ground, and looked dead at him.

"GRAH!" she grunted as she threw the ball as hard as she could at him.

Milliseconds before the ball hit his face, Lincoln saw his life flash before his eyes.


	15. Chapter 15

At the end of their first day, Lincoln and his peers were all gathered back in Ms. Johnson's homeroom to pick up their things and listen to the end-of-the-day announcements.

His body was still sore from being pummeled by dodge balls, and he winced as he slowly lowered himself into his seat. His butt was sore, so he didn't press too hardly on it. His arms were sore, so he let them dangle flaccidly at his side. And his face was sore, which he was reminded of when he went to rest his cheek on the wall and had to pull it away, hissing.

The worst part wasn't the pain, though. From the back of the classroom, he could feel a concentrated mass of dark and hostile aura. He didn't even need to turn around to know that Ronnie Anne was glaring at him nastily. Her anger was now starting to make him angry; what was her deal? He didn't _ask_ to be stuck with this Archetype, and even if she did have the right to be upset about that, she'd done far more to hurt him recently than he'd done to her. Dodge balls in the gym, sandwiches down the pants in the cafeteria, a chemical "accident" in the science room...when was she going to let up?!

He groaned in frustration. Well, it wasn't all that bad. At least he made a new friend in Stella. Well...to the extent that he could be friends with her. She seemed to occupy her own mental wavelength. Case in point, she wasn't sitting in her seat, but hiding in the vents above Girl Jordan's head.

Was she planning to ambush her? Was she just spying? Lincoln had no idea.

"Stella, get out of the vents and into your seat," barked their teacher. The Dark Lord-to be reluctantly did so, emerging from her hiding spot and sliding into her chair, careful to avoiding sitting on her tail. Once Agnes Johnson had made sure everyone was accounted for, she picked up a thin yellow paper and cleared her throat.

"Congrats on finishing your first day here," she started. "I hope you're ready to do this five times a week for the next thirty-something weeks, because I'm sure not. But anyways, first day, not a lot to announce. Just one thing about clubs."

"Clubs?" asked someone in the back.

"Yes, Paige, clubs. There are many clubs set up for all kinds of interests. Hobbies, languages, sports, academics, computer stuff, you get the idea. The various clubs will be holding a fair over the next few days down in the courtyard for new recruits, so if you find something that interests you, feel free to sign up."

Chandler raised his hand. "And what if we don't find a club we like?"

"Well you have two options then: you can either do what normal kids do and go home after school, or you can start your own club."

"Start your own club? You can do that?!"

"You didn't raise your hand, Chandler, so I won't answer. Do that again and I'll write your name on the board again." Ms. Johnson smirked at how uneasy Chandler suddenly looked. She saw another hand raise in the back, so she pointed to it and said, "Yes, Ronnie Anne?"

 _Ronnie Anne?_ Lincoln spun around, with more than a slight sense of worry. He had never known Ronnie Anne to be interested in clubs—"If I wanted to play football or video games, I'd do it at home without a chaperon breathing down my neck," she had once said to him—and he had the creeping suspicion that whatever club she had in mind, he wasn't going to like it.

"So how do we start our own club?" she asked.

"If you want to start a club, you need to ask me for a form. The basic criteria is that you have at least two other members, and the club has a specific goal instead of just being a chance for you and your friends to mess around on school grounds."

"That's it?"

The teacher nodded. "That's it. I'll take your form, hand it over to the principal, and he'll decide whether to allow it or not. But trust me, he rarely says no to a club. We had a club for blue movies a few years back, that's how little he cared."

"I...didn't need to hear that."

"And I didn't need to _see_ that," responded Ms. Johnson sourly.

Still, Ronnie Anne was pleased with the news. As soon as the teacher turned to answer another question, she tapped Sid on the shoulder and excitedly said, "Hey Sid, want to start a club together?"

"Heck yeah I do!" responded Sid enthusiastically. "What should our club be about? Oh, I got one...the Future Zookeepers of America club."

"Wait, you still want to be a zookeeper? I thought you were going to...you know, become an Assassin. That's the whole point of an Archetype, right?"

"Oh, right...well, most Assassins have day jobs. Sid Chang: zookeeper by day, deadly killer by night."

Ronnie Anne chuckled, but still shook her head. "Nah, sorry, I doubt the school will let us bring animals. The only animals they allow on-campus here are Werewolves."

"Dang it." She snapped her fingers in frustration.

"Don't worry, Sid, I got the perfect idea for a club."

"Really? What is it?"

Ronnie Anne's eyes shifted back to Lincoln Loud. A sinister grin grew on her face.

"A club for...community service," she said slowly.

* * *

Two days later, the Club Fair was still going hard. A large crowd of first and second-year students filled the courtyard from end to end, and the booths set up for each club happily, almost greedily, grabbed as much attention as they could.

There were many different types of clubs. There were the hobbyist clubs for chess and photography, sports clubs for basketball and swimming, there were the clubs that performed functions for the school like the journalism club or student council, and there were even Archetype specific clubs, like the Conjuration club for magician and summoner types, or the Gigant club for giant girls and their degenerate admirers.

Now that he had the time, Lincoln could finally walk among the different clubs advertising themselves. He had never been the kind of person who would take an interest in clubs—like Ronnie Anne, he always saw school as something to get away from as soon as possible—but watching some of the demonstrations had him shifting his thinking. He saw someone charming a snake, another person hacking an arcade machine to spit up coins, and someone else throwing playing cards at wooden boards so precisely they split in half.

This stuff was way cooler than just going home to play video games!

"Hey Lincoln." Lincoln turned around and saw his older sister Luan walking up to him. Normally, she would been dressed in the long, woolen outfit of a nun, with a large silver cross hanging from her necklace—as befitting someone of the Excorcist Archetype like herself—but today she was dressed, oddly enough, like a clown. Baggy green pants with a white shirt with ridiculously over-sized buttons, her face was painted white with a big red rubber nose and a wig of obviously fake hair laid on her scalp.

"Hey Luan," he greeted. "That's a...strange get-up."

Luan smiled and honked her fake nose. "But funny, right? I'm going to be trying out for the comedy club. Brought my best jokes to the table too. Hey, did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?"

Lincoln rolled his eyes, but decided to play along. "No, Luan, I haven't."

"Well, the food is great, but there's just no atmosphere."

Luan doubled down in laughing at her own joke. She wiped a tear from her eye and looked to her brother. "Did you get it?"

"Yeah, I got it. But what I don't get is why you'd want to join the comedy club."

"Huh? Because I like telling jokes, Linc."

"Oh no, I get that. I just thought that...well, you know, you'd go be with other exorcists in the Exorcism Club."

Here, Lincoln watched as Luan's unfailing smile, for a moment, faltered. She quickly picked it back up, but it was too late, and now Lincoln was wondering what was going on with his older sister.

"Y-You can be in two clubs," said Luan uneasily. "Just look at Lynn. She's mostly in martial arts, but she's doing every other sport possible. Well, except for chess. And e-sports."

Lincoln's eyes widened. "There's an e-sports club?"

"Yes. Well, actually, no. There used to be, but it was disbanded."

"What?" Lincoln was visibly disappointed. "Why?"

Luan pointed to the computer club booth. "Because those guys thought it would be funny if, on the day of a big match between our academy and an academy in Vermont, they uploaded some _special_ mods on the game, and...well, let's just say the results were _bare naked_ in front of everyone." She nudged her brother with her elbow. "Get it? Bare naked? Because it was nudie mods?"

"Yeah, yeah, I got it," sighed Lincoln. The boy slumped over slightly, immensely disappointed with the news. He could've done e-sports. He would've been amazing at it.

"Oh, cheer up, Lincoln, there are still a lot of other good clubs to choose from," stated Luan. "How about the comics club? You like comics."

"I do like comics," said Lincoln thoughtfully. "But you know how I like to read them."

Luan's cheeks flushed red. "Y-Yeah, I do...yeah..."

"Maybe a tabletop club? Like Dungeons & Dragons or World of Darkness."

"Sure, let's go check them out."

The two crossed two row of booths until they reached the RPG club. The members of the club were currently engaged in a game. In front of them, a small table with little painted figurines of knights, wizards, and a hydra.

"Okay, if you want your attack to be critical, you need to roll at least a 15, Paige," said the one who looked like the DM. He dropped a pair of dice in her hands and watched as she shook them, blew on her hand for luck, and let them go on the board. He peered down and nodded. "18," he declared.

Paige pumped her fist and grinned. "Yes!" she said as the DM removed the hydra piece from the board. She looked up from the game, ecstatic, and caught sight of Lincoln and Luan.

"Hey, I know you," she said, pointing at Lincoln. "You're that kid that Ronnie Anne pummeled with dodge balls the other day."

Lincoln sighed. "Yeah, that's me." At least it was better than being known as the Pervert King…

"Sorry, but...that was pretty funny," she said, hiding her grin behind her hand. She lowered it and tried to put on her professional face. "So, are you thinking of joining our club? You and your...clown friend?" She eyed Luan strangely.

"Oh, no, I'm not joining. I'm not nearly nerdy enough for this."

It's amazing how, sometimes in life, things can be going absolutely perfectly, and it all takes is a few words to make it all turn around.

Paige's sunny disposition instantly became cooler, like a chilly wind had spent over her. "Oh?"

"Did I offend you?" asked Luan. "I'm sorry. Here, I know what'll put a smile back on your face: a joke!"

Lincoln's eyes widened; he recognized the danger. Before he could tell Luan that maybe she should forget the joke, she had already cleared her throat and said, "Social acceptance."

The members of the RPG club all passed looks between each other. They all looked confused.

"Umm...what? I don't get it."

"I know. And you never will!"

Luan's laughter ripped through the air like a torrent. She threw her head back and slapped her face, laughing wildly like a hyena. By her side, Lincoln looked mortified. In front of her, the RPG club looked murderous.

"S-Sorry to bother you guys," said Lincoln meekly. He started pushing Luan away. "Have fun with the rest of your game."

"Go to hell," spat Paige. "Damn Pervert King."

* * *

"Sorry that didn't work out, Linc."

"Didn't work out? That's a funny way of saying you messed that up for me."

"Well, it's not my fault they didn't have a sense of humor." Luan rolled her eyes. "Honestly, if they couldn't handle some weak jokes like that, then how fun could they really be?"

Lincoln groaned but decided to drop it. As much as he really wanted to join the RPG club, there were other fish in the sea...or, in this case, other booths in the courtyard. He'd just have to find something that caught his eye.

_Alright, let's see...cooking club, Spanish club, literature club, gardening club, Destroy Girl Jordan club, theater club...wait, what was that last one?_

Lincoln stopped in place and turned around. His eyes did not deceive them; there was an actual Destroy Girl Jordan club!

"H-How is this…?"

"Oh, Lincoln, over here." Stella's horned head poked out of the booth and she waved him over. Lincoln and Luan approached and saw Stella squatting in front of a printer that was spitting out pamphlet after pamphlet. Lincoln scooped one up and opened it.

"You and Destroying Girl Jordan: A Guide," he read aloud.

"Pretty clever, right?" Stella smugly smiled. "I spent three years writing this pamphlet, and now I've stolen a printer so I can spread my message."

"Three years? You didn't even know Girl Jordan existed three days ago!"

She shrugged. "Artistic license."

Before Lincoln could retort to that, he saw none other than Girl Jordan herself walk up to Stella with ink cartridges in her hands. "Hey Stella, got you some more of these," she told her.

"Thank you, beloved Vice President and hated adversary. With these, I shall surely print enough pamphlets to brainwash enough people to want to destroy you!"

"Vice President?" Lincoln looked at her in confusion. "Does that mean you're—"

Girl Jordan nodded. "I am indeed the Vice President of the Destroy Girl Jordan club."

"But why?"

"Because Stella begged me to join."

"I did not! Don't listen to her, Lincoln, she's as much a fibber as she is a liar."

"She was on her hands and knees in front of my locker, begging, clawing at my skirt, practically crying. 'Please Girl Jordan, join my club, I don't have any friends and you're the only person I really know, plehehehease!'"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up, that's not how it went!"

Girl Jordan just shrugged. She looked back to Lincoln and Luan. "The hardest part was convincing the principal to let us start a club that was basically a call to violence. But once I reassured him, I was really the Girl Jordan in question, and that I was fine with it, he gave us the stamp right away."

"The principal is a good man. He sees the nobility in my cause. For that, I shall reward him with a principality once I conquer the world. Probably in New Zealand."

"Still," said Lincoln to Girl Jordan, "I don't see why you'd allow her to print pamphlets about how people should destroy you."

Girl Jordan's smile suddenly grew more shrewd. There was a playful twinkle in her eye. She took the pamphlet from Lincoln's hands, opened it to the first page, and pointed at the middle section. "Read this out loud," she told him.

Lincoln obliged. He looked down to where she was pointing and read parts of it under his breath. His face twisted in surprise.

"'Oh Edwin,' moaned Dark Lord Stella, 'give me your pale lips and taste my tongue!'"

He stopped when he heard a horrified squeak, and looked down to see Stella's face suddenly glowing bright red, like a stoplight. Her eyes widened in terror as she looked up at Lincoln.

"H-How did you get ahold of my VOM f-fanfiction?"

_Say what now?_

Stella scooped up one of the newly printed pamphlet and tore it open. Her eyes skimmed the page, and her face grew brighter with every word. "What? How did this get here?" she shrieked. She looked up at Girl Jordan. "Girl Jordan, someone must have replaced my manifesto about how good your death will be with my private fictional writings!"

"Oh no, who could've ever done that?"

Stella jumped up and grabbed her second-in-command by the shoulders and shook her profusely. "Girl Jordan, how many of these pamphlets did you distribute?"

Barely able to keep her amusement off her face, Girl Jordan said, "As many as I could, Stella."

The poor Dark Lord squealed in terror. "I...I...I need to get all these pamphlets back!" she cried. She rushed into the crowd, snatching papers from people's hands, and Girl Jordan sat back and watched with a small chuckle.

"I have to say, as an expert of prankology, that was a good prank," said Luan.

"Thanks."

"It was a bit mean, though, right?" said Lincoln, ever the weak-spined moralist.

"Don't worry about it, she'll probably forget it even happened tomorrow," said Girl Jordan. She sighed fondly. "Well, I'm off to go find the third member of our merry club. You two interested in joining?"

Both of them shook their heads.

"What a shame. Oh well, nice talking to you too," she said. She turned and waved and then ran off to find the third member of the Destroy Girl Jordan club.

"I'm still confused about what just happened," said Lincoln.

"Comedy, Lincoln," said Luan, admiration present in her tone. "Comedy just happened."


	16. Chapter 16

"Hey Ronnie Anne, I'm still not really sure about this."

"What's not to be sure about?" Ronnie Anne looked up from the sign she was writing on to see Sid rubbing her arm and biting her lip, looking very conflicted. She was also looking around the crowd, as if watching out for somebody.

"It's just that...well, you know I'm your friend, right?"

Ronnie Anne nodded.

"Your best friend?"

Another nod.

"And that because of that I want to support you and help you accomplish all your goals, no matter what."

"Which I appreciate, and you know I'd do the same for you and your goals."

"Right, which is why I think I have to intervene and say...don't you think starting an Anti-Harem Club is going a bit too far?"

Ronnie Anne, sitting at the front desk of the booth set up to promote the Anti-Harem Club, cocked her eyebrow upwards as if she were confused.

Going too far? What was she talking about, you could never go too far when combating the threat posed by harems. Harems were a public menace! They disturbed the neighborhood with loud noise, they filled up seats at restaurants, and if there were ever a global pandemic where the spread of infection could be slowed by social distancing, they wouldn't be social distancing. Because they were a harem, they'd be all bunched together and go places together! Lives were at stake here!

Still, Sid was her friend, so she decided to let her explain herself. "How so?" she asked.

"Well, it's just that starting a whole club to target Lincoln—"

"Target Lincoln? Pfft, this isn't about Lincoln." Ronnie Anne waved her hand dismissively.

Sid, unamused, responded, "Look behind you, please."

Ronnie Anne turned around. Several posters of Lincoln with red marks crossing him out were scattered at the back of the booth. Above them was a long, streaming banner that read **STOP LINCOLN LOUD FROM GETTING A HAREM AT ALL COSTS** in bold.

Ronnie Anne turned back to Sid, still maintaining an innocent look on her face. "But the club's name is Anti-Harem Club, not Anti-Lincoln Club," she said plainly. "I'm not Stella, I'm not going to open a club just to attack one person. This is about maintaining public morality and decency."

Sid sighed. She could see she wasn't getting anywhere with her friend like this. "Ronnie Anne, I don't know what Lincoln did to make you start acting like this, but it's really destroying you, and I hate seeing you like this."

"Or it's making me better and more conscious of the world around me," swiftly retorted Ronnie Anne. "Like how some people turn vegetarian after seeing how animals are mistreated. I had something directly happen before me that enlightened me to this social problem. Tell her, Chandler."

Chandler, the necessary third member of their club, stepped out from behind the booth. "Yeah, whatever Ronnie Anne said," he said unenthusiastically. He didn't even want to be a part of this stupid club (as much as it was a club and not just a girl working as hard as she could to be as petty as she could) but unfortunately he was a Minion, and if a Minion is told to do something, they do it.

So if Ronnie Anne Santiago walked up to him just before he left school and said something like _Hey Chandler, I need one more person to get my stupid club approved, so I command you to sign your name on this form,_ then he would have no choice but to sign his name on the form and join the stupid club.

A single tear fell from his eye, thinking of all the afternoons he was going to lose out because of his Archetype.

_Why couldn't I just be a Bystander?_

Anyway, back to Sid.

Sid paused, letting the words of her friend and this sad-looking new guy simmer. Her brain, affable to Ronnie Anne as it was, was quick to work on a way to decode what she was saying in a way that she could find acceptable.

The best result it could spit out: hmm, that might actually make sense.

So Sid said that aloud. "Hmm, that might actually make sense."

"Exactly. This isn't about Lincoln as a worm...I mean, person. He's just a symbol we're using. This is about a greater social ailment. And don't you want to be a part of fighting that social ailment?"

Sid thought about it. Her slender finger tapped her chin and her face furrowed in deep thought. Fighting social ailments was good, and so was supporting friends. So, technically, it was doublegood. And doublegood is really, really good, right?

Again, her brain was rapidly working to try and frame what her best friend was doing in as positive a light as possible.

"Okay, you're right!" cheered Sid, happy that she had successfully gaslighted herself. "It's not meant to be mean to Lincoln, but just to perverts in general."

"Exactly!" Ronnie Anne snapped her fingers. "Welcome back, Sid, now we can start doing the work no one else is willing to do."

"Yeah!"

"Yeah!"

"What...what is this?"

A third voice came from behind Sid, and she turned around to see none other than Lincoln Loud himself. Startled, she jumped back from him, and lifted her arms defensively, but lowered them when she remember that Lincoln was still a friend, even if he was the snowy-haired symbol of everything that was doubleungood.

"Hi Lincoln," she said, cheerily waving. "Are you here to sign up for the Anti-Harem Club?"

Behind her, Ronnie Anne groaned and smacked her forehead.

"No, I don't want to sign up," he said, his voice starting to rise. "I want to know what the hell is going on here?"

Sid's mouth opened to answer, but unfortunately Ronnie Anne beat her to it.

"What this is, Pervert-O, is a solemn society dedicated to upholding the common, agreed-upon societal constraints of a healthy relationship," she said. Her eyes narrowed to slits as she continued, "And a big part of what we're going to be doing is making sure _you_ don't get your dirty little hands on a harem."

"So you made a club attacking my brother?" said Luan. "That's messed up, Ronnie Anne."

"And I don't even want a stupid harem!" protested Lincoln.

"Don't lie, Lincoln, I saw you trying to recruit girls for it."

Lincoln was taken aback. His eyes widened, then blinked in surprise. "When?" he demanded. "When have I ever—"

"First day, in the gym," interrupted Ronnie Anne. Her mouth was curved into a dangerous-sorta smile, the kind a snake wears just before it strikes its prey. Her eyes, sharp as knives, seemed to glow victoriously as she said, "I saw you take Stella into the closet."

Upon hearing this, Luan's eyes widened. She looked down to her brother, watching as the blood rushed to his cheeks.

"That...that wasn't what it looked like! I wasn't doing anything weird with her in there!"

Ronnie Anne's nostrils flared. "Then what were you doing?" she demanded.

And just like that, Lincoln was stuck.

He had two options here: to tell the truth or not tell the truth. Both had their consequences. Lincoln, well aware that his Archetype was, despite everything, still special and new, and that he probably shouldn't be speaking about it openly, especially with someone as hostile to him as Ronnie Anne.

But what else could he do? Stay silent and let her claim victory? Tell a lie and risk her exposing him? He supposed he could grab Stella and have her tell the story, but there was no knowing how Stella's crooked worldview interpreted the events in the closet, and what kind of strange story she would tell.

He was trapped. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place on Shit Creek with the sword of Damocles hanging over his head. He didn't know what to answer, so he didn't answer.

Ronnie Anne leaned back into her seat, crossing her arms and smiling smugly. "Exactly," she said. "And that's why I made this club: to protect the girls of this school from you."

By her side, Chandler stared off into the distance, not interested in what was happening in front of him. On her other side, Sid shrugged her exposed shoulders. Neither said a word.

Luan, on the other hand, looked like she had something to say.

"Now you listen here, you—"

She stepped forward, but to her surprise, Lincoln's hand shot out, stopping her from going any further. He sighed deeply, then turned around. "Luan, can we just go?"

"Y-Yeah. Sure..."

She shot one last nasty look Ronnie Anne's way before she followed her brother and disappeared into the crowd. Once they were gone, Ronnie Anne allowed herself to relax slightly. Her heart was beating, as if she had been preparing for a fight.

"Well...now that that's out of the way...Sid, Chandler, can you take some flyers and pass them around? See if anyone wants to join?"

Chandler shrugged and did as he was told. Sid did so as well, thought she shoot Ronnie Anne a questioning look before she went with their Minion.

With the two of them gone, Ronnie Anne slumped forward and put her head on the desk. Her face instantly softened, and she covered it with her arms.

Not even one day into her new club, and she was already regretting it.

* * *

"Good to see you're joining the kickball team again, Lynn."

"It's good to be back, Otto," said Lynn. She took a form from the older boy behind the counter and pressed it to the table and signed her name in red ink. She handed it back to him with a grin. "Guess Coach just couldn't hack it without me, huh?"

Otto chuckled. "None of us really could. Last year was a disaster without you. So please, for everyone's sake, don't kick the ball into the ref's nutsack again."

"Oh, come on, it was an accident!"

"Tell that to his poor wife that has to put up with his fake testes."

Lynn winced. She didn't have testes, but even she knew that when they were hit, they were hurt. The poor referee had collapsed to the ground and starting puking all over himself. Lynn felt bad enough to not even fight back when the Coach suspended her from the team.

"Anyway, let's talk about other types of balls," said Otto. "This is like the eighth team you're joining this year, right?"

"Mhm. You know me, I gotta join all the sports. Basketball, baseball, North American football, South American football, ice hockey, archery, and water polo are the other teams I'm signing up with." She paused, contemplatively. "I'm still thinking about Grudgeby."

"You know, it's strange. I know your Archetype is martial arts and all, so why do you keep joining all these other sports?"

"Because, Otto, I'm already a master at that. I got enough black belts to tie around the world three times over. I'm looking for a challenge, man. I live for the challenge." Lynn raised a shaking fist to accentuate her point.

"Still," said Otto, "maybe you should also take it easy. Find a more relaxing thing to do, ya know? Just to de-stress."

"Hmm...maybe you're right," Lynn conceded.

"Of course I'm right. I'm Otto. Everything I write is pure gold."

"Write?"

"Whoops, sorry, I meant say. Everything I say." Otto then turned to the audience and winked.

"Man, having Author Insert as your Archetype must really mess with your head. Like giving you a big, unearned ego," said Lynn. "But whatever. Maybe I can go do Foosball. Foosball is relaxing. There's not too much running, and there's less chance to lose a tooth. Is there a club for it?"

Otto shook his head. "No, I'm afraid not. Unless…hold on one second…"

He lowered himself as he opened a drawer in his desk. He shuffled its contents around for a few moments before he extracted a single sheet of paper. He handed it to Lynn, and she looked over it.

"Woah, is this a form to start a club?!"

"Sure is." Otto nodded. "I had a spare one, and I realized I didn't need it but you did. Just find two other people who're willing to sign the paper—and maybe also chip in to buy a Foosball table—and you'll be set."

Lynn smiled as she folded the form and put it away in her pocket. "Thanks Otto," she said, turning around and preparing to walk away. "Say hi to Siege for me."

Otto scowled. "I haven't talked to Siege in weeks. Won't even bother until he stops talking shit about my waifu Cassandra."

"Wow. That's pathetic. Both of you are pathetic. Okay bye."

As Lynn walked away, she thought about who she wanted to start her club with. She knew she needed at least two other people, so she hummed as she made a mental list of names.

_Margo for sure, that's a given...Polly Pain? Nah, she never takes her skates off, she won't be able to play. Maybe one of the girls from the basketball team would do. Maybe Maya? Nah, Paula FTW!_

With those two in mind, Lynn reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. She quickly dialed in Margo's number and called her. She pressed the phone to her face and kept her good luck tip in mind: if they don't answer after three rings, cancel the call or you'll get bad luck.

Luckily, Margo answered in two.

"Hey Lynn, what's up? Where are you?"

"I'm near the kickball stand. Where are you?"

"Soccer stand. Wait...kickball? Didn't you get disallowed or something?"

"Ah, what's past is past. My skill was just too much to keep out of the game," said Lynn humbly. "But how great I am at kickball isn't important right now...what's important is how great I am at foosball. How'd you like to start a Foosball Club with me?"

"Foosball? You're really starting a club for Foosball?"

Even though Margo couldn't see it, Lynn nodded proudly. "I am!"

"You sonuvabitch, I'm in! Or...I suppose daughteruvabitch? N-Not that I'm calling either of your parents bitches, I'm sorry if that's what it sounds like and I just keep repeating it..."

"Margo, you're spiraling again."

"You're right, you're right." Lynn heard Margo take a deep breath over the phone. "I'm in, Lynn. I'll be in there in a few."

"Take your time, Margs. See ya."

And with that, she ended the call.

She was able to call Paula until she remembered that Paula couldn't use phones anymore. Not since she developed magnetic powers. Oh well, she'd have to find her and tell her in person. But she'd wait for Margo first. She found a wooden beam and leaned on it, crossing her arms and watching the people pass by.

She had planned on sitting still, until she saw a familiar orange shirt in the crowd.

"Lincoln!" she cried, getting unusually excited. Ditching the pole, she ran towards him, shoving pedestrians out of her way until she was by her brother's side. Luan was with him too, and...and…

She suddenly noticed how upset the two seemed.

"H-Hey guys," she said. The two turned around to look at her. "What's with the long faces? You guys look like me after the Penguins lost because I didn't do the proper luck rituals at home..."

"We...had a little run in with Ronnie Anne," said Luan unsteadily.

In an instant, Lynn's eyes thinned into dangerous slits, behind which a furious fire burned. Her nostrils flared, her teeth clenched together. "Did she hurt you, Linc? Cause if she touched one hair on your head..."

"She didn't hit me, Lynn," he said. "She just...you know what, it doesn't matter. I can live with Ronnie Anne being like she is."

"Then what's bothering you?"

Her younger brother sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I...I didn't get into any clubs."

"Clubs?"

"Yeah. I just wanted to find a club to...you know, make some friends and hang out and stuff."

"Bro, you don't need a club to make friends."

"Yes, I do," he said moodily. "And Ronnie Anne reminded me why. Because of...because of my damn Archetype."

There it was, out in the open. Neither Lynn nor Luan knew how to answer to that, and Lincoln felt all the worse for it. It wasn't something they could help with, it wasn't something they could even comfort him about...it was his own burden, his own misfortune, and he'd carry it for as long as he lived.

There might be moments of relief and kindness, but the world wasn't like Lori and Leni. They looked at him and saw someone great. But the world at large wasn't like them. It was like Ronnie Anne; it looked at him, and saw a perverted freak that needed to be shamed from a distance.

Luan's joke to the RPG Club returned to him, and he smiled bitterly.

_Social acceptance...something I'll never get either._

"Then...how about you join my club?"

Lynn's sudden words struck Lincoln like lightning; they came quickly and filled him with energy.

He looked up from the ground at her, and saw her reach into her pocket and pull out a form. _Sorry Margo, change of plans,_ she thought as she presented Lincoln with the form. "I'm thinking about starting my own club, and...well, you know, we need three people. I'm one, you're two, Luan is three. Let's make a club together."

"Hmm...that's not a bad idea," said Luan. "I could join."

"Um, really?" asked Lincoln. "You want to start a club with me? But...but...what would it even be about?"

"It'd be a private club. A...A Loud Club. So just the three of us, and maybe our other sisters when they end up joining the Academy."

"You think the principal will really allow it?"

Lynn smirked. "I saved his car from being busted up by a Tainted once. Something tells me his lax standards are going to get even more lax."

"L-Lynn...I don't know what to say..."

"You could say, 'Wow, Lynn, this is why you're my favorite sister and I love you so much that I want to share showers with you again like we used to—'"

Luan stamped on Lynn's ankle, and the tomboy bit back a hiss.

"I mean...just say yes, Linc." Lynn smiled warmly.

Her heart fluttered as she watched the miserable frown on her brother's face turned upside down into a warm, grateful smile. He dove towards her, wrapping her in a surprisingly tight hug. "Yes, Lynn, I will join your club," he said directly into her ear, causing her face to erupt blushing.

Luan tried to think of a suitable hug pun to use. Failing that, she smiled and joined her younger siblings in their embrace.

* * *

Lincoln woke up the next morning full of energy and vigor. The approval for the Loud Club wouldn't be due for at least another day, but even if they were rejected like Lynn promised they wouldn't be, he didn't really care. Maybe Lori and Leni couldn't have his back at school, but now he knew Lynn and Luan would.

He sighed fondly as he entered the bathroom. "What did I do to deserve such good sisters?"

"Hey Lincoln, get out! Occupied, occupied!"

"Oh, I can even hear them now. I just...wait, what? Lana, is that you?"

He looked around the bathroom in confusion. Out of the corner of his eye, at the foot of the toilet, he saw something moving. He got down on his knees on the bathroom floor (ugh) and saw that it was indeed Lana...though she was missing a few centimeters.

A few fifty centimeters.

As in she was less tall than a ruler now.

"Lana?!" Lincoln asked, baffled. "How did you get that small?"

The tiny tomboy kicked the ground and chuckled in embarrassment. "I was trying to fix a pipe from the inside. But, uh, yeah, that didn't work out."

"You know what, fine, whatever. But get out, I want to shower."

"Shower doesn't work, Linc. Not unless I fix that pipe. Which means you have to help me."

Lincoln rolled his eyes, but ultimately nodded, albeit reluctantly. "Fine, what do you need me to do?"

She pointed at something behind him. He looked over his shoulder and saw that it was her open toolbox.

"Grab that for me real quick."

Lincoln obliged, setting the toolbox between them.

"Okay, now give me the mushroom."

"Mushroom? Why would there be a mushroom in...oh, I see," he said, pointing into the toolbox. "There's a mushroom here. Right between this feather and this flower."

"Good plumber never goes anywhere without this stuff," she said, proudly. She took the mushroom Lincoln handed her and took a bite from it. She gestured to Lincoln to stand back as she chewed, and when she swallowed, her tiny body was overtaken by light. Lincoln watched in suspenseful awe as she grew back to her regular size.

"Thanks Linc!" she said cheerfully. "Now...time to fix this pipe the old fashioned way."

She dug into the toolbox and pulled out the flower from before. She flicked it with her thumb once...twice...and suddenly, a jet of fire burst from its disc floret, like a blowtorch.

"Let's get to work!"

As Lincoln sat there, watching Lana fuse the metal pipes with her fiery flower, a smile curled onto his face.

He really had some exceptional sisters.


	17. Chapter 17

_BEEP BEEP BEEP_

Lincoln Loud shot up in his bed and took a swipe at his alarm clock. Hard enough to silence the infernal device, but not so hard as to knock it off his nightstand, which typically just added extra, sorely unnecessary steps to the silencing process. Finally, peace had been restored. At least, it _should_ have been. So why was it that he felt like he was in imminent danger—

" _Liiiiiiiiiiiincoooooooooln..._ " Hissed a voice from behind him. Instantly, the Loud boy sprung into action, tossing aside his blankets and leaping off the bed in a single, fluid motion. Landing lightly on his feet, Lincoln pivoted in the in the direction the sound was coming from...and blanched, equal parts terror and distress.

Standing in the doorway was a very irate, and bedraggled looking Lori, shaking with barely suppressed fury. The older girl placed on hand on Lincoln's door, presumably to steady herself, and immediately tiny cracks began to appear in the aged wood. That...was a very bad sign.

" _Lincoln."_ She repeated, seething. "It's _literally_ Saturday. _Why_ did you set an alarm?"

Lincoln's face momentarily scrunched up in confusion. Then, it hit him. Super hearing.

"Shoot." He winced, genuinely abashed now. "Sorry Lori. I've got stuff to do today, and the alarm thing totally slipped my mind. I didn't mean to wake you."

The older girl closed her eyes and took a deep breath, causing her night-shirt to expand in a manner that proved to be extremely distracting, even with how harrowing the current situation was. Then, to Lincoln's relief, Lori exhaled, and as she did so she gradually seemed to calm down. By the time she was finished, she had regained her composure.

"It's fine during the week because I have to get up before you anyway. But on the weekend I'd really appreciate it if you'd use the silent alarm, okay Lincoln?"

"Got it." He nodded emphatically. "Won't happen again. I promise."

"Good." Several heartbeats passed, during which Lincoln's anxiety began to grow once more...then, a small smile appeared on Lori's face.

_FOOM_

There was a short gust of wind, and suddenly his eldest sister was standing right in front of him. Before Lincoln could react, Lori snatched him up off the ground and pulled him into a side hug.

"Lori!" He protested, trying to fight down the urge to laugh as his big sister man-handled him in an oddly Leni-like manner. He didn't _mind_ , exactly, but it'd look weird if someone were to walk in on them.

"That's what you get for waking me up." Lori growled playfully, leaning down and giving Lincoln a quick peck on the cheek. "Fortunately for you, I actually do have someplace to be."

"With Carol?" Lincoln asked, an image of the leggy, typically half-dressed blonde briefly superimposing itself over his sister in his mind's eye. Lincoln shook his head violently to dispel the illusion. That was...strange. God forbid Lori ever find out...

"Yeah." Lori affirmed, giving Lincoln one last squeeze before putting him back on his feet. "The city's still kind of antsy after the attack at the mall, so all top level heroes have been asked to put in extra patrols. Carol and I have this morning, so I'll be heading off in a bit."

"Alright. Good luck out there!"

"Thanks, little bro." Lori favored Lincoln with one last smile before turning to go.

"Oh, and tell Carol I said 'hi'". He called after her. Much to Lincoln's surprise, Lori immediately froze in place, one leg extended mid-stride.

"R-right." She said, her voice quavering ever so slightly. "I'll do that."

_FOOM_

And just like that she was gone.

"Huh." Lincoln said to his now empty room. "Wonder what that was about?"

* * *

Lincoln glanced at the clock. 9:00am, read the digital display. Perfect, that gave him a bit of buffer time to get his room back in order. Thus decided, the pale haired boy set about making his bed.

Today was a pretty big day. It was Saturday, for one, and that in and of itself was reason to celebrate. Lincoln's first week at the academy had certainly been interesting. Bit of a rocky start, what with longtime friends dedicating themselves to making his life far more annoying than it needed to be, finding new ways to embarrass himself at his newfound Archetype abilities refused to function on command, _and_ most noteworthy of all...Chandler had been strangely inoffensive. That last one was especially troubling, by dint of how out of place it was, if nothing else. On the flip side, Lincoln verifiably had an archetype now, which was a pretty big deal, and it even had some nifty perks attached to it. He'd also made some new friends, some more eccentric than others, to be certain, but they seemed like nice people regardless. And he even belonged to a school club...of sorts. All things considered, the future was looking pretty bright, and he was confident that the good would eventually outweigh the bad. But, that said, it was certainly nice to have a little time off from the rigors of schooling.

But academy woes were of little concern right now, because this was the day that Luna was coming home!

Smiling at the thought of seeing the Loudest Loud once more, Lincoln grabbed his phone brought up the rocker's latest series of texts, which had only just come in the previous night.

Luna: Hey bro! Guess what? I'm coming home! Sam too!

Luna: Won't bore you with the details but our tour got cut short, and we decided we wanted to spend some time with the fam.

Luna: Flying back right now. Plane should get there in the morning, and then we're heading straight home. See you then!

Naturally, Lincoln had been delighted when he'd gotten the news, as had the rest of the family when he'd passed on the message. Like Leni, Luna and Sam were Support Archetypes, and their job was to put on shows and help keep the general public happy. When they were younger, this was accomplished by performing locally, but about two years prior the academy had decided that their talents were needed elsewhere, and the girls began going on tour. First to neighboring regions, which quickly expanded to nation-wide tours, and now The Sirens frequently found themselves performing their music all over the world. Legally the situation was a bit tricky, as the girls were still academy students even now, but apparently some sort of arrangement had been worked out, because the girls were typically on tour for months at a time. And when they were back home, their time was usually spent either recovering from the most recent tour, or preparing for the next one. Lincoln couldn't be happier, of course, Luna and Sam were living their dreams, but he always ended up missing them dearly while they were gone. Fortunately, the feeling seemed to be mutual, Luna made it a point to call him whenever their schedules would allow so they could catch up, and when they couldn't she and Sam both texted him frequently. Rarely a day went by without him hearing from one or both of the girls in some capacity. Speaking of which...

Lincoln navigated away from Luna's message chain to another one that had started coming in around the same time.

Sam: Hey Lincoln! Luna's been staring at her phone for a while now, has she been messaging you? I mean, it's either that or she's cheating on me! Ha ha! (jk)

Sam: Not that it's cheating if it's you.

Sam: That came out weird. Luna's allowed to cheat with you.

Sam: Time wise, I mean. That's Sam time she's using, but it's okay as long as she's spending it on you. Naturally, I get equal rights, I'm basically your big sister after all.

Lincoln swiped at the screen to speed things, up. Sam had a tendency to ramble, and she'd gone on like this for some time.

Sam: —and so to salvage the situation, I told the drunken pirate that we _both_ just so happened to be dating a guy named Lincoln. I mean, it's basically true, right? (JK?)

Sam: Anyway, the point is, we're going back to Royal Woods!

Sam: Luna's probably too embarrassed to tell you, but she decided to cut our tour short.

Sam: We heard about the thing at the mall, and she insisted that we pack up and head home right then and there.

Sam: Corporate wasn't happy, but it's not like they could stop her.

Sam: Like, literally couldn't stop her. Luna was PO'd. It was pretty hot. I think one guy lost a finger.

Sam: Naturally, she has my full support. After all, we've gotta make sure our favorite dude is okay.

Sam: Oh hey, Luna's looking at me right now. Neat.

That was when things got kind of weird, and following the conversation required bouncing back and forth between the two chains.

Luna: Hey bro, has Sam been messaging you? I told her _I_ was gonna be the one to tell you the good news.

Luna: Just ignore anything weird she's been telling you.

Luna: So...everything. All you need to know is that we'll be there tomorrow.

Luna: Crazy old Sam. Such a kidder. But that's why we love her, right?

Luna: Why _I_ love her, I mean, obviously you don't. Right?

Then back to Sam.

Sam: Lincoln! Luna says you don't love me! :sad face:

Luna: Sam! I can hear you! You read your texts out loud!

Luna: I didn't mean to write that

Sam: Also told me to stop texting you!

Sam: Wait, does this count? Did that count?

Sam: ...Luna says they counted.

Luna: Don't worry bro, I'm gonna take Sam's phone away so she won't keep bugging you.

Sam: Lincoln! I managed to get away with my phone! But now I have to text and run at the same time

Sam: Lincoln! Dont text and run at the same time! Is danger

Sam: Linc! It's Luna! I cornered Sam and got her phone away from her.

Sam: But now the cops need the phone. Apparently its evidence now. So don't respond to this number anymore. See ya tomorrow!

Then, hours later, there had been a new message.

11234567: Lincoln! It's Sam! I got a new phone!

The Loud boy chuckled to himself as he closed the messaging app and put his phone aside. Those two were...amazing, in every sense of the word, and he couldn't wait to see them again. However, you had to work before you could play, and right now he had an appointment to get to.

Thus decided, Lincoln dressed himself and headed for Lisa's lab.

* * *

"Breathe in."

Lincoln complied.

"Just a little longer...alright. Now breathe out."

Again, Lincoln obeyed.

"Breathe in for me once more."

Lincoln allowed his lungs to fill with air once again.

"Good. Now, elevate your appendages as if you were indifferent to the world around you."

Lincoln instinctively began to comply, then abruptly paused halfway through the motion. "Wait, what?"

"Eh, close enough." Said Lisa, eyeing the display before her, then scribbling out an arcane series of numbers on her clipboard. "You can put your arms down and take a seat."

Lincoln let out a sigh of relief, and did exactly that. They'd been at this for over an hour now, and in spite of the fact that Lisa's tests didn't require all that much movement from him, they'd still managed to take their toll on him.

"How's it looking?" Lincoln asked as the diminutive scientist began to pour over her notes.

"Well, elder brother, I can honestly say that after running you through every test currently available with the equipment I have on hand..."

"Yes?" Lincoln prompted, leaning forward in anticipation.

"...We know very little about your archetype, or how it works."

Lincoln slumped back in his seat and groaned under his breath. "Didn't we _already_ know very little? Wasn't that the point of these tests."

"Indeed." Lisa nodded. "But we knew _less_ , before. It's all about perspective, Lincoln. Every minute piece of information I can extract from you adds to our overall understanding of your archetype, and ultimately it is these seemingly minor strands of information that will one day come together to form the complete picture, so to speak."

"I get that, I guess." Lincoln replied. "But after what happened in gym class, I was kinda hoping that would happen a little faster." He winced at the memory and instinctively rubbed his shoulder. "I'm going to have to play dodge ball again at some point."

Lisa tapped her pen against her cheek. "Perhaps it might help if we reviewed what information we do know for certain." She pulled up a chair of her own, and sat down across from Lincoln.

"First off, we know from your outing with Lori, that you have the ability to boost the abilities of other archetypes. Street name, 'buffing.'" She paused thoughtfully. "Have you tried using this ability since then?"

"Just the one time with Lori. And again, with Leni." Lincoln affirmed.

"Hmm. Both times combat scenarios." Lisa mused. "We should look into this more, try to determine if you're limited to enhancing combat potential, or if your abilities encompasses less tangible qualities. Cooking, musical ability, things of that nature. I'll make a note to arrange for appropriate testing equipment." Lisa paused as she began to write furiously.

"Second." She continued, having apparently finished. "And far more interesting, is this Genre Shift ability of yours. In which you seem to be able to adopt characteristics from _other_ archetypes. Temporarily, at least, correct?"

"I think so." Said Lincoln. "I've only managed to do it with Leni that one time, and I haven't been able to change back into...uh."

"'Tuxedo Linky', I believe she called it?" Lisa asked with a small smile.

"Y-yeah." Lincoln reddened slightly. "Leni even recreated the outfit from scratch and had me try it on. But nothing special happened, I couldn't fight or anything."

"Interesting." Lisa murmured. "That seems to support the premise that you're temporarily modifying your own archetype. Magical Girls typically gain enhanced physical abilities when they transform, which seems to match up with what happened to you. They, of course, have a method of inducing that transformation at will, which you seem to lack. So we can rule out the possibility that you actually _became_ a Magical Girl."

"Thank goodness." Lincoln muttered.

"And at school..." Lisa continued. "You tried to Genre Shift with a girl you'd just met, and failed."

"Failed _and_ got pelted by dodge balls." Lincoln added with a slight grimace.

"I see. Then _that_ seems to suggest that there is some prerequisite that must first be met before you can genre shift with someone. Given the intimate nature of your outing with Leni—"

"Wait, _what_?"

"Calm yourself, dear brother." Lisa said, trying to placate the boy. "Obviously I did not use the word in the _romantic_ sense..." She trailed off, allowing the word to hang in the air while she stared at Lincoln. Seemingly looking for something.

"...Right." She continued at last. "I simply meant that you and Leni have always been close, and your shared experience on that day only drove you closer together. Thus, from our one successful case of Genre Shifting, we can extrapolate that there may be a degree of intimacy required before you can Genre Shift with someone." There was a brief pause. " _Non-romantic_ intimacy, naturally."

"Naturally." Lincoln said, nodding furiously.

"Alright then." Lisa climbed to her feet and put her notes aside. "I would like to try something."

Lincoln followed Lisa with his eyes as she made her way to a supply closet, and produced a lab coat. One that was several times larger than what she would typically wear.

"Try this on, Lincoln." She instructed, passing the garment to him. He stared at it, perplexed.

"Why do you even have this?" He asked. "It's way too big for you."

"A completely unrelated matter, I assure you." Said Lisa, waiving one hand dismissively. Shrugging, Lincoln donned the coat. Strange, it seemed to fit him perfectly.

"Now come with me." Lisa instructed, taking Lincoln by the hand and leading him to a small table full of chemistry equipment.

"Are you feeling anything, Lincoln?" Lisa asked, gesturing at the array of chemicals and glassware on display. "Any urge perhaps, to perform science?"

"Not...really?" He said, hesitantly.

"What if I were to do this?" Lisa asked. Then the younger girl walked up alongside Lincoln and wrapped one arm around his waist.

"Still nothing." Lincoln reported.

"Truly?" Lisa's usually stoic expression began to soften. "What...what about now?" With that, she threw her other arm around his waist and tightened her grip on him, fully committed to the hug. Lincoln looked back at the table...but nothing was forthcoming. No previously unknown knowledge blooming forth in his mind, no desire to perform science. Nothing.

"Sorry, Lisa." He said, reaching down and hugging the scientist return. "I'm just not feeling anything. But I appreciate the hug anyway."

"Drat." She grumbled. Still, Lisa maintained contact with him for a few moments more, before finally releasing her hold on Lincoln. He, in turn, gave the younger girl one last squeeze before doing the same.

"I suppose there must be some other component we're missing." Lisa mused. "Oh well. Back to the drawing board. I suppose that will conclude our tests for the day." She gestured at Lincoln. "You may keep the coat, if you wish. I don't believe I'll have any further use for it."

"How about you hold onto it?" Lincoln suggested slipping off the coat and handing it back to her. "I'll wear it next time you need my help with something."

"T-truly?" Lisa asked, looking between him and the garment now clutched in her hands.

"Of course." Lincoln chuckled. Then he leaned down and tousled her hair affectionately. "And heck, if we can figure out this Genre Shift thing, who knows? Maybe I'll be able to help you as something other than a lab rat." And with that, Lincoln took his leave.

Lisa stared at her brother as he walked away, hugging the lab coat a little tighter, as she felt Lincoln's body heat began to fade from the garment. "I think...I would very much like that. Big brother." She said softly to herself.


	18. Chapter 18

Having safely stowed away Lincoln's lab coat in an air-tight, timeproof capsule that would forever preserve the garment _exactly_ as it was until she had further need for it, Lisa settled down at her work station. She hadn't been able to learn much more about her brother's strange abilities, but there was undoubtedly a wealth of _inference_ , if nothing else, that could be had from the data she had acquired. Granted, the processing of said data was going to be quite the job in and of itself, but Lisa made the impossible possible on a regular basis. _This_ was simply a matter of spending the time required, and right now Lisa had nothing but time—

_CRASH_

—Correction, Lisa _had_ nothing but time. Now, she wasn't so sure. Sighing to herself, the young scientist spun around in her chair. There standing in her door way was a very chipper looking Lynn Loud

"Heya Lisa!" The older girl greeted her. It was only at this point that Lisa noticed the large pile of scrap metal before the athlete, which hadn't been there previously. It seemed safe to assume that Lynn's depositing those materials was the cause of that earlier disturbance.

" _Lynn."_ Lisa said tersely, pinching the bridge of her nose in annoyance. "I've told you many times that I can't ' _science'_ your random debris into anything useful. So I'd _appreciate_ it if you'd kindly remove it from my presence and let me get back to my—"

"Uh, _actually_..." Lynn interjected. "That's your stuff. _Was_ your stuff. Before it was junk."

"Why would you have anything of mine?" Lisa asked, puzzled. Then it hit her. "Wait, are those my training dummies? The training dummies I built _for you_?"

"Heh...yeah." Lynn affirmed, scratching the back of her head nervously.

"The _unbreakable_ training dummies I built you?"

"You definitely called them that, yes." Lynn mused, nodding her head in agreement.

"This!" Lisa gestured emphatically at the pile of scrap. "This is physically impossible. The alloy I constructed these dummies out of was made from a cocktail of the strongest metals from a variety of different dimensions! I called in a favor from a colleague to have the materials esnsorcelled _against this exact occurance_ _!_ Look! There are entire runic constructs still intact on some of these pieces! Mere fisticuffs should not be sufficient to cause damage on this scale!"

"I find it's best not to question my own awesomeness." Said Lynn, shrugging in a manner that _might_ have conveyed modesty had it not been for the enormous grin plastered across her face.

" _Indeed_." Lisa seethed. Much as she wanted to carry on, this clearly wasn't going anywhere productive. Lynn was clearly just another impossible thing in a world full of them. The scientist breathed deep, then exhaled, counting the seconds as she did so. Finally, she felt calm enough to continue.

"Fine." Lisa muttered motioning to the far corner of her lab. "I'll fix them. But kindly clear the entryway so no one will hurt themselves on your... _handiwork._ "

"Can do, sis!" Lynn chirped. The older brunette snatched up the wayward pieces of scrap metal and ventured further into the lab, towards the area Lisa had indicated.

"Just be—"

_CRASH_

Lisa sighed in annoyance. " _Careful_. I was going to say to be careful."

"Done and done." Lynn replied, dusting her hands off with a satisfied air, as if Lisa hadn't spoken at all. Well, at least _now_ she'd presumably—

"Ooooh!" Clearly, she'd spoken too soon. Lisa spun around and found the martial artist examining the chemicals she'd put out for her experiment with Lincoln.

"Hey, Lisa!" Lynn called out, crouching down so she was at eye level with one substance Lisa knew to be _quite_ volatile. "Which of these do I mix to make an explosion? Preferably a red one!"

" _None_ of them!" Lisa shouted back, discretely sliding her one hand towards a large, red button on the underside of her desk. A small label with the word " **PAIN** " written on it resided near by. "I still have need for those materials. Kindly leave them be."

"Fiiiine." Lynn grumbled. Mercifully, the older girl stepped away from the table and made her way back to Lisa's desk. "Whatcha got there?" She asked, peering over Lisa's shoulder, squinting at the screen and scratching her chin thoughtfully. Lisa had to hand it to her, Lynn _almost_ looked like she could understand the data on screen. _Almost_.

"Just some readings I took from Lincoln earlier." Lisa replied, turning back to her monitor. "We are attempting to suss out the nuances of his strange abilities."

"Ah. Yeah, I figured as much." Lynn said, nodding sagely.

"And _how_ would you know that?" Lisa asked, playing along. To her surprise, the older girl leaned over and pointed at one particular graph buried amid the sea of data.

"That right there." Said Lynn, tapped the screen. "That's Lincoln's Aura."

"Excuse me?" This was not how Lisa envisioned this conversation going.

"His A _ura_ , Lisa." Lynn scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Geeze, keep up."

"I _am_ keeping up." Lisa growled. "I just have no earthly idea what you're blathering about!"

" _Aura,_ Lisa." Lynn repeated, as if that explained everything.

" _Stop saying_ —" The scientist abruptly ceased her rant as the older girl spread her fingers wide, and placed cupped her hands in front of her chest, looking as if she was holding an invisible basketball. Lynn took a sharp breath inward, and to Lisa's surprise, a small, crimson sphere of energy appeared between her palms.

" _Aura_." Lynn said again, considerably more smug this time. She began to toss the ball back and forth from one hand to the other. "Or ki. Or qui. Chakra, chi, whatever. People call it a lot of things, but it's the energy that's naturally generated by the human body. Everyone's got it, and martial artists like me use it to fuel all the awesome stuff we do."

"I...see" Lisa murmured as Lynn began balancing the sphere on one finger. "Is that _safe_?"

"Totally." As if to demonstrate, Lynn cupped the ball in one palm and slammed the other on top, causing the sphere to disappear entirely. She then spread her hands apart, shaking her now empty palms as if to say " _Ta dah!_ "

"Interesting." Lisa turned back to the graph Lynn had previously indicated. "And _this_ here represents Lincoln's?"

"You might as well have put a name tag on it." Lynn replied confidently. "Everyone's aura is unique, and I've been feeling out Linc's since we were kids. I'd know it anywhere."

"Fascinating." Lisa chewed her lip thoughtfully, then began tapping on her keyboard. A second set of data appeared on the screen. "What about this one."

"Hmm." Lynn hemmed to herself as she studied that screen. " _That_ " She pointed at a similar looking graph. "That looks kinda like Lincoln. But it's...different. It's like there's other stuff mixed into it."

"That would be Leni." Lisa replied, deriving no small amount of pleasure from the look of shock and...panic(?) that briefly appeared on Lynn's face. "These are the readings I took after their little outing the other day, when Lincoln managed to activate his Genre Shift ability for the first time."

"O-oh." Lynn's face reddened ever so slightly. "That thing he did with the tuxedo? Leni showed me the pictures."

Lisa turned away from her sister. "Indeed." She said, letting out a slight cough of embarrassment. Lisa had gotten to see the genuine article before he'd changed back, as well as the copious amount of pictures Leni had taken of her own volition. They had been rather flattering. Lisa had taken it upon herself to make copies. For reference.

"If _this_." Lisa tapped her keyboard once more, causing both data sets to appear side by side. "Represents an unaltered Lincoln, as you say it does, that seems to support my theory that genre shifting allows Lincoln to adopt the characteristics of other archetypes." She paused to ponder this revelation. "Lynn, if I were to take a scan of Leni, would you be willing to me lend your...strangely relevant expertise on the matter?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Lynn muttered disinterestedly, waving one hand dismissively, her face scrunched up in concentration. She seemed deep in thought, which was...unusual, to say the least, for the normally action-oriented girl.

"Hey Lisa." Lynn said at last. "So Linc doing that thing with Leni turned him into a magical boy, right?"

"Not _quite_. See, an Archetype is intrinsically tied to a person's—"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Lynn interjected, cutting her off. "I'm sure there's a lot of technical mumbo jumbo I'm missing. But Lincoln turned into a sharp dressed, Soulless slaying machine _specifically_ because he was with Leni, right?"

"That is my theory, yes." Lisa replied, nodding slowly.

"So hypernetically speaking—"

"Hypothetically."

"Right, that." Lynn nodded absentmindedly. "In _theory_ , that means Lincoln could turn into different things with different girls, right? Like, lets say this girl was a kick-butt martial artist, which everyone knows is _way_ cooler than a magical girl, Linc would _also_ turn into something way cooler. Right?"

Lisa winced, but reluctantly nodded. "That is my working theory. Yes."

" _Iiiinteresting."_ Lynn began to rub her hands together, with barely repressed glee. "Better get cracking on those training dummies, Lisa. I have a feeling we're gonna need a _lot_ more." Before Lisa could respond, Lynn dashed out of the room, cackling to herself.

"Oh dear." The scientist muttered to the now empty room. _That_ didn't bode well.

* * *

Lincoln looked himself over in the mirror one last time. He knew it was pointless, he'd already gotten as groomed as he was going to get even before going to Lisa's lab, and anything beyond his usual outfit was just going to look weird. So, short of transforming into a magical, tuxedoed hero (...a possibility that he gave some serious consideration to before dismissing it), this was about as good as he was going to look. And that was _fine._ It was just Luna and Sam. All he'd needed to be was himself. Luna literally had a song about that very subject. One where the message was about allowing one to be true to themselves by bathing in the blood of their enemies, but the lesson was still applicable. At least, he was reasonably certain it was.

He supposed it was the difference in status that left him so unnerved. This wasn't something he was unused to. Lori was essentially a celebrity, and one who could pile drive him into the sun with little trouble should the mood take her. Leni was also a celebrity, and of a much more traditional variety than Lori. _Carol_ was also...err, well, maybe that wasn't such a good comparison. Something about the statuesque blonde left him tongue tied, maybe he just had a type? Tall, blonde and buxom wasn't exactly a niche appeal, he supposed girls like Carol just had that effect on guys.

* * *

 _"A...CHOOO!"_ Lori blinked in surprise, then winced as she noticed that the park beneath her was suddenly missing a lot of its leaves. Super Breath definitely had its downsides sometimes.

"Stupid sneeze, sneaking up on me like that." She grumbled, scratching her still tingling nose. It was at that point, when she realized that Carol had adopted the exact same pose.

"Huh, you too?" Both girls said in unison.

* * *

" _A...chooi"_ Leni winced as a tiny sneeze, really more of a squeak, suddenly exploded forth from her delicate nose. _"Gross."_ She thought, as she reached into her purse for a tissue. That was when she noticed that everyone on the crowded street around her seemed to be looking directly at her. _Intently_ so.

"Uh..." The blonde began, fumbling for words that could possibly address this strange occurrence. But before she could say anything, the crowd erupted into whoops and cheers.

" _Well, whatever makes people happy."_ Leni mentally shrugged, and bowed for her adoring public.

* * *

Lincoln grunted in irritation as his hair refused to conform to his desires. Fine then, he'd just go with the turkey tail. As usual. As he made his way downstairs, Lincoln's mind turned back to his earlier musings. So, Carol being the gorgeous anomaly that she was, that left Lori and Leni, neither of whom he'd ever had problems feeling comfortable around. Other than competence wise, of course, he was well acquainted with feeling inadequate compared to his much more talented sisters. But he'd never felt uncomfortable around them as a _person_. Lincoln loved his sisters, metaphorical warts and all, and he knew they feeling was mutual. He supposed the problem was that Luna was the only member of his family who wasn't around all that often. She and Sam were always off going exciting places, meeting exciting people and doing exiting things. It gave the girls an air of mystique that just wasn't there with his domestically located sisters, even as fantastical as their abilities were.

And it was particularly annoying because Lincoln _knew_ he shouldn't feel that way. Luna Loud adored her only brother, she'd made that _abundantly_ clear on numerous occasions. Sam too, and not just because he happened to be her girlfriend's brother. Lincoln, Luna, and Sam had been fast friends, long before the girls had even begun to entertain the _idea_ of stardom.

* * *

"Lincoooooln!" Called a much younger Sam, circa 9-years old or so, looking much the same as she did in the present day, just considerably less...robust in certain areas, and lacking her penchant for the color cyan. "Come over here!"

"Coming!" An equally downsized Lincoln scurried into the room, having learned that when girls were shouting at him, it was usually best to just go along with it. "Hi, Luna." He said, waiving at his big sister. Her presence wasn't a surprise, she and Sam were inseparable. "What's going on?"

"W-well..." Luna began, haltingly. She stopped, mid-sentence, then looked to Sam meaningfully. The blonde rolled her eyes in irritation, but seemingly received whatever message Luna was trying to send.

"Luna and I wanna play house." The Sharp girl announced, her voice brooking no room for argument. "And we need you to play with us." Lincoln groaned quietly, knowing better than to voice his displeasure.

"Fine." He grumbled. "Who's going to be what?" Maybe they'd let him be something cool this time, like a superhero or something.

"Luna and I are going to be the mommies." Sam said, gesturing to herself and his sister. "And you're going to be our husband."

"But we _always_ do that!" Lincoln protested.

"And that's why we're gonna do it this time too." Sam replied, grinning. She reached over and yanked the boy close. "Now come on, first you've gotta marry me and Luna before we can start playing."

* * *

Lincoln found himself blinking furiously as the memory faded from his mind. _That_ couldn't possibly how those play dates had gone. Could it? No, no. He must have...inhaled something in Lisa's lab, or something...surely..

Lincoln was pulled from his thoughts as a strange tingle began going off in the back of his mind. _Danger_ _!_ His instincts began screaming, but before he could act on the impulse a great weight slammed into him from the side.

"Gaaaah!" Lincoln cried out as he toppled over, crashing into the ground. He likely would have continued, potentially moving onto something more articulate, but the force of his body slamming into the ground knocked the wind out of the boy, momentarily leaving him stunned. As Lincoln's oxygen deprived brain struggled to feed him relevant data, two things suddenly became very apparent to him. Aching backside aside, the world was suddenly very soft, and pleasant smelling. And also... _cyan_?


	19. Chapter 19

"Loooooorrrrrriiiiiii Loooooooooooud!"

The girl in question started in surprise, momentarily forgetting that she was soaring hundreds of feet above the ground, causing a brief moment of panic and indecision as her internal compass struggled to rationalize the free form environment she was currently freaking out within. Finally managing to right herself once more, heart pounding rapidly within her breast, Lori let out a quick sigh of relief, then turned to the source of the disturbance.

"You back on Earth now?" Asked Carol Pingrey, floating alongside her, _clearly_ amused by her distress. "You haven't said anything in a while, wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine, Carol." Lori replied, wincing slightly. "Sorry, I guess I'm just a little distracted. Not exactly the best state to be in while we're on patrol."

"I understand." Said her companion, as both girls slowed to a stop, as if by some unspoken agreement. "And just how _is_ your kryptonite doing?"

"My...what?" Asked Lori, haltingly, genuinely confused.

"Kryptonite." Carol repeated, as if her meaning had been obvious. "It's an expression referring to a superhero's weakness. Referring, of course to the most famous example of—"

"I know what the _expression_ means, Carol." Lori interrupted. "I'm confused by the context here."

"Oh." The other blonde smiled broadly. "I was talking about your brother, Lincoln, who is _clearly_ your kryptonite. Hence my use of the expression."

Lori swallowed heavily, her mouth suddenly dry as a desert. "I-I don't know what—"

"Geeze, lighten up, Lori." Carol giggled, slapping her friend on the shoulder. "It's fine. But lately you have been spacing out like that, a lot, and it usually ends up being because you're thinking about Lincoln."

" _Which_!" The amazon held up one hand, forstalling any more interruptions from Lori. "Is _totally understandable_. Given what Lincoln went through the other day, of course you're going to be worrying about him. I was just asking, in the form of what was supposed to be a joke...how's the little guy doing?" She adopted a warm smile. "Seriously, I haven't heard anything since the day of the attack."

"Oh." Lori allowed herself to relax a bit, her leotard-clad form drifting gracefully in the wind. "He's fine. Better than he should be, all things considered. But Lincoln's a strong kid, he's never given himself enough credit on that front." She turned away, frowning. "I guess I'm more worried in like...the general sense. I feel like I should have been there for him. Should _be_ there for him, you know?"

"Ever the big sister." Carol chortled. "You're like that for all your siblings, but Linc's the one who gets it the most."

"It's not _just_ me." Lori protested, weakly. "We all worry about Lincoln. He only got his Archetype recently, and before that...well, he needed protecting."

"Seems to me like you think he _still_ needs protecting."

Lori fumbled for an answer, only to shrug weakly. "I..." She began, hesitating. "I _want_ to protect him. I know I shouldn't feel that way, I know that my job is to protect _everybody_ , that's what heroes are supposed to do. But he's my..." She took a deep breath. "He's my...little brother. And I don't want him to ever have to go through something like that again, if I can help it."

"...Although." Lori added, a moment later. "It might be that Lincoln might not need me as much as he used to. By all accounts, he did pretty well for himself back at the mall."

"That tuxedo." Carol murmured, sighing happily.

"Y-yes." Annoyance with her friend's reaction warred with her own embarrassment, as a vision of Tuxedo Linky popped into her mind's eye, unbidden, flipping all kinds of switches inside her. "But I was more talking about all those Soulless he took down. All by himself, apparently."

"Yeah, that too." To Lori's surprise, Carol's grin only deepened, and instinctively Lori found herself moving away from her friend. _That_ was a familiar expression to the superheroine, it was the way people got when they were trying to look down her top. The fact that it _wasn't_ directed at her, for once, was nearly as strange as the fact that it was plastered upon the face her normally prim, proper, and _extremely_ photogenic friend.

"Carol?" She asked hesitantly, as the other girl began to quietly giggle to herself.

" _Carol_!" Lori barked, snapping her fingers impatiently—

_KATHOOM_

—And immediately regretted it. She'd put a little too much _oomf_ into that, and the resulting sound was more akin to a thunderclap. The weather station would undoubtedly be swamped with angry phone calls soon enough. Still, it seemed to have the desired effect. To a normal person, Carol would have appeared to have been immediately snapped out of her stupor, her face now wearing the angelic, serene smile she was known for. Lori wasn't exactly normal though, she'd seen the girl compose herself at speeds beyond what the human eye could typically follow. More importantly, she'd seen the way Carol had frantically run her arm across her mouth before setting back into her currently relaxed stance. It was...somewhat disconcerting.

"Everything okay?" She asked, not certain she was willing to close the distance just yet.

"Never better." Carol replied, pleasantly. "But since you brought up Lincoln...I was wondering if I might be able to...borrow...him?"

Lori's mouth opened, then closed. This repeated several times. Finally, she settled upon how to best approach this matter.

"You want to... _borrow_ , my brother?" She said, slowly.

"Just for a couple days." Carol replied, nervously pressing her index fingers together.

"The time frame wasn't a concern." Lori retorted. "Though _now_ it kind of is. But I'm gonna need you to elaborate a bit on what 'borrowing' Lincoln entails."

Carol gave a nervous titter. "Well, you know how Amazons aren't just an Archetype, right?"

Lori nodded warily. "Yeah, you've brought me to the Island a few times. You're a sovereign nation that just happens to have a lot of that particular Archetype."

"That's actually by design..." Carol replied, clearing her throat. "But yes, Amazon culture does produce Amazon Archetypes, more often than not. But since only girls are born with the Archetype, it means our population tends to skew female. So while it's not _required_ , it's strongly encouraged for Amazons who leave the Island to help diversify the gene pool by...uh, occasionally bringing back...potential...male citizens?"

A very stony silence followed. "Carol..." Lori began, speaking very slowly. "I'm going to need you to be very careful with the next words that come out of your mouth."

The amazon opened her mouth to reply.

" _Keeping in mind that I have heat_ _vision_." Lori growled. The other girl promptly closed her mouth.

"Good." Lori nodded approvingly. "Now I'm going to need you to _assure_ me that you didn't just ask permission to use my little brother to diversity your gene pool."

"Any chance 'Super Persuadable' is one of your super powers?"

"No." Lori replied, dryly. "But I've still got that heat vision."

"Joking! It was a joke!" Carol began waving her hands emphatically. "Look, it's not like that, honest! But I've been off the Island for a long time now, and my parents are upset that I haven't been pulling my weight. I just need to bring a guy home with me so it looks like I've been making some progress."

"You're one of the most gorgeous gals in the city. How do you not have a stable of guys chomping at the bit for an opportunity like this?"

"Seriously?" Carol rolled her eyes in annoyance. "You of all people should know how hard it is for girls like us to get a date with someone who doesn't just see us as a hot bod in a tight costume. Or worse, isn't so terrified over what we can do that they can't even talk to us. Remember the time you had to push the planet out of alignment to save us from that giant asteroid?"

Lori frowned as that particularly unpleasant memory resurfaced. "People were too intimidated to talk to me." She admitted. " _I_ didn't even do the heavy lifting on that one! The world governments got a bunch of wizards together and made the planet weightless for a while. I just happened to be the only hero who could get in position fast enough to move the stupid thing! But..." Her lips quirked upward as warmth began to spread through her. "I ended up riding it out by holing up at home till the next big crisis hit. Lincoln kept me company, we mostly played video games and watched bad movies."

"Precisely!" Carol gestured emphatically. "Lincoln's a nice guy with a good head on his shoulders. _And_ I know he won't take advantage of the situation. Come on, Lori. Please?"

Memories of spending time with her little bro faded, quickly replaced by irritation and suspicion as Lori's big-sister instincts kicked in once more.

"And what exactly would he have to do, on this little trip of yours?"

Carol shrugged. "Hang out in a nice hotel suite for a couple of days. A couple of meals with my parents. And..."

"And?" Lori prompted.

"...aaaaand put in some face time with anyone else interested on bidding for his engageMENT" Carol squeaked in surprise as Lori suddenly appeared in front of her.

"I thought he was going to be _your_ fake boyfriend!" Lori growled, pointing one accusing finger at her increasingly distressed friend.

"He is!" Carol protested, a happy smile briefly blooming on her face before abject terror asserted itself once more. "But eligible guys are at a premium on the Island, so it's customary to let other interested girls have chance to...you know, check out the merchandise and make a case for themselves."And not gonna lie, Lincoln's gonna hit a few very popular check boxes with the girls on the Island. I mean, have you _seen_ the footage of his fight?" Without waiting for a reply, Carol began fishing around in her cleavage, producing her phone a few moments later.

"You know, Leni makes great phone cases you can just strap right onto your costume." Lori said as she drifted closer to her friend, patting her own for demonstration. "It's way more convenient."

"And I would _love_ to talk about getting a few of those from her." Carol nodded emphatically. "But first, check this out!" Lori leaned over Carol's shoulder, curious. On her phone was what appeared to be amateur footage of Tuxedo Linky taking on a horde of Soulless. The video was shaky and frequently lost focus, but that was undeniably her little brother, tearing through Husks with style and grace.

"Wow." Lori murmured.

"Yeah." Carol nodded her agreement, briefly biting down on her lower lip. "This thing's got a zillion views already, and it's only one upload. There's tons of them out there. If Lincoln's performing like this when he's thirteen, think about what a monster he'll be when he's older." The other blonde let out a happy little sigh, her eyes glazing over for an instant, before she regained her composure.

"So...yeah. Linc's _probably_ gonna find himself with more than a few bids once word gets out. But it's totally consensual! He won't get pushed into anything, I swear!"

"He'd better not!" Lori spat. She paused momentarily, her brow crinkling in confusion. "Wait, why would you bring a guy home just so you could hand him off to another girl?"

"Polygamy's common in our culture." Carol replied, shrugging. "Ostensibly its to help keep birth rates up, but nobody judges when a bunch of gals just want to be happy together. My moms both shared my dad before he passed away, and the three of them were really happy together."

"Oh." Lori felt her anger begin to cool, surprised by the frank admission. "You've never told me that. Or about your dad."

"He died a warrior's death." Carol added. "Shattered pelvis."

There was a sound vaguely reminiscent of breaking glass. "Pardon?"

"Apparently they wanted me to have a little sister."

" _That's a thing?"_ Lori raised one trembling hand to her mouth, horrified. "And you want me to send my little brother off to... _that?_?

"Hey, I thought I'd get a little solidarity out of you." Carol admonished her. "After all, a strong gal like you is going to run into the exact same problem if you're not careful."

Lori began to whimper as visions of her little brother's potential deaths began whirling through her mind. Some of them caused by _her_. Which was a whole other issue she wasn't quite equipped to deal with. Fortunately, before she could freak out too badly, Carol leaned close and wrapped her arms tightly around Lori.

"There there, Lori." She cooed, rubbing soothing circles into Lori's back. Immediately the eldest Loud girl found herself melting in her friend's strong embrace. It was strangely comforting. "Dad's case was a freak accident. Amazons have been working on this issue for generations, we've got it down to a science. There's techniques, stretches you can do, all kinds of stuff I'd be happy to show you."

"S-show me?" Lori asked, her face feeling strangely flushed all of a sudden.

"W-when you need it, obviously." Carol replied, releasing Lori from her grasp. "I mean, it's not like you'll need to worry about that right now." She hesitated, ever so slightly. "Right?"

"Not...not right now. No." Lori nodded, haltingly.

"W-well there you go." Carol giggled nervously. Then, she stopped. Her eyes going wide. "Hey! What if you came with us!"

"W-with _you_ and—"

" _Gaaaah!_ " Lori's ears perked up as she heard a familiar cry of distress far in the distance.

"—LINCOLN!" Lori shrieked, her sisterly instincts kicked in, redirecting her body towards the sound of the cry before she was consciously aware of what she was doing.

"I'mnotentirelyonboardyetbutwe'lltalklaterCarol!" Lori called back to her friend as she rocketed away.

"All...alright then." Came Carol's voice, Lori's super hearing picking up her fellow blonde's voice as easily as if the girl was still standing next to her. "Tell Lincoln I said hi!"

Lori fought down the violent, angry twitch that threatened to overtake her body. She knew from personal experience that it was _not_ conducive to a safe, high speed flight. Besides, she'd have time to worry about an island full of half-dressed, brother stealing harpies later, right now she had a job to do!

_CRASH!_

It was only moments later that Lori crashed through the exterior of the Loud house (she'd fix it later. Super Wall Repair for the win!) coming to an abrupt stop as she scanned the compound for her target. There! In the kitchen! Her enhanced senses relayed the form of her little brother, thrashing in distress as an intruder pinned him to the ground.

_CRASH!_

One more wall she'd need to fix, but now there was nothing standing between her and her prey! Lori blaster forward, _unreasonably_ fast, gripped the intruder by the scruff of their neck with one hand, and hoisted them up into the air!

...and then let out a long, exasperated sigh.

"Literally _what_ are you doing?" Lori asked dryly.

"Getting reacquainted." Came the irritably chipper voice of Sam Sharp. "How's it going, Lori?"


	20. Chapter 20

"What are you doing, Sam?" Lori asked wearily as she watched the younger girl squirm enthusiastically in her grip. Much to her annoyance, Sam appeared to be enjoying the experience.

Sam and Luna's careers necessitated that the girls spend a great deal of their time traveling. With Lori's own responsibilities as a hero keeping her busy, she'd rarely spent much time around either girl in recent years. So it was strange to try and reconcile the Sam Lori knew in her head with the Sam she more commonly ran into out in the world.

Lori was herself, a pseudo-celebrity. She enjoyed celebrity- _like_ status because she was a public figure and a high profile superhero. While she was generally well regarded by the public at large, Lori typically didn't have much presence in the public space beyond her duties as a professional. She was occasionally asked to do the odd interview for one periodical or another, and sometimes she got to say a few words on camera after a particularly impressive feat of heroism, but otherwise she was just another girl trying to make the world a better place.

Luna Loud and Sam Sharp were in a whole other league. Legitimate, capital 'C' _Celebrities_ , nothing pseudo about them. It was rare that Lori didn't find herself treated to the sight of the girls in some fashion or another. Even disregarding the fruits of their actual music careers into account, _The Sirens_ made highly advertised guest appearances in television and movies on a fairly regular basis, and often ended up working their way through the talk various show circuits when their schedules would allow. And in the stream of commerce, the girls' names and likenesses had been licensed for every conceivable type of marketable product. The very clothes on Sam's back, her trademark leather jacket, t-shirt, and jeans in her signature colors were _literally_ _trademarked_ now, with the complete outfit now readily available for purchase at most reasonably upscale clothing stores. Naturally, her brand also had blonde and blue hair dye as available as separate purchases for anyone who _really_ wanted to commit to the look. The point was, Sam Sharp, the rock star, was a common sight in the public space, and it that sweet, soft spoken, and incredibly well-mannered girl and wholesome girl that Lori found herself encountering out in the world most often.

"I'm getting reacquainted with our little brother." Sam replied, cheerfully. "Now could you put me down? I think Lincoln was about to find his courage, and I want to be within arms-length just in case that happens."

" _My_ little brother." Lori corrected her, sternly, to which Sam simply shrugged.

"One doesn't invalidate the other."

" _I'm_ going to invalidate y—" Lori stopped herself, and took a deep, calming breath. Then she gave the still airborne girl a good, hard shake just for good measure, taking just a _bit_ of enjoyment from the resulting dazed expression on her face.

 _This_ was the Sam Sharp that Lori remembered. The Sam she'd grown up with. Bombastic, energetic to a fault, and _strangely_ preoccupied with monopolizing as much of Lincoln's time for her and Luna as possible. Which she'd only found _moderately_ annoying in her youth. The Louds were a fairly close knit group, and having to hunt down Lincoln just because Sam wanted to him to pretend to house hunt, or file joint tax her and Luna only added an extra layer of tedium to their sibling activities. Now, however, something about the girl's mannerisms had her on edge. Sam had a funny way of smiling when Lincoln was in view. Lori couldn't quite place it, but there was something strangely familiar about that smile. _Frustratingly_ familiar. Whatever it was, Lori didn't want anyone to be smiling like that at _her_ brother.

"Why were you..." Lori chose her words carefully. "Wrestling...with Lincoln?" Much to her dismay, the Sharp girl immediately perked up.

"Oh, well why didn't you say so? Let me tell you a tale..."

"Gaaaah!" Lincoln yelped as he crashed into the ground, immediately finding himself in a confusing juxtaposition, caught between the very hard ground and the very soft thing currently pressing him into said ground. Squeezing one hand experimentally, he was equal parts thrilled and dismayed to be met with an _extremely_ feminine purr of approval. After a moment of struggling, he was finally able to free his face from its all too tantalizing prison, and found himself staring into the happiest face he'd seen this side of Leni.

"S-Sam?" He squeaked terror born from his current predicament warring with genuine delight over seeing the girl who had become like family to him over the years.

"Hello, Lincoln." The older girl cooed, fluttering her eyelashes at him. "Any chance you could move your hand just a _little_ to the right?"

Lincoln took a moment to consider the request. "I don't think I'm _allowed_ to." He said, carefully.

_CRASH_

"And then you showed up." Sam concluded, doing her best to bow in spite of her incapacitation.

"Why was _your_ story from Lincoln's point of view?" Lori asked, puzzled.

"Because that's the structure that made the most sense." Sam rolled her eyes as if the answer was obvious. "What, did you really want to hear about me skulking around just out of sight, waiting for the opportunity to make my move?"

The two Louds exchanged uncertain glances. "Did..." Lincoln began, hesitantly. "Did that actually happen?" His only response was a smile and a wink.

Lori winced, feeling the beginnings of a headache coming on. _This_ was the kind of thing you forgot about when you spent the majority of your time only seeing Sam's public persona.

"Right." She said with a sigh. "Setting _aside_ that uncomfortable thought for the moment..."

_BZZT BZZT BZZT_

"Lori, i think your butt's ringing."Sam offered.

" _Thank you_ , Sam." Lori growled. She promptly released her hold on the younger girl, causing Sam to collapse to the ground with a cry of surprise.

"You okay, Sam?" Lincoln asked, after she'd remained in that position for a few moments.

"No. Come over here and nurse me back to health."

Lincoln immediately started forward, presumably on instinct, but before even completing his first step he came to an abrupt halt and looked to Lori.

 _No._ Lori silently responded with a shake of her head. Then she reached for her still twitching waist pouch, and whipped out her phone.

"He—" Lori winced as a torrent of excited babbling rushed forth from the device's tiny speaker.

"Carol. _Carol._ _CAROL!"_ Lori shouted, trying to make herself heard over the din. "I can _literally_ hear you. Like, even without the phone! Stop yelling!"

She breathed a silent sigh of relief as actual words began filtering through her speaker.

"Yes. Lincoln's fine. No, it wasn't a false alarm, I just took care of business." She glanced at the still prone girl on the ground, currently groping blindly at the air. "I told you, he's fine. He's—...NO, he's _not_ wearing the tuxedo!" Lori rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I'll pass on the message. Alright, see you in a few." Then Lori terminated the call, wondering how Lincoln dealt with having so many pushy blondes in his life.

"Carol says 'hi'. Said Lori, glancing at her little brother. He practically _preened_ at the news. What the heck? Lori said 'hi' to the twerp literally every day, and he never reacted that way.

"Aw, that's so nice of her. Tell her—"

"I'll tell her you got the message." Lori interjected, sliding her phone back in her pouch. "Now, I really _should_ be getting back to work, but..." Lori trailed off as the glanced down at the pile of Sam at her feet.

"Lincoln? Are you coming? I'm cold and lonely down here." The fallen blonde wailed.

"...I'm honestly worried about leaving you alone with her." Lori concluded, shaking her head. She turned back to her brother. "Has Lynn shown you how to choke somebody out?"

Lincoln blinked, clearly confused. "She's shown me some submission holds, but not really _how_ to do them. She just kind of...grabs me, and tells me to figure out how to break out. I think I'm...0 for 200, or something by this point?"

"Of course you are." Lori muttered, shaking her head. She motioned for him to come over. "Alright, well, no time like the present."

"Is this really necessary?"

"Well, that depends." Lori said with a smirk. "Sam, are you still conscious."

"Conscious _and_ still waiting down here."

"There you go." Lori said with a shrug. "Now let me show you how to fix this little problem."

"Hey!"

Lincoln still looked unconvinced. But just as he opened his mouth, presumably to protest the perfectly justified incapacitation of Sam...

"Chill out, sis." A familiar voice rasped. "I'll take it from here."

"Luna!" Lincoln cried out happily, instantly recognizing the dulcet sound of his big sister's voice. True to form, the front door swung open, and standing in its wake was the purple clad rocker.

Trepidation stayed Lincoln's feet. He wanted to rush over and give his wayward sister the standard Loud family greeting; strangulation via intense hugging, but there was always a certain degree of anxiety that accompanied Luna's visits. Lincoln considered his relationship with Luna to be pretty fantastic, given how rare it was that they actually got to spend any time together. Luna _always_ made time for him. It didn't matter how far away she was, or how busy her schedule was, his big sister always found at least a few minutes each day to find out what was going on with her little brother.

Getting a chance to see Luna in the flesh was always a joyful occasion for the male Loud, but it was undeniable that there experience was always...intimidating. Every time Luna came home, she was more grown up than the previous time he'd seen her. Not _just_ physically, though it was undeniable that Luna had grown into a grown into a _gorgeous_ woman over the years (even his limited experience with her legions of fans had made that _abundantly_ clear), but just in a general sense. Luna was worldly, it seemed like she'd been everywhere, met everyone and done everything. And when he saw her on TV, verbally sparring with other celebrities and casually discussing her upcoming projects with a nonchalance that seemed wholly inappropriate for someone as absurdly successful as she was, it always kindled the same sense of dread in the boy. How could _this_ girl, this _woman_ , possibly still care about the dumb things he got up to in his perfectly mundane life? When would the day come where Luna Loud finally realized that in the time it took for her to have her morning coffee, she'd likely experienced more excitement than Lincoln would for that entire week?

The very sight of her had brought back that fear in full force. The fact that she was wearing a variation of her favorite outfit, the one Lincoln had come to associate with his sister almost as strongly as her music, didn't diminish the fact that her deceptively casual clothing was immaculately tailored and fitted to accentuate her womanly curves. New additions in the form of a leather jacket, similar to what Sam wore save for her signature coloring, and a pair of incredibly stylish looking dark purple sunglasses, did little to reassure Lincoln. She looked every bit the world renown rock star that she was. And the thought that _this_ might be the day when she'd finally outgrown him, terrified Lincoln right down to his core.

Then, Luna reached up...and took off the sunglasses. She looked _tired_. Eyes half-lidded, not from her usual laid back attitude, but from genuine weariness, accentuated by the dark bags under her eyes. Even so, _those_ were his sister's eyes. And when she fixed her gaze on him, and gave Lincoln that sweet, lazy smile of her's, he knew his worries were for naught.

"Hey!" She chuckled, holding out her arms. "What's a girl gotta do around here to—OOF"

Lincoln didn't hesitate this time. He sprinted towards the waiting girl and _threw_ himself at her, slamming into her far harder than he'd intended. He feared he might have been a bit _too_ enthusiastic in his greeting, that he would send them crashing to the ground in a comical recreation of what he'd been through with Sam only minutes earlier. But Luna planted her feet and held firm. The rocker responded in kind, wrapping her arms around Lincoln and hugging him just as fiercely. And for a time the pair simply stood there, locked in an epic embrace, each seemingly trying to hug the other to death.

Peeling his face away to the best that their hug would allow, Lincoln looked up into his sister's warm, welcoming eyes, watching her as she watched him. And it was in that moment that he knew that as crazy, and frustrating, and uncertain as life could be, in this moment there was one singular truth he could believe in.

Luna was home.


	21. Chapter 21

"Alright, alright." Luna chuckled, giving Lincoln one last squeeze before releasing him from their embrace. Lincoln began to follow suit, but rather than letting him go entirely, Luna allowed her hands to linger on his shoulders.

"Hang on." She murmured, stooping down so that their faces were more or less level. "Lemme have a look at you."

Lincoln wasn't quite certain how he was supposed to react, so he stood ramrod still as the older girl began to look him over, humming to herself all the while. At one point she leaned closer than before, her face brushing against his as she peered over his shoulder, and Lincoln's nose wrinkled as a strange scent wafted over him. Some kind of perfume, he assumed, presumably from her brand. It wasn't unpleasant by any means, just unexpected. Even as a hard rocking ragamuffin, nobody could ever accuse Luna Loud of being unfeminine (especially if they wanted to walk straight for the foreseeable future), but perfume had never been his sister's style. The demands of needing to maintain a public image, he supposed. His musings came to an end as Luna finally seemed to have completed her inspection, finally surrendering her grip on him as she stood up straight.

"Lookin' good, lil bro!" Luna proclaimed, giving him a thumbs up. "You get more grown up every time I see you. I bet the ladies must be hanging all over you by now."

"C-come on, Luna." He protested, feeling an embarrassed blush coming on. "You _know_ that's not true." Still, even knowing that earning his sister's approval wasn't an especially high bar, Lincoln found himself standing a little straighter.

"Uh uh." Luna replied noncommittally, a knowing smile on her face. Then she turned her attention past him. "And what are you doing hanging back there, Lori? Get over here and get in on this!"

_FOOM_

An explosion of wind was the only warning Lincoln received as Lori suddenly appeared between him and Luna. The elder girl snatched up her siblings, one in each arm, and spun around, lifting them off the ground as she hugged them close to her.

"Welcome back, little sister." Said Lori, smiling warmly as she placed her siblings on the ground once more. Lincoln steeled himself as his feet touched the ground, determined not to reveal how dizzy the short trip had made him.

"Right back at you, big sis." Luna smiled back, seeming no worse for wear.

"Luna! I hear hugging but I don't feel hugging! Pass some of that my way, would you?"

All three Louds exchanged glances. Some more amused with the fallen idol's antics than others.

"Which reminds me." Lori interjected, her face the very definition of nonplussed. "I was expecting the two of you to arrive together. What happened there."

"We _did_ arrive together." Luna replied, rolling her eyes. "But..."

* * *

"Now Sam..." Luna began, briefly glancing over to make sure her girlfriend was listening before returning her eyes to the road. "I know your really eager to see Li—I mean my family again..."

"Nice save Lunes." Sam said, giving Luna an encouraging pat on the shoulder.

"But we've got a van here full of expensive equipment. And since corporate needed an unreasonable amount of time to get us a moving crew—"

"They said they needed an hour. And that was before our plane had even landed!"

"That's what I _said_." Luna growled, shooting the blonde a quick glare. "So before we run off to greet...the _fam_ , we've gotta unload this stuff first. You got me?"

"Of _course_ , babe."

"I'm serious, Sam. Do _not_ run off and leave me to unload the friggin van all by myself!"

* * *

"Can't wait to find out how that turned out." Lori said, dryly.

"Well, let's see." Luna slid past her siblings and stepped over to Sam, who was now lying on her back, comfortably reclining with her hands clasped behind her head.

"Sam?" Luna asked, nudging the blonde with her boot. "What did I tell you _not_ to do?"

"Run off and leave you unload the van all by yourself." Sam immediately replied.

"What _what_ did you end up doing?"

"Ran off and left you to—oh, ho!" Sam cut herself off, chuckling with amusement. "You _almost_ got me."

"Right." Luna muttered, rolling her eyes. "Almost." She turned back to her siblings. "So yeah, that's why it took me a bit longer."

"Shoot." Lori frowned slightly. "Wish I'd known Luna, I could have taken care of that for you."

"Eh." Luna shrugged indifferently. "It's all good. Got our stuff squirreled away in the garage. So _now_..." She reached out and pulled Lincoln close, affectionately tousling the boy's hair. "Now I can catch up with our little bro. Least, if that's cool with you, Linc."

"That'd be awesome!" Lincoln exclaimed, his eyes lighting up.

"And _on_ that note..." Lori interjected, glancing at a nearby clock. " _I've_ got to get back to work." She started to turn away but stopped, hesitating. "Luna, please tell me you're still the responsible one. "

"That...depends." Luna's eyes darted back and forth. "You guys get any calls from the record company within the last couple of days?"

Lori blinked in surprise. "No?"

"Then _yes_." Luna declared, patting Lincoln's shoulder for emphasis. "Between Sam and I, _I'm_ the responsible one."

"I...feel like I'm missing some context here." Lori replied, sighing softly. "But I really need to go _._ So if you guys are going to hang out with Lincoln, _please_ keep an eye on Sam. I know she likes to tease him, but..." Lori trailed off, her eyes narrowing as she frowned at the girl who was currently doing her best impression of a throw rug. "She takes her jokes way too far."

"Heh. Yeah, that Sam." Luna replied, laughing nervously. "S-such a kidder."

"Okay then." Lori leaned down and pulled Lincoln into a side hug. "I'll be heading off then. Lincoln, give me a call if you need me and I'll be right there."

"I will, Lori." Lincoln chuckled, returning the hug. Lori preened, clearly delighted. Then her expression turned serious again.

"No, seriously, Lincoln. If _anything_ happens, call for me. I mean it."

_FOOM_

A familiar explosion of wind exploded outward, the kind that normally announced the heroine's departure, but by all appearances she hadn't moved an inch.

"See that?" Lori asked, lips curling upward into a slight smirk. "I literally just flew there and came back. All you need to do is—" Lori suddenly winced and began gingerly began massaging her ear. "Whoops, Carol sounds mad. Alright, gotta go. Bye guys!"

_FOOM_

More turbulence, but this time Lori was actually gone.

"Alright." Luna said once several moments had passed without the eldest Loud sibling reappearing. "Now why don't we..." She trailed off, blinking in surprise as she peered down at Lincoln. Then, Luna reached into her pocket and produced a purple handkerchief decorated with a large, stylized _LL_ logo.

"Here, lil' bro. You look like you need some toweling off."

"Oh." Lincoln reached up, feeling a sizeable damp spot that was now on his cheek. "Weird. Wonder how that got there."

* * *

"Sam, quit playing around and get up already." Luna ordered. To Lincoln's surprise, the blonde kicked swung her legs up in the air, then, with a powerful jerk of her hips, she propelled herself up off the ground and landed lightly on her feet. From lying flat on her back to a standing position, all without using her hands. Dutifully, Lincoln directed some light applause her way.

"A-thank you." Sam said, bowing deeply.

"So..." She prompted, turning to Luna while discretely reaching one hand towards Lincoln. "Now that the cat's away, how shalt the mice play?"

"Bad." Luna replied, slapping Sam's hand away. Nevertheless, she slipped one arm around Lincoln's shoulders and gently pulled him towards herself. "As for our plans...hmm."

Luna consulted a nearby clock. "We're gonna need to kill some time first, but I think Plan C is gonna be our best bet."

"Really? I get why Plan A is off the table, but why are we skipping the B-series? I was gonna call up my fireworks guy so we could do B-23!"

"The B-series was in case we had to, uh..." Luna's gaze briefly slid towards Lincoln. "Secure the package."

"You guys having trouble with your mail?" Lincoln asked innocently. Two pairs of eyes locked, one silently imploring the other to remain silent.

"Absolutely." Sam chimed in. "You wouldn't believe how much trouble we've had with our _male_ over the years. You should see how frustrated Luna gets when—"

"That's _enough_ , Sam." Luna growled. The Sharp girl's grin only broadened, her eyes sparkling with mischief. However, before she could continue—

"Hey, Stinkoln!" Lynn's voice floated down the stairs. "Where'd you go?" Two pairs of eyes locked more, _this_ time united in purpose.

"Plan Q?" Sam asked, her voice low.

"We don't _have_ a Plan Q." Luna hissed, rolling her eyes. "Linc, is Luan home?"

"Nnnnoooo?" Lincoln replied, concentrating. "Pretty sure she's taking care of a ghost on the other side of town. Think she said it'd take all day."

"Good." Luna turned her attention back to the blonde. "Sam, do your thing. Then we'll hole up in my room for a while."

"Woohoo!" Sam cheered, fumbling around in her jacket pocket. "I love doing my thing!"

"Uh..." Lincoln looked worriedly to Luna. "What exactly is it that she—"

"Improvised smoke bomb!" Sam shouted flinging a small cylindrical object up the stairs.

_foop_

Which was followed by a rather subdued sounding detonation a few moments later. Were it not for the thick tendrils of smoke that began to snake their way downstairs, Lincoln would have assumed that the whole affair was a weird, practical joke of some kind—

"Aaaaah! There's smoke in my _everything_! And complaining about it is only making things worse!"

—but Lynn's wails of agony sounded real enough.

"That was a...nice, smoke bomb. Sam." Lincoln said, hesitantly.

"Perks of being a rock star." Sam replied, preening at the praise. "You get access to some _really_ good special effects stuff. Now then..." Sam stepped a little closer to Lincoln. "Last one to Luna's room is Luna!"

"What's that—" Luna's query was cut off as Sam hoisted Lincoln on her shoulders and began leaping up the stairs, taking them two at a time.

"Sam! Get back here!" Luna roared, chasing after the pair.

* * *

"Until your speakers blooooooow...OUT!" Luna bellowed, shredding one final arrangements of chords on her guitar. For a time, all that could be heard were the echoing sounds of her final verse intermingling with the ghostly wailing of her guitar, underscored by her heavy, exhausted breathing. Finally, Luna got enough of her breath back to render judgement.

"That...SUCKED!" She roared, impotently kicking at a nearby amp. She wasn't crazy enough to actually connect with the _very_ expensive piece of equipment, but the action alone somewhat therapeutic.

"...What if we changed the song to 'Play it Sharp?'" Asked Sam, somewhat fresher of face and modest in build than her modern incarnation.

"Because _that_ doesn't make any sense!"

"It would if we played the entire song in sharps!"

"HOW could that possibly—" Luna shuddered violently, trying to rein in her emotions. The pair had been wracking their minds over this conundrum for days now, and tensions were a little high. She had to remind herself that while smacking Sam upside her head with her own base would probably feel _immensely_ satisfying for a few seconds, the long term consequences _vastly_ outweighed the short term benefits. However _enticing_ those might seem. Besides, deep down she knew Sam wasn't the cause of her ire. The issue was much simpler than that, and had been staring her in the face for some time now. The truth was—

"I don't think we're ready for this." Luna confessed, her shoulders slumping as she finally voiced the concern she'd been pushing down. Apparently she wasn't alone, as her girlfriend's face was overtaken by a similar melancholy.

"W-we could take it from the top again?" Sam suggested, weakly. As if they hadn't been doing that _exact_ thing, over and over again.

"I don't think that's going to help, Sam." Luna said, shaking her head. "It's the same song as it was when we started this thing. I just...I just don't think we're ready for the Battle of the Bands."

"So..." The blonde swallowed hard. "So what do you wanna do, Lunes?"

 _Quit_. That seemed like the easy, and obvious answer. Months ago when they'd first signed up for this contest, it seemed like a no-brainer. They were going to crush their competition with little effort, earning their burgeoning act both fame _and_ a sweet record deal. It felt like they couldn't loose. But the closer the big day came, the more she'd begun to doubt herself. And now it was the eve of the competition, and the song _just didn't sound right_. It couldn't be their playing, right? They'd practiced this thing endlessly, already well worn guitar playing fingers growing only more and more calloused as both girls more and more of themselves into their playing. The only reasonable explanation, it seemed was that the song _itself_ was bad. And since she'd been the one who wrote the song, well...

"I..." Luna trailed off, sighing deeply. "I really don't know, Sam."

The silence was palpable. For two girls who immersed themselves in their work so much that _everything_ was a song just waiting to happen, the dead air that now surrounded them was terrifying. For a few, brief moments, Luna entertained the possibility that this was her reality now. No notes, no rhythm, just emptiness.

"...Play it again!"

Luna started in surprise as a tiny voice cut through the fugue that had engulfed her. She blinked, vision suddenly blurred by tears she hadn't realized she was shedding, trying to find the source of the—

_clap_

There. That sound she heard not just with her ears, but also with her heart.

_clap_

Two tiny hands, beating together with great enthusiasm. The sound that could draw a smile from her, even when she was at her lowest.

"Play it again, Luna!" Shouted her little brother, clapping enthusiastically from his seat only a short distance away from their little makeshift stage. "Keep going! I wanna hear it again!"

Luna snorted, equal parts amused and embarrassed by Lincoln's antics. The kid was _terrible_ as a critic, he ended up insisting everything they played was his favorite song. And yet...

"What do you say, Sam?" She asked, her smile broadening as she caught her girlfriend furiously wiping away at her own eyes.

"W-well, its a request from a fan, right?" Sam replied, a grin spreading across her face. "We've always said you can't disappoint your fans, right?"

"True. Though..." Luna giggled as she glanced back at Lincoln, still cheering his heart out. "You realize he might be the only one. Like, _ever_. Right?"

"I think I can live with that." Sam chortled, giving her bass a strum, the warm sound resonating outward, coloring the stage with their presence. "Quality over quantity, right?"

"Absolutely." Luna nodded, grinning fiercely as she laid hands upon her guitar once more. "A one! A two! A one, two, three—!"


	22. Chapter 22

Luna opened her eyes, and before her brain registered the change in state she immediately, _instinctively_ knew she'd had The Dream again. She knew this because her cheeks were sore from smiling so hard, which was a telltale sign of her only nocturnal experience significant enough to warrant proper noun status. Soon enough, proper consciousness fully returned to the rocker, along with her memories, and she knew her hunch had been correct.

The Battle of the Bands had been a major turning point for both her and Sam. They'd gotten to put their talents to the test on a stage far greater than any they'd ever performed on previously, they'd earned fame, acclaim, and confidence in themselves, and the record deal they'd won had propelled the pair to instant stardom after the release of their first single. It was not at all an understatement to say that Luna's life had irrevocably been changed that day, and pretty much unequivocally for the better.

And despite quite possibly being the most important moment of her life, it almost hadn't happened. On the eve of the Battle, she'd very nearly thrown in the towel. Sam too, irrepressible and unflappable as she normally was. The girls had looked upon the insurmountable challenge before them, and they'd been on the cusp of turning away. At any other time, they likely would have, and that may have been it, were it not for the encouragement of her little brother. Lincoln, her first and number one fan...

A quiet groan reminded Luna that this particular occasion was a special one. Trying to assert some control over the grin currently ravaging her face, the brunette rolled over onto her side and draped her arm across the figure laying there.

"You awake, little bro?" She asked, completely unnecessarily. Lincoln's eyes were wide open and slightly bloodshot. Their plan for evading Lynn had been a simple one; hole up in Luna's room until the coast was clear. But even after the most athletic Loud seemed to have given up on her hunt, it had still been way too early in the day for what she and Sam had planned. The need to kill some time and the fact that both girls were still pretty jet-lagged made a mid-day nap suddenly sound very appealing...

* * *

"Alright then." Lincoln said, nodding. "I'll just sneak on back to my room, and leave you girl to your re—ACK!"

The retreating boy was cut off as Sam suddenly appeared behind him and proceeded to lock the bedroom door.

"Now where do you think _you're_ going, little bro?" The older girl purred, fluttering her eyelashes at him...

* * *

To be fair, it didn't make sense for Lincoln to leave. Out on his own, the kid was inevitably going to get wrapped up in the nonsense of one sister or another, and Luna had no intention of allowing that sister to be anybody but _her_. Besides, she'd just gotten back after being away for months. She wasn't quite ready to let her bonding time with her little bro be cut short so soon. Not just yet. Unfortunately, this presented a new minor obstacle...

"A-awake." Lincoln uttered, as softly as he possibly could. It was for naught, as the sound caused the pair of arms still wrapped around him to pull taut, crushing him against the mound of softness on his other side.

Sam had been adamant that Lincoln join them for their nap, insisting that he'd need his strength for later. The problem, of course, was that keeping Lincoln to themselves meant hiding him from anyone who might stumble upon their hiding place. And the only sensible solution to that particular conundrum had been for the three of them so share a bed..

"MMMMRPF!" Lincoln exclaimed, writing in the grip of the still slumbering Sam.

Course, Luna's bunk bed was designed for a single occupant. Even when she and Sam chose to share the space for their alone time, things tended to get a little cramped. So adding a third person had only exacerbated the problem.

"Hang on, Linc." Whispered Luna, biting down a chuckle. Snuggling closer to Lincoln, and trying her hardest to avoid being distracted by her little brother's moans, Luna threaded her arms through her girlfriend's, a maneuver she'd pulled off countless times before. Sam responded most viscerally to body heat, so the solution to breaking out of a Sam hold was to gently pry her off while maintaining contact for as long as possible. But just as she began to extract her little brother from his bindings, Sam's eyes shot open.

"Mine!" She snarled, tightening her grip on Lincoln and attempting to scurry backwards, looking very much like a dog attempting to protect its bone. Fortunately, the retreat was doomed before it started. It wasn't like there was any place to go.

Sam apparently realized this, her furious expression immediately turning confused. Then panicked.

"...Ours?" She asked. Luna merely pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes at the other girl.

"...Fine. Yours." Sam grumbled, sighing. She released her hold on the rapidly asphyxiating Lincoln, and gently shoved the still dazed boy towards Luna. Not willing to look a gift horse in the mouth Luna gave Lincoln another hug, followed by a quick peck on the cheek.

"Saved your life, bro." She whispered in his ear.

"Thanks." Lincoln wheezed, chuckling nervously. "I'll get you back later."

"No rush." Luna replied, shrugging as best she could from her position. She looked past the pair, squinting at the window. The sun was going down, and night war rapidly approaching.

"Looks like its time." Luna murmured, nodding absentmindedly. "Still got the keys, Sam?"

"Jingle jangle." Replied the blonde, patting her pocket and eliciting the corresponding sound.

"Right. Time to head out then."

"What, _now_?" Lincoln asked, dumbfounded. "But it's so late. And _Lori_ —MRRRF!"

Too slow! Luna should have foreseen that. She'd tried to cut him off, but hadn't been able to clamp her hands over his mouth until he'd already uttered the forbidden word. They had only scant moments to fix this before it all came crashing down...

* * *

Lori Loud resided in a deep state of unconsciousness. As mighty as her physical body was, days of lengthy patrolling had left her mind extraordinarily fatigued. Upon returning home, she'd taken a quick scan of the premises with her enhanced senses, and once she'd determined that Lincoln was alive, well, and still in Luna's care, she'd immediately dashed to her room and surrendered herself to the sweet oblivion of sleep. In this state, there was little that could rouse her from her slumber—

" _Lori—!"_

Save for the cry of her little brother. Though she remained firmly asleep, the eldest Loud sibling's enhanced hearing still picked up on the fact that Lincoln was calling out for her. And, running on pure instinct, Lori's physical form roused itself with stiff, jerky movements, rising from her bed like a zombie from its grave. Though currently denied her higher brain functions, Lori's body was still able to comprehend that Lincoln calling out for her meant that her little brother was in danger. And that meant she needed to get to him. No matter what she had to smash in the process!

" _—Lori Loud is the best big sister in the world. And I love_ _her?_ "

And like that, Lori's body went limp, collapsing upon her bed once more. Hours later she would awaken with burning cheeks and a giant smile on her face, equal parts confused and happy.

* * *

"Why did you have that written on an index card?" Lincoln asked. "A-and why did you make me _read_ it?"

"Just a precaution." Sam replied, coolly as she slid the card in question back into her pocket. The blonde cupped one hand to her ear and motioned for the others to remain quiet.

"...I think we're okay." She said softly, several seconds later.

"Because there isn't a line of _L_ —...err, big sis shaped holes between here and wherever she is?" Luna deadpanned.

"Pretty much." Sam nodded, without a hint of irony. "Now let's get going!"

* * *

"Why do _I_ have to drive?" Sam whined from behind the wheel of the van she ostensibly shared with Luna. The blonde tried to turn around to look at her passengers, but immediately the vehicle began to wobble from side to side, forcing her to quickly sit back down and assert control.

"Luna!" She called back, trying to get the siblings in view through the rear view mirror. "Tell Lincoln I look very sad! Adorably so!"

"Duly noted." Luna replied, smirking as she put one arm around her little brother. "And you're driving because you were already holding the keys when. And then I said, and I quote, 'not it', while you were busy playing with them."

"But I'm famous!" Sam wailed. "I shouldn't have to face the consequences of my actions! At least let Lincoln sit up here so he can keep me company!"

"That's not happening." Luna retorted, giving Lincoln an extra squeeze. "Big sister privilege."

"Aaaaaaaw!"

"Uh, Luna?" Lincoln asked, looking worriedly towards the front of the van. "Maybe I should—"

"Ignore her, little bro." Luna giggled, giving him a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "Sam likes to overreact like that. This is totally normal."

"I'm going to die from loneliness!"

"See? She'll be fine." Luna shook her head, amused at her girlfriend's antics. "Now forget about her for a bit. We've got a bit of a drive ahead of us, so why don't you catch me up on what's been going on."

"S-sure." Lincoln gulped loudly, now expecting to be put on the spot. "Well, I still haven't gotten to see the video of your last concert. I almost talked mom into it, but then she noticed there was a content warning..."

"That's probably for the best." Luna winced. "Last I heard they were still cleaning fake blood out of the arena. Might have gone a _bit_ overboard with the special effects that time..."

"Oh! But I got to see Sam's guest appearance on Police Procedural #37! Though, didn't do a very good job of hiding the fact that she was the killer."

"I wasn't supposed to be at first!" Sam called back. "But they rewrote the script partway through shooting to give me a bigger part. They said I was born for the role!"

Lincoln looked to Luna, who simply shook her hand, as if to say "kinda". Then she motioned for Lincoln to continue.

"Right." He said, shooting one more glance at the front of the van. "And...oh! I heard you guys are going to be in that new Guitar Battlers game, so I already preordered a copy."

"Bro, you didn't have to do that." Luna chortled. "If you'd just asked me I would have gotten you a copy for free. Heck, I'm pretty sure the game's already done, and they're just waiting until the holidays to release it.

"Well...yeah." Lincoln sunk into his seat a little, cheeks tinged red with embarrassment. "But this way your sales numbers go up. And...I just wanted to help you guys out."

"Awwww!" Cooed both girls in unison. The response did little to help Lincoln's embarrassment, and the fierce hug Luna pulled him into helped even less.

"Luna, I can hear you hugging him!" Sam yelled out. "Get up here and take over so I can have my turn!"

"Sister privilege." Luna replied.

"Dang it! No fair!"

"I'll pass on the message." Luna grinned smugly as she hugged Lincoln even more tightly, only then finally letting the boy go.

"We appreciate the thought, lil bro. Seriously. But that's _your_ money. Don't even feel obligated to put down your money for our sake, alright?"

"I just wanted to help." Lincoln looked at the floor, bashfully.

"You've helped _plenty_." Luna whispered into his ear, allowing herself to indulge in one last hug. "And don't you ever forget it."

"Now." Luna continued, surrendering her hold on the boy. "While I _do_ like hearing about our greatest hits from you, that wasn't quite what I was expecting. I want to hear what _you've_ been up to."

"Me?" Lincoln asked, surprised.

"Yeah, you." Luna jabbed him playfully. "You got your Archetype! You're going to the Academy now! You've been in..." Her smile faltered a bit. " _Two_ big...uh, adventures, since I've been gone. You've got a lot of stuff going on, bro."

"I guess when you put it like that..."

"And we're totally out of the loop, because _somebody_ —" Another jab, this one a _smidge_ less playful. "Has been holding out on me."

"Us!"

"Whatever." Luna waved dismissively. "So come on dude, catch us up."

"Well...alright." Lincoln cleared his throat nervously. "But it's a bit of a story..."

* * *

"And _that's_ everything that I've been through, basically." Lincoln concluded. Moments passed, and Lincoln grew increasingly worried. Luna hadn't said anything in a while, and her face had been frozen in an expression of what he _presumed_ was concern, for quite some time now. Mercifully, the silence was finally broken.

"So...you're a Harem King?"

Unfortunately, it was by Sam.

"That's...what they tell me." Lincoln replied, glancing uncertainly towards the driver's seat before looking back at his still frozen sister.

"Do you have a harem yet?"

" _What!_ " Lincoln was surprised that his outburst was accompanied by an echo. An instant later, he realized the outcry had been supplied by Luna, who'd finally broken free from her funk, but was now staring at him, wild-eyed.

"N-no." Lincoln responded waving his hands in front of him. "I swear. I'm not going around collecting girls or anything, honest!"

"Well yeah, _that_ be really inefficient." Sam explained as she pulled the van over, finally allowing herself to join the conversation. "Don't you have like, a website or something?"

"...Why would I need one?" Lincoln asked, very slowly.

"To get yourself out there, obviously." Sam rolled her eyes, as if the answer had been obvious. "Girls need to know you exist before they can join your harem, obviously. Speaking of which, what's your application process like? Because I think I know a couple of girls—"

" _Sam!_ " Luna barked, pulling Lincoln close. "Now is not the time!"

"If not now, _when_?" The blonde asked, pouting.

"Not _now_!" Luna insisted, as she began to stroke Lincoln's hair. "Weren't you paying attention? The kid's been in two big fights already! He's gotta be traumatized!"

"The way _I_ heard it, Lincoln totally kicked butt on both occasions!"

"J-just the one." Lincoln answered quickly. "Lori did all the work on the first one. A-and really, the second one was all Leni..."

"Peeshaw." Sam replied dismissively as she swiped furiously at her phone. "You're not giving yourself enough credit—oh hey! There's video of the mall thing! Check it out, Lunes!"

"Video? WAIT!" But Lincoln's protest came too late. He was now looking at footage of the day in question. And low quality as the video was, it was pretty undeniable that _he_ was the subject.

"Wow." He breathed, watching himself bounce around and slice Soulless to ribbons. "I guess I did better than I—GACK!" Lincoln cried out as Luna arms tightened around him, the crushing, vice-like pressure forcefully expelling the air from his lungs.

"L-Luna!" He squawked, trying to crane his neck upwards.

"S-sorry...'lil bro." Luna stammered in response. "Just...just working through some...things." Thankfully she loosened her grip, allowing Lincoln to breathe once more.

"Woof. I'll say." Sam added, letting out a low whistle. "So...what's the deal with the tuxedo?"

"It just kind of appeared when I used my power on Leni." Lincoln tried to shrug, but couldn't, constrained as he was.

"You still got it?"

"Uh, no. I think it was like Leni's outfit. It just kind of appeared. And a while after the fight was over it disappeared again. I haven't been able to transform like that since."

"Interesting." Sam stroked her chin thoughtfully. "But you _got_ that way when you did your thing with Leni."

"When I used my _ability_ on Leni, yes." Lincoln corrected her.

"I liked my phrasing better." Sam said with a grin. "Point is, you got powers like Leni's when you used your thing on her. So it stands to reason that if you got with _another_ girl..."

"Sam!" Luna growled. "I really don't think _now_ is the time to talk about stuff like that." To Lincoln's surprise, the other girl relented.

"Fine, fine." Sam sighed, throwing up her hands in protest. "We're here anyway, might as well get out."

"Good." Luna nodded. "Let's go then."

"Uh, okay." Said Lincoln, feeling like he was missing some valuable context here, but being unwilling to pry. Whatever it was, it was clearly between the two girls.

"Hey, Luna?" He asked, after several seconds had passed.

"Yeah, bro?"

"You know...you're going to have to let go of me if we want to get out of the car, right?"

"...Five more minutes."

"Well _I'm_ not gonna be standing out here all by myself!" Sam grumbled as she hopped out of her seat and ran around to the side of the van. "Make room for Sam!"

* * *

"And now we're out of the car!" Sam announced, approximately _ten_ minutes later. "And also where we want to be!"

"Which is...where, exactly?" Lincoln asked, uncertain. Sam had driven them to one of the older, unused parts of town, far on the outskirts of the Royal Woods area. The kind of place that had once been fairly populated, then subsequently abandoned once circumstances made it more advantageous to move further inward. Aside from being better for business to have customers readily available, being around other people also meant that you were more likely to be saved in the event of a Soulless attack. These days, such places generally only saw traffic from combat Archetypes performing their patrols, and the odd business willing to set up remote operations there.

Before them was a decrepit building like the others in the surrounding area. All that set it apart from its fellows was the fact that it was quite a bit larger, and completely devoid of exterior windows. The remains of what had clearly been some kind of neon signage, the letters "C" and "B", provided a hint as to what it had previously been.

"This is the Moon Goat." Luna explained. "Well, used to be, obviously."

"It was a night club." Sam added. "The owner was a friend of ours, and he'd let Luna and I play here when we were first getting our act together."

"Good times." Luna said, smiling fondly at the derelict building.

"Yep. So whenever we're in town, Luna and I like to come here to unwind."

"I didn't know that." Said Lincoln, looking between the girls.

"Well, it's not exactly a place for kids, Linc." Luna chuckled. "Even shut down. Mom would have killed us if we'd tried taking you here before."

"But wouldn't you guys have been about my age when you were actually _performing_ here?"

It happened so fast that Lincoln almost missed it, but the two girls briefly exchanged panicked glances, which seems to support his conclusion.

"The _point_ , is..." Sam said smoothly, sliding over to Lincoln and putting her hands on his shoulders, guiding him towards the club. " _Now_ you are old enough. So we thought we'd invite you along to our little jam session." She stopped, putting her hand on his cheek and guiding him to look at her.

"How'd you like a private concert from The Sirens?" She asked, giving him a little wink.

"That'd be awesome!" Lincoln exclaimed. "But...I'm not supposed to tell mom and dad about this, right?"

"Smart kid." Sam giggled as she tousled his hair. "Now we'll just head on inside and—"

"Hold it, Sam." Luna stuck her hand out, blocking the pair from proceeding. "You know how this works. If you're gonna hold onto Lincoln, then I should go in first."

"Right, duh." Sam slapped her forehead. "Go on ahead, babe."

Lincoln frowned, confused. "Why would Luna have to—woah!" Before he could finish articulating his thought, Luna flexed her fingers. There was short, violet flash of light, accompanied by a distinct _twang_ noise, and suddenly Luna's signature guitar was in her hand.

"Back up a bit, Sam." Luna ordered, as she advanced towards the door.

"Why...?" Lincoln asked, trailing off as he looked up at Sam.

" _That's_ why." Sam replied, gesturing towards Luna, who was in the process of yanking open the door—

_Uwooooo_

And suddenly it all made sense.

Even from his vantage, Lincoln could see that the building was _packed_ with Soulless. Husks, thankfully, as far as he could tell, and far, far less numerous than those he'd encountered at the mall, but they were crammed into a far smaller location, and _that_ alone was enough to make him wary.

"Oh _shoot!_ " Lincoln exclaimed, squirming, trying to get out of Sam's grip. "Luna! Close the door! I can call Lori and—"

" _Relax_ , bro." Luna replied with her characteristic, laid back drawl. She shot him a confident smile. "I've got this." She gave her guitar a little flourish, then began walking towards the horde, her steps slow and deliberate.

"You wanna play me in, babe?" She called over her shoulder.

"On it!" Sam replied. Letting go of Lincoln, she held out her hand, just like Luna had. One pink flash later and her bass appeared. She gave the instrument a little twirl, then began plucking at the strings, providing a frantic, but catchy bass line to accompany Luna's march. The brunette clearly approved, quickening her steps and bobbing her head in tune to the music.

"Uh, Sam?" Lincoln asked, glancing fearfully at his sister. "What exactly is Luna planning on doing in there?" To his surprise, the older girl let out a short peel of laughter, briefly losing the beat before composing herself and resuming her playing.

"What, your parents never told you what her Archetype was?"

"Not...really?" Lincoln replied, now more confused more then ever. "You guys play music. I figured you were Rock Stars, or something."

" _Close_." Sam drawled. Luna had quickened her pace and Sam's fingers were now flying across her instrument to stay in tempo with her. Lincoln let out a strangled cry as Luna gripped her guitar in both hands and held it aloft.

"Calm down Linc." Sam whispered into his ear. "Luna's got this. Just watch."

As if Lincoln could do anything else. The sole male Loud sibling watched, frozen in terror as his big sister charged at the horde, letting out a might cry as she swung her guitar at the nearest creature. To his surprise, just before impact an enormous, crescent shape blade emerged from either end of the instrument, and the hapless creature was cleanly cut in twain. Harnessing the momentum from her blow, Luna spun around with practiced ease and pulled her weapon into a horizontal swing. Luna let out a delighted cry as an entire group of creatures was torn apart by her stroke.

"After all, we _are_ Battle Idols." Sam continued, letting out a soft chuckle. "Emphasis, of course, on the _battle_."


	23. Chapter 23

"I'm...sorry." Said Lincoln, sounding to his ears about as dumb as he felt. "I've seen a lot of weird stuff and I'm still having trouble wrapping my mind around this. You guys play _music._ "

"And _battle_." Sam casually replied as she observed Luna's fight. The blonde's fingers nimbly danced up and down her instrument, matching the tempo of Luna's violent swings with remarkable precision.

"But you guys _sing songs_."

"And _battle_ , Lincoln." Sam turned to the boy one eyebrow raised upward. Lincoln was impressed that despite no longer looking at Luna, Sam's musical accompaniment continued to match Luna's movements point for point. "What is it that mystifies you so?"

"I suppose...I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around the core concept." Lincoln confessed, letting out a low whistle as Luna nimbly hopped atop one Husk, pulverizing its skull with a stomp of her boot. Then, before it could begin to dissolve, she leapt off, twirling through the air with her axe outstretched and tore through another group of the creatures as she landed lightly on her feet.

"Is the _Harem King_ questioning the internal logic of someone _else_ 's archetype?" The older girl's playful smirk took the sting out of her words, but the point was well made.

"Fair enough." Lincoln conceded. "But it feels weird to _just_ be finding this out now."

"Lincoln, we got our start by winning the Battle of the Bands. Just _what_ do you think we did there?"

"Play music!" Lincoln insisted.

" _And—_ "

"Battle! Yes! I get it." Lincoln shook his head in annoyance. "I didn't realize it was _literally_ that, and I couldn't go because it was a school night. Wait, so the reason you and Luna didn't come home that night—?"

"Was because they had to rush us to the hospital afterwords." Sam replied, cutting him off with a sharp chuckle. "There was blood _everywhere_ , it was pretty nuts."

"You guys got hurt that badly?"

"Didn't say it was our—Lincoln, down!" The boy's heart leapt up into his throat as the usually jovial girl's gaze turned steely, her voice suddenly all business. The shift was so abrupt that Lincoln acted without thinking, flinging himself to the ground without a second thought. As he tumbled downward, he glimpsed a metallic flash—

_Uwooooo_

As well as the Husk that had somehow crept up behind him. A Husk which now had Sam's outstretched fist buried in its chest. As the monster began to dissolve, Sam withdrew her hand, revealing a long, slender sword clutched in her grip, the instrument of the creature's demise, presumably. With a casual flick of the blade to dislodge some errant ash, the blonde gave the weapon a twirl and then guided it towards the guitar still held in her other hand. With practiced ease she slid the length of the blade down into the fret board, joining the two items with a satisfying _clink_. The sword, he realized, was stored _inside_ the guitar, the headstock serving as the blade's hilt when it was in use.

"You have...a guitar sword." Lincoln uttered dumbly, pointing at the item in question.

"Technically it's a guitar _sheathe_." Sam corrected him, walking past Lincoln and settling into a fighting stance. One hand holding the base at her side in a reverse grip, and the other placed atop the stock, ready to draw her blade at a moments notice. "And before you start giving me guff over it, we _really_ need to start backing into the club.

"What do you say that?" Lincoln asked

_Uwooooo_

...immediately regretting that he'd tempted fate, as several more Husks stumbled into view.

"Ah." He said, completely unnecessarily. "That's why."

* * *

"Where did they come from?" Lincoln asked, nervously glancing around. Much to his dismay, more of the horrors continued to shamble forth from the dilapidated buildings surrounding them, and it wasn't long before they had a second horde in the making on their hands.

"They're attracted to our music." Sam replied, frowning in concentration.

" _What_!?"

"Yeah. You've seen our concert videos." The closest Husk stepped within reach and _immediately_ burst into ash. Had Lincoln not been staring directly at the blonde, he likely would have chalked it up to spontaneous combustion. As it was, however, his eyes were just barely able to follow the girl's movements as she drew her blade, sheered the creature in twain, and returned it to its sheath in one single, impossibly fast movement.

"Wait! The part of the show where a bunch of Husks charge the stage and you guys fight them off is _real_?"

"Of course."

"I thought it was a...a gimmick or something! You guys don't even stop playing!"

Sam snorted in amusement as a trio of Husks stumbled into towards her, surrounding the girl in something that vaguely resembled a formation. Sam _exploded_ into motion, a deadly dance of steel and violence as she tore her foes apart with quick, precise strokes of her blade, standing in stark contrast to the brutal savagery of Luna's blows. As she returned to her ready stance only moments later, each Husk twitched violently before falling apart; pieces of their desiccated forms unceremoniously falling to the ground before bursting apart.

"It's sort of a hazard of the job." Sam calmly replied, as if literally tearing apart a group of Husks in the blink of an eye was an every day occurrence. "And we make it work for us. We usually perform in well patrolled, high population areas anyway, and we arrange the venue so that anything that gets lured in will be funneled into a controlled path well away from the audience." She let out a melodic giggle. "Luna takes it as a personal challenge to arrange our special effects to form a sort of killing field, tries to see how many she can blow up before they can reach the stage. It keeps the numbers nice and manageable, and the fans get a kick out of it, so everyone wins."

"That..." Lincoln trailed off as memories of Luna's various pyrotechnics experiments flashed through his mind. "...sounds exactly like her."

"Lu likes her explosions." Sam murmured, sighing happily. Then her expression grew troubled. "Normally we don't attract anywhere near as many of these things when we come out here. The city must be diverting those patrols somewhere else, for some reason."

"Uh...yeah." Lincoln uttered, wincing as he realized the increased patrols in the city were likely the reason for their predicament. You had to siphon the time and manpower for those patrol from somewhere else, and diverting resources from patrolling the long-abandoned city outskirts would seem like an obvious solution.

"In any case..." Sam began

 _Snicker-snack!_ Two more Husks down.

"We should _really_ get ourselves to a more defensible position." She concluded, sheathing her sword once more and shoeing Lincoln towards the nightclub. "Hopefully Luna's having better luck in there than we are out here."

* * *

"Luna, I am _very_ disappointed in you!" Sam shouted ramming her blade into one Husk while she swung the bass in her other hand at another interloper. The throng had grown so thick that she'd been forced to repurpose the sheathe into an off-hand weapon, both hands working in concert to decimate the Husks around her. Unfortunately, her admittedly impressive ability to kill the things was dwarfed by the sheer numbers they were dealing with.

"Me?" Luna growled, bashing the face of one Husk with the stock of her guitar, then whirling around and cleaving through it _and_ all of its fellows who were unfortunate enough to be within range of her axe blades. "I told _you_ to hang back and keep Lincoln safe. Why did you bring _more_ of these stupid things in here!?"

"It got...complicated." Sam's eyes nervously darted side to side as she continued to ambidextrously slaughter her all too numerous foes. "It's nobody's fault, really."

"But it _is_ mine, apparently."

"I'm glad you understand the situation."

"I'll understand _you_!" Luna spat. She flipped her weapon around, now wielding it like an instrument of music, rather than an instrument of war. "Lincoln! Cover your ears!"

He obeyed without question. The night had been surreal enough as it was, and he trusted Luna to know what she was doing. It turned out to be the right decision.

Luna raised one hand high above her head, pointing straight upward. Then she brought it down, _hard_ , straight across the guitar body, her fingers falling upon the strings like dainty meteorites.

_BWAAAAAAM_

Even with his hands clutched tightly over his ears, Lincoln still winced. From her guitar erupted no mere sound, but a physical force, resonating outward with the same tenacity she showed in her fighting. And the results were instantaneous.

As one, every Husk in their immediate vicinity _exploded_ with such force with such force that the resultant ash stayed airborne for a time, coating the area with a thick, noxious cloud. It was simultaneously among the most awesome and disgusting things he'd ever seen.

"Bleh blah blam." Said Luna. Oh right, he still had his ears covered.

"W-what was that?" Lincoln asked, gingerly removing his hands from his ears. A high pitched whining still permeated the air.

"That thing I did, it's called a Power Chord." She repeated, giving her guitar a fond pat. "Figured you were gonna ask. It'll be a while before I can belt out another one, but it bought us some breathing room. And now..."

Luna looked around, presumably taking stock of their situation. There wasn't much to see. The nightclub interior had already been a warzone when he and Sam had been forced to retreat inside. Now, after Luna's literal outburst, the disarray had increased tenfold, tables and chairs scattered about if not outright shattered by the wailing of her guitar.

"The stage." She said, pointing to the far end of the club. "Lets get over there."

"Why?"

"Because its raised off the ground, which'll prevent Husks from just marching right onto it." Sam answered. "The easiest way for them to get to us will be the stairs on either end, which will be a lot easier for Luna and I to cover if we don't have to worry about being surrounded. But we should _probably_ hurry, because—"

_Uwooooo_

Right on cue. Lincoln was starting to _loathe_ that noise.

"Because until a few moments ago, this club was standing room only." Luna added, grimly taking her weapon in hand once more. "But it looks like a few more seats opened up."

* * *

"This is awesome and terrifying!" Sam cried out and she filleted her umpteenth foe for the night. Unfortunately, There were many more willing to take their place.

The trio had relocated per Luna's orders. As she'd predicted, the Husks single minded nature had forced them to funnel around the stage to the stairs on the left and right ends. The girls had positioned themselves accordingly, one covering each side, leaving center stage to Lincoln. He was fully aware that "cover the center" was code for "stay out of trouble", but that was fine by him. It wasn't like he had anything meaningful to contribute to the fight at the moment, better to stay out of the girls respective ways.

In one sense, the situation had vastly improved. By limiting the creatures avenues of attack, Sam and Luna were able to defend themselves far more effectively. But on the other hand...

"Keep your mind on the fight, Sam!" Luna barked, decapitating another interloper. While her voice sounded confident enough, the way she held her guitar limply at her side bespoke a different story. Her strength was flagging, and in all likelihood Sam wasn't in much better condition. The Husks were simply too numerous, and the girls stamina was finite. At this rate, it wouldn't be long before they were too weak to keep up the fight.

"Just hang on a little longer, Linc." Sam called to him, noticeably panting as she eviscerated the next few Husks in line. "We've got this!"

Yeah, about that...

Husks were creatures that were slaves to their instincts. When they sense prey, they pursued that prey. This was normally a boon, since that single-mindedness usually made them predictable. Here, as the girls had correctly surmised, the stage they were currently making their stand on forced the Husks to funnel around the sides where they could be slaughtered at the idols' leisure (relatively speaking). They weren't _all_ patiently waiting in line to be carved up, however. Those who'd been stuck at the front of the stage due to the sheer size of the crowd paid heed to their instincts and attempted to take the shortest, available path to the humans. This didn't prove successful _at first_ , as Husks simply didn't possess the higher brain functions that would allow them to operate their decrepit bodies in a way that would, which left them to flail helplessly against a barrier which would have been only a minor inconvenience for something with a modicum of intelligence.

But happenstance can be a fickle thing. Where a more intelligent creature may have been deterred by their lack of success, and eventually given up, Husks were not burdened by the concept of failure. The continued to press against the stage, repeated failures meaning nothing to them, because they literally didn't know _how_ to give up. A hundred failures, or even a thousand failures meant nothing when a creature had all the time in the world to keep trying. And all they needed was that single, solitary success, to turn things around.

Lincoln didn't know what had caused it. Maybe the throng of Husks had pressed so tightly against their fellows up front, that they'd inadvertently given them the leverage they'd needed. Maybe one of those frantically flailing Husks, by pure serendipity, had managed to maneuver their limbs in such a way as to propel themselves upward, just that scant bit that was necessary to overcome the obstacle that was the moderately raised stage. Whatever the reason, three Husks had managed to find themselves a handhold, and were slowly making their way over the stage.

"Luna!" Lincoln called out. "Sam?!" Unfortunately, the girls were busy. Whether it was from the fatigue, or the general din of battle, neither of them acknowledged his plea. The Husks were gaining ground, the closest one very nearly over the edge now, clawing in his direction as if it knew its victory was at hand. And Lincoln, in every sense of the phrase that mattered, was alone.

* * *

Fear and anxiety gripped Lincoln's heart. Luna and Sam needed his help, that much was certain even before this frightening new development—

_Uwooooo!_

—Which, nevertheless, was _absolutely_ a concern! But the fact of the matter was that the girls simply weren't capable of dealing with Soulless on this scale, and Lincoln Loud was _not_ the person who could provide them the help they needed! But maybe he could do something about that...

Still he hesitated. At this time, Lincoln's success rate with Genre Shift was exactly 50%. It had worked out pretty spectacularly with Leni (seriously, he needed to get a copy of that video for himself...), but on the other hand it had been a _spectacular failure_ when he'd tried again with Stella. And it terrified him that if he tried again, now, it might be a repeat of that terrible, _terrible_ failure. That this would forever cement his role as such, his only success being a one-time, abject _fluke_...

It was at this point that the closest Husk finally launched itself over the side of the stage. It regained its footing and reared itself upward, arms outstretched as if in triumph.

And it was at that moment that Lincoln realized that if he tried and failed at this point, he very likely wouldn't live long enough to regret it. Which was terrifying, but also strangely comforting in a weird way. He wondered if this was what it was like to be Lucy.

"Right then." He muttered to himself, rubbing his palms together and throwing his arms out. Completely unnecessarily, he was almost certain, but it _felt_ right. "Let's try this again!"

Lincoln reached out with his senses, just as he had before, and _just as before_...nothing happened. Not immediately. The boy's heart began to palpitate, his breathing becoming strained as the creature began shambling closer, and while Lincoln had no doubt that he could evade a single Husk, it's fellows were nearly onto the stage themselves. Three Husks would prove considerably more challenging. But even then, there was no guarantee that they wouldn't just go after the girls. Luna and Sam. Their situation was desperate enough, and that one tip of the scale could be enough to end it all in the most permanent way. He couldn't let that happen. He _wouldn't_ let that happen.

Something...clicked, inside Lincoln's brain, and then...he could _feel_. Finally.

Two Archetypes, both as a like as they were different. Sun and moon, yin and yang, Day and...later that day. Individually they weren't as strong as Leni's had been, his second oldest sister was such a reservoir of power that taking what little he'd needed from her was just a drop in the bucket. At this point, with their strengths spent as they were, it worried Lincoln that borrowing even that much from either girl would doom them. But because they were so similar...maybe it was possible to split the difference. Just a bit.

_Uwooooo_

And with that, Lincoln was out of options. The lead Husk was nearly upon him, it was now or never. Lincoln forced the connection, feeling the energy surge between him and his _two_ partners this time, and after one final moment of hesitation...he pulled, taking the power into himself.

" _Genre Shift_!" He growled, holding steadfast as the creature charged towards him. He felt vindicated as the power surged through him, changing him, making him something better. Something that could hopefully fight!

The transformation was fast, but not fast enough, and the distance between him and the Husk was rapidly disappearing, far too quickly for his liking. Then he felt it it, something forming in his hand. He dared not take his eyes off his foe. The Husk was nearly upon him, and looking away now would likely result in his doom. Whatever he was holding, it felt solid. It felt _hard_. Under these circumstances, that was all he'd needed. Gripping the object in both hand, Lincoln settled into a batter's stance and swung at the creature as hard as he could.

_KABONG!_

And as he stood there, mouth agape at the sight of the newly materialized, shiny, black, skull-adorned guitar body that was now lodged in the creatures head...all Lincoln could focus on was how ridiculous that sound effect had been.


	24. Chapter 24

Lincoln breathed a sigh of relief as the Husk began crumbling around the weapon embedded in its skull. His attack had been stupid and reckless, borne entirely from his desperate desire to protect two girls who were far more capable than he was. Lori would be _furious_ if she ever found out, Lynn too. Really, all of his sisters would be, those two were just the ones who were most likely to get their hands on him first. That he'd managed transform just in the nick of time had been nothing less than pure, unadulterated serendipity, but thankfully it appeared that his gamble had paid off. Now, he could help. Now, he could _fight_.

At least...he _assumed_ he could. With death staring him in the face, Lincoln hadn't had the luxury of being able to take stock of what exactly he was actually capable of doing. The enemy had been upon him, Lincoln had suddenly found himself in possession of something large and heavy, and the knee jerk response to his plight had seemed fairly obvious. He _had_ managed to catch a glimpse of his savior as it fell upon his foe, and had the presence of mind to be momentarily panicked by what he'd seen, but by that point he'd already been committed to his attack. And all the better that he had, who knows what would have happened if faltering had been even remotely a possibility in that scenario.

It was a guitar. Its body in the shape of a V and black as obsidian, save for the myriad of pale, laughing skulls that dotted its surface. It looked like the sort of thing that edgy teenagers would wistfully doodle in their journals, desperate for something that so succinctly represented their blackened, tortured souls. More to the point, it didn't look at all like a _weapon_.

Appearances, of course, weren't everything. Lincoln's last foray into combat had made copious use of a dapper cane and _actual roses_ as surprisingly effective armaments. And it hadn't been all that long since Sam and Luna had revealed that their own instruments doubled as a sword and a literal axe. But no matter how hard Lincoln looked, he couldn't find anything that hinted at similar features in his own weapon. There didn't seem to be any secret compartments where something more substantial was hidden, or moving parts that suggested a deadlier form was contained within. By all appearances, it appeared to simply be a simple, if emotionally compromised guitar.

_Uwooooo_

_KABONG!_

Albeit...one which made an entirely inappropriate noise, given its appearance.

Lincoln blinked in surprise, shocked at how natural the reaction had been. Another Husk had managed to stumble its way onto the stage, and without conscious thought Lincoln had once again taken up his instrument and delivered a precise blow to the creature's skull, right between the foul thing's eyes. And stupid sound effects aside, it _seemed_ that if nothing else, the guitar was at least sturdy. He could think of worse things to be armed with in these circumstances.

His newest problem quickly made itself apparent though, and was twofold. The first was that his blow was struck a bit too surely, his guitar was firmly lodged in the skull of the Husk, and did not readily remove itself when he tried to retrieve it. Which lead to the second, far more pressing issue—

_Uwooooo!_

The stupid thing was still alive!

* * *

Near as Lincoln could figure, he'd wounded the Husk but hadn't actually managed to "kill" it (if you could call it "alive" to begin with). And since Husks didn't seem to feel pain to begin with, this didn't actually slow the monster down all that much, leaving Lincoln in a pretty awkward position. One the one hand, his guitar being wedged so firmly into the creature made it fairly easy to hold it at bay, the guitar providing a helpful handle that kept Lincoln well out of reach of the monster's grasping claws and fanged maw. On the other, he couldn't do much else _beyond_ literally holding it off. The guitar was stuck in there too good for Lincoln to easily remove it, and pulling harder only brought the still irate Husk closer to him.

_Uwooooo!_

_Uwooooo!_

_Uwooooo!_

And now more of the things had managed to get themselves onto the stage, and were making a shambling beeline for his position. Needless to say, things weren't looking great.

All too aware that leaving things as they were meant that he was going to be overwhelmed by the new Husks that were joining the fray, Lincoln began frantically feeling up as much of the guitar as he could reach while still keeping his trapped Husk at a distance. There had to be _something_ more to it, some hidden gimmick. An axe blade, a chainsaw, _something_ besides being an over designed cry for help!

As the Husks closed the distance, Lincoln grew that much more desperate. He trusted knobs, he pulled at things, he _slapped_ the stupid thing. Anything to provoke _some_ kind of reaction! Until finally, once again staring death in the face, and this time in quadraphonic, with no other avenues left to him Lincoln reached around the neck of the guitar, and plucked one of the strings.

The sound that resonated from the git's box was a low, mournful wail. It spoke of yearning, of desperation. Of tears so deeply entrenched that they could not be shed, only described through the wordless voice of his guitar.

_Fwoosh!_

Lincoln squawked in fear and surprise as the Husk he'd skewered on his guitar almost immediately burst into flames. Actual, tangible fire suddenly manifesting into existence and ravaging the creature's decrepit flesh. Acting on instinct, he hopped backwards to get away from the intense heat that had burst into being but inches from himself, and was relieved to see that the guitar came with him, smoothly sliding out of the monster's blazing skull. Landing lightly on his feet, Lincoln brandished his guitar with both hands, prepared to follow up his unintended attack if necessary, but the Husk had largely reduced to cinders by that point, and it was only a few moments more before the creatures own, natural self destruct process finished the job. Finally, some combination of the blunt force trauma and spontaneous combustion it had been subjected to was enough to "kill" the creature, and what little of it that hadn't been burnt to a crisp at that point dissolved into ashes.

_Uwooooo!_

_Uwooooo!_

_Uwooooo!_

...One down, three to go.

Lincoln readied himself for combat once more, but then thought better of it. Barring any more accidents, he _might_ conceivably be able to take three of the creatures in melee if he engaged them carefully enough. After all, his tuxedo-clad alter ego had take on far worse odds, but it _seemed_ that he might have stumbled upon a better method. Going with his gut, Lincoln flipped his guitar around and laid his hands upon it, just as he'd seen Luna do countless times before, surprised that the body remained strangely cool despite having been inside a fiery blaze only moments prior. He turned to face the oncoming group of Husks, and after one last momentary hesitation, plucked one string, just as he had before.

_Fwoosh!_

" _Wow_." Lincoln silently mouthed to himself as the nearest Husk went up in flames just like the previous one had. Apparently that hadn't been an accident. Not allowing himself time to dwell any further upon this strange ability, he pivoted to the next closest Husk and plucked another string.

_Zap!_

This time the Husk fell to its knees, writing in what _appeared_ to be agony as lightning ravaged its body. With one more to, Lincoln once again shifted to meet the last of the trio and jammed on a third string.

_Wssh!_

Resulting in the creature being encased in a solid block of ice. Leaning into his instincts, Lincoln gripped his guitar by the neck with both hands and swung it like a baseball bat at the freshly made Husksicle. There was a sharp _crack_ at the moment of impact, and the Husk shattered into countless, tiny shards of ice and evil, presumably.

Lincoln took a moment to marvel at the carnage he'd wrought, largely without lifting a finger, and gingerly held his guitar up for inspection.

"I have a guitar...that doesn't play music." He uttered, slightly dumbfounded.

* * *

"Lincoln!"

"Bro! What the heck is going on!"

Oh right, there was that whole battle...thing going on. There would be time to be nonplussed about his weird powers later.

Free from being menaced for the moment, Lincoln whirled around, his mind racing to try and provide a coherent explanation for those last, few, harrowing moments of his life.

"Hey girls!" He greeted them, laughing far too nervously for his liking. "I know you wanted me to stay put. But I kind of thought we were about to die, so I sort of..."

Lincoln trailed off as he saw the bewildered looks his sister and sort-of sister were shooting his way. His first thought was that they were amazed by the elemental deluge of destruction he'd wrought, evidenced by the scorch marks, pieces of shattered ice, and small fires that still dotted the front of the stage, and he allowed himself to feel a _little_ proud of that. Fighting was still terrifying, but _winning_ , that was pretty exhilarating. He liked that, a lot. In fact, he kind of felt like he was starting to understand Lynn a little better. However, those thoughts were quickly dashed once he realized that the girls weren't looking at the remains of his fallen foes, they were looking at _him_.

Lincoln followed their gazes, finally getting a good look at his new form since he'd transformed, and blanched. Gone was his traditional, _sensible_ polo shirt and blue jeans combo. In their place was a much grungier, frayed looking pair of black jeans, the material significantly more worn and frayed than anything that would be allowed to exist in the same house as Leni Loud. His polo had been replaced by a simple black t-shirt bearing a single, laughing skull, identical to those that adorned his guitar, and over that he wore a sleeveless jean jacket, also black. Topping it off was a black band he wore on his right arm, which was riddled with impractically large spikes all the way around. So large, that he was genuinely surprised he hadn't accidentally stabbed himself at any point since his transformation. It was a much darker ensemble than he was used to wearing, in every sense of the word, and Lincoln wanted nothing more than to quietly sink into the ground and die from embarrassment.

_UWOOOOOO!_

Unfortunately, that would have to wait.

"Guys!" He shouted, pointing emphatically at the still advancing horde of Husks that were making their way up and around the stage. "I know I look stupid, but there's still a fight going on!"

"Uh huh."

"Oh yeah."

Impressively, Luna and Sam took up their weapons once more and resumed slaughtering the Husks with even more ferocity than they'd previously displayed. Which was all the more impressive because neither girl was actually looking at their targets now, instead keeping their gazes squarely glued on Lincoln.

"Sometimes I hate this stupid power." Lincoln groaned, facepalming in irritation.

"Why didn't it come with a headband?"

"Definitely could use a headband."

* * *

"We good now?" Lincoln asked archly. After some haranguing, he'd manage to get the girls to take up their original positions, using the stages' natural choke points to funnel the Husks to their demise. The worst of the battle was over, and it seemed like at this point, it was largely just a matter of sitting through the formality of waiting for the remainder of the creatures to submit themselves to Luna and Sam's less than tender mercies. Definitely a step up from how things had been previously. He wished the girls would stop shooting him those weird looks when they thought he couldn't see them, but he'd take the small victories where he could.

"S-so, Linc." Luna ventured, casually bisecting another of the monsters. "This is that... _thing_ you were talking about? The tuxedo thing?"

"Genre Shift." He corrected her. "And yeah, more or less. Looks like Lisa was right, the transformation is different depending on who I partner with."

"I like this one _much_ better." Sam called over her shoulder, shooting him a saucy wink.

"Very funny, Sam." Lincoln grumbled, rolling his eyes.

"Who's joking?"

"It's definitely...interesting, bro." Luna interjected, taking a moment to give him a quick once over before returning to her task, whirling around and hewing her axe through another group of Husks. "Pretty rad guitar you've got there. Not gonna lie though, we really could have used a drummer."

"For combat?" He asked.

"For _rhythm_." Luna corrected him with a raspy chuckle. "Dealing with temps is a pain. Especially when we're not on tour."

"Sorry to disappoint." Lincoln replied with a smirk. "All I've got is this thing."

He nearly lost his balance as Sam landed right next to him and crouched, one hand on her now sheathed blade.

"Can you play it?" She asked conversationally as she began eying her next target.

"I don't think so? It kind of just does...this." Lincoln turned to her side of the stage and gave one of his guitar strings a pluck.

_Fwoosh!_

Igniting the nearest Husk.

"See? I'm worried about what'll happen if I actually try to...play...it..." Lincoln's reply grew more and more hesitant until he trailed off entirely, too unnerved by the way Sam's gaze was boring holes in him.

"Do it _again_." She breathed softly. Thoroughly unsettled, Lincoln complied.

_Fwoosh!_

"Again!" Sam crowed, laughing at the pair of smoldering Husks that now adorned the stage floor.

Luna glanced back at them, thoroughly puzzled. "What the heck are you guys—"

_Fwoosh!_

And squeaked in surprise as the Husk she'd been in the process of tearing apart also caught fire.

"Wow." She breathed, as the creature fell to its knees and burst into ashes. She then looked to her brother, lips pursed thoughtfully.

"You've got nothing _but_ power chords?" She asked.

"Maybe?" Lincoln shrugged, helplessly. "I haven't actually tried them all. Like _this_ one—"

"Try that one!" Sam shouted, and again Lincoln found himself compelled by the older girl's sheer enthusiasm to follow though with her suggestion. Taking his stance, he gingerly strummed the as of yet untested string—

_Fwoosh!_

And blinked in surprise. He'd _heard_ the now incredibly familiar sound of flames erupting somewhere, but none of the approaching Husks appeared to be on fire. It was puzzling.

"Dudes!" Luna exclaimed, drawing his attention. Luna was holding her guitar in front of her, staring in awe as her axe blades now glowed bright red. Only slightly hesitating, Luna dashed forward and swung at the first Husk she came across—

_Fwoosh!_

Which _erupted_ into flames when it came into contact with her glowing weapon, writhing as it toppled over and burst into ash.

Luna gaped at her ensorceled weapon, gingerly holding it up so she could get a better look at it. "Bro, you set my axe on _fire_."

He winced, not sure how to process that statement. " _Technically_ I—"

"You're the best brother EVER!" Luna shrieked, giving her guitar a twirl, then throwing herself into the horde once more, laughing madly as she began setting her foes ablaze with renewed vigor."

"—Totally meant to do that." Lincoln concluded, secretly relieved that he wasn't in trouble. He let out yelp as several feet of steel was suddenly shoved in his face.

"Me _too_!" Sam whined, pouting as she waggled her sword in front of him. "Come on Linky? Do me too!"

"Might want to phrase that better, Sam." He suggested, blushing slightly.

"Gimme your magic mojo!"

Shaking his head, Lincoln counted his way down the guitar strings. Reasonably certain he'd remembered which one he'd used on Luna, he gave it a strum—

 _Zap_!

—And apparently miscounted, as Sam's blade was wreathed with electricity.

"Whoops." He chuckled nervously, looking up at the girl. "Sorry about th—ACK!"

He didn't get to finish his apology, as Sam interrupted him by pulling him into a bone crushing side hug with the hand that _thankfully_ wasn't full of elemental fury.

"Thanks, Linky." She purred, giving him a peck on the cheek. "I _love_ it."

"I...uh..." Lincoln stammered, unsure how to reply to the strange show of affection before he was unceremoniously dropped on the ground.

"Hey, Luna!" Sam called out, as she rushed back into the fray. "Watch me break your record!"

"Bring it on! Because I'm about to set a new one!"

Righting himself, and shaking his head in amusement, Lincoln settled in and watched the spectacle before him. The girls _had_ promised him a show, and it looked like they were going to deliver. He just hoped they wouldn't set the place on fire.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN:  
> I wanted a Turbo Man action figure for Christmas, but Auto gave me this instead. So I'm going to make the best of the situation and regift it to you guys. Merry Christmas.
> 
> And now I'm contractually obligated to allow Auto to say something.
> 
> Auto: Welcome back to another Auto arc (AKA one of the good ones!). Just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, from me and Siege both. With that said, let's start the Luan arc with a bang.

_BANG!_

The loud explosion gave Luan a nervous start. She turned around and saw that it was a streetlight that had just exploded behind her, the grounded glass giving off a dying orange glow. It was a reminder that this wasn't a good neighborhood, especially at this hour, and under any other circumstances Luan would never even think to be here.

But she had to be. She had a job to do.

She walked along the cracked sidewalk, her footsteps made more noticeable by the crunching sounds of the leaves underneath her boots. A cold and whining breeze rolled through the street, chilling Luan to the bone. She shivered, and hugged her black coat tighter.

"Can't wait to get inside," she thought aloud.

Luckily, her destination was the next house over. It was a large, imposing building, but even the darkness of night couldn't hide its disrepair. Tiles were slipping, cracks crawled the sides, the windows were opaque with dust, and the fresh corpse of a squirrel was laid out nicely on the steps to the front door.

Luan tried to ignore it as she knocked on the blue wood. Some chips of peeling paint fell off with every strike.

There was a quick rush to the door, and a man opened it for her. He was a large man, but with a disproportional figure, made worse by his ill-fitting clothing. His skin was sallow and the bags underneath his eyes betrayed deep tiredness and fatigue. Still, he mustered a friendly smile.

"You're the Exorcist?" he asked, his voice deeper than Luan would've expected.

She nodded. "I am."

He sighed in relief. "Thank God. You arrived at a good time. It's making noises right now."

"Figures. It's nighttime, and getting close to the Witching Hour."

"The Witching Hour?"

Luan nodded. "We don't know why, but for some reason this is the time of night when they become more powerful. Or should I say...more _spirited_?"

She waited for a laugh, or even a chuckle, but when it became clear she wasn't getting one, she sighed and stepped into the house.

The house was exactly what she expected from a haunted house; the interior was as untidy and ruined as the exterior. Holes in the wall, old furniture, and a carpet with visible stains from previous spills. This was an old place, a place with forgotten history, morphed by time and decay.

Prime real estate for ghosts.

And she could hear the ghost too. A stomping and wailing came from upstairs, so loud that the house shook slightly. Luan didn't waste any time in going to the staircase and ascending to the third floor, and from there ascending by wooden ladder into the attic.

The attic was, as Luan saw when she poked her head into it, bathing in an eerie, ethereal glow. The color of the glow felt both bright and dim, both familiar and alien. It was hard for Luan to put a word to, and she doubted even someone like Leni could. If she needed a slapdash description, it would be like an aquatic greenish silver with hints of platinum yellow. Not a very natural color, but then again, she was dealing with something supernatural.

At the center of it all was what seemed like a shimmering, immaterial orb. It was shaking, vibrating, and just as Luan set foot on the creaking wood of the attic floor, it let out a howling banshee moan, and began moving. Luan assumed a defensive position, reaching into her coat for holy water, but then paused when the orb didn't seem to make any sudden moves in her direction.

"Oh good," she said. "You're not one of those hostile ghosts."

At the sound of the word _ghost,_ the ghost let out another moan. But this one sounded different. It sounded confused.

Luan put the holy water back in her pocket and went over to the spirit. She'd seen this before, and she knew how to deal with it.

"Yeah, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but you're a ghost," she said softly. "You're dead, you're not alive."

This was met with another confused groan, this one a bit more alarmed.

"Alright, Archetype time." Luan rubbed her hands together, until a little yellow aura enveloped them. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and touched the orb.

Images flashed through her mind. A young boy, with freckles and straw hair, running through a tidier version of this house. A teenager submitting an application to a man in military garb. That same teenager, now with shaved head, running across a beach that she somehow knew was in Europe. A young man dying as German bullets ripped through his body.

"I see." She sighed sadly as her hands fell loosely to her side. "You grew up here. This was your home. You lied about your age so you could fight in WW2. And then you died."

A ghost made a strange sound that she knew was a protest.

"I'm sorry," she said, "but you're in the wrong place. The war has been over for a long time. There's a different family living here now, and you're disturbing them. You need to move on."

The ghost made no noise, but again, Luan knew what it was feeling. It was wondering if she was right. Luan decided now would be a good time to push it in the right direction. She raised her arms and placed her hands on either side of the specter, and began whispering, muttering, reciting under her breath.

When she opened her eyes, the ghost and its otherworldly glow were gone.

She went back downstairs, where she found her host and his family huddled together. At a quick count, Luan saw that he and his wife had seven kids together, all of varying ages. It almost brought a smirk to her mouth. _My family is bigger than your family, nyah nyah._

"Is...is it gone?" the man asked.

Luan nodded. "It was the ghost," she said, "of someone who used to live here, a long time ago."

"But why did they come back to haunt us?"

"It wasn't that they were haunting you, it's just that...well, you know how we all give off aura. Sometimes that aura gets strongly attached to things, like a wedding ring or a childhood home. That aura keeps the connection with the soul, and sometimes souls get confused when they die and they get drawn back to whatever has the aura infused with it."

"I...see."

"This is an old house, so that explains it," stated Luan, looking around. "You'll probably want to clean this place up if you want to avoid something like this again. Maybe get someone to bless this place."

"I don't know if we can afford that," the man said.

Luan looked upon them sympathetically. Her brow furrowed as an idea came to her, and she debated whether she should or not.

_Oh what the hell, they need it more than you do._

"Here," she said, tossing the holy water to them. One of the older boys caught it and gave it to his father. He looked at her, confused, and Luan smirked. "Holy water. Normally I'm supposed to encourage you to buy this stuff from our website, but you can have this. Just don't tell my superiors that I gave you this H2OMG. Haha, geddit?"

No one laughed.

Luan frowned. "You still have to pay your regular fee," she growled.

"Of course. But truly, thank you for this. Thank you so much."

And there it was; that relief-filled thanks that came with a job well done. A family now safe from worrying about further hauntings. For Luan, this was the best part of the job.

Actually, it was the only part of the job she didn't absolutely hate…

* * *

"Fifteen minutes left!"

The teacher's announcement only served to make Lincoln more nervous. He looked down at his test and began rapidly tapping the bottom of his pencil against his lip. He could feel his eyes dilating as they gazed down at the many unanswered questions in front of him. He knew that the best strategy for test-taking was skipping all the questions you didn't know and answering everything you could, but what should someone do if they don't know half the questions in front of them?

He looked around, wondering if anyone was in the same place as him. If they were, they didn't show it. Even Stella seemed oddly solemn as her pen made its marks on the page.

Lincoln groaned. _I really should've remembered I had a test before I went off to fight Husks with Luna and Sam. But honestly, this is such a stupid time for a test, what have we even learned to be tested on?!_

Thankfully, his suffering was ended prematurely with a knock on the door.

Without waiting for an answer, his sister Lisa opened the door and allowed herself in. She promptly brought her fist to her mouth and cleared her throat. "Agnes, I'm here to request that Lincoln Loud be excused to return home with me at this very instant."

Lincoln raised his eyebrow. Lisa was asking him to cut school? This was unusual, to say the least.

Agnes Johnson didn't seem very amused. "Your brother is taking a test right now, Lisa."

Lisa, unfazed, walked over to Lincoln's desk. Before anyone could stop her, she grabbed his pencil and swiftly answered every question he didn't do.

"For the record," said Lisa, going back to the front of the class with the test in one hand and her brother in the other, "you put far too many 'all of the above' options. That's poor test design. But regardless, the test is finished, may we leave now?"

The older woman just rolled her eyes. "Fine, go. Lincoln, you're excused."

"Thank you for your cooperation." Then, to Lincoln: "Come on, let's go. It's important."

"What even is it?" he asked.

Lisa answered two hours later, after extensive and invasive tests on Lincoln's body and aura.

"I'm revising my hypothesis," she explained, "about what I believe your Archetype is and what it can do. Based on the evidence and testimony I was given, it seemed like that was in order."

"Okay," said Lincoln, rubbing his sore arm. "Can you tell me what it is?"

"Nope!" chirped Lisa. "As I'm still sure that my current theory might not be true, I have no intention to share it with anyone for fear of looking wrong again."

"That's a bit...insecure," said Lincoln honestly. "You know it's not a bad thing to be wrong. Scientists are wrong about things all the time. Doesn't make people think less of them."

" _Lesser_ scientists might be happy admitting their faulty thinking and logic, but I will not do so, thank you very much."

It was moments like that that reminded Lincoln that no matter how smart she was, Lisa was still a precocious child who hated not being 100% right all the time.

Smiling, he patted her on the head as he made his way out. She pouted, but didn't make any attempt to swat his hand away.

But after leaving her room and closing the door behind him, his smile slid off his face, a ponderous look taking its place. He looked down at his open hands like they had the answers written on them. He was learning more and more about his Archetype every day thanks to practice (practice he was forced into under pressure, he might note), but in the end it still wasn't enough to really answer the big question of _Why?_ He knew some of his abilities, but he didn't know _why_ they worked as they did. He knew his powers only worked with other people, but he didn't know _why_ they would work with Luna but not, say, Stella.

He looked back at Lisa's closed door, imagined what she could be doing behind it. Could she really figure it out like she thought she could. Lincoln had nothing but trust in his little sister's big brain, but…

"Hey Lincoln."

The sudden appearance of Lucy behind him made him jump and squeal. "Lucy!" he shouted. "Seriously, you're going to give someone a heart attack one day."

Lucy ignored him. "Can you help me with something?"

"Uh, sure."

She raised a brittle, yellowing page in front of her. "I'm writing a new poem, and I need your rhetorical gift once again for a troublesome phrase that doesn't wish to be rhymed easily. It is a courtly and proud line, that must make me work for it—"

"Okay, okay, I get it. But sure, fine. What's the line?"

Lucy cleared her throat.

" _And in his moonlit chambers, the smooth-skinned sister-wives waited/Their albino bull's footsteps echoed closer, and they..._ "

There she stopped, and looked up to him. "And this is where I got stuck."

"Lucy, is...is that supposed to be about me?"

"Don't be silly, Lincoln, of course it's not," she said. Unconvincingly.

"So this poem about an albino with a harem of sister-wives isn't meant to be about me?"

"You're not albino, and you aren't married to me or our sisters... _yet_."

"What?"

"Nothing."

Lincoln snatched the poem from her, and read more of it himself.

"So I noticed something."

"Hmm?"

"One of the sister-wives is described as having ' _obsidian hair_ ' and ' _porcelain skin_ ', and she's described as the albino's favorite."

Lucy cocked her head to the side. "I fail to see your point."

Lincoln sighed. He handed the poem back to her in resignation. "I don't think I can help you."

"Oh well. At the very least, you provide a valuable muse."

"Muse? Lucy, what do you mus—"

He turned his head, and she was already gone.

Again, Lincoln sighed. "She's so weird."

Well, it didn't matter. What did matter now was that he was hungry. He decided to go to the kitchen for a snack, and while he was debating whether he would prefer something salty or sweet, he almost didn't see Luan sitting at the table.

"Hey Luan."

It seemed Luan was so focused on the paper in her hands that she didn't even notice Lincoln walking in. When he spoke, she looked up startled and shoved the paper away. "Oh, hey Lincoln," she said, and Lincoln couldn't help but notice that his normally-jovial sister sounded...well, a bit sad.

"Luan, are you okay?"

"Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, you've said two things to me so far, and neither was a joke."

Luan rolled her eyes. She looked around for something to make a joke about, ultimately picking and holding up a banana and apple. "Why did the apple fall in love with the banana?" she asked.

"I don't know. Why?"

"Because she found him _a-peeling._ "

Even for Luan, that joke was lifeless, and it just made Lincoln more concerned.

"Luan, really, what's wrong?"

His older sister sighed; she figured there was no point in denying it. She held up the page she had hidden before, handing it off to Lincoln. He took it and read it. "An open mic thing?" Lincoln said. "I didn't even know they had fliers for open mics in a small place like Royal Woods."

"Well they do, and here's the thing: I really want to go and test out some of my new material but...well, the timing is really bad. I got a job then, and so I can't go."

"Oh...I see. I'm sorry, Luan."

She huffed an annoyed groan. "It's always been like this, ever since those stupid balls told me I'm an Exorcist. All these dumb exorcisms just keep getting in the way of me doing what I actually want! I wanted to do comedy and acting when I was a kid, but now all I can do is go to people's houses and smack around ghosts. It's not fair! Everyone else got something that was good for them. Leni now gets to wear fancy clothes, Luna goes around singing, Lynn can do fighting and martial arts...but do I get something for me? No, I just get this job that I hate."

Lincoln listened to his sister rant, and when she finished, he sighed and gently touched her shoulder reassuringly. She smiled slightly, and patted his comforting hand. "I guess you understand what I'm going through better than anyone else," she said. "Your Archetype hasn't given you an easy time either."

"No, it hasn't," said Lincoln with a weak chuckle.

That was when Luan's eyes flashed. "That's it!" she suddenly cried, jumping out of her seat like a jackrabbit. She grabbed Lincoln by the shoulders and leaned in a little too closely for his comfort. "Lincoln, I figured it out. Your Archetype!"

"I d-don't think I follow."

"That Genre Shift thing you do. That thing that made you El Kabong while you were with Sam and Luna!"

"Okay, first of all El Ka- _who?_ Second, you know about that?"

"Of course I do. Sam told me. She would not shut up about how cool you looked smashing Husk heads."

Lincoln blushed, then shook it off. "So what do you even want me to do?"

"You haven't put two and two together already? Here's what I'm proposing: you do that Genre Shift thing with me right now, turn into an Exorcist or something similar like that, and then you can do the job for me while I go to this open mic!"

Lincoln was about to protest her plan, but two things stopped him: the first was his lingering curiosity from before, returned in stronger form. He couldn't help but wonder whether he could induce a Genre Shift with Luan, what that would look like, and could he do it here and now? The previous times he did it, his life depended on him actually doing it. Could he possibly do it in casual settings?

The second thing that convinced him was how desperate and pleading Luan's eyes were.

He took a deep breath, trying to get a feel for his aura. "You know what? Let's do it."

"Really?!"

He nodded. "Yeah, really."

He really, really hoped he actually could.

He tried to do what he did last time; he rubbed his palms together and tried to get a feel for Luan's energy, Luan's aura. He wasn't super sure on how to do it, but he wasn't an amateur anymore. He had done it before, and he could follow in those steps now. So he did, focusing intently and tried to will his essence into touching hers, embracing hers, intertwining with hers…

When it did, he felt something like a pleasant shock run through him.

" _Genre Shift_."

His transformation began, and Luan looked on in awe. She watched as her brother's clothes changed from his usual polo and jeans into a dark and leathery outfit, which was then encompassed by a long trench-coat. A black hat appeared on top of his head, and on his belt sprung little vials and silver bullets. Even his body changed, as Luan could swear that his cheeks and chin sprouted platinum stubble.

When it was all done, Lincoln opened his eyes and looked down at his new apparel. He looked surprised, as he was.

"Huh, didn't think that would actually work."


End file.
